2 Raw 2 Furious 01.04.09

Posted by Ryan Byers on 01.05.2010

Bret Hart is back on Monday Night Raw, and his exploits are recapped in real time by our crack staff . . . plus, for one week only, you get bonus coverage of the first hour of TNA Impact! What more could you want?

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to 2 Raw, 2 Furious, 411mania's real time look at Monday Night Raw. This week, of course, we are in a unique situation because Raw is running head-to-head with a live TNA Impact special and because the company has decided to renew its relationship with the legendary Bret Hart, reintroducing him to the WWE Universe as a guest host for this week's edition of the show.

We're also in a bit of a unique situation in that my regular tag team partner for this column, Chris Lansdell, is out of commission because he is the only person on the 411 staff who can actually be counted on to do live coverage of three hours of TNA Impact without completely losing his mind. As a result, he got that assignment, leaving me to dip into my pro wrestling roladex in order to come up with a replacement. The first name to pop up was Nick B., a long-time friend and wrestling fan who first filled in for Lansdell back in July.

With that out of the way, let's head into the show!



Pre-Show Scuttlebutt

Ryan: I hear there's a good college football game on tonight.
Nick: Yes, yes indeed. That's about all that's going on. It's a boring night otherwise.
Ryan: Well, aside from the fact that there may be a good Dr. Death tribute on Raw.
Nick: That'd be awesome. I wouldn't expect that though, is word of that going around?
Ryan: No, I just pulled it out of my ass.
Nick: Damn.

Ryan: Seriously, though, part of me wanted to just skip this column so that I could watch Hart's return without writing about the show for once, but I also felt bad leaving such a major card uncovered.
Nick: Well, you could have left it up to your readers' imagination. You know, have them picture what you would say in that situation.
Ryan: ha, yes. A concept piece, if you will.
Nick: It would innovate the wrestling column world not unlike what the Segway did to personal transportation. I'll try to continue to make controversial statements like that for your readers.
Ryan: It's actually not that difficult to get 411 readers riled up. You just have to call the Miz's finishing move "The Stroke." I get at least one angry comment every time I do that.

Nick: Are you watching TNA's first hour?
Ryan: I went back and forth on whether I would, but I've got it on right now . . . curiosity got the better of me.

BONUS FIRST HOUR OF IMPACT CHAT~!

Ryan: It's the first time I've seen one of these Asylum matches. It's pretty terrible. With so many guys and such a thick, bright cage, you can barely tell what's going on.
Nick: It looks like the trap from the Mouse Trap board game.
Ryan: I hadn't thought about that, but you're right.

Nick: A DQ in a cage match? That's weak.
Ryan: NO CONTEST. A "this is bullshit" chant fifteen minutes into the show. This is incredible.
Nick: Nice way to get the crowd happy. Oh, and take your time getting up that cage, Homicide. Actually . . . please fall.
Ryan: I am laughing so hard right now.
Nick: Hilarious. Not as funny as Big Dick Johnson, of course!
Ryan: Seriously, TNA thinks they have their biggest stage in history, and they open the show with a segment that highlights everything that I couldn't stand about TNA that caused me to stop watching.
Nick: Yeah, that was real bad.

Nick: JEFF HADY IS HERE!
Ryan: You've got to think that they could've gotten a lot better reaction for Hardy if everything leading up to hit hadn't died a horrible death.
Nick: They could've just as easily had Homicide beat up on his opponents and had Jeff make the save by climbing in through the top of the cage.

Nick: By the way, did you see the new Hogan shirt?
Ryan: No, I didn't.



Ryan: Oh god. I suppose trying something that last worked fifteen years ago is technically "change" since it's not been done in a while . . . but it's not exaclty the sort of change that Obama and crew stood for.

Nick: Does Hogan really need a police escort, or is that to protect him from Jay Lethal?
Ryan: Are you familiar with the website PeopleofWalmart.com?
Nick: Actually I am, my friend told me about it a while back.
Ryan: There was a picture posted on there a few months back of Brooke Hogan at a Wal-Mart, and SHE had a police escort. I think that, at some point, the family decided that this makes them look like stars.



Ryan: Okay, I feel horrible for whatever band had to record Tara's entrance music.
Nick: Yeah, I don't like it very much.
Ryan: Seriously, how could being told to rip off TATU be anything other than the lowest point in any musician's career?
Nick: Being restricted to just the word "broken" over and over when making that rip off limits the quality too.

Nick: Flair is here. Wow.
Ryan: huh. You think that they'd space these things out.
Nick: Hardy and Flair in the first half hour.
Ryan: Weird positioning of both of them. You'd think that you'd trot one of them out right before the end of the first hour to try to prevent a mass switch over to Raw.
Nick: Yeah, I was expecting something big to lead into the second hour . . . this is too early.
Ryan: Though I suppose in theory you could do Flair's arrival now and start an in-ring segment with him at the top of the hour.

Nick: TNA is getting really crowded, though. What's Flair gonna do that Foley or Hogan isn't? They've got Sting there, too.
Ryan: Exactly. That's another part of the problem. At least with Hardy you get some fresh matches, even if he winds up not being able to draw.

Ryan: Isn't Foley's whole gimmick that he owns a controlling interest in the company? If that's the case, how can security keep him out of the building?
Nick: He doesn't own the security!
Ryan: No, I guess Don Harris owns the security. Don Harris is still head of TNA security, right?
Nick: I thought Don Harris was an NBC News correspondent who was killed after departing Jonestown.
Ryan: Or he's one half of the Harris Twins tag team with his brother Ron.

Nick: So Lashley is a heel now? I thought he was the face fighting off Scott Steiner from harassing his woman.
Ryan: I haven't been following TNA closely enough to realize that he wasn't a heel already.

Ryan: This Beautiful People thing is the most low rent deal I've seen on a wrestling show in quite some time.
Nick: Strip Poker could get me excited if they hadn't switched to a crowd shot when ODB pulled on Victoria's tights.
Ryan: To say nothing of the fact that they're ripping off a concept for a WWE c-show from two years ago and putting about one tenth of the effort into it.
Nick: I knew it sounded familiar, but the only Poker thing I could think of was APA's poker segment from . . . probably a decade ago.
Ryan: How could you forget Balls Mahoney as the dealer for ECW Extreme Strip Poker?

Ryan: And heeere's Hall and Syxx. They're not being let into the building, either . . . it's almost as though they're some sort of "Outsiders."
Nick: Isn't TNA supposed to be the Wrestling Alternative to WWE? We've had what, two matches?
Ryan: Two very mediocre matches, at that . . . and a lot of focus on guys who were WWE stars five years ago, at best.
Nick: The whole show has focused on new guys in TNA. What about Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, Angle, Abyss, Matt Morgan, Desmond Wolfe, The Pope, etc?
Ryan: If the last fifty minutes or so are indicative of TNA's overall direction, it's almost as though they've given up on their current crop of fans and are assuming that they're hooking in a ton of people who want to see WCW redone.

Nick: Wanna speculate on who got in the limo just then?
Ryan: I don't know who's left.
Nick: I'll assume Bischoff.
Ryan: Probably, unless they convinced Van Dam to show up at the last minute.
Nick: I guess he said he'd be watching with the rest of us . . . but it's not like working the internet is a new thing.

Nick: I would swear off WWE programming and become a TNA Loyalist if they brought out a midget Hogan instead of the real deal.
Ryan: It's interesting to see all of these commercials. I almost wonder if the first hour ran short and they're stalling things to do their big angle opposite Raw's start.
Nick: Is this a 3 hour impact?
Ryan: Yes.
Nick: Ahh . . . did you see that WWE asked for an extension of the show to 11:20?
Ryan: I did.
Nick: I'm thinking it'll be a twenty minute long Sharpshooter for Vince.
Ryan: I also hear that TNA has found the old nWo music.
Nick: It sounds like a mid 90's MIDI file of the nWo's music.
Ryan: Okay, props to the guy who brought his copy of the Wrestling Album II to Impact.
Nick: There's Brooke! There's the Hogan shirt!

Nick: I hope Randy Orton comes out of nowhere and RKO's Hogan.
Ryan: This reaction to Hogan sounds so low rent compared to what he would get in front of a mild WWE crowd.
Nick: It's loud, but that's because the Impact Zone holds around 1300 people.

Nick: Funny how Hogan was talking about the young guys in the back . . . and we didn't see any of the bigger ones in that first hour.
Ryan: Oh, there are young guys in the back. They didn't get a chance to be in front of the camera, that's for damn sure.
Nick: I know they're just trying to gain casual viewers, but they shouldn't be expecting Hall, X-Pac, and Flair every week. Why not work those old guys in with the new guys? I'll give them time to work this whole thing out though. It was not a good first hour in my mind.

Ryan: So, can we cut out this crap and switch to Raw?
Nick: It's Raw time.

Nick: So, we've got Bret Hart tonight.. I really didn't think I'd see him back on WWE programming. Didn't he say he'd never step foot in a WWE Ring?
Ryan: He may have had something like that at some point, but things have definitely changed since then.

Raw Opens, Hart Enters

Ryan: And there's the man himself. He's obviously a little bit older, obviously a little bit rougher around the edges, but there's still something about his presence that makes me happy to see the guy on national television once more.
Nick: With those glasses, he reminds me of the wrestling version of Mitch Hedberg . . . but, yeah, it's great to see him.

Nick: Look at that, he's a company guy already! He said "WWE Universe."
Ryan: He may have busted out the "WWE Universe" tag line, but otherwise this seems like a very much like a classic Bret Hart promo and not a modern creative-scripted promo.
Nick: The nWo is on one channel, and Bret is on the other . . .
Ryan: And we're going IMMEDIATELY in to a Bret-Shawn confrontation.
Nick: Awesome.
Ryan: Just think of the number of times that fat nerds like us have sat at home fantasy booking this angle in the last decade.
Nick: Hey now, I take offense to that. I definitely haven't been spending the last decade booking this. I've been spending the last TWELVE YEARS booking this.

Ryan: Are my ears deceiving me, or were there some dueling "You Screwed Bret" and "Bret Screwed Bret" chants?
Nick: I think there was also a "Sunny Screwed Bret" chant in there too.
Ryan: Who let Sytch in the building, dammit?

Nick: It'd be great if this was the end of all Montreal screwjob references. Do you think Shawn is gonna superkick Bret?
Ryan: I think we'll see a burying of the hatchet in segment one followed by Bret turning heel and screwing over Shawn at the end of the night.

Nick: Tease of the superkick . . . that was great.
Ryan: It was so awesome and so subtle . . . that superkick out of nowhere has been built up so well over the years that EVERYBODY in the crowd knew what the tease was, even though neither of the wrestlers nor the announcers said a word about it.
Nick: That was a great segment. Part of me was expecting it to be ruined, and I'm glad it wasn't.
Ryan: Agreed wholeheartedly. That was the best opening segment that Raw has seen in MONTHS.
Nick: I could be forgetting something, but I can't think of anything like that since Flair's night after Wrestlemania.
Ryan: The segment with Orton kicking Vince's brains in was pretty awesome as well, but they killed any momentum coming off of that pretty quickly.
Nick: Orton beating up Steph while Triple H was handcuffed was a good one, too . . . but then Triple H invaded Orton's house.
Ryan: The cuff-and-beat was very good, though I had a hard time getting into it because the story had been so horribly marred up to that point. The home invasion was ridiculous . . . I just remember laughing at the scads and scads of people who seemingly walk around Orton's house at random.
Nick: It was like a bad first person shooter game: Open a door and someone randomly runs out screaming.
Ryan: Hogan's Alley!



Maryse Ouellet vs. Brie Bell in the first round of a WWE Divas Title tournament

Nick: Will this be an eight diva tournament or an eight minute tournament?
Ryan: A fine question. I may actually time these matches now just to answer it.
Nick: It's funny how Maryse comes out while TNA is running a Knockout Tag match. I just read recently that WWE writers said they were going to have Maryse come out during the Knockout segments.
Ryan: I do recall reading that as well.

Ryan: Unfortunately, as much as I like all of the TNA Knockouts in groups like SHIMMER, when it comes to the way that TNA books them, I would rather watch Maryse on Raw.
Nick: I'd rather watch Maryse on Raw because she's amazing . . . and I think TNA treats their women nicely and gives them a fair amount of airtime.
Ryan: She is fairly awesome . . . this Bella twin, however, could use about ten more years in developmental.

Nick: The Bellas switched and Maryse still won?
Ryan: Indeed. That's what you call a pretty deep burial . . . and the match time was 2:16, so we may well break that eight minute mark.

Nick: I would give Maryse a bucket of KFC's new Fiery Grilled Wings if she covered me like she covered Nikki.

Winner: Maryse Ouellet via pinfall (Poupee Pants DDT)
Ryan: We normally don't see the Bella Twins competing in the ring, and, after watching this match, I was reminded of exactly why that is. Brie, though she didn't necessarily display some of the positioning and timing problems that a lot of less experienced female wrestlers do, was very clunky when it came to the mechanics of executed her moves. It wasn't so bad that I feared she would injure herself or her opponent, but it looked very sloppy. DUD.

(Enter the Miz.)

Nick: New music for The Miz!
Ryan: Sounded pretty damn good from the brief clip that we got.
Nick: And they're bringing back the Miz-Maryse storyline that they forgot about for the past two months.
Ryan: Well, to be fair, the storyline got disrupted by Maryse's injury . . . and I'm glad that it's back, because these two could be a hell of a heel combination.
Nick: They should've had Miz visit Maryse in the hospital and help her out during rehab.
Ryan: Only if it resulted in Miz attempting to cheer her up with Monsieur Jacques-o.

Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Jack Swagger vs. Mark Henry vs. Carlito Colon for a WWE United States Title shot

Nick: It's a fatal four way for the US Championship, something that happens once every four months or so. The last one I remember was Swagger vs. Carlito vs. Kofi vs. Miz.
Ryan: Well, it's a quick and easy way to put together a PPV title match when you've got more important things to spend TV time on . . . i.e. the return of Bret Hart and wherever that angle goes.

Nick: Over on TNA, Hamada and Awesome Kong just won the Knockout Tag Titles, and Val fucking Venis just showed up during the Beautiful People strip poker segment.
Ryan: So what do they call him to get around WWE's trademark of the name? Pal Penis?
Nick: He'll probably just be called The Big Valbowski, the Polish Porn Star.
Ryan: I'd be surprised if Vince and co. didn't have that name tied up . . . but "Polish Porn Star" would be a great gimmick if they go full bore with it and have Ivan Putski come in to manage him, cutting promos about how Val's junk is the "New Polish Hammer."

Nick: Miz watches Raw on TiVo, according to his commentary.
Ryan: Miz is actually doing a fine job on commentary, putting all of his potential challengers over but still saying that he's better in the end.
Nick: That's something that bugs me about today's interviews and such . . . everyone just says "you suck" and that's it.
Ryan: Meanwhile, we've got Miz here acknowledging that Henry is frighteningly strong but still saying "Yup, I can beat him."

Ryan: Okay, I understand that they're probably going for a torture rack, but that spot just looked like Henry was trying to make Swagger submit with a fireman's carry.
Nick: Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. He looks like a dad with his daughter on his shoulders.
Ryan: MVP saved it with a SWEET kick on the big guy, though.

Winner: Montel Porter via pinfall (Playmaker on Swagger)
Ryan: We have seen these four wrestlers go up against each other in various combinations for almost a year now, as they continue to run but go nowhere on the WWE's treadmill of mediocrity. There is little to nothing that they can do with these men in short TV matches that will interest me, because I feel like I've seen it all before. *

Ryan: Well, Miz/MVP should be a fun filler match if nothing else.
Nick: MVP vs. Miz . . . when is the last time guys with three letters in their name feuded?
Ryan: Y2J vs. HHH?
Nick: 2 is not a number . . . I mean . . . letter.
Ryan: HBK vs. HHH.
Nick: HHH just counts as one large collective symbol.
Ryan: Like Prince?
Nick: Basically.
Ryan: If wrestling is going back twelve years tonight with Montreal and nWo throwbacks, we may as well reference the music of that era.
Nick: I'd reference the New Radicals if I was going for late 90's.

Nick: Orlando Jordan is now in TNA.
Ryan: Orlando Jordan? Really?
Nick: Really, and he's brought the 5 Hour Energy Drink!
Ryan: Are they starting up some sort of TNA version of Velocity? That is the only reason I can think of which would justify bringing in Val and Orlando.
Nick: Well, they did just release Cody Deaner. He left a pretty big void.

The Hitman meets Chris Jericho backstage.

Ryan: Er, who was that guy randomly conversing with Bret?
Nick: I didn't catch him.
Ryan: There was just some dude standing around talking about watching the Hitman many years ago. It looked like a member of the crew . . . you'd think that they could at least have thrown Primo a bone and given the line to him.

Ryan: You know, for a guy who has never been renowned as a great promo, Bret sounds a lot more natural delivering his lines tonight than just about anybody else on the roster.
Nick: He's been working on his lines for twelve years.

DX, Hornswoggle, & Santino have a comic conference in the locker room.

Nick: Shawn has great comedic timing.
Ryan: As does Santino, who may be doing the best Jericho impression man has ever seen.

Ryan: "Good luck at the sucking it," Santino says to DX. Golden.

Ryan: We're at a Raw commercial . . . who's showing up on Impact now? Heidenreich? Rodney Mack?
Nick: Well, Hardcore Holly's stock theme music just played during a 5 Hour Energy commercial. That counts, right?
Ryan: I suppose.
Nick: During a match, TNA should just have Glacier and Mortis randomly come out fighting each other to the ring.
Ryan: Only for Ernest Miller to run in, break them up, and implore them to no longer fight so that they can instead honor the memory of their dearly departed Bryan "Wrath" Clark . . . only for a stagehand to slip Miller a note reminding him that Bryan Clark is not dead.
Nick: I don't really remember the whole Ernest Miller/Glacier era of WCW.
Ryan: It's for the best.
Nick: I wonder if Ernest has thanked Glacier for propelling him to the silver screen.
Ryan: It was a small role, but I thought that he actually did a very good job there.
Nick: Wikipedia tells me that Ernest Miller has been cast as George Foreman in an upcoming HBO Biopic.

Ryan: Raw's at commercial again. Has Gene Snitsky made his long-awaited TNA debut? What about Rosey?
Nick: TNA is running a Jack in the Box commercial . . . or maybe the Jack in the Box guy is being escorted to the Impact Zone and trying to get breakfast from McDonalds along the way.
Ryan: Ooo . . . that's way better than the Tooth Fairy commercial on USA. I'M CROSSING THE LINE!

Nick: Bischoff has shown up. I think he showed up a little earlier though.
Nick: He's talking to AJ Styles right now.
Ryan: AJ who? I don't remember him from ten years ago.
Nick: He's got a belt! I guess Bischoff can make matches. He booked Angle vs AJ for the belt tonight.
Ryan: Meanwhile on Raw, Big Show is tearing it up in the ring . . .

D-Generation X (c) vs. The Big Show & Chris Jericho for the WWE Tag Team Titles

Ryan: Show is moving surprisingly well compared to what we've seen out of him in recent weeks.
Nick: He does look pretty spry out there.
Ryan: And Jericho busts out the Hogan hand-to-ear spot in a not so subtle jab at somebody.
Nick: it's the Monday Night Wars . . . for one night!
Ryan: When there's a challenger lined up for Raw next week that poses a significantly larger threat to them!
Nick: Wizards of Waverly Place?
Ryan: Well, I meant UFC, but Disney could probably cut into WWE's audience as well.
Nick: I want to point out that I only know of that Waverly Place show from Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Ryan: Suuuuuuure.
Nick: iCarly on the other hand . . .
Ryan: I don't want you to mention how you know about that show. We don't need a Chris Hansen run-in during this column.
Nick: He just showed up on TNA, so I think we're safe.
Ryan: This means Rob Feinstein has to be somewhere in the Impact Zone.



Ryan: This is really turning into a barnburner of a tag team title match on Raw.
Nick: Really good. Big Show is more involved than you'd expect, too.
Ryan: STUFF PEDIGREE. How have they not done that before?

Winner: D-Generation X via pinfall
Ryan: Very fun match there . . . even Hornswoggle getting involved was done in a way that made sense and didn't detract from things too much. ***
Nick: I just liked seeing him get kicked in the head.
Ryan: That was an awesome spot . . . a nice parting shot for Jericho as he apparently has to depart Raw for good now.
Nick: I forgot all about that stipulation. Did they mention it during the match? All I remember was them talking about the Tag Titles being on the line.
Ryan: I believe that they've mentioned it on the show at least once . . . and here's a Triple H promo covering it.
Nick: There we go.

Ryan: On one hand, it's a shame to see Jericho go, because he really has been one of the highlights of the show over the past several months. On the other hand, he's not really needed to help carry Raw if this Hart program stays strong.
Nick: Yeah, they can move him to Raw after the draft if they need to.

Vince McMahon & Randy Orton discuss Bret Hart, DiBiase & Rhodes threaten to oust Randy if he doesn't beat Kofi Kingston.

Ryan: It's interesting to see some storyline continuity in this Vince-Orton segment, both in terms of the McMahon/Legacy feud from last year and in terms of the Legend Killer gimmick.
Nick: If Vince wanted Bret kicked in the skull, he'd call Goldberg.
Ryan: I'd say "too soon" . . . but tonight is only being booked like it's 1999 . . . it's not actually 1999.

Nick: There's something I don't like about DiBiase . . .
Ryan: DiBiase is a little bit bland. He still needs to develop a persona that's distinct from the other two guys in his group. That's the only problem I see with him right now.
Nick: That's probably it. He's just a regular guy.
Ryan: Well, that and he tends to get cauliflower ears, which kill those (direct to DVD) movie star good looks.
Nick: He had some good moments teasing a turn on Orton, but I don't think having DiBiase/Rhodes leave Orton after a match with Kofi is a good way to end a group that's been together for about two years.
Ryan: No, I have a feeling that Orton wins pretty easily tonight but that the tension between the group continues to build . . . perhaps with Legacy finally exploding at or immediately after Royal Rumble.
Nick: Maybe DiBiase and Orton are the final two in the Rumble.
Ryan: The problem with that is it means one of them has to win, and I don't think either will wind up in the title pictures this year. It's too soon for DiBiase, and Orton has been in too many Mania title matches in recent years.

Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne

Nick: Speaking of too soon . . . Sheamus is here!
Ryan: I don't know about too soon in this case. I think Sheamus is growing into this role very well.
Nick: He is. I just don't think the WWE Title should be used at the beginning of someone's push.
Ryan: I don't think it should be frequently, but I don't see the problem with it if it's a) done sparingly and b) the wrestler in question has the chops to back up such a huge push. I think Sheamus' title run meets both of those criteria.
Nick: Yeah, good point.
Ryan: Plus now we get to see him kill Evan Bourne, and watching Evan Bourne get killed is always entertaining.
Nick: He's the best jobber of all time.
Ryan: Amen.
Ryan: He's at least the best since Barry Horowitz.
Nick: They should give Barry Horowitz' entrance music to any wrestler that loses five matches in a row, and you regain your music when you win a damn match

Winner: Sheamus via pinfall (Razor's Edge)
Ryan: Very nice bump off of the razor's edge by Bourne, as if there was any doubt. *
Nick: Not a total burial of Bourne, but yet still a squash.

Ryan: Wow, we really are getting a Steve Williams tribute.
Nick: There we go. Kudos to WWE for that one.
Ryan: It's certainly a bit out of place in light of the fact that Umaga got nothing, but I'm never going to complain about tribute being paid to a fallen wrestler where it's deserved.
Nick: Well, I'm sure the circumstances of their deaths played a role in it.
Ryan: Oh, absolutely.
Nick: They were wrong in not mentioning Umaga or Test . . . even if it's just a little three second "In Memory Of . . ." thing at the beginning of the show. Everyone knows they worked for WWE and everyone knows what happened. I don't see how they could just ignore it.
Ryan: Exactly. I can understand them being leery about running a full-on tribute package of a guy like Test or Umaga who appears to have died the stereotypical "wrestler death," but I don't think they would catch any flack at all from the mainstream media if it was just a quick graphic at the start of the program.
Nick: Not anymore flack than they already received in the first place.

It's time to recap Montreal.

Ryan: That was actually a very good video recap of Montreal for the younger fans who weren't around at the time. They had alluded to what happened, but this was the first time that they really spelled it out.
Nick: Damn, I switched over to TNA for a quick second. How far in depth did it go?
Ryan: I didn't go "in depth" necessarily, but I believe it was the first time since it was announced that Bret is coming back that they flat out said something to the effect of "Vince did not want Bret leaving with the title, so he told the referee to ring the bell when Bret hadn't actually submitted."
Nick: I was wondering how they could actually talk about it without reminding everyone that the matches are predetermined.
Ryan: They basically played it off like it was one of the kayfabe Montreal knockoff finishes that we've seen so many times since 1997.

Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston

Ryan: Good tease of the Orton elevated DDT there . . . and we head to commercial after some very heated exchanges. This could be quite good if they give it a fair amount of time.
Nick: If they got the twenty extra minutes that they asked for, this could go on for a while.
Ryan: Indeed.
Nick: It seems like it's just getting started.
Ryan: I imagine the extra twenty minutes going almost exclusively to Bret and Vince, which, if I'm right, would give Orton and Kofi a max of fifteen more minutes.
Nick: Everyone has received their air time . . . well, aside from Chris Masters' pecs and Kelly Kelly.
Ryan: Apparently Kofi has inherited the RVD bump down into the dasher boards.
Nick: Kofi should take RVD's random rollovers too. Those make the moves hurt more.

Nick: Think this one will end with Legacy beating down Kofi?
Ryan: I doubt that. I think Orton has to win this clean, and if you do that followed by a Legacy beatdown, you bury Kofi pretty hard with little to no benefit for anybody else.

Nick: This crowd doesn't seem to care about Kofi at all. He's making a comeback and they aren't reacting.
Ryan: Crowds in general haven't been as high on him since the Survivor Series, but that's what happens when you have him lose fairly decisively in his only singles match against Orton that didn't involve some kind of screwjob.

Ryan: Okay, great spot there with Kofi's bounce off the ropes going IMMEDIATELY into an RKO reversal.
Nick: I love his bounce off the ropes move.
Ryan: It's a great one, and it would be nice if they could find more ways to integrate it into bigger sequences like they did here.

Nick: I don't remember anyone straight up "blocking" a striking finisher like that before.
Ryan: It's a perfectly logical way of doing things, and Orton gets bonus points for selling his arms post-match after using them to prevent the Trouble in Paradise . . . plus it makes me giggle a bit because it looks like a block out of one of the old Street Fighter games.
Nick: You still giggle? Grown ass men chuckle.
Ryan: Would you settle for a guffaw?
Nick: As a matter of fact I will.
Ryan: Sexcellent.

Winner: Randy Orton via pinfall (RKO)
These two have wrestled each other numerous times now, and it's readily apparent that they have developed quite the chemistry with one another. They seem to know almost intuitively who will be throwing what move when, and they respond accordingly. As a result, this was almost the perfect television match, as it featured a few flashy back and forth sequences without going into the repeated close nearfalls that one would normally want to save for a major pay per view encounter. The only negative thing about this match is that Kingston and Orton couldn't be doing them like this until after the point that their feud, and therefore Kofi's upward momentum had already cooled off significantly from where it was two months ago. ***

Bret Hart & Vince McMahon talk in our main event interview

Nick: Justin Roberts has received more screen time tonight than John Cena.
Ryan: To be fair, Justin Roberts isn't occupied with doing promotional work at the Fiesta Bowl.
Nick: I was kind of hoping Justin Roberts was getting a push.
Ryan: Sheamus does still need an opponent for the Royal Rumble.

Ryan: And, after the long-awaited Shawn-Bret confrontation to open the show, here's the long-awaited Vince-Bret confrontation to close the show.

Nick: "You screwed You," Vince says. Why not just say, "You Screwed Yourself?"

Nick: Two words: Stalker Ichikawa
Ryan: Now that would be an unusual place for this angle to go.
Nick: Bret does love El Dandy.

Ryan: A lot of posturing from both men . . . neither one really backing down . . .
Nick: This is leading to something . . .I wonder what. It's probably something short of Vince's limo exploding or the set falling on him.
Ryan: They've got Bret for four months, so hopefully they keep the build slow instead of blowing through a lot of it tonight. One right hand from Bret to Vince to close the show would be perfect in my mind.

Ryan: OH~! Low blow by McMahon!
Nick: Booya! You do NOT kick a Hart in the gonads.
Ryan: That's the reverse of what I'd said, but it works just as well. They did that perfectly . . . there was no need for them to do anything more than one tiny bit of physicality to set up Bret coming back next week for more.

To Sum It All Up

Ryan: Though I wouldn't go quite as far as calling this the "perfect" episode of Monday Night Raw, it was as close to a perfect episode as we have had in quite some time. The Bret Hart promos with Vince McMahon and Shawn Michaels were both delivered excellently, and the level of progression towards whatever McMahon/Hart match the promotion intends to book was exactly what was needed for the Hitman's first show back. Combine that with two VERY solid television matches and continued progression for young stars like Sheamus and the Miz with a minimum of doofy comedy, and this episode of Raw gets two thumbs up. It was a quality program, even if it didn't necessarily have a nonsensical surprise in every segment. If every episode of Raw was like this one, you would never hear a negative comment out of my mouth again.

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