Tremendous Tirades 3.11.13: WWE Monday Night Raw
Posted by Larry Csonka on 03.11.2013
CM Punk “urns” some jeers from the WWE Universe…
It's the road to WrestleMania, and with that being the case, I have dusted off the old Tremendous Tirades name for new alternate recap to the main shows that will air each week (Raw, Impact and Smackdown). This will not be another traditional recap, but instead it will be a mash up of the Rs, Instant Analysis and my usual Twitter ramblings I would do during the shows; completely uncensored and as the ideas flow unfiltered to the old keyboard.
I felt that last week's Raw was a pretty average show. I liked the back and forth promo with Rock and Cena. I liked the Triple H promo to set up the Brock Lesnar match. And I really liked using the show to reintroduce Undertaker, and the fact that they are treating the streak like it is something that everyone important wants the chance to break. The way WWE has built that up over the last six to seven years makes it work. They have the money matches set for the biggest show of the year, and Swagger vs. Del Rio. But I also felt that they are still struggling with the same issues that they always do, and those are things that they have full control of. ere are still a lot of the same issues on the show, like the Cesaro, Barrett and Ziggler things. People wonder why WWE has to bring in Lensar, Rock, Taker, HHH and Jericho; and that isn't because the current crop "can't draw," it's because they are booked like shit and people don't care about them, which leads to them not drawing. They care about Lensar, Rock, Taker, HHH and Jericho; because those guys have control over things, and don't allow themselves to be booked stupidly. People hate to hear that, but it's the truth.
Tonight's edition of the show comes to you live from Bankers Life Fieldhouse in Indianapolis, IN.
UNDERTAKER'S DONG IS HERE!: Classy tribute to Paul Bearer to kick off the show. They showed the really well done video package that they released last week, but it was a respectful way to kick off the show. The Undertaker's dong hit and he made his way to the ring, which had an urn set up in it. Taker did his pose and salute to the urn while the "in memory" stayed on the titan Tron. And then CM Punk's music interrupted the segment. Punk came out to offer his condolences for Undertaker's loss… at WrestleMania. Noting that the silver lining here was that to Paul Bearer, Taker will always be perfect, 20-0. But the reality of it was that Taker would be 20-1. Punk soaked in the hate from the crowd while Taker stood there silent. On the Friday night edition of Business as Usual, myself, Steve Cook and Tony Sly discussed WWE making an angle out of this. The general consensus was that Punk would kill for the chance to do so, because he digs that sort of thing, and that we wouldn't put it past WWE. Well they did something, but I think they walked the line of taste, and didn't really offend anyone. It was a good opening segment, a tribute, some angle advancement, Punk being a pure douche; good.
Rating (1-10): 7.0
During the commercial break, Kane came out to attack CM Punk for disrespecting his father.
We then saw Kane going insane backstage looking for Punk. Alex Riley got some TV time, getting tossed around the locker room. Good for him.
BIG SHOW vs. SETH ROLLINS w/Reigns and Ambrose: As you would expect, not much of a match, as it hit the floor and Reigns and Ambrose got involved. They had a brief brawl, Show got some giant run and was holding his own, but the numbers game overcame him and the Shield hit the triple team powerbomb to lay out the giant. I felt that this worked really well, the Shield still hasn't lost, they are still protected and they got to hit their big move on Show live on Raw this time. It also makes sense that no one made the save for Show, because he's been a dick for almost a year now, and even when people helped him (like on Smackdown) he ended up attacking them anyway. Now that he has real issue with the Shield, and has been attacked again, he will have to make an uneasy alliance to deal with the issue.
Rating (1-10): 7.5
Vickie informed CM Punk that he would be facing Kane later tonight in a NO DQ match.
Highlights of AJ and Daniel Bryan from Smackdown. There's some sexual tension there.
We get a clip of Paul Bearer's WWF debut. Brother Love brought him in because the Undertaker needed love 24 hours a day.
DANIEL BRYAN vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER w/AJ and Big E: As you know, these guys are really good, and had a really fun match. They got some time, they worked hard and I like wrestling on a wrestling show. Dolph actually got to get a win here, which is good since he has been losing so much as of late. Also, with them having nothing planned as of today for the tag team champions and nothing planned for Dolph; working towards a Team Hell No vs. Ziggler and Big E match may not be the worst thing in the world. Ziggler rebating Bryan and the post match beat down works as the catalyst to set that up, and if they go that way, I am all for it. Another good segment, and so far, this had been a good show.
Rating (1-10): 8.0
Highlights of last week's Triple H promo.
SWEET T vs. FANDANGO: Sweet T called out Fandango, who did come out and stated that his name has once again mispronounced his name. He also called T a disgrace to the world of dance, and an abomination. He then hit on Naomi and wanted her to say his name, because she has rhythm and talent and is better than all of this. That's right, the match never happened. Filler, doesn't taste all that good. I get what they are doing, but it doesn't entertain me in the slightest.
Rating (1-10): 3.0
We get clips from G.I. Joe: Please Forget The First One.
Another Paul Bearer moment is shown.
NEW AGE OUTLAWS vs. RHODES SCHOLARS… BROCK DON'T CARE: The Rhodes Scholars did their "interpretation" on the New Age Outlaws entrance shtick, and it was pretty damn funny. Dogg and Gunn hit the ring and proceeded to do the real introduction "for Percy". We had about a minute of a match, and then Brock Lesnar decided to come to the ring and WRECK PEOPLE! The Outlaws should be used to this, they did it for years for Rock and Austin. Lesnar laid them out, since they are friends of old Triple H. I liked that, because the Scholars did not lose, and it goes along with Brock's history of attacking people Triple H cares about (Vince and HBK). Paul Heyman was Paul Heyman, and that was simply great in his promo. But he also had a surprise, Brock will only accept the match unless Triple H allows Brock to choose the stipulations, and they would only be revealed when Triple H signs the contract. Paul then put over that if Triple H turned down the match, he would be disputing Vince, Stephanie, the little H's at home and the WWE Universe. Yes, this was pretty damn great. Short, effective, the point and built to one of the money matches at WM.
Rating (1-10): 10.0
KOFI KINGSTON vs. MARK HENRY: Kofi Kingston put up a good fight, and got in more offense than most have recently, but at the end of the day, his wig was split and he was inducted into the Hall of Pain. Mark Henry continues to destroy people on the way to his way to WrestleMania and a meeting with The Ryback.
Rating (1-10): 8.0
Cody and Kaitlyn had a meeting backstage. Cody told a bad mustache joke, and then Damien Sandow cock blocked him momentarily. Sandow then brought in the Bella twins, who are apparently back with WWE, and stated he set up a double date for them. Vickie then showed up to cock block the Scholars by booking them against Sheamus and Orton later in the show.
We get a preview of this week's Psych, guest starring Big Show.
RYBACK vs. HEATH SLATER: Mark Henry came out to the ramp to scout the Ryback. Ryback destroyed Slater and won in quick fashion. Mark Henry was not impressed. McIntyre ran in and ate the shell shock Mark Henry, still not impressed, marched to the ring and dropped McIntyre with the world's strongest slam. Ryback then hit McIntyre with the shell shock again. A little one upmanship as they finally had the big stare down and talked some trash. It's not going to be a mat classic, but the build up to the match is really good for what it is.
Rating (1-10): 8.0
We get a trailer for The Call.
DEL RIO vs. CESARO: Outside of the Fandango stuff, I was really enjoying this show. Del Rio and Cesaro had a good match as expected, and Del Rio as the world champion on the road to WrestleMania should have won. You know that rant I do about champion vs. champion matches meaning nothing, and the secondary champions always being booked like losers? Just pretend I wrote that for the 1,000th time and we'll move on.
Rating (1-10): 5.0
Kane, holding an urn, was with Matthews for a promo, but didn't speak. Kane is a sad panda.
We get another Paul Bearer clip.
They now show a really good video package, hyping Rock vs. Cena II.
RHODES SCHOLARS vs. SHEAMUS and OROTN: This was a good tag team match, they got some time, the Scholars got some heat and didn't look like complete jobbers, but the right team won. Unfortunately WWE doesn't have anything lined up for the Scholars, but Orton and Sheamus are headed towards a WrestleMania clash with the Shield. This also cemented the alliance between Orton and Sheamus as they head towards the big event.
Rating (1-10): 7.5
During the break, the Shield attacked Orton and Sheamus. WWE APP PEOPLE! Big Show still hasn't seen the light, and didn't make the save.
TOUTS about Paul Bearer.
THE HIGHLIGHT REEL: That was one long, goddamn hot, miserable, shit ass fucking segment every inch of the way. The only saving grace was that they have tried to do something with the IC Title. And Bricky needs to die in a fire.
Rating (1-10): 2.0
WINNER GETS AN IC TITLE SHOT: JERICHO vs. MIZ: Wade Barrett was at ringside for commentary during the match. Jericho and Miz had a fine little match, not as good as some of the other stuff on the show, but nothing wrong with it. They ended up on the floor and collided with Barrett, which led to Barrett getting involved and causing a DQ. This pissed off Miz and Jericho, so they beat Barrett down and hit their finishers on him. I think that we can safely assume that we will get a triple threat next week, hopefully leading to a WrestleMania match for the title. It was fine, but felt very rushed.
Rating (1-10): 6.0
Ricardo and Alberto try to be funny doing a parody of the Dirty Dutch and Swagger videos. The same one from Smackdown. This show is starting to head towards the cliff…
We get another Paul Bearer video.
SIN CARA vs. JACK SWAGGER: Dirty Dutch and Swagger came out for their match, and talked shit to Sin Cara for nearly five minutes and drawing some boring chants. They had a short, but energetic match that the fans seemed to enjoy. Swagger won with the Patriot Lock in like 2-minutes. Man, it's a good thing that they didn't have Cara beat the US Champion last week on Main Event. Oh wait. Del Rio hit the ring for the save, and locked in the arm bar for a moment, but Dirty Dutch made the save. Swagger winning the match was right, and the run in was fine, but that devalues the booking of Sin Cara the week before, and they even mentioned on commentary that he beat Cesaro; so when he lost quickly here, yeah, they devalued it.
Rating (1-10): 5.0
Kane wants to bang Halle Berry, not saying I blame him, but don't you think it is a bit questionable to air that on a night that Kane is out for revenge against a man that mocked his father's death? And right before that confrontation is about to main event the show? Come on, you know I have a point…
NO DQ: KANE vs. PUNK: Punk and Kane delivered a pretty good main event, and while I would normally be upset that Punk lost heading into Mania, the way they did things made sense. Taker's dong cost Punk the match, and Kane won the match in tribute to Bearer, which I am fine with. But the important thing is that it did not end there, as they allowed CM Punk to keep his douchebag credibility by attacking Kane and laying him out with the urn. Since it takes Undertaker three minutes to get to the ring, Punk was able to escape with the urn and mock Taker by posing with it to close the show. That gave some big time heat to Punk vs. Taker, which while last week was good and made ending the streak something important, people now have something to really sink their teeth into on an emotional level.
Rating (1-10): 8.0
I have to say that this show started off so well, and outside of the Fandango stuff, I felt that the first two hours were a strong show. But then they hit the wall. They made the same mistakes that they always do; devaluing secondary champions, devaluing the booking of the previous week, the shitty Highlight Reel segment and the Halle Berry and Kane shit.
I really did like the Paul Bearer tributes, and felt that they did a good job with the Lesnar segment and also provided some good wrestling. But this is one of those shows that just proves my theory that three hours is too much.
The good thing is that the ending segment really helped recover the hour three slump. Overall a good show that could have been much better if WWE wouldn't continually fall into the same mistakes week in and out.
Show Rating: 7.5
As a reminder, I will be going by the 411 scale…
0 - 0.9: Torture 1 - 1.9: Extremely Horrendous 2 - 2.9: Very Bad 3 - 3.9: Bad 4 - 4.9: Poor 5 - 5.9: Not So Good 6 - 6.9: Average 7 - 7.9: Good 8 - 8.9:Very Good 9 - 9.9: Amazing 10: Virtually Perfect
Larry Csonka is a Pisces and enjoys rolling at jiu jitsu class with Hotty McBrownbelt, cooking, long walks on the beach, Slingo and the occasional trip to Jack in the Box. He is married to a soulless ginger and has two beautiful daughters who are thankfully not soulless gingers; and is legally allowed to marry people in 35 states. He has been a wrestling fan since 1982 and has been writing for 411 since May 24th, 2004; contributing over 3,000 columns, TV reports and video reviews to the site.