411's WWE Smackdown Report 07.30.10

Posted by Steve Cook on 07.30.2010

Rey Mysterio takes on Jack Swagger in a No Disqualification Match, Tiffany gets a shot at the Women's Title, and Kane reveals just who attacked the Undertaker! Check out 411's WWE Smackdown Report for all the details!

Hi, hello and welcome to 411's WWE Smackdown Report! I'm Steve Cook, and this week we've got the latest installment of the Mysterio vs. Swagger issue. This week, Jack has challenged Rey to a No Disqualification match. Rey has accepted, and it will take place tonight! We've also got a Women's Title match between Layla & Tiffany, so let's go ahead and get it started!



Last Friday night, Rey Mysterio became the #1 contender to Kane's World Championship. There was a video to start the show that told me in case I forgot what happened last week. Sometimes I forget what I was doing five minutes ago, so I don't really blame them for wanting to refresh my memory.

We cut to Kane, who's already in the ring with his ominous music, red lighting and a casket. For 60 days and 60 nights, he has sat at his brother's bedside as he suffered in silence, waiting for a sign, for his brother to tell him who put him in a vegetative state. Yesterday, the unthinkable happened. He moved. His brother moved! Not only did he move, he opened his eyes. Then, for the first time in two months, his brother spoke. His voice was weak and frail, he only managed to utter two words. Those two words will forever be engrained in his psyche, because those two words was the name of his assailant. Kane felt anger and range consume his whole being. He couldn't believe what he had heard, for this entire time, the guilty party had been staring him in the eyes. But he's been too blind to see it. The man who attacked his brother is…Rey Mysterio!

The crowd is aghast.

Kane & his brother stared at each other before he closed his eyes and drifted back into unconsciousness, but the words "Rey Mysterio" hung in the air like a demon Kane could not fathom. Why, Rey? Why? How could he have done this? He knows Rey couldn't have done it alone, but it doesn't matter. The more he thought about it, the more he realized it was true. It made all the sense in the world. Rey had the most to gain. It all goes back to the night Undertaker beat Rey to earn a spot in the Fatal 4-Way match. After that match, Rey made the decision to take the coward's way out. The next week, like a virus invading it's host, he opportunistically won a battle royal and secured a place in the Fatal 4-Way match. Two weeks after that, he emerged victorious in the Fatal 4-Way, laced in gold when he should have been hanging his head in shame over what he had done. The only reason he won was because Undertaker wasn't there to stop him. But Kane stopped him at Money in the Bank. He brought his brother's holy grail back to where it belongs, the Dark Side. At SummerSlam, Kane will beat Rey again, but this time it won't be enough. Victory will not satisfy his appetite for vengeance. This time, he will make Rey pay for his sins. This time he will make him experience what his brother has endured. He will open this casket and stuff Rey in. He will damn him to eternal hell, where the fires will consume him over and over. He will damn him to eternal pain as he screams for agony. Rey will pray, but not to God Almighty. He will be praying to Kane! And then, Kane will shut the lid, and Rey Mysterio as we have known him will cease to exist. As Rey gasps for air and the light dims, his fate will be sealed, and so to will his soul. As his life oozes out of his pores, the last thought that will go through his mind will be to repent over what he did to Kane's brother. And then the only thing left will be the darkness.

Kane closes the lid on the casket and we fade to black before a commercial break. That damn Rey Mysterio, it was him all along!

Todd Grisham & Matt Striker are at ringside here in Corpus Christi, Texas, and they discuss Kane's shocking revelation, along with the fact that Rey Mysterio takes on Jack Swagger tonight in a No Disqualification match.

Match 1: Opening Contest
Christian vs. Drew McIntyre

We get a replay of the ending of last week's tag team match featuring these two, where Drew took advantage of a miscommunication between Christian & Matt Hardy to gain the victory. Go-behind by Christian into the corner, while Todd refutes Matt's claim that Drew has done more early in his career than Christian by telling him that Christian won a championship his first night in WWE. Which he did. Todd is so much better than Michael Cole that it's ridiculous. Christian punches Drew in the corner, and another big punch drops Drew to his knees. Christian's whip is reversed, he slides under Drew but gets kicked in the gut, Drew picks Christian up, Christian slides into a sunset flip attempt, but Drew breaks it up with a Greco-Roman punch to the face. Stomp by Drew, he goes to the armbar…knee to Christian's gut, Christian slips out of a slam, Drew charges and gets tossed over the top to the floor! Christian runs the ropes, misses the baseball slide, but lands on his feet and dropkicks Drew, sending the Chosen One back first into the ring apron! Drew crawls under…is he looking for Hornswoggle? No, he grabs Christian's arm and yanks him into the apron! Sinister move there by the Scotsman, ramming Christian‘s shoulder into a steel beam holding up the ring. Drew sends Christian back into the ring and covers for a two count. He continues to work over Christian's shoulder with a stomp, and then a modified key lock. Drew lets him out then shoulder blocks him down to the mat. Christian rolls out to the apron, then gets knocked down by Drew, sending him down to the floor. Christian tries to recuperate on the floor as we go to commercial…

We're back, and Christian barely beats the ten count! Drew mounts him, punches and covers for two. A replay shows Drew dropping Christian shoulder first on the steps during the break, which explains things because I thought for a minute there that Charles Robinson was the world's slowest counter. Drew applies an armbar while the crowd gets behind Christian. Drew drops Christian to the mat for a two count. Another armbar applied by Drew, with a chinlock added for good measure. Kick by Drew, he slams Christian down on his arm. Well, I guess we know which agent laid this match out, right? Drew whispers lovingly in Christian's ear before dropping him shoulder first on the apron again and covering for a two count. Christian gets sent shoulder first into the corner, and then Drew applies another modified key lock. Christian fights out with one good arm, he head butts Drew, goes to the middle rope and dropkicks him down. Both men slow to get up…Christian off the ropes, a forearm takes him down, he drops Drew neck first on the middle rope, Christian charges into a knee, Drew tosses him on the apron, Christian drops the back of Drew's neck on the top rope! Whiplash! Christian goes up top…flying body press is rolled through and Drew gets a two count! Drew goes for the Future Shock, but Christian slips out and looks for the Killswitch, Drew flips Christian, who lands on his feet and reverse DDTs Drew down to the canvas! That had a bad effect on Christian's shoulder…Drew arm wrings Christian down to the mat. Cover gets a close two count. Drew stands on Christian's arm some, then stomps it for good measure. Drew goes to the middle rope but lands head first on Christian's raised boot! Sunset flip gets a two count. Drew runs into Christian's feet, Christian flying uppercuts Drew down. Christian gets kicked in the gut, then rammed shoulder first into the ring post! Drew brings him in and tries to apply the Future Shock DDT, but Christian turns in into a small package and gets the three count!

Winner: Christian (9:10 aired ***¼)
Nice opening contest for Smackdown this week. Drew did a great job of working the veteran over most of the match, but Christian used his experience to catch the young McIntyre off guard and steal a victory. I liked the unique usage of the ring frame and the steel around ringside by Drew. Good stuff.

Tiffany challenges Layla for the Women's Title tonight!

Dashing Cody Rhodes Grooming Tips!

A dirty face with blackheads and acne is unacceptable and unappealing. Dashing Cody Rhodes is here to show you that you too can be dashing! A facial is so important to today's man. It helps you clear your pores, and gives you porcelain-like skin. Is that a good thing? When I think "porcelain" I think "toilet". He's Dashing Cody Rhodes, bringing us one step closer to being dashing!

OK, it wasn't quite as fun as the tips on nose hair. But I did like Cody going the extra mile and wearing the green glop on his face for the promo. That's dedication, my friends.

Alberto Del Rio tells us that excellence is an adjective beyond the reach of an ordinary man. Some strive for it and fail, some aspire for it and fail, and then there are those who are the elite in everything they do. He is such a man, and he shoots four pool balls into various pockets with one shot. I don't speak Spanish. Alberto Del Rio!

Back in the Straight Edge Society locker room, the bald CM Punk asks who will let him down tonight. He looks at Luke Gallows, then smells Serena's breath. He thanks her for showing up sober tonight. He didn't see "Joseph" Mercury lift a finger two weeks ago when Big Show unmasked him. Luke says "Yeah", and Punk says that sounds like incompetence. Speaking of which, his dates all the way back to WrestleMania, as Luke is the reason Punk was wearing a mask in the first place. What about Punk's injured arm? Look at it! This is the reason he couldn't stop Big Show. Joseph's all like "Well he took my mask off too.", and Punk mocks him and asks him if he needs a tissue. Without Punk, none of them would survive here. They couldn't stop stop Kane from injuring his arm, Rey Mysterio from shaving his head, or Big Show from unmasking him. They're nothing without him. Do something! Punk throws Luke's travel bag at him. If they don't, they can pack their bags.

The Just For Men Smack of the Night features Punk's unmasking from two weeks ago, then Joseph Mercury's unmasking last week.

Match 2: Singles Action
Big Show vs. Luke Gallows (w/Straight Edge Society)

Matt compares Punk to an in-shape Jake "The Milkman" Milliman. Maybe he should have kept the mask so he could still look like Delirious. Luke takes the attack right to Show, but that doesn't last long. Show smacks Luke down, head butt, chop in the corner. Luke kicks him, but Show knocks him back down, then asks Tony Chimel to get up on the ring apron and hold his microphone up so we can hear Big Show's big chops louder than usual. Tony holds the mike and Show chops Luke with that laptop computer hand of his. Luke lands a couple punches, but they have no effect and Show applies a front chancery to Luke, then tossing him down to the floor, then clotheslines him over the top rope. Does Big Show really ride in a bus across the country like John Madden used to? Punk kicks Show from behind on the floor in plain sight of the official, which leads to a disqualification.

Winner by DQ: Big Show (1:37 *)
Was there a match?

Now the entire male portion of the SES attacks Big Show on the floor, which might almost be even odds. Show gets rammed into the ring steps, then Luke holds Show's right arm on the top step so Punk can continually stomp Big Show's hand. Punk has removed his sling, indicating that he'll be ready for in-ring competition again pretty soon. Now Serena goes to town with her heels! Those boots were made for stomping, I suppose. Show briefly passes out from the pain while Punk informs Show that he'll need the sling a lot more than Punk will.

During the commercials, the medics came out to tend to Big Show and his big hand.

Match 3: Non-Title Match
Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero)

Todd mentions that if Dolph wins tonight, he will get an Intercontinental title shot next week. Didn't he already earn the #1 contendership by beating Kofi last week? I think Dolph needs to fire his agent, because he keeps getting jerked around on these title opportunities. Tieup, go-behind by Kofi, Kofi takes Dolph down, Dolph goes to the ropes. Now Dolph takes Kofi down, Kofi gets on top and Dolph goes back to the ropes. I like how they do this amateur stuff at the start of all their matches. Dolph kicks Kofi, then punches away. Knee to the gut of Kofi, off the ropes, monkey flip by Kofi! Flying teabag, then punches by Kofi, African uppercut sends Dolph down for a two count. Dolph regains the advantage, slamming Kofi down to the canvas three times for a two count. Vickie yells to finish him, but instead Dolph gets ranaed to the outside. After some maneuvering, Dolph neck breaks Kofi on the middle rope for a two count. Dolph stomps away on the back of Kofi's neck, then drops an elbow for one. Chinlock by Ziggler…why doesn't he just go for the sleeper here? Chinlock seems like a waste of time to me. Kofi fights out, then Dolph kicks him, whips him into the corner but he runs into Kofi's outstretched feet and then Kofi dropkicks him down. Kofi misses the splash in the corner and then Dolph invert body slams Kofi for a two count! Dolph goes back to the chinlock. Kofi fights out, but Dolph takes him back down and drops an elbow for two. We go to commercial…

When we return, Dolph snap mares Kofi and applies an arm bar. More of the same was going on during the commercial. Dolph kicks away at Kofi, but Kofi fires back with a couple of punches…Dolph with a kick and then a neck breaker. Two count. Dolph applies a front chancery on the mat, turning it into the Last Chancery! What, does Dolph think he's the greatest man who ever lived? Kofi fights out with punches, Dolph goes for another neck breaker but Kofi turns it into a chin breaker! Big boot by Dolph, and he keeps firing away on Kofi. Dolph goes for a Famouser, but Kofi dodges it and catapults Dolph into the corner! Double chops by Kofi send Dolph down repeatedly, then a dropkick, and a superman punch! Dolph kicks Kofi's ankle and Famouses Kofi down for a two count! Dolph chokes Kofi on the ring rope, then Vickie slaps him while the referee's attention is on Dolph! Kofi seems angry, and he takes it out on Dolph! He mounts Dolph and punches him down, then pounds away in the corner! Big kick! Kofi punching away, the referee has to pull him off! Then the bell randomly rings?

Winner by DQ: Dolph Ziggler (10:38 aired **½)
Wow, what a crappy ending. That kills most of the goodwill I had towards this match, which was a bit tempered to begin with by Dolph's less than thrilling offense.

Kofi's not done though, as he tosses Dolph over the announce table! He rams Dolph's head into it a couple of times, and punches away some more. He throws Dolph into the barricade, and four referees have to finally pull Kofi off the challenger. Man, that's a lot of rage over a slap, and now Dolph gets a title shot next week! Not one of Kofi's more brilliant moments.

We are in Corpus Christi, Texas…home of former NASCAR Champions Terry & Bobby Labonte! Todd & Matt run down the card, and I think there was a Raw Rebound that mercifully got cut out of the YouTube feed I watched.

Backstage, Josh Mathews asks Jack Swagger… well, it turns out that Jack's not in the mood for Josh's brainless questions. Maybe he'll ask about how Jack's been left out of the SummerSlam title match. Maybe a Swagger Family update? His father's still in the hospital. He should be asking what Jack will do to Rey Mysterio tonight, so Josh asks him. He's going to break his legs and arms, throw him into the wall, down stairs, drag Rey across the street to the Gulf of Mexico. He's going to throw him in that nasty, disease infested, contaminated body of water. If Rey can't walk, he can't swim, and he definitely won't be competing at Summerslam.

Tiffany & Kelly Kelly wish Rosa Mendes good luck with her exercising as they walk towards the entrance. I'm not sure why they're wishing her good luck on joining Team LayCool, but Tiffany's title match is next!

Next week, Kofi Kingston will defend the Intercontinental Title against Dolph Ziggler. Will I be here? Stay tuned…

Match 4: WWE Women's Championship Match
Co-Champion Layla (w/Co-Champion Michelle McCool) vs. Tiffany (w/Kelly Kelly)

Matt wants to get necklaces with Todd that spell out "Life Partners". Todd threatens to throw Matt into the Gulf of Mexico. Did you know that Tiffany is insatiable? Her theme song told me so. No, I haven't been talking to Drew McIntyre, but I can also tell you that she is flexible. EXCUSE VICKIE GUERRERO! She looks displeased, and informs us that the following match is for the Women's Championship, but Layla will not be the one defending the title. EXCUSE HER! Michelle & Layla are more than just best friends, they are co-women's champions. So Vickie says that Michelle McCool will be defending the championship instead.

Match 4: WWE Women's Championship Match
Co-Champion Michelle McCool (w/Co-Champion Layla) vs. Tiffany (w/Kelly Kelly)

Hey, it could be worse for Tiffany…at least Kaval's not out there so Vickie could say he's a co-women's champion too since he holds their belts for them sometimes. Michelle works out with some jumping jacks and some pushups. Dropkick by Tiffany to the pushing up Michelle, then she stomps a mini mudhole in her. Tiffany places Michelle up top, lands a couple of punches, then follows her up…super plex? Eventually, yes! Cover gets a very close two count. Layla tries to trip up Tiffany, which leads to Kelly punching away on her for no good reason. Just when Layla's done with that, Tiffany dropkicks her down! She tells Layla to stay down, then heads up top, only to get crotched by Michelle and maneuvered into the Faithbreaker! It's over.

Winner: Co-Women's Champion Michelle McCool (2:38 *½)
I added a half star for Michelle's splits during her cover. Yes, it's been awhile since I've gotten laid. That's one of the downsides of doing the Smackdown Report if you're a single fella. Of course, if you're married you're not getting laid anyway, so it doesn't matter.

Team LayCool reigns supreme, but Smackdown General Manager Theodore Long informs them via the Titantron that the fun is over and they can no longer be co-Women's Champions! They have to make up their mind and decide, or next week, he will! That's real talk, ladies! Holla! Layla & Michelle aren't thrilled with this news.

Alberto Del Rio says that people want things. They want the nice house, the great job, an attainable mate. Deep down, we all have the power to get these things, but we don't. Why? Because we are mentally constipated! We keep all of our ambitions bottled up, never to come out. But not him! He achieves everything he sets his mind to. He is not bound by limitations or insecurities. An enlightened man, Alberto Del Rio.

I especially enjoy the line "mentally constipated" and will be using it as often as possible in my everyday life.

Match 5: No Disqualification Main Event
Rey Mysterio vs. Jack Swagger

Rey is still hobbling around on his gimpy ankle, but that hasn't stopped him from beating Jack Swagger yet! Jack powers Rey into the corner on a tieup, then pounds him down with continuous fists. He stands on Rey's throat for a second, then whips him chest first into the corner. Rey avoids a Vader Bomb and dropkicks Jack. He punches away, then drop toe holds Jack into the ropes…but Jack goes to the outside. Rey kicks him down, then Rey gets yanked off the ropes…Jack tries an ankle lock, but Rey rams him into the steps! Time for a commercial!

We're back and Jack's going for a super plex, but Rey knocks him off, and hits a seated senton! Rey misses the cross body splash…Jack charges at him, but Rey lowers the rope and Jack goes flying outside. A flying head scissors sends Swagger shoulder first into the barricade. Rey tries more lucha stuff, but Swagger counters by dropping Rey throat first on the barricade, then sending him over it and into the crowd! He stomps Rey down while the Texans look on…now Jack carries Rey around the building, but Rey counters and kicks Jack right in the head! Punch by Jack, kick by Rey, who pushes Swagger into the side of the bleachers! Rey gets up on the railing…rana? No, Jack rams Rey spine-first into the railing twice! Now he drags Mysterio backstage…nice green walls! Rey gets rammed into the green wall, then Jack throws him into the merchandise area! Tables are tossed around all willy-nilly as Jack stands over the fallen Mysterio. Now he wings Rey down the hallway, towards the exit! They're heading out of the building, and I think Jack just tossed Rey down a flight of stairs to the outside! He did!

He rubs Rey's head against a steel railing for the heck of it, then kicks Rey! Rey's staggering across the street as Swagger pounds him down! A minivan drives by, stops for a second and then drives off. I wonder what that soccer mom made of all this. Jack picks Rey up and carries him over his shoulder again…is he actually going to do what he said he would! Well, this time a car pulls to a screeching halt and the driver honks their horn! Tremendous! Jack pauses to yell at them, then picks Rey back up…they appear to be on some sort of bridge right by the Gulf! Rey gets off Jack's shoulder and kicks away on the All-American American, throwing Swagger over the railing and onto the beach! Not a long fall, fortunately. Rey with a seated senton! You can see the water as Rey kicks Jack towards it…Jack stops a kick and begins pounding away on Rey! Jack tells Rey he's no champion…he is. Rey isn't half the man he is! Jack stands over Rey and ponders the moment…he looks towards the water and lifts him in a fireman's carry position…he pauses to think about it, gorilla presses him…but Rey slips out, and flying head scissors Jack into the water! Jack screams for help, saying he's drowning! Can he not swim? Rey waves him off, but then walks into the goozle hand of Kane! Kane choke slams Rey into the water! Kane stares into the camera with an angry look on his face as we fade to black.

Winner: Nobody (11:44 aired…call it *** or so)
Yeah, I'm not really sure how to rate this match. No finish, but I always like it when wrestlers fight into bodies of water. An interesting end to Smackdown this week.

So long and good night, everybody!