411’s WWE Superstars Report 06.24.10

Hey there rimjobs. Our fearless leader Larry Csonka is off on vacation for the next couple of weeks (I told Ashish that a 15-day rehab program would never be enough, but that was all the paid leave Larry had built up). So, instead, you get me, 411 Music Zone editor Mitch Michaels, doing the honor of recapping WWE’s D-show. Last time I recapped the main recapper got shitcanned. I’d like to build a better legacy. Let’s start now!

WWE.com is advertising an R-Truth / William Regal main event for tonight, plus a Bella match and more.

Just a quick glance at the channel guide to find WGN and…

The world is watching…and I’m invincible tonight.

Todd Grisham welcomes and tells us to expect everything (you would have seen on Velocity and Heat). And we get right into the first match.

JTG is out and Todd introduces Matt Striker and they discuss JTG’s future as a solo star. Caylen Croft is out next, along with his Dudebusters partner Trent Baretta.

MATCH 1: JTG vs. CAYLEN CROFT

They lock up and Croft gives a couple of boots to the gut. Irish whop and Croft bends down, but JTG turns that into a leg chop and a leg drop right on the back. Croft into the corner and JTG hits some knees. Another irish whip is reversed, but JTG gets the feet up to Caylen’s face. JTG up to the second rope, but Baretta pushes him right into the floor, just the right place to get a boot from Baretta. Croft takes him back in and covers. That gets two. Croft uses the rope for a choke, then takes JTG down into a European headlock. JTG goes for some old school face “cheer and help me get to my feet”. And it works, despite the lack of effort from the crowd.

They trae punches, but JTG comes out on top with a round the world kneckbreaker. JTG hits a big shoulder tackle, clothesline and a dropkick. I never realized how fast JTG works. JTG hits the Mug Shot then baseball slides Baretta on the outside to take him out of the equation. JTG’s back in – rolls the dice and then a Shout Out! 1-2-3 and it’s over.

Winner: JTG, pinfall, Shout Out

JTG brings a trio of kids in the ring to celebrate with him and Matt Striker type casts them as Eminem and Rihanna via race and sex. The little white girl gets nothing. I guess Striker doesn’t listen to Lady Gaga.

Grisham and Striker hype the Truth / Regal main event as we go to commercial.

We get an ad for Raw showing the carnage left by NXT last week.

We’re back, and we get another listen to tobyMac’s “Showstopper”, as Grisham and Striker run down the results from the Fatal Fourway PPV. Fatal Fourway has its own Facebook page. Wow.

And here comes Luke Gallows and Serena for our next match.

Striker and Grisham talk about Gallows and the Straight Edge Society’s fucking with Kane on SmackDown this week, and here comes Chris Masters. Striker talks about how Masters redeemed himself, while Gallows looked to Punk for redemption.

MATCH 2: LUKE GALLOWS vs. CHRIS MASTERS

They lock up and Masters backs Gallows into the corner. Gallows gives him a smack to the face and then punches him all the way to the opposite post. Irish whip into the corner, Gallows charges and misses. Masters wrings the arm and delivers a few shoulders. Armbar!

Gallows beats his way out of that and then hits a powerslam. An elbowdrop misses and Masters picks him up for a nice delayed vertical suplex. Gallows bails into Serena’s sweet lovin’ arms and we go to commercial.

NIGHTIE WATCHMAN! Fuck yeah, it’s a good night.

We return with Masters calling for the Masterlock. He tries to lock it in, but Gallows tosses him through the ropes. Masters tries to get back into the ring, but Gallows charges and knowck him back onto the floor. Gallows out and irish whips Masters into the barricade before tossing him back in. Big splash right across the back of Masters. Pin attempt gets two and Gallows grabs a headlock.

Masters fights his way up, goes for a slam, but falls, giving Gallows a 2-count. Luke hits a snap suplex and that gets him a 2-count. A power battle ensues, with Masters coming out on top with some chops and a flying shoulder block. Couple of clotheslines softens him up and Masters goes to the second rope for a flying shoulder tackle. That gets 2. Striker supposes Masters’ back is shot.

Gallows back up and a big boot to Masters’ face. That gets a very close 2 count. Gallows tries to grab the Gallows Pole, but Masters fights out. Clubbing elbows to Luke’s back and Masters tries for the Masterlock again. Gallows backs him into the corner, but eats a boot. Masters up to the second rope again, but Selena interferes just long enough to let Gallows grab that Gallows Pole. 1-2-3 that’s all she wrote.

Winner: Luke Gallows, pinfall, Gallows Pole

The SES gloats in the ring as Masters takes the walk of shame.

Striker and Grisham talk about Matt getting his ass handed to him on NXT the other night, and that leads to highlights of Cody Rhodes’ five minute challenge against Lucky Cannon and said handing of Strikers’ ass by Husky Harris. Harris looks like CW Anderson in plus-size Stone Cold ring gear.

The Bellas walk to the ring as we head to commercial.

Preview for the Money In The Bank PPV, genero-Mission: Impossible style.

Do not try this at home, dumbass.

Did you know the WWE won a bunch of awards from the US military? Next year, I’m hoping Michael Cole gets the purple heart. And speaking of, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are here for the next match.

Jillian is out first as Cole teases us about telling something controversial. Jillian says, in honor of World Cup Fever, she’s going to sing. But she sings “Ole” anyway. And here’s Brie Bella (along with Nikki) to put an end to that. Michael Cole alludes to jerking off to pics of Brie on WWE.com

MATCH 3: BRIE BELLA vs. JILLIAN

They lock up and Brie gets a wristlock. Jillian pushes her down, but Brie hangs on and grabs another wristlock. Chain wrestling? Single leg takedown and Jillian smacks Brie’s ass like she ain’t nothing. Brie says, fuck you bitch, don’t touch me there, and a rolling catfight ensues. Brie into the corner and she goes for a pescada, but Jillian just backs up and Brie lands on her face. Ha!

Jillian hits some kicks and then chokes Brie on the ropes. Snapmare and Jillian gices a nice kick to the back. That gets her two. Jillian grabs some kind of single arm chickenwing and then a slam. Jillian cartwheels and goes for a splash, but Brie gets the knees up t turn the tide.

Couple of clotheslines and an irish whip is reversed. Brie hits an elbow and gets on the second rope, but Jillian turns that into a roll-up. We brawl and Brie goes to the outside. That leaves both Bellas prone and the ref is like, no way, I’m not gonna fall for the ol’ switcheroo. He says the sweaty one must be Brie. Jillian hits a clothesline outside to sweaty Bella and rolls her back in. Kicks in the corner and the ref has to pull them apart…which gives enough time for the ol’ switcheroo afterall. Nikki rolls her up and 1-2-3.

Winner: Brie Bella, pinfall, switcheroo/roll-up)

The Bella Twins give hugs and kisses in the ring as Lawler hypes Truth / Regal. Commercial time!

The Undertaker’s Greatest Non-Vegetative Matches, coming to DVD.

Is WWE Classics On Demand as awesome as it looks?

Hype video for new WWE Champion Sheamus. Lawler calls him the Center of Evil. We get a recap of Vince getting annihilated by the NXT guys on Raw. Maybe he should start doing everything by email too.

The CompuRaw 2000 responded that the NXT’s actions would be met with appropriate actions.

Angry emoticons, I’m guessing!

WHAT’S UP!

R-Truth raps to the ring as we go to commercial. Ad for Randy Orton in WWE Magazine.

An ad for Raw as we postulate who will fall to NXT next.

We’re back and here comes William Regal. Lawler calls Regal’s music ominous and Cole likes that choice of words because it segues well to that whole NXT/McMahon thing on Raw.

MATCH 4: R-TRUTH vs. WILLIAM REGAL

What’s up? We lock up and head to the corner for a clean break. Big R-Truth chant. Truth gyrates. Another lock up and Regal takes Truth down with a wristlock. Truth tries to roll out then grans a headlock. Irish whip to a shoulder block. Regal stays up, so Truth hits the ropes for a hurricanrana. Spinning leg lariat. Dropkick. Truth is kicking ass, but lands funny on the knee. Naturally, Regal zeroes in on it with stomps and leglocks.

Truth finally grabs the ropes to break the hold, which Regal does with a nasty slam of the leg to the mat. Regal works the knee some more in the corner, but Truth powers out and into a monkeyflip. Truth limping. Regal pushes him into the ropes and then wraps the leg in them. Truth hangs there while Regal poses.

Regal pulls him up and kicks Truth’s knee more in the corner. Truth hits some slaps and then a big elbow as Regal charges. Rights and Truth boots the gut and gets a DDT. That’ll rattle yer crumpet. Truth gets a 2-count.

Truth goes for a suplex, but Regal counters into a throw. Regal explodes out of the corner and hits the Lie Detector. 1-2-3 and that’s all. Wow, that was truly unexpected.

Winner: R-Truth, pinfall, Lie Detector

Highlights and Truth poses as Cole hypes Raw for next week as we fade to the logo.

Quick Results & Analysis

About as solid a Superstars as you can ask for. The Masters / Gallows match was hard hitting, JTG put on a good show and the Bella thing was good if just for the fresh take on the switcheroo. Truth and Regal were really firing, but it was like someone turned that one off with a switch with that out-of-nowhere Lie Detector.

Quick Results:

JTG d. Caylen Croft, pinfall, Da Shout Out
Luke Gallows d. Chris Masters, pinfall, Gallows Pole
Brie Bella d. Jillian, pinfall, roll-up (by Nikki Bella)
R-Truth d. William Regal, pinfall, Lie Detector

Thanks for reading and here’s a pic of one of the Bellas to take us out.