411’s WWE Smackdown Report 07.23.10

Hi, hello and welcome to 411’s WWE Smackdown Report! I’m Steve Cook, and just when I thought I was out…they pull me back in! I’m starting to doubt that Boss Csonka actually has a replacement lined up. It’s like how the Cleveland Cavaliers have a superstar ready to replace LeBron James. Child please. Tonight we’ll determine a #1 Contender for the World Championship, as former champion Rey Mysterio takes on Jack Swagger in a 2 out of 3 falls match. The winner will take on new champion Kane at Summerslam.

You know, if winning a match against Kane was the stipulation of a match I was in, I’d forfeit. I guess that’s why I’m here, and they’re there.

LET IT ROLL! Smackdown is in Little Rock, Arkansas this week, the hometown of General Douglas MacArthur, NBA star Derek Fisher, and Chelsea Clinton. Todd Grisham & Matt Striker are your hosts.

At Money In The Bank, Kane won the Smackdown ladder match and cashed in, defeating Rey Mysterio to win the World Championship!

Opening Promo!

Through hellfire & brimstone, it’s your new World Heavyweight Champion, Kane. As a child, he’d take his goldfish, pinch it’s tail and hold it above it’s home, and watch it as it gasped for air. That’s how he’d felt for the past 13 years, until Sunday night. Seven battered souls were laid to rest as he won the Money in the Bank contract. Then he made history. He cashed in the contract on the very same night and became the new World champion. It was the most gratifying moment of his entire career. Rey Mysterio put up a valiant effort against Jack Swagger, but his glory was extinguished when Swagger locked in the ankle lock after the match. When Kane came out, he showed gratitude. His look turned to horror when Kane came back out to challenge for the championship. He could feel Rey’s pulse throb, his eyes nearly popped out, and he nearly choke slammed him through the mat. That would have been enough, but Kane took his remains, dropped him on his head, and became World Champion. The fans applauded again. Rey needs to understand that Kane only did what anybody else in his position would have done. Kane just did it better. HE DID IT HE DID IT HE DID IT. He didn’t do it for himself, he did it for his brother. Images of the Undertaker flash on the screen. Kane brought the title back where it belongs, back to the dark side. Images of Taker & Kane together flash on the screen. He went back to Taker’s bedside to share his victory. Instead of an overwhelming feeling of pride and elation, his soul was overcome with shame and sorrow. His once all-powerful brother just lay there, unable to appreciate the momentous occasion. His eyes were still closed, and his body unresponsive. So Kane vowed to him that nothing and no one would ever tear this holy grail from his grasp. He will not rest until he finds the one who put his brother in a vegetative state, the one responsible for his brothers’ demise. Hell will reign supreme when the World heavyweight champion finally achieves his vengeance. LIGHT THE RINGPOSTS!

I enjoy the ominous music in the background during Kane promos.

The WWE Smack of the Night is Matt Hardy smacking Christian down three weeks ago, and then Christian leaving Matt high and dry two weeks ago. Shouldn’t it be the WWE Smack of Weeks Ago?

Match 1: Tag Team Contest
Matt Hardy & Christian vs. Drew McIntyre & Dashing Cody Rhodes

Drew & Cody win the cool entrance contest by a landslide. Matt & Drew start things off here…tieup into the corner, Matt lands a couple punches in the corner after Drew wildly misses. Arm wringer by Matt, into a clothesline gets a one count. Matt tags Christian, who punches Drew a couple of times and puts him in a headlock. Off the ropes, Christian holds on to the headlock, Drew tries an atomic drop but Christian turns it into a headlock takeover. Drew gets up, moves Christian into the corner and kicks him a couple times before Christian makes him miss, then the Peepmaster hits a missile dropkick! 2 count. Drew takes Christian down by the hair he has left then tags in Dashing Cody. Cody punches away until he goes off the ropes and Christian flapjacks him. Tag to Matt, they whip Cody into the corner…Poetry in Motion! Matt snap mares Drew for a two count. Tag to Christian, whip, double elbow. Matt tags back in and punches away on Cody, he whips him into the corner but Cody answers with a kick right to the chops. Tag to Drew, and the Sinister Scotsman kicks Hardy down. He goes for the Future Shock, but Matt backdrops him over the top! Cody receives the same treatment, then Matt dropkicks Cody down to the floor. Christian to the top…he planchas both Rhodes & McIntyre! Hardy applauds as we go to commercial…

When we return, DCR has the upper hand on Matt Hardy, punching away on him, then whipping him into the corner, following up with a side Russian legsweep. Cody goes for the unprotected knee drop, but misses! That’ll take it out of ya. Tag to Christian, who runs in and punches away. Off the ropes, kitchen sink knee by Christian! He goes for the spot where he has the guy neck first on the ropes and uppercuts him (why is there not a name for this?), but Drew breaks it up with a distraction. Christian comes back in and walks right into an Alabama Slam from Cody! Somebody should find out if he uses it because he likes his former tag team partner Bob Holly or because he doesn’t. Two count! Cody stomps Christian, and tags in Drew to do the same. Drew sends Christian into the corner and stomps a mini-mudhole in him. Doesn’t quite walk it dry, but he does knock Christian down to the floor and stomps him there. A cocky cover gets two. Tag to Cody, who does a modified gordbuster and drops the unprotected knee for two. Cody punches Christian, and then turns him around so he can dropkick Christian right on the back! Cody with a couple of near falls, and as Striker points out, his form on the covers is very impressive. Drew tags in and applies the armbar to Captain Charisma. Drew adds a twist on it by rubbing his forearm against Christian’s chin. Tag to Cody, who stomps him down in the corner. And wait a minute, now he does the old Bob Holly kick to the lower mid-section move! DCR’s busting out all the classics this week, and I’m liking it! He goes for the Alabama Slam, but Christian rolls out of it, and we get a double clothesline. Matt has removed his shirt to show off his rib tape, and is itching for the hot tag. Tag to Drew, who cuts Christian off faster than I get cut off when I’m macking on a chick at the bar. But unlike myself, Christian’s able to overcome this and makes the tag to Matt Hardy! Matt punches Drew down, a side Russian legsweep gets two. Drew pushes Matt into the ropes, but runs into an elbow strike. Neckbreaker gets two. Drew gets sent headfirst into the corner, Matt goes to the middle rope and swinging DDTs Drew. Cody distracts the referee while Matt covers Drew for the visual three count. Matt goes after Cody, when he returns to Drew he’s met with a kick to the gut, but Matt small packages Drew and gets a two thanks to Dashing Cody. Christian goes after Cody, who back into Matt…Matt turns and inadvertently punches Christian down after Cody ducks! Matt recovers from the shock to Side Effect Cody, but then gets his head kicked off by Drew for the three count!

Winners: Drew McIntyre & Dashing Cody Rhodes (10:40 aired, ***¾)
Really good tag team match to kick off Smackdown on a good note this week. Christian & Matt have been in the ring together for ages, but the guy who really impressed me here was Dashing Cody Rhodes. The little things he was doing in this match like the pinfall attempts & the distractions were veteran-level stuff, and I enjoy him borrowing moves from guys like Bob Holly & Arn Anderson. Good showing from all four, but Cody was the star of this match whether he got the pinfall or not.

Drew & Cody get the win, but the question remains: Did Matt mean to take Christian out? The replay seems like he didn’t, and Christian offers his hand for the shaking, indicating he knows it was an accident. Matt slowly accepts. How honorable of them.

Backstage, Josh Mathews asks Jack Swagger if he feels fortunate about his opportunity tonight. Jack does not feel fortunate because he was robbed at Money in the Bank when Rey Mysterio borrowed a tactic of one of the biggest liars and dirtiest cheats in the history of WWE, Eddie Guerrero. The fans boo, but I think Eddie would take that as a compliment. He could taste his second world championship, but Rey purposely unlaced his boot and slipped out of it like a snake. He tells Josh that that’s unfair, but Josh says that some people would call it clever. Where Jack’s from, that’s called cheating. What Jack thinks is clever is how at the end of the night Rey lost the World championship because he nearly broke his ankle. Tonight, Rey won’t be able to lie, cheat or steal, and he won’t be able to walk after the first fall. He’s going to dominate him and shatter his ankle, and then he’ll do the same to Kane at Summerslam. He’s going to put Kane in the same place that Kane put his father…the hospital!

The Verizon Arena hosts Smackdown this week. It looks like an arena.

Alberto Del Rio talks about his statue just like he did last week. Hopefully this means we get a new vignette later.

Backstage, Layla & Michelle McCool toast themselves with some bubbly. Michelle’s proud of Layla for defending their title at Money in the Bank. They are each the best co-Women’s Champion that anybody could ask for. They got each other necklaces, each with half a heart, and when you put them together they say “Best Friends”. Well isn’t that special? Smackdown General Manager Theodore Long joins the party to congratulate Layla on defending the title and tells them to enjoy the celebration while it lasts, because Layla will be defending the title next week against Tiffany. He says that’s real talk, and tells them to keep it pushin’. Michelle is outraged by Teddy stealing their line, and they note that he doesn’t even say “pushin'” right. Tiffany is no competition for them.

A trainer treats the back of Kofi Kingston‘s neck while NXT Rookie Michael McGillicutty looks on. Kofi is in action next!

Match 2: Non-Title Match
Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston (w/Michael McGillicutty) vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero)

I was about to point out how it was unfair that Michael was getting this exposure on Smackdown during NXT voting, but Grisham pointed out that he won the immunity challenge this week. So it’s all good. Man, Michael & Dolph are tan. The bell rings and Dolph gets Kofi down to the mat, where he obviously has the upper hand being a former collegiate wrestler and all. Kofi with a go-behind and a one count. Dolph with a go-behind, and they exchange moves before Dolph kicks Kofi in the gut. Headlock by Dolph, off the ropes, shoulder block by Dolph. Off the ropes, leap frogs, side elbow by Kofi. Into the corner, flying teabag and punches by Kofi, European uppercut stuns Dolph, who comes back with a kick to the gut, he elbows Kofi on the back of the neck. Neckbreaker by Ziggler gets a one count. Dolph stands on Kofi’s neck for a couple seconds, then he tosses Kofi outside. Michael checks on Kofi, Vickie Guerrero asks him what he’s doing and tells him to leave. She is the assistant to the General Manager, so he better listen to her. Michael walks off as we go to commercial.

As we return, Kofi fights out of a rear chinlock only to get hair mared to the mat by Dolph. Famouser gets a two count. Dolph punches away briefly, then delivers an elbow to the back of Kofi’s neck. Kofi kicks away at the left knee of Ziggler, but Dolph lands another shot to the back of the neck, then applies a modified camel clutch with a knee to the back of Kofi’s neck. Kofi fights out, but Dolph kicks him, only to miss another Famouser and get rolled up for a two count. Kick by Dolph, and another neck breaker. Dolph works over Kofi’s neck some more on the mat, then chokes him with his boot in the corner. Another near-fall for Ziggler. Dolph chokes Kofi on the ropes and goes for another two count. CAMEL CLUTCH! MAKE HIM HUMBLE! Kofi tries to power out, but Dolph head butts him down. He misses a big elbow drop, and Kofi kicks him in the corner. Kick by Dolph, he goes for the neck breaker, but Kofi backslides him for two. Kofi with two double chops, and a high dropkick. Kofi hits a flying forearm and punches away on Dolph, the ref has to pull him off and once Dolph is up he gets punched back down. Vickie looks concerned. BOOM BOOM BOOM Drop! BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM…Kofi misses the Trouble in Paradise, Dolph tries to throw him out but Kofi skins the cat…Vickie grabs a hold of Kofi’s ankle! Zig Zag! Dolph could pin him now, but instead he lies in wait for Kofi to get up…sleeper hold! Kofi fights it for awhile, but eventually he grows limp and the referee calls for the bell!

Winner: Dolph Ziggler (10:26 aired ***)
There were some bits where things kinda drug, but this was another solid match on tonight’s program. I don’t like how the referees are treating Dolph’s sleeper hold though…you gotta do the arm raise three times because that’s the way it’s been done forever. I guess it’s closer to how the UFC refs do it, but if there’s one thing from UFC that WWE shouldn’t copy it’s their officiating.

Dolph & Vickie celebrate his victory over the fallen Intercontinental Champion, then Dolph grabs Kofi’s title belt. Man, that NXT ring announcer is hot. Dolph holds the title aloft while the crowd boos. He does realize he’s not the champion, right? The ref swipes the title belt from Dolph before he leaves.

Big Show high-fives the jump roping Rosa Mendes and gives her some encouragement as he walks around backstage. He has a match with Luke Gallows…next!

The WWE Rewind featuring CM Punk’s unmasking last week is presented by Just For Men! Tremendous!

Match 3: Singles Attraction
Big Show vs. Luke Gallows (w/the Straight Edge Society)

CM Punk whispers something into Gallows’ ear…Gallows smiles and exits the ring. Punk stares at Show, and motions for the Hooded Stranger to enter the ring.

Match 3: Singles Attraction
Big Show vs. Hooded Stranger (w/the Straight Edge Society)

All right then. Stranger runs right into a big chop. The Stranger gets thrown into the corner and chopped again. Meanwhile, I think Matt Striker is claiming that Big Show is 7’4, so he must have been watching some old WCW this week. That, and he keeps calling him the Giant. The gimmick is that he’s comparing him to the tallest baseball players, actors, and other things. Oh my, now he’s 7’6. Striker wasn’t a math teacher, was he? Stranger runs into a goozle, and Show turns him around so he can do he same thing he did to Punk last week…he rips off the mask! It’s a bald Joey Mercury!

At least try to act surprised, will ya?

Big Show puts the mask on and knocks Mercury out with one punch. Yeah, that’ll do it.

Winner: Big Show (1:33 *)
Well, now we get to see how long Mercury lasts with the SES & WWE in general as himself. Not much to get excited about, but it did continue the issue with Big Show & the Straight Edge Society, and it‘s always nice to see Big Show having a good time. I like my giants to be happy-go-lucky.

Big Show whoops it up while Punk emotes a mixture of concern and disgust on the outside. The SES glares at Show as he exits.

Dashing Cody Rhodes Grooming Tips!

There’s nothing more disgusting than nasty, walrus like nose hairs. Cody will tell us how we too can be Dashing. You don’t want your woman focused on those “curdbealers” up in your nose during your first intimate kiss. Proper care of the nostrils is important. Run your nose hair curlers along the edge of your nose in nice, circular motions. Make sure not to touch the mucus membrane (I’ve done that before, it hurts like a mofo), and voila! A perfect proboscis! He’s Dashing Cody Rhodes, bringing us one step closer…to being Dashing!

It’s official: Dashing Cody Rhodes > Everyone.

Todd & Matt welcome us back after the Raw Rebound and wonder what kind of condition Rey Mysterio will be in tonight.

Josh Mathews talks to Rey Mysterio, and asks him if his body is ready to handle this intense, physical contest. Rey is going through a lot of pain, his story as World Champion was just getting started, and it was taken away. He’s not happy with how things went down on Sunday, but he has to move on by beating Swagger twice tonight, which he will do. Next time he faces Kane in the ring, it will be a completely different story, one with a happy ending.

Alberto Del Rio wears a three-piece suit and asks us if we’re ashamed of what we see when we look in the mirror. Most people are weak in the body & in the mind. You take no pride in yourself. He, on the other hand, takes tremendous pride in himself from the way he dresses, to the way he talks, to his physical appearance. If you can’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? He has no problem in saying he loves himself, because he has the one thing most of us will never have…pride. He takes pride in himself. Alberto Del Rio.

Match 4: 2 out of 3 Falls Main Event, Winner Gets a World Title Match at SummerSlam
Rey Mysterio vs. Jack Swagger

Rey limps down to the ring, showing that he is obviously nowhere near 100% for this one. Swagger looks INTENSE~! Tieup, Jack shoves Rey into the corner. This time Jack picks Rey up and deposits him into the corner, only to miss on a strike and get rolled up by Rey for a one count. Kick to the knee by Rey, Jack answers with a big punch. Jack rams Rey’s head into the turnbuckle a few times and screams at him some. Rey gets whipped into the opposite corner, but elbows the charging Swagger and ranas him down to the mat. Swagger flies over the top rope, then Rey baseball slides Swagger to the floor as we go to commercial…

We’re back and Jack has a front chancery on Rey before tossing him down and standing on him in the corner. Hard Irish whip sends Rey to the mat. Cover gets two. Big punch by Swagger rocks Mysterio, who gets choked and kneed in the corner before getting whipped to the opposite side, but responds with a drop toe hold to the All-American American, who hits his head on the top turnbuckle, Rey adjusts his arm band, then goes up top, only to get crotched by Swagger! Jack stomps away on Rey, then hits a modified power slam! Rey begs off as Swagger grabs a hold of his leg, then Swagger stomps Rey a couple of times and applies a body scissors. He applies a half crab and Rey finally manages to grab the ropes. He cowers in the corner, and Jack rams his ankle into the ring post! Two count! KneeDT by Swagger! Another one, and Mysterio is in all sorts of trouble. Jack kicks Rey on the mat and gets another two count. Rey gets a kick on the mat, another to the mid-section, but Swagger whips him off the ropes…Rey with a twisting cross-body gets a two and a half count! Kick to the head by Mysterio! The fans chant “619” as Rey rallies, but Jack counters a body scissor roll attempt with a front flapjack! Ankle Lock! He’s got it close to the ropes though…Rey grabs it, but Jack backs away from the ropes and gets him in the center of the ring briefly before Rey reaches another set of ropes…Swagger refuses to release the hold and gets himself disqualified!

Winner of the first fall: Rey Mysterio (7:29 aired)

Rey rolls onto the floor while Swagger expresses disgust. That would indicate that his game plan has gone awry, but has it? Will Rey’s ankle allow him to continue for one more fall, or two if he has to? We go to commercial…

The second fall begins as we return, with Rey struggling to get into the ring. Once he gets back in, Jack stomps him down in the corner. Rey boots a charging Swagger, then gets out of the way while Swagger bangs shoulder first into the ring post! Rey off the top rope…a rana sends Swagger into the perfect position for the 619! Swagger catches him on the attempt though, and re-applies the Ankle Lock! Rey has no choice but to tap out!

Winner of the second fall: Jack Swagger (:47)

That was a short fall, and now we’re tied up! Next fall wins the match. Rey takes time outside to recover. As the match resumes, Swagger stomps Rey down some more. He wrestles Rey on the mat, but Rey lands some kicks to Jack’s head when Jack ends up on the outside of the ring. Swagger grabs both legs, turns and deadlifts Rey down to the floor! Now Rey’s got a bad spine, not just a bad ankle. Jack rolls Rey back inside…VADER BOMB! ANOTHER ONE! Cover…gets two! One more? It meets the feet of Mysterio! Rey’s heading up top…seated senton! Rey jams the injured ankle on the way down, he goes off the ropes and Swagger forearms him! Jack gut wrenches Rey…Rey flips out of the Doctor Bomb attempt and goes for a crucifix…Rey takes the brunt of the fall, but he manages to roll Swagger over and keeps his shoulders down for the three count!

Winner of the third fall and the match: Rey Mysterio (3rd fall 2:39, total match time aired 10:45 ***¾)
We wrap up a really good wrestling night for Smackdown with a outstanding main event. There isn’t much to say other than these two both played their roles really well and it was your typical Rey comeback victory, which isn’t a bad thing. After a few weeks of stuff where the wrestling was just kind of there, the show delivered tonight.

Striker mentioned Lucha Libre! Is that his way of plugging the other wrestling show on TV tonight? Swagger attacks Rey after the bell, but Kane runs down through hellfire and brimstone! Swagger meets him with punches, but that doesn’t last long as Kane choke slams him to the mat! Jack rolls our as Kane turns towards Mysterio…he walks towards him, towering over him…he picks him up, but lets him go. He raises Rey’s hand! Neither man looks too sure about it, but Kane exits stage right as Rey celebrates his victory! Or not…Kane runs back, keeps Rey from escaping ringside, and attempts a choke slam, which Rey turns into a rana! He dials it up…619 to Kane! Rey heads up the entranceway while Kane gets all angry in the ring! Kane yells at Mysterio as we fade to black.

So long and good night, everybody!