411’s WWE RAW Report 4.2.12

Wrestlemania was yesterday, and for the most part it was a great show! Of course, almost as important as the Wrestlemania that is before it, the Monday Night Raw after holds a special place in many fans hearts, as something is almost always bound to go down here. With various rumors of some muscleheads floating around Miami, there’s a lot of speculation as to what’s going to go down tonight. Let’s find out, shall we?!

Welcome to 411’s LIVE WWE Raw Report 4.02.12
Championship Roll Call:
WWE Champion: CM Punk
World Champion: Sheamus
US Champion: Santino Marella
IC Champion: The Big Show
Unified Diva’s Champion: Beth Phoenix
WWE World Tag Team Champions: Primo and Epico

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We start the show in the locker room area, and all of the WWE Superstars from RAW and Smackdown are sitting in the back. Johnny Ace and David Otunga are standing in the front. Johnny says that last night, he earned the right to be the General Manager of Smackdown and RAW. This is a power he will not abuse. For example, Santino will face off with Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger for the United States Championship.

CM Punk speaks out from the crowd, but Ace says he’s not going to take any questions till he’s done. Punk says it was more of a statement, and he’s going to interupt. He speaks for the fans and the vast majority of the wrestlers here. Despite the fact that he is General Manager, they all consider him to still be a giant toolbox. Ace grisn then says that Punk is always a prankster, always telling jokes. Punk says he’s not joking. Ace says, Punk will defend his title tonight against Mark Henry, then. That’s a good use of power, Ace claims. He welcomes us to a new era called “People Power.” Don’t you remember Taboo Tuesday, Johnny!?!?!

After Nickleback, we get the entrance music of The Great One! The Rock makes his way down the ramp to the ring. Rock soaks in the cheers for so long that I’m able to upload the banner and type the intro properly before all is said and done. A Boots to Asses chant ensues and Rock smiles, of course. Rock claims that 14 months ago, ah but he’s cut off by “you still got it” chants. And he does, by the way. 14 months ago, The Rock came back to the WWE and did everything: birthday parties, Rock concerts, and sold out arenas all across the country. It wasn’t until last night, however, when The Rock stood before a history making, 78,000 to defeat John Cena. And now, he can truly say…FINALLY. He shows his goosebumps for the crowd. The Rock wants to thank John Cena, much to the chagrin of the crowd. The Rock claims that Cena brough it to the Rock like never before. After a leg drop, two AA’s, after the STF applied, The Rock damned near gave up. The Rock calls it an honor to compete with John Cena in the biggest match of all time, and win or lose, at the end of the day, the most important thing was making history at Wrestlemania and they did it for the fans. The Rock wants to thank John Cena, his family and his friends, but more importantly than all of that, he wants to thank The People. He brings up being cut from the Canadian Football League. He wants those who think that tonight is the end, he guaran-damned-tees that this is just the beginning.

The Rock says that while he was celebrating in Miami, gettin his salsa on. He had a vision. People told him that this vision was impossible. What these people failed to realize, however, is that The Rock wipes a monkey’s ass with the word impossible. He asks if we’d like to hear his vision. According to Daniel Bryan and the crowd, YES! YES! YES! That vision is this, that The Rock – one day – will walk down that aisle as the WWE Champion. He claims that one day it will happen. If Ya SMELLLLL what The Rock….is cookin.

Cole stresses Cena’s necessity to win, then we get a video package highlighting this aspect of the match, essentially saying that John Cena did not get the job done.

Match 1: United States Championship Match
Santino Marella (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Jack Swagger
Ziggler tries for the legs, but Santino evades. The crowd is hot, behind Santino. Swagger gets Santino in the corner then pushes him into Ziggler. Ziggler with a kick to Santino on the mat, then does some sit-ups. He points to Swagger who hits a spinning headlock takedown then does some pushups on the back of Santino, before kissing his biceps. Santino begins to fight back with some rights then sends Dolph over the top rope to the outside. Swagger with a hard right to knock Santino down as we go to break.

We are back, and the double team is still going on. Swagger has Santino from behind and Swwagger goes for a right. Santino hits a quick kick into a Saito suplex onto Ziggler! He splits, ducking a clothesline, hits a clothesline of his own, then a headbutt! He calls for the Cobra, but Ziggler is here for a swinging neckbreaker. Swagger grabs the legs and goes for a wheelbarrow type move, but stalls and Ziggler hits a leg drop! Ziggler covers, and Swagger breaks it up at 2. Of course, Swagger and Ziggler argue and Ziggler is about to hit a right, but Swagger hits a quick ass Belly to Belly! Nice! He runs for a Swagger bomb! But Santino puts his feet up and Swagger goes flying. Ziggler comes running, but Ziggler slingshots him to the turnbuckle, sending Ziggler to the outside. Swagger on the attack, but the Cobra lives!!! Cobra to Swagger! Pin for 1..2…3!!!
Winner: Santino Marella (**)
I’m sure what we missed due to the break was great, but unfortunately, we only got the beginning and the end. If anything, this gives Santino a bit more cred as Champ

After the match, Swagger and Ziggler are looking to double team Santino. Santino feigns somerthing behind both men and makes his escape up the ramp. Swagger and Ziggler follow but, of all people, Brodus Clay comes out! Ziggler runs forward, right into the skull of Brodus, and goes down! Swagger stands, unsure of what to do. Snatino is acting real tough behind Brodus as the Funasaurus’s music hits! Out comes the girls, and we’ve got Brodus and Santino getting down! Santino even pulls out some of Koslov’s old dance moves as he and the Cobra get down.

It looks like we’re getting the highly anticipated debut of Lord Tensai! The music hits, and he comes out in full garb, including a facial covering. Cole mentions that he is a former WWE star and went to Japan for a few years to become an international superstar. They don’t mention him by name, but do mention his past, I suppose. He’s got some Japanese characters running from his head down across his eye to his cheek.

Match 2: Lord Tensai vs. Alex Riley
Riley gets the jobber entrance, so this should be short. Tensai with a quick back elbow and a toss into the corner. He slaps the taste outta Riley’s mouth then beats on him for a bit. A double underhook into a stalled suplex for Riley’s troubles before Tensai hits the ropes and drops an elbow. One more! And, finally, a big squash as Tensai just plants his back on the chest of Riley. He puts Riley in the corner, chest first and starts elbowing the head of Riley. Riley drops to the mat as the crowd chants for Daniel Bryan. haha. Tensai with a seated Powerbomb, which is enough for the ref stoppage.
Winner: Lord Tensai (*)
At the very least, the match was longer than a Brodus one…

After the match, Tensai grabs the skull of Riley and gives him a bit of a skull crush, which cements him as a heel, I suppose.

Just after each commercial, they show photos from Mania, and just before this most recent return, we get a pic of Sheamus holding the belt high to a chorus of boos. Powerful.

After the break, we get a few pieces of Cena’s “empty arena” promo, stressing how important the win was, again.

Match 3: WWE Championship Match
CM Punk (c) vs. Mark Henry
LOCK UP to start. Henry overpowers Punk to the mat. Punk tries to kick, but to no avial. He hits the thigh, but Henry grabs on. Punk is able to break it, though. Punk struggles with the kicks, Punk with a throat grab, but Punk clips his arm with a high kick, then a dropkick. Another dropkick. He goes for a third, but Henry just swats him away. Henry with an axehandle then a kick to the gut of Punk. Henry uses the ropes to underhook Punk for a bit but the ref calls for the break up. Henry stomps the back of Punk, then just stands on the man. Henry looks for a headbutt, but Punk hits some knees! He hits the ropes! But no, Henry hits him with a hard clothesline! Henry with a cover, but Punk kicks out at one. Henry tells Punk he owns him as he goozles him a bit. Henry gets Punk in the corner with a shoulder block, then turns him around for a hard forearm into the back of Punk. Henry punches Punk then tells him to move when he tells him to! haha, I love Henry’s antics in the ring. Henry with a hard headbutt. Punk tries to fight back with some kicks to the knees then goes for a crossbody, but Henry locks in a bear hug. Punk with some hard right elbows then forces a DDT onto Henry, and finally, the big man is down! Pin for 1…2..NO!

Punk is standing, and he’s getting those kicks in to the kneed Henry. Boots to chest goes Punk before he hits the ropes and knees Henry in the face (the crowd graciously plays along with the OOOOOOOO just before the Knee!) They start another YES! chant as Punk gets a pin! Henry grabs the ropes, though. Punk goes up top for the elbow, but Henry grabs him mid air and drives him into the corner. Henry goes up top, looking for a splash, but Punk drops him then hits some forearms. The crowd is amazing right now, screaming YES! for every Punk hit and oooooo-ing as he hits the ropes. He does hit the ropes and Henry knocks him on his chest. Henry goes up one more time. He goes for the splash, but Punk moves! Henry stands and Punk hits the ropes for a springboard, but he runs right into the wall that is Mark Henry as we go to break…

Back, and Henry is atop the corner! Henry is standing! Punk flies for an axehandle, but Henry hits a knee…sorta, and Punk falls. Henry with a nerve pinch. Punk stands enough for a jawbreaker, then gets in some more kicks, but it’s short lived as Henry hits a headbutt. Henry sends Punk to the corner, goes for a splash, but Punk moves! A kick (YES!), Another kick (YES!) A chop, (YES!) Another (YES!, YES!, YES!, YES!)! A spinning back kick, and Henry is down! Punk goes up top! He’s calling for the elbow! He hits the elbow right to the chest of Henry, and sells the pain of the lower back. Both men are down. Henry is up, in the corner. Punk runs and hits a high knee! Punk runs and one knee isn’t enough! He hits another knee!!! He goes for the bulldog, but the strong ass Henry lifts Punk over the ropes to the outside! The ref starts the count! Punk makes his way slowly to the ring. The ref hits 10! The match is over, but Punk keeps the title!
Winner: Mark Henry (***1/2)
This match was way better than it had any right to be! The crowd most definitely helped out here, but both men put on a hell of a match and told an amazing story. Seriously, that was a great match.

After the match, Henry leaves the ring and grabs Punk. Punk tries to fight back, but Henry holds on and we get the World’s Strongest Slam on the outside!! Johnny Ace comes out. He says that going forward, he is going to make sure the crowd gets what they want. He says that Punk will defend his title on a consistent basis. He says that that he sees some dark clouds in his future. He’s not talking about the weather, he’s talking about a natural disaster….hmmmmm. Foreshadowing? Can we assume that the WWE knows what that means?

Here comes the voice of Chris Jericho and he comes out from the crowd berating Punk’s loss. He calls Mania’s match a classic and says because of that, we should celebrate with a drink. He removes his jacket and grabs a bottle of Jack Daniels! BOMB! Instead of pouring it down Punk’s throat, as I assumed, he cracks the bottle over the head of CM PUNK!!! Whoa! Jericho walks away as EMT’s check on CM Punk

We come back to the sounds of Sheamus’s music, and you can hear the boos pour in. Sheamus is wearing the gold and a smile. Before Sheamus can even say three words, the music of Alberto Del Rio hits and here comes Ricardo Rodriguez to announce the man!! Del Rio points out the win of 18 seconds as the crowd chants “Daniel Bryan.” Del RIo says that just as fast as Sheamus won the title, he’s going to lose it. Now, he has a new challenger, and this challenger doesn’t hide behind a “chica.” And or course, this challenger is Alberto Del Rio. HAHAHAA The crowd starts a “SI! SI! SI! SI!” chant! Sheamus starts and the crowd boos him, hard. He says that these people want to see him Brogue kick someone right in the face. He’s glad that Del Rio is out here, because now he gets an opportunity to show these people something they will never forget. Del Rio says he’s not looking for a fight, because he already has one. In honor of his return, Johnny Ace has agreed to give him a match on Smackdown. And that match is Sheamus vs Alberto Del Rio for a future World Heavyweight Title shot. Daniel Bryan chants begin, again. Del Rio’s mic goes in and out for some reason. Del Rio switches with Ricardo, then turns right into a Brogue Kick! Del Rio walks away from this, grabbing his ear…which kind of cheapens the move a bit, I’d say.

Backstage, Daniel Bryan and the wonderfully beautiful and especially hot AJ is watching. Mathews is here, asking Bryan how he feels about the loss. Bryan says nothing as the crowd chants his name.

Some more clips from Mania show, and MGK gets some boos. I’m loving this crowd.

Wondering what a feud over a bidet looks like? Go Here to view 411 writer Michael Ornelas’s TV Show, Shenanigans!

MGK is in the crowd, and he is loving the boos.

Match 4: Cody Rhodes vs. Kofi Kingston
Cody is sportin some bruising on his jaw. Cody with a go behind then a forearm to Kofi. He sends Kofi face first into the corner then hits a hard clothesline. A kick to the fallen Kofi then Cody runs, but Kofi has his feet up, knocks Cody down then hits a cross body and a pin for 1…2..NO! Kofi runs and Cody hits the ropes. Beautiful Disaster! Cody looks to pin, wait, no he doesn’t. He’s grabbing Kofi up as The Big Show’s music hits.

Show comes out with a mic and says he has some footage for Cody Rhodes and he hopes that Rhodes doesn’t find it too embarrassing. There’s a few clips from Mania, ending with cody knocked out. Of course, Cody turns around right into Trouble in Paradise, and Kofi pins for 1…2…3!!!
Winner: Kofi Kingston (*1/2)
Too short to impress in the ring, but it does continue the feud of Show and gives Kofi a win.

Another clip of Cena talking about the importance of winning, this one from last Monday. I am very intrigued as to where this is going, to be honest.

Backstage, Mark Henry is throwing stuff around. Out of NOWHERE, Abraham Washington shows up! He tells Henry that it’s time for a change! Time for Henry to put some muscle with some hustle! He wants to represent Henry. Washington pulls out a card and hands it to Henry. He tells him to think about it. Eeeeeh, I dunno. I kind of like Mark Henry fucking shit up on his own.

Speakin of fucking shit up, here’s Eve! She comes out and says that everyone wants to have their Wrestlemania moment and last night, she got hers. She says it was so easy to manipulate Zack. The crowd: WOO! WOO! WOO! We WANT RYDER! She says it’s easy for her to manipulate any man except one…Johnny Ace. She claims that it’s because powerful people cannot be manipulated, and if her actions last night helped in any way, so beat it. She wants to hear it for “People Power” as Cole compares her to Jane Eyre.

Match 5: The Miz vs. Zack Ryder
Miz goads the crowd then taunts Ryder, so Ryder attacks quickly. Miz rolls out and Ryder follows. He slams Miz’s face on the barricade then sends him in the ring. Ryder with a roll up for a 1. He runs right into a back elbow but kicks Miz down in the corner and stomps Miz. Ref breaks it, allowing Miz to hit a hard kcik to Ryder’s face. Miz mounts the back, hits some forearms then a chicnlock into a cravat. Ryder gets out of it, goes to the corner, and Miz runs right into the kneees. Ryder hits the ropes, clothesline, another, he sends Miz to the ropes, reversal, but Ryder hits a faceplant! He sends Miz to the corner, hits a hard clothesline that sends Miz to the ground, and BAM! Broskii Boot! Pin for 1..2…NO!!! Ryder goes for a neckbreaker, but Miz sends him shoulder first into the ring post. Miz with a Skull Crushing Finale and a pin for 1…2..3!!
Winner: The Miz (**1/2)
Fast paced action and Ryder looked good for the most part. Miz has a win that he so sorely needed, and Ryder had the crowd behind him fully.

John Cena is in the arena, and he’s next.

Cena’s music hits, and boos accompany the man to the cneter of the stage. His face is stoic, as he makes his way down. He looks out to the sea of people as he grabs the mic, scratching his head in worry before speaking. His face is that of disappointment. He hesitates long enough for boos to start again, then nods in acceptance. He says that he never thought of losing, but now that it’s happened, the only thing to do is do it right. The obligation to those who beleive in him is to take defeats and do it right. He quotes Muhammad Ali, and talks about the various clips of things that he’s said. He claims that he has talked a lot leading up to Mania. Anyone else in his shoes would be making excuses, backtracking and saying that it wasn’t their fault. He says that this is not him, and it will never be him. He meant every single thing that he said. He meant it then and mean it now. There is not one second in the year long build up that he ever thought he was going to lose, because if one were to think like that, then the loss is already there. No one goes undefeated in life. A true champ retains the will to win even through their most disappointing loss. With that being said, there was a lot of speculation as to how he would react. The crowd boos.

Would he lash out at his opponents? Would he make excuses. The crowd chants “What A Loser.” (At least, that’s what it sounds like). Would this finally be the day that he lashes out at the WWE Universe? And what does the crowd respond with? (YES! YES! YES! YES!). He breaks the bad news and says that will not happen. He is a man, he was beaten, and as a man he will admit defeat. Last night at Mania, he lost to The Rock. (YES! YES! YES! YES!). He claims that some critics will claim that last night would be the most important of his career. He thanks the Universe, (which boos him), and his family. He thanks MGK, which gets boos as well. He apologizes if he let anyone down and claims that he will wipe the slate clean and try to be the best that he can be, but the crowd shits over it.

He wants to address us, the rumor mill. He is not here to call out The Rock. When you call someone out, you want to fight. (WE WANT LESNAR! WE WANT LESNAR!) Cena lets the chants happen for a while. He says it’s always an interesting crowd. He actually wants The Rock. He wants to invite The Rock to come back down to the ring. Not to talk trash, not to fight, but out of respect. Respect that The Rock has earned. He wants everyone to know that The Rock has earned his respect. He considers The Rock a champion, an inspiration and after last night, the greatest WWE Superstar in this industry. Cena wants one more moment of celebration for Miami’s own, The Rock. On a personal note, this past year has been exhausting, according to Cena. (WE WANT LESNAR! WE WANT LESNAR! WE WANT LESNAR!) He understands the excitement in the air, but he put his heart and soul into last night (BOOO!) and to be honest, he came up short. The Rock was the better man. (YES! YES! YES! YES!) Cena allows and includes himself in the YES! Chant! He says Daniel Bryan owes him one…uh, no. (DANIEL BRYAN!!) He’s OVER, folks!!!

All kidding aside, he just wants one second to acknowledge The Rock as the better man and wants to congratulate him on his victory.

STALLING

HERE COMES THE PAIN!!!!!! BROCK IS BACK!!!!!!

The crowd is going ape-shit, and so am I!!! 411 just may crash!!!! If it doesn’t, I will! Lesnar paces atop the stage. He stares down Cena! LESNAR HOPS!!! Fans everywhere are excited over a left to right hop!!! Lesnar walks down the ramp, and around the ring. He stares down Cena as the crowd chants HOLY SHIT! Lesnar circles the ring, then hits the stairs. He walks up and gets in the ring. Cena claps (this is why they don’t like you, Cena, just let it happen). Lesnar flexes then extends his hand. Cena goes for a shake then BAM! F-5!!!!!

End Show!