wrestling / TV Reports
411’s WWE Smackdown Report 3.29.13
Championship Roll Call:
WWE Champion: The Rock
World Champion: Alberto Del Rio
US Champion: Antonio Cesaro
IC Champion: Wade Barrett
Unified Diva’s Champion: Kaitlyn
WWE World Tag Team Champions: Kane & Daniel Bryan
– Then. Now. Forevz.
– IF YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING! Here comes the champ to a huge ovation. The Rock says that he’s going to continue story time from a month ago. He glosses over buying his first car from a crackhead. He shows us a picture of 15 year old Rock on the Tron. It’s the same picture that he tweeted a few weeks ago. Okay, now let’s fast forward to The Rock at age 20. He moved to Pennsylvania. The Rock and his friends would visit a “certain park” quite often. They’d ride some rides and Rock would eat as much chocolate as possible. He goes on to tell another story about wanting a Whatchamacallit. One day he drove to over seven stores to find a Whatchamacallit despite his friends losing patience with his obsession to possess one. He finally found a store that sold them. There was one left and as 20 year old Rock went to grab it, somebody else swooped in and put their hand on it. Rock looked up and said “if you don’t set down the candy, I’m going to kick your candy ass.” The old lady set the candy down and a catch phrase was born. The Rock will do anything to get what he wants. Whether it’s getting candy or beating John Cena. This segues into a quick, angry Rock promo before familiar music interrupts… IT’S PEOPLE POWER! Here comes Mr. Excitement himself, John Laurinaitis.
– We return from commercial with both men in the ring. “Who in the blue hell are you?” Big Johnny asks if that’s a trick question because everybody knows who he is! He gets some heat for interrupting story time with The Rock. Apparently, Teddy Long gave him permission to come out. I wonder if Book is going to be cool with that. He says that everybody expects him to come out and talk too long before getting Rock Bottomed. He says that’s not going to happen though, because they’re both men of the people! He mentions his history with John Cena before pitching himself to be in the corner of The Rock at Wrestlemania. I’ll say this, John is looking pretty comfortable out there. Rock compares John to peanut butter before calling himself the most electrifying piece of chocolate the world has ever seen. He has a business proposition for Big Johnny and it’s not a Rock Bottom. Together, they can send John Cena a message. First things first, Rock is going to need a handshake. SPINEBUSTER~! PEOPLES ELBOW~! This was a pretty good opening segment that left me wanting more. More Laurinaitis to be exact. PEOPLE POWER!
It wouldn’t be WWE programming without their secondary champions picking up L’s nowadays. At least Barrett entered second. Miz is joining us on commentary. They lockup to start. Barrett grabs a side headlock and Jericho sends him into the ropes. Barrett catches him with a shoulder block and we have a stand off. Jericho delivers a few chops and sends Barrett back into the ropes before delivering a flurry of dropkicks followed by a clothesline that sends Barrett to the outside. He baseball slides Barrett into the barricade and tosses him back in. The kicks and stomps continue. Jericho lifts Barrett to his feet but Barrett fights back. He throws a few punches and Jericho finds himself on the apron. BIG BOOT TO THE OUTSIDE.
We’re back as Wade has a headlock applied on Jericho. Y2J makes it to his feet and manages to sneak away long enough to climb to the top and deliver an axe handle! Barrett dodges a Lionsault and hits the Black Hole Slam for TWO. He stays on Jericho and whips him into the corner. He charges him but Jericho gets his foot up! He goes upstairs and delivers a huge splash for TWO. Jericho goes for the walls but Barrett battles out of it! He runs at Y2J but Jericho pulls the top rope down and Barrett flies to the outside. Jericho follows up with a plancha but Barrett rolls out of the way of that and Jericho hits the mat! Great action. Miz and Barrett talk a little shit outside of the ring while Jericho rolls to the inside. Barrett refocuses his attention on Jericho, following him to the inside, only to get caught with a Codebreaker! Jericho covers Barrett and it’s over. This was a fun sprint. I would have liked to see them go another five minutes but obviously that’s not probable with a Mania right around the corner to promote.
OFFICIAL RESULT: Chris Jericho @ 5:14 via pinfall
RATING: **1/2
– After the match, Jericho grabs a microphone and says that he’d love to savor his victory but the stage setup indicates that Fandango will be making his entrance. I like that they acknowledged Fandango’s entrance being obvious to the live crowd. Jericho proceeds to pronounce his name wrong continually until Fandango’s music interrupts and he makes his way onto the stage. He dances halfway down the ramp as Jericho holds the ropes open for him to enter the ring. Fandango decides to turn around and fight another day. Pretty good segment.
– They air an amazing video package covering the feud between Brock Lesnar and Triple H. Kudos to production for nailing another one out of the park. These damn videos always get me more excited than I was beforehand.
– Earlier tonight, Josh Matthews had a sit down interview with Paul Heyman. Brock wants it on record that Triple H is in a “must lose situation”. He says that after Haitch loses, HHH will be sitting behind a desk watching the current roster go out and wrestle. He’ll eventually grow jealous of the new generation for doing what he no longer can do and he won’t be able to handle it. This will lead to him trying to sabotage them and eventually, the roster will rebel. Well that’d be a fun angle. Triple H made two mistakes. He thought he was smarter than Paul Heyman and he wasn’t. He thought he was stronger than Brock Lesnar, and he’s not. This was a great promo by Heyman but it telegraphs a Triple H victory even more. Either way, it was an entertaining series of segments hyping the Brock/Triple H match at Mania.
– Booker T and Teddy Long join us atop the ramp. Ryback and Mark Henry will prove who is the strongest. Booker T introduces Ryback. He attempts to introduce Mark Henry but Teddy Long interrupts and does the introducing himself. I’m legit interested in seeing where they take their mini feud beyond Wrestlemania, when they reportedly plan on turning Book heel. The bar has 225 pounds on it. The winner is the man who does the most reps.
Here we go. This is a pretty cool way to build to the match. The world record is 51 reps. Henry begins and the crowd is counting along with him. Wow, he’s doing these FAST. He begins to struggle at 45. He ends up doing 53 reps and sets the world record! “THAT’S WHAT I DO!” Booker T tells Ryback that the floor is his. He does 20 in under 20 seconds. This would be ridiculous if the weight was actually legit. Ryback slows down around 45 reps just like Henry did. The crowd is chanting “feed me more”. Ryback does 53 and Henry grabs the bar to ensure that he doesn’t beat his number. He forces it down on Ryback’s throat and begins choking him with the bar. Technically, not breaking the no contact clause. Staff helps Ryback to his feet. This was an EXCELLENT way to keep the feud going. It was simple, effective, and had a nice old school vibe to it. It was easily one of the best segments on the Road to Wrestlemania this year.
OFFICIAL RESULT: TIE (53 Reps)
RATING: N/R
The heels get a commercial entrance. Daniel Bryan is starting off against Dolph Ziggler. JBL says that Big E “absolutely explodes when he gets into somebody”. He said it, not me. Ziggler and Bryan come to a quick stalemate and the women tag in. AJ hits a nice dropkick for TWO~! AJ’s offense looks very effective for her size. She hits two reverse neck breakers in a row and covers again for another two. She hits the ropes and Kaitlyn hits a shoulder block. Dolph and D-Bry are back in. Ziggler finds himself in the corner quickly and gets hit with a nice dropkick. They go upstairs and Bryan hits a crisp rana off the top. ZIGGLER REVERSES THAT INTO A ROLL UP! TWO! Cool spot. Big E grabs D-Bry’s leg as a distraction and Ziggler catches him with an elevated dropkick. Kane attacks Big E on the outside to put an end to that. Dolph tags in AJ. Bryan and Ziggler brawl on the outside and AJ jumps off the apron on to Bryan. Back in the ring, AJ gets hit with a spear and the match is over! This was another solid and logical showdown building to Mania.
OFFICIAL RESULT: Kaitlyn and Daniel Bryan @ 3:18 via pinfall
RATING: *1/2
– Shield video! Wrestlemania is upon us. They list “all of the cliches you hear this time of year”. The worst cliche they heard this year was their opponents saying that they can work together and put aside their differences. The strength of the Shield’s purpose is stronger than any one of their opponents at Wrestlemania. A giant, a viper, a Celtic warrior. If you ask Ambrose, those elements don’t mix. They’re destined to implode. Believe in the Shield.
– The Great Khali makes his way down to the ring with Natalya and Hornswoggle as we head to break.
They grapple to start and Khali shoves Swagger off. Another grapple. This time Khali backs him into a corner. Swagger dodges a big chop and delivers an ass whooping to Khali in the corner. Khali whips him into the ropes and hits him with a chop over the head. He backs Swags into a corner and hits an over hand chop; Another corner. Another chop. You know the drill. Swagger fights back with a flurry off strikes and charges at Khali in the corner. He ends up running into a big boot. Khali delivers three clotheslines and sets up for an overhand chop but Swagger rolls to the outside. Khali follows but Swagger grabs his leg and hyper-extends it over the top rope. Khali cowers in the corner and Swagger gives his leg a shoulder thrust. Khali rolls to the outside. Swagger follows and attempts a Patriot lock but Khali kicks him off. He applies a second Patriot lock and Khali kicks him off again! He stomps Khali in the nuts and locks it in on the third attempt! The ref rings the bell and we have a double count out! The match itself was better than it had any right to be. Swagger worked Khali great here. I don’t really understand why Swagger couldn’t have made Khali tap in the middle of the ring though. They haven’t exactly been protecting the Punjabi Playboy lately.
OFFICIAL RESULT: Double Count Out @ 3:00
RATING: *3/4
RAW REBOUND: They air a video package glossing over the CM Punk vs. Undertaker rivalry. Another good video from WWE’s production team. In other news, the sky is blue. Most of the time.
– Renee Young is with Sheamus, Randy Orton, and Big Show. They pretty much cut the same “we’re all on the same page to take down a common enemy” promo. Of course they argue among themselves a bit before “focusing”. Renee is really good in this role and should be a very welcome addition to Smackdown moving forward.
– Damien Sandow has a microphone before hitting the ring. He says that him, his best friend Cody Rhodes, and their esteemed colleague, Antonio Cesaro, are the quintessential six man team. Not only do they possess superior intelligence but they share a mutual disdain for ignorance. Cesaro yodels. Fuck. I was hoping that was a one time thing. I think it’s a little too gimmicky for him but I’ll reserve judgement and see how it pans out for him.
Randy Orton and Antonio Cesaro start us off. Orton gains control quickly and corners Cesaro. In comes Sheamus who delivers a beating in the parallel corner. Cesaro fights back and whips Sheamus into the ropes. He attempts a hip toss but Sheamus reverses. Big Show and Cody Rhodes are in. The former rivals stare each other down before Big Show corners him and delivers a plethora of overhand chops. Scoop slam by Show! Big Show tags in Orton as we head to our last commercial break.
Sheamus is in control of Sandow as we come back from break. Sheamus tags in Orton and Orton is quick to deliver the ten count punches in the corner. He delivers an uppercut but Sandow shoves him into his team’s corner before choking Orton with his foot. Rhodes is in and he delivers a flurry of stomps for tagging in Cesaro. Nice quick tags by the heels. Cesaro nails a nice a gut wrench on Orton before tagging in Cody. I wish the announcers would acknowledge Cody and Randy’s history. I think it’s important enough to mention when the two men are on opposing teams. Sandow’s in and he locks a side headlock on Orton. Orton hits Sandow with his reverse back breaker and he manages to tag Sheamus in! Cesaro tries going to the top rope to interfere with an axe handle but Big Show shoves him to the outside. Sheamus and Cody are the legal men. Cody finds himself on the apron and on the receiving end of a CLUBBERING~! SANDOW GETS A CLUBBERING~! Sheamus hits Cody with White Noise and sets up for the Brogue Kick but Sandow interrupts. Big Show helps Orton out by knocking the competition out of the ring. BROGUE KICK TO CODY! It’s over. This was a good match. It did it’s job in cementing Show, Sheamus and Orton as a legitimate team and threat to the The Shield.
OFFICIAL RESULT: Randy Orton, Big Show and Sheamus @ 8:01 via pinfall:
RATING: **1/4
– The super team celebrates in the ring after the match with hugs and high fives before we get the Shield theme. They make their way through the crowd as the faces jump over the barricade and make their way towards them. They brawl through the crowd. The Shield manage to retreat and escape the beat down. I’m really happy with how much spotlight this match has been given over the past month.
OVERALL: This was a great episode of Smackdown. They intelligently built up every match at Mania. Every segment served a purpose and nothing seemed forced or contrived. This is what they should be aiming to deliver every week. There’s really no excuse not to. Either way, I’m far more excited for Wrestlemania as a result of tonight’s episode, so it gets a thumbs up from this guy. If you missed the show and plan on catching Mania, you owe it to yourself to check it out. Thank you for reading and I’ll catch you guys on Wednesday with the Main Event report!
– Also, I think we’ve grown close enough to Wrestlemania to ask the question: Which match are you looking forward to most on the grandest stage of them all? More importantly, which match do you think has been promoted and booked the best? I’m interested in seeing what you guys are thinking with Wrestlemania growing close. Again, thank you for reading!
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