2 Raw, 2 Furious 01.25.10

Posted by Ryan Byers on 01.26.2010

Raw is reviewed in real time as we gear up for the Royal Rumble with tensions mounting among the D-Generation X crew, the semi-finals of the Divas Title tournament, and Sheamus and John Cena comparing skin tones.

Welcome, one and all, to 2 Raw, 2 Furious, 411mania's real-time recap of all of the madness contained in two hours of Monday Night Raw. I am Ryan Byers, one half of your usual Raw review crew, and I would normally be joined by everybody's favorite Newfie, "The Chris That Don't Miss" Lansdell. We've got a little bit of Lansdell-love up front this week, but, unfortunately, the fates intervened and prevented him from covering the rest of the show. Where do we go from there? Read on to find out . . .



Pre-Show Scuttlebutt

Chris: Have you seen this? (Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4N7KvTI-OA)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4N7KvTI-OA
Ryan: No, I can't say that I have.
Chris: Interesting, no?
Ryan: I'm thirty seconds in, and I'm amazed by the number of times they said "wrestling."

Ryan: This reminds me of the Attitude videos from back when. Very slick, very professional . . . it's this kind of ability to market themselves that really separates WWE from TNA.
Chris: Yup. Completely
Ryan: . . . though that Jay Leno clip from WCW seemed really out of place.
Chris: Heh, potshot maybe?
Ryan: I don't know, it was right in there with the rest of the celebrity guest stars, so I wouldn't be surprised if they just inserted it because they considered him the closest thing to an a-lister they had . . . which is hard to dispute.

Ryan: I was about to ask where the presidential candidates from '08 were, but they just popped up.

Ryan: Well, it looks like Hillary Clinton had a baby.
Chris: Ummm...sure??
Ryan: . . . or rather Lexie Fyfe, the wrestler WWE hired to play Hillary Clinton a year and a half ago, had a baby.
Chris: HA!
Ryan: At least that's what it says on the website of her tag team partner Malia Hosaka. Congrats to mom and the new baby, and hopefully Fyfe is back in time to work the recently-announced SHIMMER tapings that are taking place in April.


Photo Credit: Gilda Pasquil

Chris: By the way, it's not looking good for me participating in 2 Raw tonight. Larry is off which leaves me with double the work on the editorial front.
Ryan: Fair enough. I might try to find somebody else. I might not. It all depends on how much my mood fluctuates in the next hour.
Chris: Heh. Understandable.

(One hour passes, and . . . NICK B. IS SUMMONED FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL! SOUND THE UNDERTAKER'S DONG~!)

Ryan: Watching Raw?
Nick: I am indeed.
Ryan: Filling in for Lansdell?
Nick: Sure deal.
Ryan: Excellent.
Nick: This is my first Raw on an HDTV, but it's not yet in HD.
Ryan: Well, you've got half the battle won.
Nick: I hope they don't do too many Psych jokes. I've never watched the show.
Ryan: Well, at least according to the Observer site, one of the Psych guys is off tonight's show due to an emergency appendectomy.
Nick: I saw that too, maybe Santino is filling in for the other fella.
Ryan: I just hope they write him out by saying that he was attacked by one of the heels.

Nick: So, what are the odds that this show ends in a donnybrook, given that it's the Royal Rumble go-home show?
Ryan: I'm thinking more of a pier six brawl.
Nick: What about a barnburner?
Ryan: Also a possibility.

Enter D-Generation X, Sans Mascot

Ryan: Interesting to hear that Shawn nixing Hornswoggle gets heel heat.
Nick: The crowd loves that damn little person.
Ryan: You mean they're little person people?
Nick: Little persons are people too.
Ryan: Little persons who need people are the luckiest little persons in the world.
Nick: I can't top that one.

Ryan: Jesus, who is writing this promo and why aren't they writing the show this way every week? Putting over the importance of the Rumble is way better than the wacky DX comedy we've been eating for the last six months.
Nick: It was a nice quick promo before the match.
Ryan: And they're playing up the dissension between Michaels and HHH more . . . which makes me wonder even more if we're going to see Punk and Gallows take the titles on Friday.
Nick: I can see it happening. Both DX guys seem to have singles plans for Wrestlemania
Ryan: So does Punk, actually . . . the widespread rumor is that all of this head-shaving is building to Punk vs. Misterio, hair vs. mask.
Nick: I heard that also . . . maybe they'll just retire the Tag Titles then.
Ryan: Or do the switch this Friday and then get them off of Punk and Gallows before Mania.
Nick: Maybe Punk/Gallows will lose the belts to Cryme Tyme and we'll get the long awaited Cryme Tyme/Hart Dynasty XXVII for Wrestlemania.
Ryan: I'm game if they hang Nattie in a shark cage
above the ring.

Shawn Michaels & Triple H vs. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr.

Ryan: OH~! Great plancha there . . . not the type of thing that we've seen out of HBK on free TV in a while.
Nick: I wasn't expecting that at all!
Ryan: And they follow it up with a nice spot by Cody as well with the swinging neckbreaker. A lot of times those "hang on the ropes for [insert move]" spots look really contrived, but that felt perfectly natural.
Nick: It came off really smooth, maybe Orton taught him how to use the middle rope . . . and there's a nasty boot by Ted.
Ryan: Indeed. This is turning into a fun little match. Legacy are coming off as a lot more credible against DX than they have in the past.

Nick: I don't think Triple H has been in the match yet, has he?
Ryan: I don't believe so . . . if he has, it's been a fairly long time since.

Ryan: Good reversal on the cobra clutch slam by HBK, and I LOVED that "superkick" by Michaels as well . . . I think it was an intentional botch, if you will. Shawn got to get to the corner with his big move, but it gave DiBiase an excuse to still run around and do spots with HHH.
Nick: Setting up spinebusters galore!

Winners: Shawn Michaels & Triple H (Pinfall via sweet chin music on DiBiase, Jr.)
Nick: Nice match and it didn't seem like they were just going through the motions.
Ryan: Indeed. I'm not a fan of Legacy getting pinned so easily given that their last feud with DX was supposed to have elevated them, but I guess they've given up on them being anything more than midcard guys for the time being. However, the work was very solid right up into the finish, which put a bit of a damper on the match for me. **1/2

Slam of the Week: Miz Taunts MVP, Big Show KO's MVP

Nick: Jon Heder was a nice surprise last week.
Ryan: Yeah, surprisingly good on the mic, though I didn't necessarily need to see him involved in the main event.
Nick: I would've been fine with it if he wore a little bit more.

MVP enters for his match . . . but he has to jaw with Miz first.

Nick: Miz's "awesome" at the beginning of his music made me think of Hardcore Holly's voice over at the beginning of his . . . but I can't think of what he said
Ryan: I think for a brief period of time it was "Nut Up or Shut Up," later replaced by "How Do Ya Like Me Now?"
Nick: This Miz/MVP feud has been awesome, just based on the mic work.
Ryan: Last week was sort of weird because MVP was made to look like a complete joke when Show punked him out so easily, but the promo two weeks ago was the best of the year so far and this one is solid as well.

Montel Vontavious Porter vs. The Big Show

Nick: Damn, it's over that quick?

Winner: The Big Show (Chokeslam)
Ryan: I would usually provide some kind of analysis here, but there was barely any match to analyze. Porter had a couple of hope spots in which he showed good fire and looked decent, but this was, by and large, a slightly more competitive version of the old squash match. *

Ryan: I have NO CLUE how that was supposed to help the MVP/Miz feud. Yeah, the pre-match promo was good, but MVP looks so second rate being squashed like that.
Nick: Why not have Miz interfere and cause MVP the match?
Ryan: That would be a way to go. Really, though, I don't think MVP even should have been booked against Show. Give him somebody he can beat . . . throw Evan Bourne out there or put Miz at ringside for a match against a local indy guy.
Nick: Maybe they were more focused on building the Big Show up for the Royal Rumble. They shouldn't have fed him the US Title Challenger for that purpose though. They should've given him Bourne or Primo, someone along those lines.
Ryan: Or, hell, put him in a handicap match against Bourne AND Primo. This is why WWE should put more guys on their roster. They've only got two guys who can regularly get squashed when, in reality, they need five or six.
Nick: Well, they've got Bryan Danielson and Low Ki down in FCW . . .
Ryan: Based on how Bourne has worked out, they'd be great jobbers.

Miz meets guest host Dule Hill of Psych backstage

Ryan: Miz and Dule were getting some good digs in there between Miz claiming that he had to google Dule to figure out who he was and Dule calling out Miz for stealing old SNL bits.
Nick: They had a nice back and forth, Miz continues to shine. He's come a long way since "hosting" Smackdown when he first debuted.
Ryan: Oh god. He was perhaps the most obnoxious babyface in the history of man during that era.
Nick: I don't know who he's been learning from, but they've done a great job.

Maryse Oullet vs. Eve Torres in the semifinals of the Divas Title Tournament

Nick: Maryse. Is. Awesome.
Ryan: Well, until she starts wrestling . . . but everything she does before and after her matches is pretty damn awesome.
Nick: She is a very beautiful woman, and she's speaking French again . . . I think Maryse just said "I can't wait to read 2 Raw 2 Furious after the show."
Ryan: You know, I've been taking French lessons lately, and I think you're correct. Thank you, Muzzy!



Nick: Eve is also very beautiful. I hope they don't wrestle for too long, though.
Ryan: Oh boy, Cole says the we're getting BOTH women's semi-final matches tonight!
Nick: I remember this tournament!
Ryan: Wow, Eve hits her phantom dropkick for the second week in a row. It's not quite as bad as last week's, but it's getting the point where she should consider not doing that anymore.

Ryan: CHRIST. Maryse just got flattened on that flip senton. Your feet are supposed to hit first there, Eve.
Nick: She nearly crushed Maryse. Just imagine if Piggie James hit that!
Ryan: Eve would be nothing more than a spot on the mat!

Ryan: . . . which she may be anyway after that DDT.

Winner: Maryse Oullet (Poupee Pants DDT)
Ryan: When Eve was over on Smackdown, I remember that there was a group of women's wrestling fans who were RAVING about how much she improved and how quickly she was developing as an in-ring performer. Well, those folks look pretty stupid right about now. Torres has been completely exposed since moving over to Raw, to the point that one has to think now that any perceived improvement was a result of a) being on a taped show, b) working with top level talent like Nattie Neidhart, or c) both. She certainly didn't look great here, as there were a couple of points that I thought she could have seriously injured her opponent, which is the exact opposite of what a professional wrestler should be doing, no matter how cool it may look. I'm going to have to go into the negatives for this one. -*

Vince McMahon is WALKING

Nick: Now that's a nice suit.
Ryan: That's the kind of thing he should have been wearing when he feuded with god. It gives off a nice "bordernline Satan" vibe, sort of like a toned down James Mitchell.
Nick: and speaking of suits, Robin Williams had a beautiful suit on Conan last week.
Ryan: I missed that episode. In fact, I didn't see any Conan last week aside from the final episode.
Nick: That final episode scored a big rating.
Ryan: A 7.0 if the article I read this morning's paper is accurate.
Nick: It's a shame more people didn't watch earlier.

Vince McMahon has come to a decision about the Bret Hart situation . . . yet again.

Nick: And it's Vince time . . . and more of that suit.
Ryan: This was exactly the way I saw the angle progressing . . . Vince wants to get rid of Bret but his ego won't let him.
Nick: He's gonna take a shot at the internet soon with these comments about the fans knowing better than he does.
Ryan: Surprisingly, it appears not. I figured that was coming too, though.
Nick: Vince needs to do more segments walking around in the crowd.
Ryan: Absolutely. There's no way the kid who just said Bret is awesome was around when Bret was actually awesome, though.
Nick: It was peer pressure.

Enter John Cena to confront Vince

Nick: What's the word on Cena for Wrestlemania? They seemed to have planted the seeds for Cena vs Undertaker, but it looks like they've moved past that.
Ryan: I actually haven't heard much on plans for him. I would assume that it'd be Batista just based on who is left without an opponent, but it doesn't seem like he'll have that important of a match given that there are so many other key bouts in the works.

Ryan: It's interesting to see Cena out there as the advocate for Hart. I don't know who would do it, but I'd prefer to see somebody who was actually on the roster with him back in the 90's in this spot, even if it meant dusting off Piper or somebody similar.
Nick: Well, it gives Cena something to do. He doesn't have much going on these days.
Ryan: No, aside from an apparently never-ending series of matches against Sheamus.
Nick: Maybe Vince will set Cena with Drew McIntyre for Wrestlemania.
Ryan: I think that would be a bit of a stretch . . . I see McIntyre in more of a Money in the Bank type role if he makes the show at all.
Nick: I was thinking that too. He is the IC Champ, after all.
Ryan: It will be interesting to see where they send him once the Morrison feud is over . . . there aren't a lot of guys on SD at that level for him to face.

Mike "The Miz" Mizanin vs. Kofi Kingston

Nick: This is the third segment with The Miz tonight. He's all over the place.
Ryan: There are certainly worse performers to put in three different segments. Let's just hope he doesn't get beaten here like MVP did.
Nick: The only thing that got beaten like MVP did was Kofi's push.

Ryan: Nice spot with Kofi attempting a cross body and Miz booting him . . . I don't think I've seen that one before.
Nick: Miz seems to have inherited RVD's educated feet.
Ryan: Sort of weird that you're comparing somebody to RVD during a Kofi match and it's Kingston's opponent.

Nick: That splash to Miz while he was getting off of the ground looked awkward.
Ryan: Yeah, Miz was on all fours and pretty clearly dropped down well before the splash connected . . . at least Miz didn't fly off the handle and call Kofi "stupid, stupid, STUPID."

(Miz loses due to MVP-erference.)

Nick: See, why couldn't MVP have lost this way?
Ryan: I actually don't like it when babyfaces lose off of distractions . . . it makes them look like pretty big doofuses. Really the better way to go would've been giving MVP an opponent he could've beat.
Nick: That could've worked.

Winner: Kofi Kingston (Trouble in Paradise)
Ryan: As with MVP versus Big Show, there wasn't much here prior to the interference, though it was solid enough while it lasted. At least it came off as less of a squash with Kingston requiring interference to win . . . even though that didn't necessarily do any favors for Kofi and his status in the company. *3/4

Dule selects Kelly Kelly as a "random" opponent for Carlito

Nick: Wow, I was totally about to say Carlito vs Kelly.
Ryan: Perhaps YOU should be on Psych.
Nick: The show is based on me, that's good enough.

Nick: I'll just assume Kelly brings out Mark Henry to take on Carlito.
Ryan: Remember when Carlito wrestled Victoria in a Beat the Clock match?
Nick: I actually don't really remember that.
Ryan: I believe it was circa 2005 and that the match consisted of approximatley one back-cracker.
Nick: How did he not win the Challenge?
Ryan: Your guess is as good as mine. I'll probably try to find a video later tonight just so I can answer that question.

Victoria vs CarlitoUploaded by marshal99. - Discover the latest sports and extreme videos.

Carlito Colon vs. Kelly Kelly

(Santino makes the save for Kelly.)

Nick: Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly. Awesome.
Ryan: Well, it's not quite Mark Henry, but it will do.

(Santino gets jumped.)

Nick: Surprise attack from Jack Swagger that I didn't see coming! Swagger finally throws someone over the top!
Ryan: So what was the point of even pretending that you were going to book Carlito vs. Kelly Kelly if it was just going to lead to Swagger and Santino fighting with one another?
Nick: To keep us intrigued through the commercial break?
Ryan: Well, that failed. And, furthermore, if the match was originally scheduled to be Kelly vs. Carlito and Santino volunteered to replace Kelly but was ultimately unable to do, shouldn't Carlito vs. Kelly have been back on?

Commercial Break Banter

Nick: So, who's your pick to win the Rumble?
Ryan: I actually think that they're going to go with Michaels.
Nick: I was thinking Triple H, but HBK would probably be my second pick.
Ryan: Triple H and Sheamus is the talked about match for Mania, so that's a possibility as well.
Nick: Though, just fantasy booking in my head . . . Triple H eliminates HBK in the Rumble . . . Shawn is pissed that he misses out on his match with the Undertaker, so come Wrestlemania time, Michaels costs Triple H his World Title match . . . which sets up a DX feud for after Wrestlemania . . . but, then again, that leaves Shawn Michaels without a program for Wrestlemania.
Ryan: That would be an interesting way to go, but they've talked about Michaels versus Undertaker so much this year that I would be amazed if they didn't actually do it. If they did, they would run the risk of the show coming off as a disappointment compared to what could have been.
Nick: Yeah, I can't picture them not going with Michaels/Taker 2 since they've already talked about it so much. I don't think they can top last years match, though.
Ryan: It will definitely be a difficult task. However, if there are any two men that I have faith in when it comes to topping Michaels vs. Taker from last year, it's Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker.
Nick: Minus the camera man.

A conference call between the Psycho co-stars occurs.

Nick: Sheamus is the love child of Carrot Top and the Bezerker?
Ryan: That was a pretty good line for those of us who remember who the Berzerker actually is. Cena's Outback Jack namedrop in the Vince promo was too, for that matter.
Nick: Yeah, that's the bad thing about those references. Nobody who matters will get it.
Ryan: Well, I don't necessarily know that nobody gets it. I've been reading a lot about demographic breakdown for Raw lately, and the majority of the TV viewers are in their 30's. Though, still, you have to wonder how many people in their 30's who aren't on the internet are going to remember a character as obscure as Outback Jack.
Nick: Kinda weird that the majority of the TV viewers are 30 but theyr'e going the PG route . . . but that's not to say 30 year olds don't have kids that they watch wrestling with.
Ryan: From my understanding the concept behind making the product more child-friendly is that, even though the majority of the viewers are 30, they're going the PG route so kids CAN watch with the idea being that they need to hook a new group of young fans now so there will be people to keep them in business 20 years from now.

Alicia Fox vs. Gail Kim in the semifinals of the Divas Title Tournament

Ryan: Okay, that reverse rana spot was ghastly.
Nick: It was bad.
Ryan: Talk about trying something the wrestlers obviously aren't experienced enough to hit even close to correctly.
Nick: These are some bad looking bumps. That was a nice slam by Gail Kim there though.
Ryan: I don't think there's been a move in the match yet where Alicia has not come close to ending her career. The small package was probably the first one.
Nick: I think this is the first time Gail has hit her falling-boot-to-the-face since her re-debut.

Winner: Gail Kim via pinfall (falling boot to the face)
Ryan: I don't know how this is possible, but this somehow wound up being WORSE than the prior women's match on the show. Gail Kim needs to learn that she can't do the same high flying, high impact offense that she used to do in TNA, because she's in WWE now, where none of her opponents outside of possibly Beth Phoenix are both experienced enough and large enough to catch her or bump for her in the way that Amazing Kong did. The result of Kim not attempting to vary what she does in the ring are matches like this, in which two wrestlers with less than one-one thousandth of the talent of X Division wrestlers attempt X Division spots. I hate to sound like a broken record, but PEOPLE WILL BE SERIOUSLY INJURED IF THIS CONTINUES. It's getting to the point that I am physically disgusted by some of these matches. -**

Fox gets in Dule's face and unloads on him with a big slap

Nick: Shouldn't Alicia be selling her jaw?
Ryan: In theory she should be selling something, yes. But none of that matters when you've got a celebrity angle to do!
Nick: A very fragile celebrity, at that.
Ryan: I thought his over-selling was awesome.
Nick: It was nicely done.
Ryan: Funny how professional actors always seem to be the best guest hosts.
Nick: Well, Jeremy Piven didn't do too hot.
Ryan: That's true, though I blame that more on Dr. Ken than I do Piven himself.
Nick: Also true.

Commercial Break Banter

Nick: I wonder what the real reason is for Hornswoggle not being at Raw.
Ryan: I don't know. It seems like he's consistently been on every week for over a year now, so perhaps this was just his turn to get a week off.
Nick: Maybe he's resting up so he can go 60 minutes in the Rumble.
Ryan: I can't imagine him not being an entrant.

Sheamus vs. John Cena

Ryan: Sheamus is back to being pasty as all hell after looking somewhat tan by his standards last week.
Nick: Cena looks like R-Truth compared to Sheamus.
Ryan: I'll assume you mean in terms of mobility and move on.
Nick: Definitely. So, is Randy Orton interference a given in this one?
Ryan: I think it would have to be . . . possibly with Legacy by his side to put over the fact that, after their dissension over the past month, they're back as a unit just in time for the Rumble.
Nick: Until DiBiase throws Orton over the top!
Ryan: Dun dun DUNNNNNN.

Nick: There's a whole lot of nothing going on in this match so far.
Ryan: No, they're doing the bare, bare minimum for a TV main event . . . but it doesn't matter, because the crowd is reacting.

Ryan: I don't know when count outs got as over as they are now, but I applaud WWE for building them up as a finish people buy into.
Nick: I like Cena breaking the countout there too. And yeah, they've done a good job building that as a finish, much like they built the full nelson back up as a credible finisher for Masters.

Ryan: Kick into the STF! Well done by both guys there.
Nick: Very nice.
Ryan: And the kick on the floor might give us our legit count out . . . or Randy Orton might just do his run-in now.
Nick: Beautiful RKO!
Ryan: A great swerve on the finish too . . . the kind of swerve that makes perfect sense in hindsight.

Nick: Here comes the DDT on Cena.
Ryan: Or he's just going to reverse and make his own comeback . . . that was weird. I don't see how Cena standing at the end of the show helps them to build to anything for the Rumble when he hasn't really been pushed in any way as a serious contender for the battle royale.
Nick: I guess this is their way of building him as a contender for it.
Ryan: I suppose so, but that's very last minute . . . it's almost not worth doing.
Nick: Better late than never, I say.

Winner: Sheamus via presumed disqualification (RKO on the champ)
Ryan: It started out slow, but, by the end, I started to enjoy this match for its old school charm. The wrestlers weren't doing much in the ring, but they were milking everything that they did for every last ounce of crowd reaction that they could get out of it, just like guys used to do thirty and forty years ago. Plus Sheamus continues to look like he belongs in the main event mix on Monday Night Raw after being a virtual unknown less than six months ago, so I have absolutely no reason to complain about this one. **3/4

To Sum It All Up

Ryan: As soon as the Tables, Ladders, and Chairs pay per view came to an end, Lansdell and I were talking about how great it was that WWE had seven full weeks to build towards the Royal Rumble, which would give them an opportunity to make the event feel more special than any non-Wrestlemania PPV in years. However, for whatever reason, WWE decided that they weren't going to go that route and saved almost the entirety of their hype of the show for the final two weeks. Though it would have been neat to see almost two full months of television building towards the same big event, the two weeks in which WWE did decide to promote the Rumble were largely put together well. The heel versus heel title match on the Raw side is a bit weak, but the company has done a lot to overcome that by making the Rumble match itself the focus. D-Generation X and the Big Show have both been kept strong as contenders on the Raw side with Big Dave Batista strong on the Smackdown side, so there are many interesting possibilities for potential victors. Though I wasn't exactly enamored with the booking of MVP or the women's matches on this episode of Raw, at the end of the day those programs are largely just midcard filler, so it's not as though they can detract too much from the main goal of Raw right now, which is getting people to plunk down fifty bucks for the Royal Rumble.

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