From the Laredo Energy Arena in Laredo, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T & Josh Matthews
Championship's roll call: WWE Champion: CM Punk… World Champion: Daniel Bryan… Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes… United States Champion: Zack Ryder… Tag Team Champions: Air Boom… Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix
Daniel Bryan opens the show to a John Cena reaction, except this one is planned. The interesting question is will Michael Cole start backing Bryan? Considering he's a heel commentator but one of his spiels is that he remains (somewhat) loyal to his opinions, now, if he were to back Bryan, the guy he began his heel character on, it would hurt his character and make him a blatant hypocrite (which is what he tries not to be). Onto the promo, Bryan calls winning the title a dream and what he lives for; Bryan duplicitously says that he is not happy with the way last week's title match ended. The fans aren't buying it. He insists that he did not take the "easy way out", provoking Mark Henry into punching him, and inadvertently getting himself disqualified. He calls it a "load of… dung". Bryan says he's thrilled to give Big Show his rematch… tonight! Bryan feels that the no DQ/no countout stipulations are a bit "excessive" because Henry ruined the match and should be suspended. Here comes Mark, who was AWESOME on commentary last week, who is not happy with Bryan's suspension opinion; he informs him that Teddy Long has banned him from ringside. Bryan is happy and says that he has nothing to do with the match. Henry calls him "Tiny Tim" and says he's only keeping his nose clean tonight because he'll get a title match, next week. Bryan appears not too pleased with all of these title matches but he says "it's alright with me". 7/10 I love this heel turn for Bryan, everyone's in for a treat when he does, all of you ROH people already know what I'm talking about. It should be noted that all three commentators are giving Bryan zero chance in the title match tonight.
Justin Gabriel vs. Heath Slater: This is a result from Gabriel's interference in Slater's post-match beating of Hornswoggle; I like Gabriel but I disagree with him saving Hornswoggle. Gabriel has added cool wings that protrude off his lace protectors to his attire. Gabriel cartwheels into an armdrag but drops his head on a backdrop. Slater over-taunts so Gabriel is able to handstand into a reverse tilt-a-whirl head scissors. Nice. Heath charges right into another armdrag; Gabriel tries to maintain his advantage but comes off the second rope… right into a Manhattan drop, Slater takes over; he reverse hammer-tosses Justin into the corner and hits a running neckbreaker off the rebound. Slater works the back with and then a chinlock; Gabriel comes back with a reverse spin kick. Slater reverses a whip into a short spinebuster, for two. Slater to the top but Hornswoggle's music plays; he returns the favor for Gabriel and appears in the ring right under Slater, which allows Gabriel to kick him off the top. The 450 Splash gets the win for Gabriel. Post-match, Hornswoggle walks all over Slater and celebrates. 7/10 Well these two, considering their respective slots on the roster, really busted ass to get an entertaining match over; they know each other really well from the Nexus and Corre days, so chemistry probably comes easier to them. Despite the screwy ending (and the match being WAY too short) Gabriel gets a win and the match was good.
In the back AJ Lee tells Daniel Bryan, win, lose or draw, that she still loves him. Bryan is all, thanks AJ… I think.
Royal Rumble review: the 1998 Rumble (full review, click here) where Steve Austin bested The Rock to win whilst Mike Tyson cheers him on. They cut out the part where he confesses his admiration for "Cold Stoned", though.
Cody Rhodes comes out for his match and insults the Texas crowd, making implied Mexican jokes, and even mentions the INS… La Migra! If he wasn't a heel, I'd guarantee Hunico would interrupt. Rhodes only wishes to speak to the "legal citizens" and informs him he's been the champion for five months. That's "cinco" for all of those who don't understand. He says he's outshined all former champions, but he makes sure to mention Pedro Morales and Tito Santana; Booker T and Goldust also get mentions, well Goldie is a former champion, but my mind is fuzzy on Booker T Intercontinental title reigns (I know he was referencing last week's victory). He says he is going to pull an Ultimate Warrior (let the jokes begin), even Cody is aware, because he says, "that could mean many things" but he's referring to being a World and IC champion. Thank God because I was afraid he was going to go crazy and offend the entire Gay Community. Sorry, couldn't resist. He also declares victory in the Rumble and screams Arriba a few times. Ezekiel Jackson ends this good, but rather offensive, promo.
Ezekiel Jackson vs. Cody Rhodes: I still think that Jackson should team up with Mason Ryan, as a dominating heel team, like Demolition or the Legion of Doom, since both are toiling around the midcard; hey it worked for Faarooq and Bradshaw too. They link up and Jackson tosses Cody around; Rhodes immediately comes back with a float over counter to a vertical suplex and a DDT. Rhodes takes over with punches and knees to the gut and a chinlock. Booker T admits, on commentary, that "ring rust" is the reason Cody beat him; Michael Cole immediately calls bullshit. Jackson fires him off and begins a comeback with clotheslines in opposing corners; he goes for the Torture Rack but Cody slips out and tries the Beautiful Disaster. Jackson ducks but runs into a drop-toehold, right into the bottom turnbuckle; Rhodes nails the Beautiful Disaster on the dazed Jackson and finishes with Cross Rhodes. 5.5/10 Good win for Rhodes, despite Jackson jobbing week after week, he is still a big muscly babyface and a win over him (especially in WWE-land) is big; regardless of who is the IC champion. Rhodes also kept the match in check; simple and short making it easier on Jackson, and therefore a pretty good squash match.
Teddy Long is in his office with his assistant Santino Marella; he has some "Santino original" ideas, like overruling an old Jack Tunney edict and once again allow reptiles at ringside. Cute. David Otunga wanders in (with overly loud coffee slurping sound) to discuss the Rumble with him, on behalf of Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and the interim General Manager of Raw, Mr. John Laurinaitis. Otunga has a list of the pros and cons of each SmackDown superstar. Santino has an idea for a match; the future winner of the 2012 Royal Rumble, himself, verses "David Potunga". Long likes it and books the match. He dismisses everyone for a knock at the door; Teddy thinks it is Aksana, but there is no porn music playing, so it's Drew McIntyre. Teddy stresses winning his match… which is next. 4.5/10 That was fun.
Ted Dibiase vs. Drew McIntyre: Drew is skating on thin ice and must win here or perhaps he'll be fired. Pre-match, Hunico and Camacho come out to observe and to presumably continue the feud with Dibiase, which I like. Midcard feuds are important because it allows the lesser guys some exposure, that are not meaningless matches, simply to get them on television; thus building some interest with the fans, because despite what many say, we, the fans, do enjoy storylines, I know I have for the past 30 years. McIntyre, who is no dummy, immediately takes advantage of the distraction with a running boot just as the bell rings. He tries for a quick cover, which is also good psychology for (the normally bland) Drew, selling the desperation and importance of winning here. McIntyre pounds on Ted in the corner but Dibiase comes back chucking Drew over the top as Hunico joins on commentary. Dibiase with A TOPÉ, knocking McIntyre into the announce table; Drew comes back with a pair spinebusters into the ring apron. Hunico has his feet propped on the announce table and the storyline being presented here is simple, Hunico doesn't like Dibiase sharing his wealth with the fans via Dibiase Posse parties. Meanwhile, McIntyre works Ted with a chinlock; Hunico then explains the significance (and cost) of the low-rider bicycles to the Latino culture. This is a good segment (despite the match sucking) because it gets over a few storylines at once, the Drew firing saga, the budding Dibiase/Hunico situation, AND it allows Hunico to get his (and Camacho's) characters, history together, and gimmick over. Drew charges into the corner but meets a boot, spinebuster and running lariat; Dibiase to the second rope but leaps right into a McIntyre clothesline. The connection between Hunico and Camacho is that somehow Hunico saved Camacho and his famiglia back in the barrio. Back to the match, McIntyre is trying a backdrop superplex, but gets crotched instead. Dibiase immediately hits Dream Street and pins Drew clean. 7/10 The grade is for the entire segment, match and storyline, because it gave us a history lesson with Hunico and Camacho, furthered a feud with Dibiase and continues the "Drew makes too much money, is on a losing streak, and could be fired as a result" saga as well.
Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal: This will be a good barometer of how much the WWE backs Mahal and how they plan to push him. Pre-match, Mahal says that he is most dangerous when he's "least expected"; especially concerning the Royal Rumble. Speaking of which, here's my pick for the 2012 Rumble (Sheamus that is). This match is another result of good midcard booking and storylines. Due to his feud with Ted Dibiase, albeit brief, and subsequent attacks on Sheamus, Mahal is looked at as a somewhat legitimate threat in the first half main event of SmackDown. This is a far better method, as opposed to have Jinder beat up Trent Barreta on WWE Superstars a hundred times then move him into these battles with Sheamus, where no one remembers him or thinks he's going to win, therefore silent during the match, since they figure that it's another meaningless squash for Sheamus. Plus, even if Mahal loses the feud, he still gets some kind of rub from Sheamus. Anyway, Sheamus gives him nothing in the beginning and opens up on Mahal with clubbering forearms in the corner and a shoulder tackle. He thinks Celtic Cross but Jinder escapes to regroup; Sheamus goes right out after him and clotheslines him. Back in the ring, he wipes Mahal with a slingshot shoulderblock, for two. Jinder counters the rope entangled clubbering by hanging Sheamus off the top rope; he opens up with a high knee smash and forces Sheamus onto the apron and knees him. A swinging neckbreaker follows as does a chinlock for Mahal; he continues to aggressively knee and chinlock him, which segues into a front chancery. Sheamus frees himself with a backdrop and goes right into a ten-count rope clubbering. He heads up top and hits the top-rope shoulderblock. He clobbers Mahal with the Brogue Kick and gets three. 4/10 Not awful as Sheamus continues to win away; he is ready for the Rumble. Mahal doesn't lose too much in the loss because Sheamus has been pinning everyone since his babyface turn.
Referee Jack Doan talks to Big Show about the main event; AJ Lee wanders over and is worried about Daniel Bryan's life. Show professes he just wants to win the title. Bryan comes over and is insulted that Show is talking to his girlfriend; Show tells him that the World title has changed him and leaves. He asks AJ about her comments earlier and they leave to "talk".
Santino Marella vs. David Otunga: Otunga is already in the ring but has his music playing so it's not a total jobber entrance. I have a feeling this is going to be a fun match. Marella drives him down into a front facelock; Otunga comes back, forcing him into the corner, and shoulder blocking him repeatedly there. A short clothesline floors Marella; Otunga tries a bodyslam but Santino cleverly slips into a reverse victory roll for two. Another clothesline drops Marella and rope-assisted stomps follows; he moves to a chinlock. Santino begins the comeback with the split-legged hiplock and head-butt. He fires up the Cobra (with sock puppet) but Otunga catches him with an Emerald Fusion for three. 3/10 Well now, David has a new gimmick and a new finisher, but he still is pretty crappy in the ring; he DOES get a rare pinfall win, though.
The Raw Rebound show off the whole I Know What You Did Last Summer segments involving Kane, John Cena, Eve Torres and Zack Ryder.
"Funkasaurus" Brodus Clay vs. Tyson Kidd: Well, Brodus is OVER, I'll give this gimmick credit; people (including me) actually care about him, which I guarantee would not be the case if he were "generic large heel" Brodus we saw on Superstars in the latter portions of 2011. Tyson Kidd (with hair) has no idea what to do. Clay hits the rhino running head-butt and crossbody block for three in about ten seconds. 5.5/10 Holy squash, Batman. Curt Hawkins lasted longer than Kidd did!
In the back someone better call Teddy Long's momma. Aksana interrupts, is this going anywhere?
Tamina vs. Natalya: Tamina mimics her father during her entrance; she's incorporated the Superfly tiger stripes into her attire. Nattie comes out hot and lands a delayed vertical suplex, for one. Tamina comes back with a Samoan drop and Superfly Splash to complete the quick squash. 1/10 What former Hart family transgression is Nattie and Tyson Kidd paying for now?
Immediately following the match Wade Barrett wanders onto the stage and insults Sheamus. He's not impressed with a big burly Irishman with a temper problem; Barrett is a man who is in total control of his faculties and will win the 2012 Royal Rumble. He challenges Sheamus to a match next week on SmackDown. He closes with, "thank you very much and God save the Queen". 5/10 That's a good to the point promo from Barrett, there, and promotes next week's show as well.
World Heavyweight Championship Daniel Bryan (w/AJ Lee) vs. Big Show no DQ, no countout: No Mark Henry interference (banned from ringside) via Teddy Long title shot, next week, appeasement. So now their playing up the "World title changes people" with Bryan, perhaps it will change him into Bryan Danielson; Michael Cole still professes his hatred for Bryan, regardless. The CODE OF HONOR is spurned by a Big Show press-slam. He chops and pounds on Daniel in the corner and then launches him across the ring with a hiptoss. Show misses a charge and hits boots; Bryan tries the second rope missile dropkick but Show spears him out of the sky. THAT would have been the finish if Bryan wasn't under the ropes; he rolls to the floor for a commercial break. We return with Show dominating Bryan on the floor with chops. Daniel grabs a chair and beats the living crap out of Show with it, however Show shrugs it off and snags the chair from Bryan; he retreats back into the ring and gives a William Regal level bug-eyed "holy shit" look at Show. Bryan begs off as Show slowly enters the ring, smiling; Bryan, ever the strategist and wise competitor, dropkicks Show off the apron and reclaims the chair. Back on the floor, the chairshots have as little effect on Show as they did before and he punches the chair out of Bryan's hands. Back in the ring, Bryan gets some kicks in but Show shrugs those off too and continues the beating. Bryan finally gets Show down basement dropkicking his oft injured knee out; He DDTs Show onto the chair for a nearfall. He tries another buzzsaw kick but Show counters and erects himself to punish Bryan with more chops and clotheslines. He hits the reverse avalanche and shoulderblock; he signals for the chokeslam but Bryan counters and clips the knee. Bryan senses the end is close so he grabs the chair to block the WMD and rolls to the floor. They are working such a well-booked match, Show is playing the unstoppable force, and Bryan is playing the clever villain who is trying to break the force apart. Show heads to the floor and dismantles the announce table. He thinks announce table chokeslam but Bryan counters again and wears him down some more with the chair; now Show is selling more. He does counter the apron knee with a chop, though. Bryan tries to run, and Show chases him but inadvertently runs right over AJ, absolutely clobbering her with a shoulderblock. Nice sell from AJ there as she took a pretty hard bump from a 500 pound giant, she must weigh all of about 90 pounds herself. Referee Jack Doan waves off the match briefly to check on her. Show and Bryan look on in disbelief, Show is actually crying; they stretcher AJ off in a neck brace. Bryan appears concerned but Show is more upset. The fans chant "she's okay" for some reason, I guess because they are upset because the match actually ends with no conclusion. Post-match, Bryan screams at Show over being to reckless as they are wheeling AJ up the ramp; when they get to the top, Bryan calls Show a bastard, and leaves with AJ as Show is left behind to ponder what he did. 6.5/10 I liked everything in that match, the booking and psychology was solid and it continues the really slow burn heel work by Bryan. It now involves AJ somehow into the situation; it also keeps the belt on Bryan without jobbing Show to him, this early in the storyline. Good stuff that I'm interested to see where it goes from here since Bryan now faces Mark Henry next week.
OVERALL 7.5/10 Excellent show this week; there was a lot of midcard, as well as, main event storyline advancement; besides which the matches were good too. I was entertained from start to finish this week, good show; the best of the three shows I review, this week. I enjoyed the main event as well.
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