411's TNA Impact Report 7.29.10

Posted by Ronnie LaFianza on 07.29.2010

Abyss battled Tommy Dreamer in the main event, The Motor City Machine Guns faced off with Beer Money in a cage match and much more! Check out 411’s complete TNA Impact report for all the details!



-We kick things off with Dreamer, Raven, Rhino, Foley, Richards and Devon in the ring. Dreamer says he's been here for 8 weeks and this is the loudest he's ever heard the Impact Zone. He knows there's been a lot of buzz about the 8th and first off, due to some legal complications from the alphabet with some certain letters, they came up with a newer extreme version, EV2.0. First off, he would like to thank Devon for joining them. The question that's going on amongst all of them is that there's an angry man who won't put his differences aside, what's going on? Devon says he doesn't know what's going on, and he wants Ray to come out here right now to settle this once and for all. So Bubba, come on down.

And here he comes. Devon says they've had their differences and to put them aside, because this is their family. This is where it all began for them, these are the guys who've had their back since day 1. So are you in or are you out? Ray walks back up the ramp. Dreamer says Bubba's his best friend, this is something bigger. This is your favorite rock band Kiss getting the band back together, doing it one more time for the fans. One last night to say thank you to every one that supported them. Foley says make no mistake about it, with him or without him, they're going to have one hell of a show. But in his humble hardcore opinion, the show will be this much better with his willing participation. Mick's not a fortune teller, but he can almost guarantee that when he looks back on his career, should he choose not to do this show, this will be the one thing he regrets more than anything. He wants Ray in this ring. Taz has a mic. He tells Ray to just do it. Ray gets in the ring. He asks Devon to answer him one question. Are we gonna light somebody on fire? Devon nods his head. Loud "EV2.0" chant. What the hell, sounds like a lot of fun, he's in. 3D hugs as the crowd goes crazy. Ray high fives everyone, and here comes the Hulkster.

Hogan says it's cool that they're gonna ride again and thanks them for doing it in TNA. Hogan just wishes that he had known about this, he would have had a few surprises for them, but it's really cool man. He gets this whole hardcore thing. But these guys are gonna take it to another level. When Dixie made this announcement, she said these guys were to the 90's as to what he was to the 80's. Hogan is gonna agree 110% with that, but he missed the whole thing. When they were tearing it up in the 90's, he was running around with a black beard, doing his whole thing. He's gonna be able to witness it this time, and no one tears it up like these guys. Eric and Hogan have a special surprise for the fans, and they're gonna be out to tell everyone the surprise later tonight. And that brings out Abyss (w/ Janice).

Abyss says he hates to break up this extreme reunion, but he's here to tell us that they are not happy (BTW, "they" is definitely Sting). Not only are they not happy, but they are damn right pissed off, because this little extreme reunion was never a part of their plan. It wasn't supposed to happen. And they hold one person responsible. It's not Tommy Dreamer, Mick Foley, any of these ignorant sheep or Hulk. The one person they hold solely responsible is Dixie Carter. Hogan couldn't care about what they say. Abyss should hit the road dude, find some nice couch in a shrinks office, because right now Tommy Dreamer is a guest here in TNA, and nothing's gonna go down until Hardcore Justice. Abyss says they've given him strict orders to take Tommy Dreamer out, and therefor there will be no Hardcore Justice. Hogan says Tommy's their guest, and he doesn't step up until he's ready at Hardcore Justice. Dreamer says with all due respect, he would love to fight Abyss. He would love to fight Abyss tonight. So if you (Dixie) and you (Hogan) will allow it, he would like to do it for everybody.

-Lacey and Velvet are in teh back arguing. Madison walks in and says she's given a lot of thought into this situation and that they're not going to get anywhere unless if they stick together. Madison says she's dominated the division. Velvet says she has a problem that Madison said she thinks she's better than them. Madison says she extended the offer to both Lacey and Velvet to join them, and Velvet declined. Velvet says it's too late to apologize. Madison apologizes, but Velvet declines. She says she can't keep doing this, and they call a truce.

Match 1: Sarita vs Angelina Love - #1 Contenders match to the TNA Knockout's Championship

Headlock by Angelina, and she follow up with a shoulder block. Series of maneuvers and quick nearfalls ends with a standstill. Sarita hides behind the ref and goes on the attack. Roll up by Angelina, but only two. Sarita tries to bail out, but Angelina grabs her. Drop toe hold counter by Sarita, sending Angelina into the ropes. Shots in the corner by Sarita. Snapmare followed with a cover, but only two. Angelina with a roll up, but Sarita rolls though and hits a clothesline. Elbow drops by Sarita, and she starts taunting Angelina. Sarita with a back suplex, and Angelina landed on her stomach. Pin, but the ref saw she had the tights. Back suplex attempt, but Angelina flips over and goes on the attack. Spear by Angelina, and she starts hitting the rights. Liger kick, and a flying lariat follows. Botox Injection connects. Pin and that's all.


Winner : Angelina Love (Decent match here. It was pretty short, but they did what they could)

-EY is in the back with Orlando, talking about matching helmets. Jordan says he needs Young focused and that there's something wrong with Young. EY says he's hoped up on candy. Millions of people are watching. Jordan asks if he's mentally challenged. Young says he will challenge a mentalist to anything. He was dropped on his head or something. Young says he has backup. (So I guess Young is going back to a comedy character).

-We see a clip of EY getting kicked in the head and getting knocked off the top rope by Suicide, falling to the outside and apparently falling on his head.

Match 2: Ink, Inc. vs Orlando Jordan and Eric Young

Jordan takes his gum out and puts it in SoCal Val's mouth. She walks off disgusted. Tremendous. Young comes down with a manikin. Taz says he has a high crotch on the manikin. Tremendous. Apparently that's the backup.

Jordan and Neal start things off. Clubbing blows by Jordan. Neal with forearms, but he runs right into a backelbow. Snapmare by Jordan, and he locks in a chinlock. Forearms by Jordan, and Neal's fighting back. Swinging neckbreaker by Jordan. Jordan mounts Neal as he hits Neal with the rights. EY has the manikin positioned so it has its hand sticking out. Jawbreaker by Neal. Jordan gets the tag, and EY throws the manikin into the ring. Double dropkick by Ink Inc,. Mooregasm by Moore. Pin and that's all.


Winner : Ink, Inc. (So yeah, this was pretty bad, but it was mainly used to put Young's new character over)

-The Nature Boy is in the ring, with Beer Money, AJ and Kaz. Flair asks if we can smell that. It's called excitement in the air. Jay Lethal, wherever you are, they already know Flair's a wrestling God, and he's also a wrestling genius. Therfore, in every contract he signs, he has a return contract. Next week, it's Flair vs Lethal in a Street Fight to the end. Flair is prepared to bleed (I'm sure he is) and sweat. Next week, you got the Nature Boy, Street Fight, WOO, WOO, WOOO!! Now let's talk about Fortune. This is the great team. Beer Money. The muscle, the real muscle in TNA. Roode says it truly is an honor, but they knew it was only going to be a matter of time before they join Fortune. How could the greatest faction in wrestling today go without the greatest tag team in wrestling today? Tonight is going to be a huge night for Fortune, because when they defeat the Guns inside a Cage, they will become the four time, four time, four time, four time TNA World Tag Team Champions. Flair says let's talk about the new Global Champion. Kaz says what's standing here before you is not some silly gang of angry rookies, they're seasoned vets that know what they're doing. Styles couldn't have said it any better himself. You know why they're the best? Because this man (Flair) deserves the best. He deserves respect, and out of that respect, he's going to give credibility to the title. How? Whether it be anywhere in the world, if you have a television, you know what drives this sport. This now longer is the Global title. Fortune draws ratings, and this is the Television title. So starting next week, and every week after that, he will honor this title and it starts with you, Rob Terry. He's going to give him a rematch, not for that crappy Global title, but for the Television title. That is if he can get past Kazarian. He may just cripple you. Flair says in closing, girls, they'll be at the hotel tonight and they'll be running all night long. Now, learn to love it, because it's the best thing going today. WOOOO!!! WOOO!! WOOO!! WOOO!!! WOOOO!!! WOO!! And here comes Angle!!! Angle says he's glad to hear AJ will honor that title, but it's important for him to know that he needs to honor his commitment as well. Unfortunately, AJ's next in line. Oh it's real, it's damn real.

Match 3: Beer Money vs TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns - Steel Cage match - Match 3 in Best of 5 Series

The Guns climb into the cage behind Beer Money. Crossbodies off the top by the Guns. The Guns throw Storm headfirst into the cage. And then Roode. Reverse atomic drop by Shelley to Storm, Sabin dropkicks the knee, Shelley floats over and Sabin hits the dropkick. Sabin jumps off the back of Shelley and dropkicks Roode into the cage. Roode's bleeding. Shelley wants Sliced Bread, but Storm shoves him off. Shelley goes springboard, but Roode splits the legs and Storm hits a hangmans neckbreaker. Roode is just gushing blood. Tag to Roode. Roode works down Shelley and tags back in Storm. Slam by Roode, elbow drop by Storm, and Roode drops a knee. Pin but only two. Huge uppercut in the corner by Storm. Roode gets the tag. Snapmare followed with a sleeper. Shelley fights out and hits a spin kick to the jaw. Awesome. Shelley goes for the tag, but Roode catches him and drives him into the corner. Shelley on the top and Roode wants a superplex. Shelley fights him off and slams him into the cage. Hurricanrana off the top by Shelley. Sabin and Storm getts the tags. Sabin's taking it to Beer Money. Sabin goes to the top and hits a double dropkick, taking out both of Beer Money. Sabin sets Storm to the tree of woe, over Roode. Boot to Roode and a hesitation dropkick to Storm follows. Sabin jumps off Roode and plants Storm with a tornado DDT. Pin but ROode breaks it up. Enzuigiri by Shelley to Roode. Sliced Bread countered as Shelley gets set up at the top. Clothesline by Roode to Sabin decapitates him. Shelley and Roode fight at the top. Shelley with a reverse STO, sending Roode into the cage. Double foot stomp off the top follows. This is awesome. Sabin misses Roode inth e corner. 8 Second Ride to Shelley drills him. Enzuigiri by Sabin to Storm. Diving hurricanrana coutnered by Roode, and he drives Sabin into the cage. Storm grabs him with the backcracker. 1...2...2.9564!!!!! Roode starts to climb the cage, but Shelley fights him off. Shelley crotches Roode on the top. Top rope diving jawbreaker by Shelley to Storm. Sabin goes to the top of the cage. Diving crossbody off the top takes out Storm and Roode!!!! Storm misses the shot with the beer bottle as he takes out Roode. Neckbreaker/splash combo by the Guns!!!! 1...2...3!!!!!!!


Winner : Motor City Machine Guns (I don't care what anyone says. This match was awesome. Definitely on par with the ladder match. The Guns were in desperation mode and they played it off to perfection, whether it was them sneaking into the cage to get the upperhand early or the numerous high risk maneuvers they pulled off. This was awesome)

-Mr. Anderson's music hits. The lights come on, but it's really Matt Morgan. Morgan calls for the mic, but nothing comes down. He starts yelling at the guy who's supposed to drop the mic. And here it comes, reluctantly. Morgan jumps up and grabs it. "Ladies and Gentlemen. It is my honor to introduce to you, a man that stands at an astonishing damn near 8 feet tall, he weighed in this morning at a bone crushing 481 bone crushing pounds, he hails from the mean streets of Fairfield, Connecticut, he is the DNA of TNA, the MVP of Spike TV, the blueprint, MATT MORGAN! Wait for it. Wait. Wait for it. MORGAN!!!" And here comes the real Mr. Anderson. Anderson calls for the mic on the ramp. "You see how easy that was". He throws it up and calls for it again. It comes back down and he grabs it. Anderson doesn't know what his problem was. It's easy. Anderson says he's going to come down there to get a little closer. Anderson gets in the ring. Morgan tells him to relax. Tell him something funny man, don't you find it ironic that this steel mic, your very calling card, is the very thing that left him in a pool of his own blood. The resident loudmouth of TNA doesn't have anything to say about that? You wanna hit me? Don't ya? You wanna take out the big bad wolf? Don't ya, Kenny? Morgan says he'll give him the first one for free, but Ken's way to scared to do it. You hear them cheering. Don't let you fans down. Right in the kisser. Anderson ducks down and hits him in the nuts. Pow right in the kisser. Invitation accepted bitch. Anderson with the right hands to the head now. Now he has lots to say about it brother. Morgan with the CLAW!!! The Von Erich's would be proud. Stomps by Morgan. He starts choking Anderson with the cord. Careful, you could get fired. Here comes Jeff Hardy and he's taking out Morgan. Both Hardy and Anderson are now choking Morgan. Officials run in and take out Anderson and Hardy. And I mean they're actually taking them out. They throw Hardy to the outside and hold Anderson as Morgan takes a shot. Morgan and Hardy are going at it with the officials. D'Lo, Al Snow and Pat Kenny run out and break it up. D'Lo is getting all up in one guys face. 'LO DOWN! They tell them to get out as we head to commercial.

-We're back, and we get a recap of the events that just occurred. Christy is backstage with Anderson and Hardy. Anderson asks Jeff if he knows what happened. Anderson says there was a couple of security guys who have been training for about ten years to get into the business, and they had to settle with security. Congratulations, because they got, because they're going to get to face Jeff Hardy and Mr. Anderson in the ring. And make sure to bring in that 7 foot goof with them.

Match 4: Kazarian (w/ Television Champion AJ Styles) vs Rob Terry

The ref is sending Styles to the back. Styles spits in Terry's face, and Kaz goes on the attack with a dropkick. Another dropkick, but Terry hasn't left his feet. Kaz ducks a clothesline but runs into a goozle. Freak Buster by Terry. Pin and that's all.


Winner : Rob Terry (Wow, um, what? This really doesn't do Fortune any favors, but I guess it helps put over Terry. Still, there were better ways of doing that)

-Bischoff has an announcement, and we'll find out what it is next.

Match 5: Matt Morgan, Murphy and Gunner vs Mr. Anderson and Jeff Hardy - 3 on 2 Handicapped match

Anderson and Morgan are gonna start things off. Morgan tags in Murphy instead. Murphy tags in Gunner. Tie up, and Anderson locks in a headlock. Gunner pushes him off but gets hit with a shoulder block. Hipstoss countered by Anderson into an arm trap neckbreaker. Pin but only two. Murphy gets the tag. Stomps in the corner by Murphy as Morgan taunts Anderson. Anderson avoids Murphy in the corner. Roll up, but only two. Hardy gets the tag. Poetry in Motion countered with a clothesline. Gunner gets the tag. Twist of Fate countered. Back elbow by Hardy, and the Whisper in the Wind follows. Pin but only two. Anderson gets the tag. Murphy grabs Anderson and pulls him down as he went off the ropes. Hardy takes out Murphy. Morgan is walking out of here. Anderson counters an irish whip with the Mic Check. Swanton off the top by Hardy.


Winner : Jeff Hardy and Mr. Anderson (Really random set up aside, this was an alright match. Hardy and Anderson got to showcase their moves, the Anderson/Morgan rivalry continued, and Murphy and Gunner didn't look that bad out there. Overall, solid stuff)

-Christy catches up to Hulk in the back and asks him for information on Eric's announcement. Hogan says it's going to be awesome and the fans are going to freak out about it. Hogan says he has to go to a meeting in New York, but he'll talk about the announcment next week.

-Eric and Ms. Tessmacher are in the ring. Bischoff is looking pretty old. Eric says the end always hangs on the beginning. He would like everyone to take out a pen. August 12, 9 P.M eastern, we're going to see something we've never seen before. Dixie Carter motivated him, inspired him. By bringing back Mick Foley after he fired him, the right thing to do. He knows when he was wrong. But what inspired him was that Dixie could give back to the fans. Eric and Hogan said they needed to raise the bar. The guys at Spike, believing in them, said they know what to give the fans. PPV quality action right here on Impact. So that's what we're going to do on August 12, and then.... Here comes Abyss (w/ Janice).

Bischoff says he doesn't want any trouble. Abyss says he just got done speaking with them, and they want him to make the main event for that night. They have given him a blueprint, and it involves the following. Himself, a 15 foot ladder, RVD, and his girl Janice. And what they're going to do, according to their blueprint, they're going to hang Janice 15 feet, and he and RVD are going to have the most extreme match ever. And in the end, Abyss is going to climb that ladder, grab his girl Janice, and rip the flesh off RVD's ass. Awkward. They have told him that you (Eric) is the only one that can make this happen. So make it happen Bischoff. Or do you want the wrath of Janice. Bischoff says he'll make it happen. Abyss says Bischoff chose wisely. Bischoff's ok with Abyss, but Janice doesn't forget a few weeks ago when Eric bitch slapped him. So Janice wants Abyss to show him what a real bitch she is. And here comes RVD with a chair. He throws it at Abyss's head. Thrust kick off the top. RVD now stomping Abyss in the corner. Chair assisted dropkick in the corner by RVD. Abyss rolls to the outside. Baseball slide by Rob. RVD jumps at Abyss, but Abyss moves and RVD lands throat first on the guardrail. Abyss chases off Dixie Carter. D'Lo, Al Snow and Pat Kenny are back out, this time to stop Abyss. Snow grabs Janice. Here comes Dreamer.

Match 6: Abyss vs Tommy Dreamer - No Disqualification match

Dreamer takes Janice from Snow and holds her above his head. This match will begin when we come back from commercial.

We're back, and Dreamer is taking to Abyss with a trash can lid. Abyss lifts up Dreamer and crotches him on the guardrail. Abyss sets up the chair in the corner. Trash can shot by Dreamer. And another. Abyss sidwalk slams Dreamer onto the trash cans. Abyss hits Dreamer in the head with a cooking sheet. Tenay informs us that the Guns will face Beer Money next week in ULTIMATE FUCKING X! Abyss hits Dreamer with a kendo stick. Chin lock by Abyss. Dreamer fights out. Rakes the eyes. Goozle by Abyss. Dreamer fights off the chokeslam. Crossbody by Dreamer. Big clothesline by Dreamer. Pin but only two. Elbow in the corner by Abyss, and he throws Dreamer head first into the chair. Abyss puts a chair on top of Dreamer and goes to the second rope. He wants the Vader Bomb. Dreamer gets up and crotches him on the top. Abyss is tied to the tree of woe. Dreamer takes a kendo stick and hits Abyss in the nuts. He then sets a trash can up against his face. E! C! W! Running basement dropkick by Dreamer. Dreamer goes to the outside and grabs a barbed wire board. He puts it in the ring. Dreamer goes to pick Abyss up, but Abyss counters out and goes for a chokeslam. Dreamer counters that into a Dreamer DDT attempt, but Abyss counters that into a clothesline. Abyss grabs Janice. YOU!!! Dreamer avoids a shot. Roll up but only two. Dreamer grabs Janice and sets it up in the corner. He goes to throw Abyss into her, but Abyss stops short. Abyss punches a trash can into Dreamer's face. Chokeslam by Abyss onto the barbed wire board!! Pin and it's over.


Winner : Abyss (Good main event here. The action never once slowed down as and these two just beat the piss out of each other for about ten minutes)

Dreamer's having difficulty getting off the board. Abyss grabs Janice, but Raven's music hits. Here he comes, and hes got a chair. He and Abyss go toe to toe. Raven nails Dreamer in the back with the chair. Even Flow DDT onto the chair. Raven gets in Dreamers face and starts taunting him. Raven has a maniacal look in his eyes as we fade out.