Dunn’s PPV Breakdown: Money in the Bank 2011

Money in the Bank 2011 by J.D. Dunn Twitter.com/jddunn411 Facebook.com/jddunn411 July 17, 2011 Live from Chicago. Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and Booker T.. Opening Match, Smackdown Money in the Bank: Kane vs. Wade Barrett vs. Justin Gabriel vs. Heath Slater vs. Sin Cara vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes. Pretty big pop for Daniel Bryan. I kinda like Heath Slater’s music too. Sounds like low-rent Alice in Chains. All the big guys go at each other, leaving Gabriel to pogo-stick his way to the center of the ring on the ladder. Well, that’s just unsafe. Bryan dropkicks him off, though. Rhodes goes up, but Kane and Barrett return to clean house. Through all the arena smoke, Slater looks a lot like Edge. With the spotlights and smoke it looks like a Spielberg film. Gabriel and Bryan fly out on Kane and Barrett respectively. Slater slingshots onto Rhodes. Sin Cara adds a plancha onto Sheamus. Advantage: little guys. Bryan winds up taking the Flux Capacitor because he’s one of the few guys left in the promotion who can. Wade sets up a ladder bridge but misses a clothesline and posts himself. Sheamus Brogue kicks Sin Cara and KILLS HIM DEAD with a powerbomb through the ladder. Ironically, Sin Cara will probably need highly addictive painkillers after that. Sheamus and Kane fight over the ladder as the fast-arriving EMTs work on Sin Cara. Bryan and Rhodes team up against Kane before turning on each other. EMTs wheel Sin Cara out of the ring and into Dr. Drew’s rehab facility as Kane goes up. The Corre reunites to stomp down Bryan and Rhodes. Wade says, “Hey, how about you throw this one and let me go up?” Slater and Gabriel let him go up before dragging him down and going up themselves. Cody shoves the ladder over and knocks Slater out with Cross Rhodes. And another for Wade. Sheamus puts an end to Cody’s momentum with the Billy Robinson backbreaker. Sheamus and Kane team up for a Doomsday Device on Daniel Bryan, prompting an “L.O.D.!” chant from Chicago fans. What a great touch that was! Kane destroys all that moves and goes up. Big “Daniel Bryan” chant as he comes in and stops Kane. Insane spot as Sheamus and Wade spear Slater with a ladder and then fling him like a red-headed booger onto Kane. I have a gift for simile. Sheamus cleans house and goes up, but Kane catches him on the ladder and chokeslams him onto another ladder. Barrett, Rhodes and Bryan team up to keep Kane at bay. Justin Gabriel 450 splashes Kane off a ladder stretched across the corner. I’m not sure that extra six inches of height is worth the instability. Cody clotheslines Barrett over but winds up in Daniel Bryan’s guillotine on the ladder. Bryan also fights off Barrett and goes up to retrieve the Money in the Bank at 24:23! Wow! Very few people called that one. I was sure it was going to Cody for an Orton vs. Rhodes feud. I’m a firm believer in the theory that the average fan wants to cheer a good performer, but they’re hesitant when they know that guy isn’t going anywhere. It’s the same reason attendance at MLB games is always worse when the team is out of contention. There’s something to be said for the Bandwagon Effect. That aside, the match was fantastic with little nods to the Road Warriors, the death of Sin Cara, and the emergence of Gabriel and Slater as – at the very least – solidly entertaining wrestlers. ****1/4 Vince McMahon and Johnny Ace arrive for last-ditch negotiations with CM Punk. I’ll just call him by his ring name because Laurinaitis is awkward to type. I’m just glad they didn’t sign Larry Zbyszko. WWE Divas Title: Kelly Kelly (w/Eve) vs. Brie Bella (w/Nikki Bella). Are these ladies getting paid by the shriek? It’s bizarre. And didn’t we just do the “heel makes fun of the babyface’s body image” angle two years ago? The fans are politely silent as Bella works Kelly’s too-apparent ribs. Kelly fights back and rolls her up at 4:49. Served its purpose. 1/2* The Big Show vs. Mark Henry. Who would have thought this would be a highly anticipated contest?! More importantly, who would have thought Big Show’s path of rage a few months ago would have triggered a response of commensurate magnitude? It seemed like such a one-off thing at the time. Show goes right at Henry with chops and just steamrolls him. Henry goes after the knee, though, to turn things around. PSYCHOLOGY~! Henry clips the knee and puts him in the half-crab. PSYCHOLOGY~! Show powers out, but Henry avalanches him. Show blocks another one and comes off with a flying shoulderblock. Henry goes to the knee to block a chokeslam. WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM! ONE, TWO, THR-NO! Another! And a splash. And another splash. That’s enough for the win at 5:58. Of course the match is not a mat classic, nor should it have been. It was an excellent extension of the existing story, though, and it had great psychology. Show still looks like a monster, albeit one that lost to another monster. I’m kind of hoping they’re building Henry up for a colossal showdown with Ezekial Jackson. Henry has always shown flashes of being Big Black Vader, but he either gets injured or they turn him into a comedy heel. Just because he *can* do comedy, that doesn’t mean the best use of him is comedy. Hopefully, he fulfills that sixteen years of promise. **3/4 After the match, Henry puts Show’s ankle in a chair and Pillmanizes it with a pump-splash. Show is either really injured or selling well. I’ll say the latter because the EMT doesn’t check much before calling for backup. The fans chant for CM Punk. Hey, I’m excited for the match too, but give these guys their due. Josh Mathews interrupts a Vince McMahon rant to ask if there has been any progress on Punk’s negotiations. I guess Ace is the new Gerald Brisco because he stands looking puzzled in the background. Raw Money in the Bank: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz vs. Alex Riley vs. R-Truth vs. Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne vs. Rey Mysterio. Cole calls Riley an “ungrateful ingrate” as opposed to all those humble, grateful ingrates who give people their due. Everyone grabs a ladder on their way to the ring and goes after Del Rio for his actions on Raw leading up to the show. Funny moment as acrophobic R-Truth grabs a small ladder. Miz and Truth duel with small ladders before Swagger blindsides them. Rey springboards off a ladder being fought over by Kofi and Bourne and ranas Swagger to the floor. Trainwreck spot starts with Riley hitting an over-the-top suicida and ends with Bourne Shooting Star Pressing the scrum off a ladder. Miz stops Bourne from winning, and Del Rio recovers enough to tip their ladder over. Miz lands awkwardly on his knee. Sin Cara, Big Show, Miz – this show is starting to resemble a MASH unit. Bourne and Mysterio scale the ladder over the top of Truth and Del Rio. The faces bust out stereo huracanranas on the heels. Swagger pounds his chest and threatens to go up, but Kofi springboards over him and lands on the ladder instead. Swagger drags him off with the anklelock. “ITH TWOO! ITH DAMN TWOO!” Riley returns to knock Swagger out, but Truth shoves their ladder over. Cue the convoluted crazy spots! Truth dropkicks the ladder into Rey’s gut, but Rey flips it up into his face. Kofi with the Double Jump Boom Drop off the turnbuckle to the ladder to Truth. Del Rio tries a spear on Kofi, but Kofi pulls himself up with the ladder, sending Del Rio splatting to the floor. Rey improvises a 619 on Kofi using the ladder. NICE! Truth stomps on the ladder, sending into Swagger’s face. Riley, Bourne and Rey fight at the top of a ladder. Soon, everyone joins them, clawing at the briefcase. No one can get a handle on it, though. It’s like a greased-up Danny DeVito in a public swimming pool. Well, sometimes you’ve already eaten the watermelon. Guys start dropping like flies, leaving Kofi on top. Swagger scurries up, and they take a DANGEROUS drop as the ladder tips over. Thankfully, Swagger would be okay on that fall. Miz hobbles back to the ring to the second-biggest pop of the night so far (Bryan’s win being first). Rey stops him, though, drawing MONSTER heel heat. Del Rio stops Mysterio from winning, though, and unmasks him. He tosses Rey to a nearby ladder and (after setting up an actual, honest-to-goodness stable ladder) goes up to claim the Money in the Bank at 15:54, thus earning his third guaranteed title shot this year. Whereas the first match was a well-executed, intelligently booked match, this resembled a career-killing clusterfuck… and it was also entertaining! Del Rio needs to develop a character with more depth than “smarmy immigrant,” but he certainly has the talent to pull that off. The match was fun, if nerve-wracking at times. ***3/4 World Heavyweight Title: Randy Orton vs. Christian. In keeping with the typically great history of Chicago crowds, they give Orton an amazing pop. The recap shows Christian finagling some legalities to get the DQ rule waived, meaning it’s bye-bye title if Orton gets disqualified or “if the ref makes a bad call.” Well, what are the odds on that in wrestling? Cole explains Christian’s title loss thusly: “Teddy Long polled the Universe on whether they wanted to see a World title match, the Universe said yes.” Great, Teddy Long runs his show the same way the Ultimate Warrior decides on what breakfast cereal to eat – or the way Rick Perry decides on running for President. They’re just fans, not planetoids, despite wrestling fans’ stereotypes. Christian gets all “Eddy Guerrero” on Orton early, throwing a chair to him. Orton doesn’t fall for it and dominates Christian early. The fans quickly turn on Orton with a “Randy sucks!” chant. Christian wins a slugfest and goes for the Killswitch, but Orton clotheslines them both over. Orton apparently retains on a countout. Back in, Orton Thesz Presses Christian and pummels him, making sure to break at three so as not to risk disqualification. Christian fights off a superplex and hits a diving headbutt for two. Weird moment as Orton misses an uppercut, and they both just look at each other until Orton hits him again. No more blind uppercuts, Randy. Christian hits the Killswitch for two. Orton avoids a spear, though, and brings back the bodyvice into a backbreaker. I don’t think he’s used that in five years. Orton goes nuts when that doesn’t get the win. Christian spits in Ortons face and accepts a pummeling. The ref pulls Orton off, but Orton punts Christian in the nuts for the DQ, giving him the title at 12:14. That’s the best use of that stipulation in a while, especially since it ties in with Orton’s character over the past four years. A good character is defined by weaknesses, not strengths. The match was slightly above TV quality before that. ***1/4 After the match, Orton gives Christian an RKO on the unbreakable table. They have to help Christian to the back, but he still has the title. Recap of CM Punk’s tirades about not being appreciated by WWE management. Well, in fairness to Punk’s point, the poster for this show features Big Show and Hornswoggle. Just for kicks, I went back and read what I wrote upon CM Punk’s debut in ECW 2.0 five years ago. “[Punk’s] real contribution will come as a character, not as a wrestler.” And I think that’s true. His cashing in on Edge, “Happy Birthday,” and “doofus son-in-law” promo are probably more memorable than any match that he had. Still, there were those, who shall remain nameless because they are now among Punk’s biggest supporters, who ripped me for saying the WWE was neutering Punk, both in-ring and out, early in his WWE career. I think retrospect shows that Punk’s 2006-2008 was akin to the “Ringmaster period” for Stone Cold Steve Austin. To that, he or she (but more likely he because it’s 411) responded that the last thing the WWE needed to do was let Punk “do his flippy spotmonkey shit for an hour. He’ll never make it past midcard.” To which I asked, “Well, then, if you don’t like highspots, who would you say has a style more suited to the WWE?” “John Morrison.” Check and mate on me, I guess. WWE Heavyweight Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk. T the start of this match is chockfull of 70’s-wrestling goodness. Punk dicks it up quite a bit to the delight of the crowd. Cena does a great job of selling too, looking stiff and tight under the pressure rather than his jovial self. I love subtleties like that. Punk explicitly mentioned other promotions in his promo a few weeks before this, but King and Cole are puzzled as to why Punk would leave these fans behind as if the WWE fans couldn’t just up and leave too. Punk slips out of the Attitude Adjustment and goes for the Go2Sleep, but Cena avoids that. Punk counters another attempt to a DDT. Awesome moment as Punk goes out to get a high-five from Colt Cabana, triggering a “Colt Cabana” chant from the crowd. That’s followed by an even better moment as Punk hangs Cena over the edge of the apron and hits a knee. The move is cool enough, but the WWE cameraman really gets an awesome angle of it that makes it look like Cena is going to crash into your living room. Awkward crossbody from Punk gets two. Cena suplexes Punk from the apron to the floor. I can’t remember ever seeing that work, off the top of my head. At least not without a table on the outside. Cena busts out a powerslam variant. MOVESET~! Cena jabs at Punk, which explains why he was doing a boxer’s warm-up before the match. I thought it looked pretty stupid at the time. Abdominal stretch by Cena, but he doesn’t have the foot wrapped around the gastrocnemius that covers the soleus and forms the triceps surae. Not gonna get anyone to submit like that; I don’t care who he is. Sorry… possessed by the spirit of Gorilla Monsoon there for a moment. Punk hiptosses out of it, and they clothesline each other for the double KO spot. Cena makes the big comeback, and Punk misses a knee in the corner. Cena tries the “You can’t see me” taunt, but Punk kicks him in the face and throws him to the floor for a tope. The springboard clothesline misses, and Punk takes the Five-Knuckle Shuffle from Cena and looks pathetic doing it (in a good way). Punk flips out of the Attitude Adjustment and lands “on his feet.” He kicks away at Cena and hits a few sick knees. The bulldog sets up the springboard clothesline. Cena avoids a kick and locks in the STF. Punk makes the ropes, though. I love that every moment is pregnant with meaning here instead of the usual fake dramatics. Punk responds with a roundhouse kick and comes off the top with a crossbody. Cena rolls through, but Punk slips out of his AA and goes for the Go2Sleep. Cena counters THAT to the STF! That was awesome! Punk makes the ropes, but Cena drags him back to the center. Punk goes amateur on him and counters to the Anaconda Vice! Cena struggles to his feet and hits the ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! My feed flakes out for a bit, and I miss Punk’s powerbombish attempt. Apparently, the Batista counter from Summerslam a few years ago. Cena blocks the Go2Sleep and hits the Civilian Slice! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO! Cena sets up for the Super Attitude Adjustment, but Punk elbows out of it (viciously). Huracanrana! The follow-up Go2Sleep sends Cena to the floor. GREAT reaction by Punk as he realizes Cena is falling through the ropes and he scrambles unsuccessfully to catch him. Vince McMahon and Johnny Ace come out to give Punk the stinkeye. Punk glares at them too long, allowing Cena to recover and put him in the STF. Vince calls for the timekeeper to ring the fucking bell, and Johnny Ace runs down to do it for him. Cena lets go of the hold and BLASTS Ace. Nice one! Cena says it’s going to be clean. Punk hits the Go2Sleep as Cena darts back in the ring, though, and we have a new champion at 33:02! Classic, one-on-one contest that played to both men’s strengths. No, the execution was not always perfect, but then that sells the exhaustion and desperation better, I think. I just watched Flair vs. Steamboat at Spring Stampede in the same city, and this ranks right up there with that contest but has tons of genuine heat to boot. ****1/2 Vince calls for Del Rio to come down and cash in his shot. Alberto Del Rio sprints down… right into a roundhouse kick. Punk leaves through the crowd before Del Rio can regain consciousness and Vince is left to contemplate life without the title… for a while at least.

The 411: There’s not much else to say that hasn’t already been said. Some have said this might spark a resurgence in wrestling popularity, rather than the flash-in-the-pan we’ve gotten over the last decade or so since wrestling returned to its marginalized status in pop culture. I don’t know if I’d go that far, but this show certainly does have the feel of another show that arguably sparked just that kind of groundswell – Canadian Stampede. Here it was supposed heel Punk playing both Bret’s hometown hero and Austin’s anti-authoritarian roles. Outside of the women’s match, which is a qualifier I shouldn’t even have to add anymore, this was an all-time great show from top to bottom. Highest possible recommendation.