411's WWE Raw Report 03.01.10

Posted by Rob McNew on 03.01.2010

Wrestlemania begins to take shape as Bret Hart accepts a match with Vince McMahon, and Sheamus finally returns to take out Triple H. Meanwhile two more qualifiers for Money in the Bank are decided, and DX returns to get a rematch for the tag team titles in what could prove to be their final match.



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-Live from the Ford Center in Oklahoma City, OK

-Hosted by Michael Cole & Jerry "The King" Lawler

-Shawn Michaels is out to start the program, and we get a recap of last week's promo. Shawn says there is a buzz around the WWE locker room and everyone thinks he is crazy for putting his career on the line at Wrestlemania. As he walks the halls of the locker room, and his peers can not look him in the eyes. He says they whisper in the corner, and look away because none of them believe in him. No one believes he can defeat The Undertaker at Wrestlemania. He recognizes that the streak is 17-0, but he also understands that no one has given Taker a run for his money like he has. He knows that as an undeniable fact that everyone knows that he is Mr. Wrestlemania. He believes that he can end the undefeated Wrestlemania streak. He says for all of his peers that don't believe in him he's going to give them an opportunity. He invites anyone to come out and tell him face to face that he can't win. That brings out Triple H, and Shawn unbelievably says "you of all people." Triple H cuts him off and says "he doesn't think Shawn can beat Undertaker, but he knows he can." Triple H says he has wrestled everyone in the business, and he can tell Shawn honestly he's the best he's ever been in the ring with. He says Shawn wants to talk about the guys not believing in him, and his peers not believing in him. He says Shawn has no peers, and points at the sign saying on that night he truly is Mr. Wrestlemania. He says the road to Wrestlemania always takes them down different paths, but he can tell Shawn with certainty that DX will never die. He says DX will not be in the ring together for quite a while, but he doesn't want people's lasting image of them to be them losing the tag team titles. So Triple H has invoked the rematch clause tonight. Shawn says he appreciates it, but they are going down different paths. Triple H says he knows they're going down different paths, but if they're tag team champions they don't have to defend the belts for 30 days. He says 28 days from tonight is Monday Night Raw after Wrestlemania, and on that night they will throw a party like only DX can throw. HHH says he believes that Shawn will still be there the night after Wrestlemania, and he believes that the streak will have ended. He believes that his career will be alive and well, and he believes that he will have beaten The Undertaker. He tells Shawn that's what he believes, and asks Shawn what he believes. Shawn ways he believes they've got some tag team titles to win tonight.

-Cheech and Chong are in their office where they are met by the Bella Twins. The Bella's want to go one of their shows on the "Get it Legal" tour. The Bellas end up taking Cheech off, and Chong hangs out in the office. He knows he's watched the show enough to know he's not hallucinating, and sees Swoggle with a box of Lucky Charms. They cause him to fade out or something.

Randy Orton vs. Ted Dibiase
Orton gets a really nice pop, and seems to be picking up the pace walking to the ring. Dibiase attacks early with a series of right hands in the corner, but Orton quickly turns it around. Orton fires Dibiase into the ropes, but after a backdrop attempt fails Orton levels him with a clothesline. Dibiase pushes Orton into corner off a lockup, and drives a shoulder block into the ribs. Dibiase sets Orton up on the top rope, and goes for a superplex which is blocked by Orton who knocks Dibiase to the mat. Dibiase comes right back with a dropkick, and fires Orton to the floor. Outside they go where Orton blocks an attempt throw him into the post instead sending Dibiase headfirst into the steel. Orton hits a European uppercut as they had back inside, but Dibiase quickly bails to the floor to get away sending us to commercial. We return with Dibiase back in control stomping Orton, and delivering a series of right hands. Dibiase fires Orton into the top buckle, and chokes him out with a boot in the corner. Dibiase hits a snap mare, and a boot to the face gets two. Dibiase grabs a half nelson with a chinlock, but Orton is able to punch free. Orton hits the ropes, but Dibiase follows delivering his rebound clothesline. The two men trade punches in the middle with Dibiase getting the upper hand. Dibiase hits the ropes but runs into a powerslam from Orton who follows with his Orton stomp. Orton finishes that of with a kneedrop, and calls or the RKO. Cody runs out and hops on the apron to distract Orton, and that allows Dibiase to roll him up. Orton reverses the rollup into one of his own, but Rhodes is in to break up the pin. That draws the DQ at 9:02. Legacy begins to beatdown Orton, but he comes back and fights both men off. A dropkick sends Ted to the floor, and Orton goes for the hangman's DDT on Cody. Ted makes the save to pull Cody to save, and the bail for safety. Wow, what an excellent job of making Legacy look like a legit threat to Orton. I'm not serious for the sarcasm impaired.
Winner: Randy Orton (Disqualification-Rhoderference **)

-Bret Hart arrives at the arena on crutches and we head back to Cheech and Chong's dressing room. Chong is still tripping out running his fingers through a very British sounding Eve's hair. The punchline is that it is not Eve, but rather William Regal. Of course this is explained as a "sugar trip" by Cheech, as Chong is diabetic. Chong snaps out of it, but wants to know if he can still hang out with Kelly Kelly. Instead of Kelly though its Chris Masters…with Kelly's voice. This is so dumb, but it works somehow. Not sure why.

-Recap of the Batista-Cena angle from last week.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella
Santino delivers a series of punches right away, but Swagger stops a hiptoss attempt with a knee lift. Gutwrench Powerbomb finishes at 0:27. Wow, they must be pressed for time.
Winner: Jack Swagger (Pinfall-Gutwrench Powerbomb DUD)

-Batista looking more douchetastic than ever in the leather vest, no shirt, tropper sunglasses combo heads to the ring accompanied by security for a "confrontation" with John Cena.

-John Cena heads to the ring, and he says there are a few people who told him at Elimination Chamber that Dave Batista stole the title from him. He says that's not what happened. He says it was about business, and Batista had an agreement with Vince McMahon and he cashed in on that agreement. He says its not the first time it happened to him, and it won't be the last. Last Monday it got real personal though. He says he and Dave have been in the WWE a long time, and he's never had a problem with him before. Even considered him a friend at times, but now he has a problem with him. He says the silver lining is he's going to Wrestlemania for a main event match against Batista for the WWE Title. He says that's four weeks away, but after last Monday Night he needs to pay Batista back and wants to do it right now. Dave comes out with security, and Cena wants to know if he's seeing things. Dave says they're not here to protect him, but to protect Cena. Batista says he has no problem coming down there and taking him out again, but the security is there to make sure it doesn't happen. He tells Cena he should thank him, and Cena thinks he should come to the ring so he can do so personally. Or he can stand up there with his security like a 6' 6'' 300 pound pansy. Dave calls him a funny guy, but he says his explanation is that he wants to face him at Wrestlemania. So he lost and everyone got what they wanted. Batista says they both started at the same time, and their rise to the top was nearly identical. Batista says they couldn't be any different, and are the two biggest stars of the attitude era. He references Wrestlemania 21 and how they both won World Titles and never looked back. Batista says the WWE for some insane reason labeled John Cena as the name. He calls Cena the face of the WWE and mocks him for being in commercials and movies. He says Stone Cold passed the torch to Cena, and it should have been him. He says he's the biggest star in the company, and he did what he did last week for two reasons. One is to beat the hell out of Cena at Wrestlemania to prove to everyone that he is that much better than him. The second reason is plain and simple. He just can't stand Cena. Cena says that's all this about? Some fictional torch that very few have even seen and fewer talk about. Cena says he worked his butt off for the company, and he's the first to show up and the last to leave. Dave is too cool to show up on time. He says everyone knows he's given his all to the business, while Batista expects the business to be given to him. He calls Dave selfish, and Batista says he's agrees with Cena. He's not here for the people, but he's here to make money and win championships. He tells Cena to keep kissing babies and hugging fat girls while he trains and works towards beating the hell out of Cena at Wrestlemania. Batista says it's a fact that every time they are in the ring together bad things happen to Cena, and it wasn't too long ago that he broke Cena's neck. Batista says Cena can say anything he wants, but that's all he does is bark, bark, bark. That's not what he does, but Cena knows first hand what he does. Batista says he wants to hear one of John's fancy catch phrases, because Cena can't beat him and deep down he knows it. This was probably Batista's best promo ever, and quite frankly it's not even close. Wow, just wow.

-Cheech and Chong are still all messed up in their office, and they have Chavo, Primo, Carlito, Katie Lea, and Yoshi Tatsu in their office with mustaches. Finally a chicken shows up with Santino's voice to tell them the diva pillow fight is coming up soon. I should have took up pot before this show.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Zack Ryder (w. Rosa Mendes) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter
Ryder attacks at the bell and whips MVP into the ropes. He misses a charge and MVP hits a throw. MVP delivers a facebuster, and that sets up the ballin' elbow which connects. Playmaker finishes at 0:45. Two matches in less than a minute? I'm not one to bitch about match times, but c'mon now.
Winner: Montel Vontavious Porter (Pinfall-Playmaker DUD)

-Cheech and Chong are out and they welcome us to Monday Night Raw. Cheech reminds us that the show has been going on for an hour and a half…or a day and a half he's not sure. Shoot comment? They are here to introduce the participants in the diva pajama pillow fight.

Diva's Pajama Pillow Fight: Kelly Kelly vs. Eve Torres vs. Gail Kim vs. Maryse vs. Jillian Hall vs. Alicia Fox
Everyone just teams up on Maryse and I guess this is every woman for themselves? Jillian takes out all the divas with her pillow, but Kelly sticks a pillow in her face. Legdrop gets a two count for Kelly, but Maryse attacks and hits the French Kiss. Gail breaks it up, and we get more pillow fighting. I'm losing interest quick. Finally Eve delivers her sommersault legdrop to get the pin at 1:56. After the match Swoggle comes out and gives Lucky Charms to everyone. The less said the better.
Winner: Eve Torres (Pinfall on Alicia-Sommersault Legdrop -*****)

-Your next Hall of Fame inductee is AWA legend Maurice "Mad Dog" Vachon. Inducting Mad Dog will be Pat Patterson.

-Justin Roberts goes to introduce Bret Hart, but instead Mr. McMahon comes strutting out. Vince says he wants the honor to introduce the man who will be making his final farewell comments. He says he's excellence of execution, best there is, was, and ever will be, and he's a man who Vince has the most amount of personal respect for. Bret comes hobbling out as we get a recap of his promo two weeks ago, and the car accident that followed. Vince wants Bret to clear his name before he begins as far as having nothing to do with the accident last week. Bret says he doesn't know if that's true or not, but he wants to say his final farewell so he wants Vince to get the hell out of the ring. Vince goes to leave, but admits that he really didn't want Bret to come here tonight for a farewell. Vince asks Bret if he challenged him to a match at Wrestlemania, and Bret says he's incapacitated. Vince says he knows what happened, but he thinks an old dried up fossil like Bret can heal in six weeks. He says Bret didn't come back to get things right, but he came back for one reason. For years its been eating at Bret every day, and he wanted to fight Vince. Bret says that's fair enough, and he wanted to fight Vince for thirteen years. Vince asks why not fight him? He offers him a chance to fight him at Wrestlemania, and asks if he wants his dreams to come true. Vince says he's the guy who screwed him in Montreal, and sent him packing down to "dubya see dubya" where he embarrassed himself. He said he's the guy who spit in his face and told him his dad wouldn't be in the hall of fame. Vince says if he's not going to do it for himself he should do it for all his fans all over the world. Vince says Bret may not be 100% but he's a Canadian hero. He can't let the people down, and asks the fans if they'd like to see Bret Hart in a match at Wrestlemania. The fans all answer in the affirmative. Bret says he knows what Vince is trying to do, but wants him to get it through his head. He's got a broken leg and calls Vince an idiot. Vince says he hates to hear those words because his last name used to stand for something. He tells Bret he has no heart, and says Bret has become a coward. Vince kicks the crutches out from under Bret, and leaves him laying. Vince walks out as Bret gets to his feet, and says if Vince wants a match at Wrestlemania he has it. Vince gets to the top of the ramp, and he wants to let Bret know that he may not be 100% but Vince is. Next week he's going to take on Bret's biggest fan. Next week Vince faces John Cena.

WWE Unified Tag Team Championship: D-Generation X vs. The Miz & The Big Show ©
Shawn starts out with Show and attacks with a series of chops in the corner. Show whips Shawn into the corner, and delivers a clothesline before tagging in Miz. Miz stomps Shawn and delivers a running boot. Show tags back in and delivers a punch to the ribs, and picks up Shawn in a bearhug. Shawn hammers free and delivers a chop. Shawn goes for sweet chin music, but Show catches the leg and goes for the chokeslam. Shawn counters and makes the tag to HHH who is in with a facebuster and spinebuster. Trips goes for the pedigree, but Miz is in and gets hit with a spinebuster for his trouble. The ref puts Miz out and Show goes for a chokeslam, but Shawn is in to deliver Sweet Chin Music to Show. Both men are down as the ref puts the count on, and both men tag out. Shawn hits the flying forearm to Miz, and delivers an inverted atomic drop. Shawn heads to the top rope to connect with his flying elbow drop. Shawn tunes up the band, but Undertaker shows up on the titantron. Taker just stares Shawn and rolls his eyes back in his head. The distraction allows Miz to sneak up and roll Shawn up with a jack knife cover for the win at 4:32. This was like a tag match in fast forward, with a rather hokey ending. Shawn lays in the ring and HHH goes to console him. Shawn slaps him away and storms off, and leaves HHH in the ring where Sheamus appears to attack him. Sheamus leaves Trips laying with a clothesline and then hits the jumping big boot on the floor sending him over the announce table. Sheamus stands on the announce table over a fallen Triple H as we head out for the night. Nice to see Sheamus make an appearance finally. I was beginning to wonder if the big fella was part of the future endeavors club over the weekend.
Winner: STILL WWE Unified Tag Team Champions-The Miz & The Big Show (Miz pins Michaels-Jacknife Rollup *1/2)