Sunday Night Fury – WWE Royal Rumble 2012

Posted by Arnold Furious on 02.03.2012

Bonus Funkasaurus match? Sold!

Sunday Night Fury – WWE Royal Rumble 2012

Bonus Funkasaurus match? Sold!

Like a lot of wrestling fans the Royal Rumble is one of my favourite events of the year. There's something about the Rumble. It has the X factor that many other companies have tried, and failed, to get from a battle royal. Why? Because winning it means something. You win the Rumble and headline Wrestlemania. If you win the Rumble the WWE is super, super serious about you.

I've only seen a few recap shows since Survivor Series. Been busy with the book. What book, you say? Well, if you followed 1PW at any point in time there's something exciting coming your way this year!

We're in St Louis, Missouri. Hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler & Booker T.

World title: Daniel Bryan (c) v Mark Henry v The Big Show

I do like Bryan as a heel. I loved him as a heel in ROH but this is almost better because his character doesn't realise he's a heel. He's almost deluded into thinking his fanbase is bigger than it is. But people do chant his name so the character is probably right. And the most important thing about being a convincing heel is being convinced you're right. A cage match actually works in Bryan's favour because he can win by escaping. Let's face it, neither of his opponents are the most agile. All he needs to do is avoid the pin and even there he has a major advantage; Show & Henry hate each other and one won't let the other win. There's another benefit to Bryan turning heel; it makes Cole's hatred more rational and improves him as a commentator. The match plods a bit as the commentators discuss Bryan's love life. I have a big gripe with most three-way matches and that's the guy who lies around selling for too long. In this match its Mark Henry. He spends roughly 80% of the match lying on his back. I know he's injured but come on! LaBell lock on Show! Crowd encourage the tap and it looks on, which shows you how far Bryan has been advanced over the last year. Henry saves him but Show repays the favour by punching him out. At least Henry can now lie around doing nothing and it make sense. Bryan climbs out, Show grabs him but Bryan squirms loose and drops down to retain. **. Bryan tried to get things done in there but Henry looked largely immobile. Not a bad match as everyone is over so at least the reactions are good. It would have been fine as a 1 on 1. Henry added very little.

SHILL – Elimination Chamber next month. February 19th. We segue from that to shilling Wrestlemania. April 1st. Video package for John Cena follows. He says that he won't change doing what he does even if some fans don't care for him. I'm waiting for John Cena Senior to be re-named John Cena Classic.

8 Diva Tag: Beth Phoenix/Natalya Neidhart/Bella Twins v Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Alicia Fox/Tamina

I don't like it when they throw eight people onto PPV for a nothing match. Men or women. Its blatantly just filler and nobody gives a fuck. The most important thing I get out of this match is learning that Booker T is on Twitter. @BookerT5x. You can also follow me @ArnoldFurious. Kelly has gotten better since I last saw her. Well, her gymnastics have improved anyway. One of my biggest gripes about wrestling is people standing around waiting to be hit with a move. Here all SEVEN ladies stand around waiting for Kelly to hit a dive. Beth is the boss though and she tags herself in, yells at one of the Bella's to get out of her way, and Glam Slam's Kelly for the win. ½*.

Sidenote: that diva's belt is one of the ugliest belts in wrestling history.

BACKSTAGE Zack Ryder arrives in a wheelchair. OWW, OWW, OWW, you know it. Johnny Ace gives Zack his own locker room.

John Cena v Kane

Cena on second? That's not happened in a while. Probably dragged down by wrestling this walking gimmick. Kane brings his best looking uppercuts to keep things interesting. To be fair to Cena he keeps the pace up even when Kane is obsessed with slowing it down. But he has to keep on top because he can't bump much either. Cena just has to work around his limitations. Kane hooks up the CLAW and somehow this is now devastating…ly stupid so Cena counters into the STFU. Kane goes plodding through some more offence. I like that Kane DOES see Cena ahead of Five Knuckle Shuffle because that'd be two stupid moves that get countered. He then sneaks it in off the top rope, which is awesome because the bump Kane takes sets it up perfectly. They brawl up the ramp for the DCO finish. **. Would have been better with a finish. Not sure Kane needs protecting after years of being a JTTS. Cena kept this at a decent level of effort throughout.

POST MATCH the brawl continues backstage with Cena getting laid out with a few chair shots. Kane breaks into Zack Ryder's personal locker room. Not that he needed a locker room because he's not wrestling. Kane smothers him, IN RECORD TIME, and wheels him the 3 miles to the ring. What the hell is Zack doing? Just lying there with his mouth open like a porn star in a bukake video. Eve runs out to…do nothing. Kane amuses himself with a Tombstone. Cena runs in for the save and gets chokeslammed. 1. You were late. He's already dead. 2. You got chokeslammed. Nice work, John. Not your finest hour. Don't feel sorry for Zack though, this is giving him loads of material for his internet show. Zack Ryder backbraces would sell gangbusters on WWEShopzone.com. The announcers take it significantly more seriously than me although they don't ask the all important question. Will Zack be stripped of his Internet title if he doesn't defend in 30 days? We move on to travelling with the Rock. His Samoan dancing is excellent.

Drew McIntyre v Brodus Clay

Like everyone else I love the Funkasaurus. Bring Scorpio back and you've got the greatest tag team of all time. The Jurassic Park font on his tights is the icing on the cake. Poor Drew is just in the way of his FUNK. Big crossbody finishes in short order so we can get back to the dancing. Squash!

WWE title – CM Punk (c) v Dolph Ziggler w/Vickie Guerrero

I like that Foley was involved in the set up as Ziggler is playing Foley against Punk's Austin. Vince McAce is your official at ringside. He was supposed to referee but he's deferred the job to one of the usual zebra's. But not before ejecting Vickie to ensure she doesn't make a nuisance of herself. Damn, they turned the mic's up high on this show! The match starts with some nice near misses. Both men at the top of their game. Punk twice looks to finish early with Ziggler escaping the GTS and the Anaconda Vice. Punk is a smart guy though and when that doesn't work he changes tacks and assaults Ziggler's ribs. Ziggler retorts by going after the neck and we get duelling chants. Punk brings a fantastic counter out of the sleeper into the Anaconda Vice but Ziggler counters back out into the sleeper. Technical excellence from both men. Ziggler goes after a flying rana but gets planted with a SPIRALBOMB! Punk combines muay thai with wrestling counters at speed, which is one of his major strengths. Ziggler avoids the GTS again and the great counters and near misses continue at speed. These guys have wonderful chemistry. Punk has one eye on Johnny Ace due to his past interferences but Ace is on his best behaviour. Ziggler bumps the ref avoiding another GTS, which had to be coming. The whole point of having Ace out here is to factor in the finish. With no ref Punk slaps on the Anaconda Vice and Ziggler taps but Ace is busy checking the other ref. Punk has it won again with a roll up but Ace is still concerned with the injured official. Ziggler eats GTS and knocks Ace out of the ring in the process. Ace blames Punk for hitting him. "Next GTS is for you, Clown Shoes". Punk makes sure everyone is in position before going for GTS again only for Ziggler to counter into a Rocker Dropper…for 2. Nice counter. Ziggler takes a header into the ring post though and GTS finishes with Johnny Ace diving in to count three at the same time and try to save his job. ***3/4. Both these guys are excellent performers. Ace dragged them down a bit. Much like when Bret Hart & Shawn Michaels were on the cusp of bossing the WWF in the mid 90s I see these guys main eventing a Wrestlemania sooner or later. They're two of the best.

SHILL – WWE on YouTube. They're learning. Zack Ryder got over by shooting his own videos and going viral so now they'll try and control another area of the world. Get their own choices over via any means necessary.

Royal Rumble

#1 is The Miz. Digging the huge inflatable AWESOME. Cole predicts Miz will win. #2 is perhaps predictably Alex Riley. It was either him or R-Truth and Truth beat Miz to put him in first. Miz survives a trip over the top and a charging A-Ri takes his place. Thanks for coming kid. #3 is R-Truth as the Miz feuds sequence continues. As they were a team their chemistry is solid. #4 is Cody Rhodes. He has a reasonable record in Rumbles. He teams with Miz, who considers turning on him moments later. #5 is Justin Gabriel. Generally fliers make the match entertaining but don't last. #6 is Primo. He comes in fast and hard with luchaesque moves as Miz throws Truth out. Truth takes exception and drags Miz under the ropes to DDT him on the floor. #7 is Mick Foley! Geez, Mick, those knees look shot to bits. Primo feels the urge to bump around for him including a big backdrop to the floor. Cody takes a slo-mo knee in the corner and the Double Arm DDT but stays in. #8 is Alberto Del Rrrrrrrio but its not, its Rrrrrrricardo Rrrrrrrodriguez! And his car is a real beater. Its tremendous work. Crowd love it. Foley appreciates him and helps him throw Gabriel out. OH THE HUMANITY! #9 is Santino Marella, speed walking to the ring! Ricardo fears the COBRA! They bring the Z-level chaining and Ricardo is gone. Foley appreciates Santino too; enough for a SOCK OFF. COBRA VS SOCKO! #10 is Epico. He suffers the Cobra and the Socko Claw and gets thrown out. Cody is just sitting in the corner surviving and Miz is still legal. So they jump to break up the comedy. Marella is thrown out. Socko for Miz but Cody throws Foley out too. Comedy over. #11 is Kofi Kingston. Booker brings the Jamaican accent…even though Kofi isn't even running that gimmick anymore. Double Boom Drop! #12 is Jerry Lawler, another of Miz's former feuds. He can still hit a better dropkick than Renegade. He drops the fist but Cody throws him out too. Rhodes is the SPOILER this year. Just lobbing out fan favourites, left, right and centre. #13 is Ezekiel Jackson. Big Zeke bosses the other three guys. #14 is Jinder Mahal, provoking a "USA" chant. #15 is Great Khali. BRAIN CHOPS FOR EVERYONE! Mahal is out immediately. Brain chop for Zeke and he's out. #16 is Hunico. He flips around a bit until Khali brain chops him too. #17 is Booker T who's been talking about how he wished he'd entered all night…and he has. Book lays out everyone bar Khali. Kofi handstands on the floor to stop his exit and WALKS ON HIS HANDS TO THE RINGSTEPS to stay in. That was AWESOME. Spot of the night, easy. #18 is Dolph Ziggler doing double duty. #19 is Jim Duggan. HOOOOOOO! That's another "USA" chant, TOUGH GUY! Cody puts him out too. Man, what a jerk. Its like he's collecting the jerkiest eliminations possible. He spots Khali trying to dump Booker and throws them both out. #20 is Michael Cole completing the trio of comedy announcer entries. Especially after he badmouthed Lawler for entering. He dances around pointing at the Wrestlemania sign for chuckles. #21 is KHARMA~! Only the third woman in Rumble history. Cole runs over the ropes to escape her and Booker & King finish him off. Ziggler tries to shout Kharma out of the ring and eats a flapjack for his troubles. Hunico charges and Kharma throws him out. Too much posing near the ropes though and Ziggler throws her out. Cole is blaming the others for costing him Wrestlemania. #22 is Sheamus and he cleans house on everyone, eliminating Kofi; who's already had his glory spot. #23 is ROAD DOGG! He's actually looking in decent shape and hits every spot he does in about 30 seconds. He literally did every trademark spot one after another. #24 is Jey Uso and he botches the shit out of a Hurricane Kick on Road Dogg. Samoans just breed wrestlers. Well, that one family does anyway. #25 is Jack Swagger. #26 is Wade Barrett. Cole makes him ‘his pick', which is about the fourth one he's had. Ring is started to get crowded for the first time. Barrett throws Road Dogg out to begin the cull but it all settles down again. Lucky #27 is David "A-List" Otunga. Not so lucky this year then. #28 is Randy Orton to a MASSIVE pop and goes right after Barrett who's liable to be his Mania opponent. Double rope DDT on Cody & Ziggler. RKO to Barrett and he's out. #29 is…darkness…Chris Jericho in sparkly jacket. Lucky Otunga goes out at his hands. #30 is The Big Show. Business is about the pick up. He puts Swagger out before even entering and knocks him out cold. Miz and Cody, with 85 minutes total, both go out. He manhandles Ziggler out too. Awwwwww. I wanted Ziggler to win. Maybe in the minority with that pick.

FINAL FOUR: Sheamus, Orton, Jericho & Show. Crowd chants "Y2J" over Orton interestingly. They all see Show as the biggest threat but can't get him down. Chokeslam for Jericho and a PEACH. RKO on Show! Sheamus helps stand him up and Orton throws Show out only for Jericho to blindside Orton out. Jericho v Sheamus for the title shot at Wrestlemania then. Jericho nearly goes out from his own bulldog. He survives but takes the Irish Curse. Sheamus goes for the Celtic Cross over the top but slips out and throws Sheamus over but he survives and keeps surviving on the apron. Jericho ducks the Brogue Kick and slaps on the Walls of Jericho but that doesn't do anything except wear Sheamus down. Jericho survives a trip to the apron too. CODEBREAKER! Again Jericho can't get him up and over and wants to pin but that was instinctive. Jericho tries to slap the Irish off the Great White so Sheamus deposits him on the apron. BROGUE KICK and Jericho is done. Sheamus is going to Wrestlemania. ***1/2. Pretty decent Rumble. Hardly any dead spots and solid structure with funny surprises that didn't screw with the overall flow. Plenty of mark out moments. I enjoyed it.