411’s TNA IMPACT Wrestling Report 4.4.13

*****

PREVIOUSLY ON IMPACT WRESTLING: Bully Ray screws Brooke Hogan (figuratively), Hulk Hogan kicks Sting out of the arena, AJ Styles returns but has nothing to say, and Jeff Hardy picks “Full Metal Mayhem” as the stipulation for his World Title rematch.

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We go “live” to Jonesboro as Todd Keneley welcomes the home audience before hyping this week’s show. The music of The Aces & Eights kicks up and out come the gang through the crowd, led by D-Lo Brown. Brown, Devon, and Mr. Anderson get into the ring. Anderson grabs a mic and calls the Jonesboro crowd “douchebags” before alluding to a special package he holds in his hands. Anderson turns his attention to AJ Styles and says when he needed TNA the most they turned his backs on him and says the Aces & Eights vest is for him. Devon is next on the mic and holds an envelope that belongs to Brooke Hogan. Devon says when “Bubba” brings her out tonight, the contents of the envelope will change their relationship. Brown is the last on the mic and says his gift is not what he is giving but what he has received. Brown pulls out a regular white envelope and says this letter was his termination from TNA. Brown says after all of his years of hard work he deserved more than a plain envelope; he didn’t even get a phone call or a meeting. Brown calls out the officials in the back and asks for one of them to come out and tell him why he deserved to be fired.

Instead of an official out comes Kurt Angle, mic in hand. Angle says he has something to say to his face, not through Twitter or Facebook or cell phone. Angle says he’s going to look Brown in the eye and tell him how he feels. Brown asks what he has to say, but Angle instead takes him down and starts attacking. The rest of The Aces & Eights pounce and out come Eric Young, Samoa Joe, Magnus, and Joseph Park to even the odds and set up tonight’s main event. Team TNA gets the upper hand and The Aces & Eights flee to the outside. Both teams stare one another down as Keneley and company hype the main event.

• THOUGHTS: A blah opening segment that ended in the usual million person brawl. The Aces & Eights coming out to play show and tell was lame, as was D-Lo Brown as a whole. It did an okay job of hyping some of the bigger things to come but I just wasn’t feeling this opener.

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Joey Ryan catches up with Brooke Hogan backstage. Ryan says he has a favor to offer Brooke but she says she’s still technically married. Ryan says not that kind of favor and asks to referee tonight’s Knockouts match. After some deliberation Brooke reluctantly agrees on the condition that he doesn’t touch any of the competitors involved. Ryan assures her he’ll be fine and that he’s got this. Ryan exits as Brooke exclaims “my life is falling apart!”.

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-Commercial Break-

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Tara and Gail Kim make their way out for the opening contest, with Tara’s boyfriend Jessie Godderz in tow. We see clips of last week’s backstage brawl that led to this match getting made. Their opponents, Knockouts Champ Velvet Sky and Taryn Terrell make their way out second to Sky’s music. Ryan checks the women for foreign objects in a creepy way and while Sky and Terrell are attacked, Tara attacks them from behind

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Match #1: *TNA Knockouts Champion* Velvet Sky & Taryn Terrell Vs. Tara [w/ Jessie Godderz] & Gail Kim

Sky and Tara start the match off proper, with the former overcoming the pre-match attack and applying a side headlock. Ryan starts massaging Sky’s shoulders so she releases the hold and gets in his face. Kim tags in and so does Terrell, so Kim immediately tags back out. Terrell goes for a series of roll-ups and pinfalls but Ryan just gawks instead of counts. Sky tags in and they take Tara down with a double shoulderblock before blowing her a kiss and hitting a double elbowdrop. Sky covers Tara for the pinfall but Ryan just stares at Sky’s ass instead. Sky gets in his face and Kim attacks her from the side. Tara sends Sky face-first into Kim’s boot and tags her in. Kim pulls Sky out of the corner then drops her on her face in a Fireman’s Carry position. Kim goes for the cover but Ryan once again just stares.

Kim briefly flirts with Ryan then tags Tara in. Tara drives the shoulder into Sky’s midsection in the corner then chokes her for a bit until Ryan separates them. Ryan suggestively keeps his hands on Tara so Godderz gets on the apron and rips his shirt off, yelling at Ryan. Sky rolls Tara up but Ryan doesn’t count. Tara shimmies before her standing moonsault but gets distracted by Ryan, allowing Sky to roll out of the way when she finally connects with the move. Kim tags in but so does Terrell, and the latter takes it right to her heated rival with a clothesline and a snap suplex. Terrell makes her way to the top and connects with a flying crossbody. Terrell mounts Kim and slams the back of her head into the mat repeatedly. Tara enters and pushes Terrell off. Sky runs in and dropkicks Tara out to the floor. Kim flirts with Ryan a bit, playing with his mustache. Terrell rolls Kim up while Ryan takes his shirt off applies the baby oil. Kim reverses the roll-up and grabs the tights and Ryan counts the quick 3.

Winners [via Pinfall]: Tara & Gail Kim (5:26)

• MATCH THOUGHTS: Did Joey Ryan’s antics marginalize the Knockouts by having everything focus on him instead of the match at hand? Probably. But he was so entertaining that I can forgive the oversight. This might be the best utilization of Ryan since he signed with TNA and Kim playing into his sleazy nature to score the quick count was great. Also for what it’s worth Terrell wasn’t half-bad in the ring; her crossbody was beautiful.

POST-MATCH: Ryan tries to celebrate with Kim but she blows him off. Ryan heads back into the ring and tries to get them to get sleazy and they play along long enough for Terrell to give him a low-blow.

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Austin Aries & Bobby Roode are headed to the ring. The contract signing is next!

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-Commercial Break-

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Aries & Roode Vs. Guerrero & Hernandez Contract Signing

Jeremy Borash is with Austin Aries & Bobby Roode and Chavo Guerrero Jr. & Hernandez for the signing in the ring. No long table, just a podium. Borash asks if anyone has anything to say and Aries quickly interrupts. He says they aren’t tag team champs they are a team of world champions. Roode then says Guerrero and Hernandez don’t hold a candle to them because they’ve never been world champions. Guerrero butts in and says he’s a Guerrero and Hernandez is strong as a son of a gun. Borash tries to get the contract signing back on track but is once again Aries interrupts. Aries says they should make it more interesting by adding perks. Roode asks for green M&M’s, a fruit basket, and more money for the winners. Guerrero writes in a stipulation of his own without announcing it and Aries/Roode are all about it. Roode converses with Aries again and Aries writes in another stipulation without announcing it. Guerrero/Hernandez are down with whatever they wrote down. Borash makes the match official and announces the amended contract stipulations: it’ll be 2 out of 3 falls and if Guerrero/Hernandez lose they’ll never team again in TNA. Aries and Roode eagerly sign it, followed by Guerrero. Hernandez hesitates, asking if Guerrero is sure about this, then signs it. Borash hypes the Corpus Cristi match as both teams jaw at each other.

• THOUGHTS: As a wrestling fan I’ve grown to fear contract signing segments but this was one went by briskly and had a point to it. Best part? No post-signing brawl! They actually just went in, amended the contract a bit, then signed it! Consider me pleasantly surprised…and excited for next week’s match.

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GUT CHECK PROFILE: “Scrap Iron” Adam Pearce

After a shot of Adam Pearce getting ready, we cut to his “Gut Check Profile” video. Pearce goes into his accomplishments over his 17 year career and says now is the right place and the right time to make it on the main stage. Pearce then goes into the TNA roster and says he has a leg up on other Gut Check contestants because he’s faced many of them before and actually stands a chance. Pearce then talks about his wife and two kids and says he wants to win so he can tell his kids with pride that when they opened the door a crack he kicked it in.

• THOUGHTS: Well I think Pearce just made it clear that the match is not necessary and he should just automatically be given a contract. Best Gut Check profile video I’ve ever seen.

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-Commercial Break-

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GUT CHECK PROFILE VIDEO: Magno

After a shot of Magno getting ready, we go into his Gut Check profile which is subtitled because he’s Spanish. He talks about lucha libre and the tradition of the mask, how it comes from the Mayans. He says the mask defines him and it’s important for him to follow the tradition. He breaks into English and says he’s here to make an impact then reiterates his name once again.

• THOUGHTS: Oof he’s already playing from behind after that promo. But on the plus side he taught me something about the origin of lucha libre masks so now I can tell that nugget at parties…before being kicked out of said parties.

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Jeremy Borash introduces Adam Pearce and Magno into the ring for the Gut Check Challenge match.

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Match #2: Magno Vs. “Scrap Iron” Adam Pearce in a Gut Check Challenge Match

The bell sounds and Magno immediately does a flip to show off. Pearce goes in for a lockup but the exchange ends with Magno applying a wristlock. Pearce reverses into a wristlock of his own, but Magno escapes via headstand and takes Pearce to the mat with an armdrag takedown. Pearce reverses a waistlock into a hammerlock and goes for the cover but Magno uses his quickness to escape. They lock up and Pearce applies another wristlock, catching Magno with a right hand when he tries to flip his way out. Pearce works Magno over in the corner and whips him to the opposite side. Magno gets his boots up but Pearce responds with a back bodydrop for 2.

Pearce drives a forearm to Magno’s back then mocks his opponent. Pearce whips Magno in the corner and he tries to float over but trips. Magno covers it up well and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker followed by a springboard moonsault right on Pearce’s head for 2. Pearce reverses an Irish whip and catches Magno mid-springboard move, countering with a spinebuster for 2. Pearce whips Magno into the ropes but Magno flips over to the apron then takes Pearce down with a headscissors. Magno connects with a series of clotheslines then a kick in the corner. Magno clotheslines Pearce to the floor then makes his way to the top turnbuckle. Magno connects (sort-of) with a moonsault and both men take a second to regroup. The action moves back into the ring and Pearce goes for a roll-up, grabbing the middle rope, for the 1…2…3!

Winner [via Pinfall]: Adam Pearce (4:16)

• MATCH THOUGHTS: The crowd didn’t seem all that into it and I can’t blame them because this match was just off. Magno came off really sloppy and Pearce, though fine, didn’t do much in terms of impressing anyone who isn’t already a fan of his. Glad Pearce got the win and I hope he gets the contract but let’s just forget this match happened.

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LAST WEEK ON IMPACT: Hulk Hogan kicks Sting out of the ring and has security escort him out of the building.

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-Commercial Break-

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AJ Styles is walking backstage when he’s stopped by Mr. Anderson and other Aces & Eights members. Anderson says they would like a guy like Styles in their organization and presents him an Aces & Eights vest. Anderson tells Styles to think about and walks off while Styles walks the other way, vest in hand.

• THOUGHTS: If you don’t want the vest AJ, I’ll take it; chicks dig bad guys, especially bad guys wearing motorcycle vests. Probably.

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STORYLINE RECAP: Bully Ray reveals himself as the President of The Aces & Eights; Hulk Hogan freaks out at Sting for convincing him to trust Bully and kicks him out of last week’s show.

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The mysterious interviewer catches up with Hulk Hogan and asks for an update about Sting. Hogan says Sting’s not here because he needs warriors, not politicians. Hogan says he’s going to call out a warrior right now to find out where he stands because he’s digging his grey-area stuff.

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-Commercial Break-

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Joseph Park catches up with Joseph Park in the locker room. Park says he knows Angle wants to save wrestling but he’s here tonight to fight. Park says The Aces & Eights did him wrong too and will stand toe to toe with Angle to do whatever it takes to take it to them. Angle tells Park to follow his lead tonight and if he sees an opportunity during the match tonight he should take it.

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“Not Quite the nWo Theme” kicks up, bringing out GM Hulk Hogan. Hogan makes his way to the ring as the Jonesboro crowd cheers. The music fades out and Hogan cuts to the chase, saying he’s not making the same mistakes he did before. Hogan says from now on he’s going to follow his gut. He calls out AJ Styles for a little talk. “The Phenomenal One” makes his way out, hoodie up, still clutching the Aces & Eights cut. Styles gets in the ring and Hogan says if that’s the decision he’s making they are way off the page. Hogan says all the personal crap Styles went through is something he understands really well, and says he turned into a “different type of AJ, brother”. Hogan says TNA is Styles’ family and he’s praying to god Styles is not going down The Aces & Eights’ path. Hogan says the man TNA needs is the Styles he’s looking at right now. Hogan asks Styles for his help against The Aces & Eights.

Styles takes the mic and starts talking but out comes James Storm to interrupt. Storm says he remembers the stipulation that prevents Styles from losing his TNA World Heavyweight Title contention until October 2013. Storm says he was the guy who beat Styles to cause this, but that’s how it goes in this business. Storm says what really bothers him is the fact that Styles sat back and watched while The Aces & Eights jumped him. Storm says he’s been here as long as Styles and the company was built on their back. Storm says from The Asylum in Nashville to San Antonio to Jonesboro (cheap pop), he and Styles built this. Storm tells Styles to join The Aces & Eights if he wants to because he’s not the same guy he remembers. Storm tells Styles to clock out before he gets knocked out. Styles and Storm stare one another down for a moment before Styles drops the mic and leaves the ring still holding the Aces & Eights cut.

• THOUGHTS: When James Storm’s music initially hit I was ready to call it a day on this segment but then he had to go and cut one hell of a promo to bring me back in. Well-played. I really enjoyed this segment as a whole and it’s good to see Styles and Storm both get a fresh storyline and material to work with. Also this whole thing is a sign that TNA has some long-term plans in place. I love long-term planning.

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-Commercial Break-

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DURING THE BREAK: Hulk Hogan is done sucking up and says that AJ Styles needs to give him an answer next week.

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Sonjay Dutt makes his way out for the next contest, a triple threat X-Division qualifying match. We see clips of Dutt coming up short during his last X-Division title match. Mason Andrews and Petey Williams make their way out second and third, each getting a brief video package of their past TNA matches.

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Match #3: Sonjay Dutt Vs. Petey Williams Vs. Mason Andrews in an X-Division Qualifying Match

Dutt goes for a shoulderblock on Andrews but misses and hits Williams. Andrews goes for a cover and that leads into each man trying a variety of pinfall attempts to no avail. Andrews bails out of the ring to let Dutt and Williams fight it out. Williams sends Dutt throat-first into the second rope and dropkicks him before hitting Andrews with a suicide dive. Andrews rebounds and he and Williams take the action back in the ring. Andrews connects with a massive backbreaker but breaks the count to knock Dutt off the apron. Williams chops Andrews but gets caught with a knee to the gut. Andrews works Williams over in the corner, even biting him at one point.

Andrews takes Williams down with a snapmare and hits a second-rope axhandle to the back for the 1…2…kickout. Dutt gets back to the apron, kicks Andrews, then runs in and applies a submission on Williams. Andrews breaks it up and sends Dutt back to the outside. Williams escape the Fireman’s Carry but he and Andrews both get caught with a springboard dropkick. Dutt drapes Andrews over the second rope and hits a springboard legdrop on the apron, following up with another springboard splash on the inside for the 1…2…kickout. Dutt goes for a move on both competitors but Williams breaks it up, hits a side Russian legsweep and pins Dutt for the 1…2…kickout. Williams signals for the finish but Dutt pushes him into the corner. Dutt catches the leg and kicks him right in the thigh. Williams knocks Dutt to the mat, but Andrews jumps all the way up and hits a hurricanrana off the top. Dutt hits the Contra Code then heads to the top. He misses the MOONSTOMP and Andrews catches him with a flying knee. Williams then catches Andrews with THE CANADIAN DESTROYER for the 1…2…3!

Winner [via Pinfall]: Petey Williams (5:19)

• MATCH THOUGHTS: Yup these three-way matches are going to be nothing but spotfests, it’s best to prepare yourself now. That being said it was still entertaining and seeing Williams hit the Canadian Destroyer once again was awesome. Glad to see him back. Not so glad to see Mason Andrews.

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TNA World Champion Bully Ray is drinking beers with The Aces & Eights backstage. Ray says he’s in a bad mood due to Kurt Angle and his punk friends. Ray says no one pisses on The Aces & Eights’ parade. Ray says he knows they’re going to represent in the 10-man tag team match. Ray says let’s forget about what happened earlier and tonight they should go out and take their souls. Devon asks Ray if he’s ready to deal with Brooke. Ray sarcastically says he misses his wife as they fake-console her. Ray says he’s going to go out there and hand Brooke the envelope and after that they’ll be able to move forward. Ray and The Aces & Eights then toast to their mantra as we go to commercial.

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-Commercial Break-

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NEXT WEEK ON IMPACT: Jeff Hardy gets his World Title rematch in a “Full Metal Mayhem” match. Taryn Terrell takes on Gail Kim, AJ Styles makes his decision, and Aries & Roode defend their belts against Guerrero & Hernandez.

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The Aces & Eights make their way out for the main event sans their fearless leader. Their Team TNA opponents all make their way out next as a cohesive unit led by Kurt Angle and using Angle’s entrance music.

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Main Event: Team TNA (Kurt Angle, Samoa Joe, Magnus, Eric Young, & Joseph Park) Vs. The Aces & Eights (Devon, D.O.C., Knux, Garett Bischoff, & Wes Brisco)

Angle starts the match for Team TNA, and hip-tosses Brisco in so he starts for The Aces & Eights. Angle chokes Brisco in the corner then connects with a snap suplex for an early 2-count. Brisco rakes the eyes and tags out to Bischoff. Bischoff runs into a hip-toss and is dropped once again by a series of rights. Angle stomps Bischoff in the corner before choking him with his knee. Angle grabs Bischoff and tags Magnus in. Bischoff ducks a clothesline but Magnus catches him during a crossbody attempt, slamming him to the mat. Joe tags in and he and Magnus double-team Bischoff culminating in a running senton by Joe.

Devon tags in but Joe ducks all of his right hands and hits him with a series of his own. Joe splashes Devon in the corner and follows up with a standing enziguri and a chop. Joe kicks the seated Devon then follows up with a running kneedrop for a 2-count. Devon rakes the eyes and tags out to Knux. Joe ducks a clothesline and hits a flying knee before tagging in Young. Young connetcs with a series of rights but is all of a sudden caught with a knee to the gut giving the advantage to Knux. Knux sends Young face-first into the top turnbuckle but Young turns the tides and sends Knux flying to the outside. Young launches himself over the top and onto Knux, flattening him with a splash. This match continues after the commercial break.

-Commercial Break-

Young gets a 2-count on Knux as we come back from break. Knux catches Young in the midsection with an elbow to stem the tide and sends him out to the floor with a big boot. Knux follows him out and delivers a right hand before Devon rolls him back in. Knux grabs the arm and drops the leg on Young’s throat. D.O.C. tags in and works Young over in the corner with a series of strikes. The Aces & Eights gets their licks in while the ref is distracted. D.O.C. connects with a big running splash for a 2-count. Devon tags in and catches Young with a right hand. Devon repeatedly strikes Young in the corner then brings him to the mat via snapmare. Devon applies a nervehold to the trapezius muscle but Young makes it to his feet thanks to the excitement of the fans. However Devon easily fights back with a running clothesline then does a Spinarooni-ish to get back up!

D.O.C. tags in but is stunned by a jawbreaker. D.O.C. and Knux knock the rest of Team TNA (sans Park) off the apron to prevent the tag. Young, however, keeps fighting back and hits an enziguri sending D.O.C. to the mat. Park gets the hot tag and sends D.O.C. flying out to the floor. Brisco runs in and Park runs over him before hitting the other members of The Aces & Eights with a right hand. Park slams Brisco to the mat and hits the splash for the 1…2…Aces & Eights break it up. All 10 men make their way into the ring as the big donnybrook ensues. Eventually it clears out, leaving Park and Joe for Team TNA and Devon for The Aces & Eights. Joe takes out the gang with a suicide gave as Devon takes Park down with a spinebuster. Devon heads to the top but misses the flying headbutt. Park makes his way to the second-rope for the Closing Argument, but Bischoff/Brisco run-in so he flattens them with a double clothesline. D.O.C. then hits Park with a low-blow and rolls him up for the 1…2…3!

Winners [via Pinfall]: The Aces & Eights (13:55)

• MATCH THOUGHTS: Too many cooks in this kitchen to make it much of an exciting match but Park getting his moment to shine was fun. He can get any crowd into the palm of his hands with ease. Also the ending got a little too cluttered and I lost track of who was where so I have no idea which Aces & Eights member was the legal man.

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Hulk Hogan is backstage with Brooke Hogan. Brooke says he wants to go out alone to confront Bully Ray and will bring some security guys for her protection. Hogan is not comfortable but Brooke assures him she’ll be fine.

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-Commercial Break-

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STORYLINE RECAP: Bully Ray marries and then betrays Brooke Hogan.

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Face to Face: Bully Ray & Brooke Hogan

TNA World Champion Bully Ray makes his way out through the crowd, manila envelope in hand. He gets into a shouting match with a bunch of people ringside then shakes hands with Taz at ringside before heading into the ring. Ray grabs a mic and says in seven days the biggest World Championship rematch in wrestling history takes place. Ray calls Jeff Hardy the stupidest person he’s ever met because he was dumb enough to challenge him to a match that involves tables, ladders, and chairs. Ray then turns his attention to tonight as he has personal business to take care of. He calls out his beautiful wife to the ring.

Brooke Hogan makes her way out with two members of the security team. Brooke gets into the ring and Ray asks how she is before asking where her wedding ring is. Ray says he has his ring on as it’s a sign of his love and devotion for her. Ray gives her a pass for this week but from now on Brooke does what she’s told and wears her wedding ring. Brooke tries to stop but Ray stops her and says the security should be there for his protection not hers. Ray says Brooke was crazed after Lockdown and says she should have been happy instead because he became the World Heavyweight Champion. Ray says Brooke should have done everything a good wife does after the match but she’s insane.

Ray “forgives” Brooke and asks her what the manila envelope contains. Brooke says she hopes it’s divorce papers, but Ray says he loves her and she’s the wind beneath his wings and he couldn’t have done any of this without her. Ray hands her the envelope and tells her to open it. That she does and she pulls out a ticket. Ray says it’s a front row ticket for the Corpus Cristi, TX; he wants her to be there in the front row to watch him defeat Jeff Hardy for the second time. Ray then tells Brooke that lately she’s “let herself go”, so Brooke rips the ticket up and slaps him in the face. Ray says he can’t help but laugh, calling Brooke pathetic. Ray says he’s in Brooke’s head so bad it’s not funny, and has been there since day one. Ray asks Brooke if she wants to smack him again.

The verbal abuse is cut off by the arrival of Jeff Hardy, who runs out and brawls with Ray as Brooke escapes the ring. The two brawl as Keneley and company hype next week’s main event, and the show comes to a close.

• THOUGHTS: Try as Bully Ray did this segment did nothing to hook me in and the whole “here’s a ticket to watch me beat Hardy” schtick was ridiculous and not a good payoff to the manila envelope mystery. That and the post-segment brawl were a deflating way to end what was a good show overall.

*****

When not covering TNA for 411 on (most) Thursdays, Jon can also be found blathering about pro wrestling on Twitter and, starting tomorrow, on his own website Pro Wrestling Update!