411’s WWE Superstars Report 05.04.13

Commentators: Matt Striker & Tony Dawson

Championship’s roll call: WWE Champion: John Cena… World Champion: Dolph Ziggler… Intercontinental Champion: Wade Barrett… United States Champion: Kofi Kingston… Tag Team Champions: Team Hell No… NXT Champion: Big E Langston… NXT Tag Team Champions: Adrian Neville & Oliver Grey… Diva’s Champion: Kaitlyn

R-Truth vs. Damien Sandow:   SILENCE! Pre-match, Sandow quotes… himself, “ignorance is curable but stupid is forever.” He tells everyone not to chant “what’s up!” I believe Confucius once said “Man who stands on toilet, high on pot.” Anyway, they lock up and Truth pushes Sandow into the ropes predicating a rope break. They link up again and Sandow works the arm but gets snagged in an armdrag. Damien tries to boot but Truth catches the foot and applies a side headlock; Truth hits the ropes, Sandow thinks leapfrog, but Truth stops short and dances. Or as Tony Dawson claims that Truth himself calls it: “the jiggy-jiggy.” Angrily Sandow charges and almost gets Flatlined but quickly retreats to the floor to regroup. He reenters and immediately gets caught in an armbar. Dawson noted that Truth has over 600K followers on Twitter. I need about 599K more to catch up with him; anyone wanna help me? Hashtag: #Elusive600K and follow @MarcElusive! Truth comes back with a hiplock but Sandow retreats again so Truth follows him to the floor and tosses him back in. Damien tries to take over but Truth keeps his advantage with punches in the corner… until Sandow clips his leg, smacking Truth’s face off the turnbuckles, and takes over. Back from commercial, Truth is elbowing free of a body scissors waistlock; he tries to build momentum but Sandow drop-toeholds him onto the bottom rope. A Bossman Straddle gets two for Damien. Sandow with a classic bootlace eyerake and a snap-suplex; he hits a few short knees in the ropes, followed by the Russian leg sweep and Cubito Aequet, for two. Sandow applies an abdominal stretch but fails to hook the toe in properly, pissing off Gorilla Monsoon, in heaven. I’ll give Matt Striker credit, he always notes a storyline for these Superstars matches; in this case, Sandow was a Grammar Nazi to Truth in the locker room. Speaking of Truth, he hiplocks out but Sandow keeps up on him. Sandow eventually misses a charge and Truth comes back with clotheslines the Truth Conviction; the Breakdance Legdrop connects as well. He goes for the leaping Flatliner, now entitled the Lie Detector by Dawson, so I guess that move has yet another name. First it was the “What’s Up,” then when he went heel it was the “Shut Up,” then when he went insane it was the “Little Jimmy” and now it’s called the “Lie Detector.” Actually, I thought that corkscrew forearm was called the Lie Detector? Sandow goes for a backslide and gets two; he tosses Truth into the middle turnbuckle to crate space but Truth casually plants Sandow with the Lie Detector and gets the pinfall.   5.5/10 The match itself was not that bad but Truth is one of the rare WWE Superstars that never loses but also never gets pushed. I presume, because some of his out of the ring issues, the WWE is hesitant to push him; although, it didn’t stop them when he was facing John Cena at a PPV a few years ago. Unfortunately, as a rapping babyface, Truth does not stand out; when he was a crazy heel he was much more entertaining.

Here is your winner… R-Truth via Lie Detector pinfall

A focus on the Shield and their path of decimation in the WWE, culminating with the beating of the Undertaker is shown. The current feud with Team Hell No is also featured.

The entire Mark Henry tug-of-war challenge from SmackDown is shown where he defeated Tensai, Brodus Clay and Sheamus. And then Sheamus was a sore loser.

Kaitlyn vs. Tamina Snuka:   Kaitlyn grabs a side headlock and wrenches Tamina down; Snuka erects herself and reverses the hold. Kaitlyn fires her off but Tamina USES THE HAIR to maintain control. Kaitlyn eventually reverses and goes to a front facelock; Tamina forces her into the corner and tries a superplex but they battle. Tamina wins the battle and pushes Kaitlyn onto the top rope strand. She takes over on O by kicking and screaming the Universe. She then goes for a reverse chinlock. My God this is all chinlocks; bring up Paige and Emma now! Kaitlyn frees herself and they collide head-to-head, out of the corner. Kaitlyn builds momentum with clotheslines and a leaping lariat. She plants Tamina with a reverse DDT but gets two. Here’s the spear attempt but Tamina sticks her elbow in Kaitlyn’s face to break. Tamina drops a leg and tries a Samoan Drop but Kaitlyn slips out the backdoor and cradles her for three.   1.5/10 Usual stuff from the divas as the WWE gives them zero attention and it shows in the ring work; 90% of this match was chinlocks and facelocks. Painful. They’re building to a Kaitlyn/AJ Lee title match, where I presume AJ will take the title and form the champion “power couple” with Dolph Ziggler throughout the summer.

Here is your winner… Kaitlyn via sunset counter pinfall

The Raw Rebound is Team Hell No and a wounded John Cena against the Shield where Roman Reigns PINNED John Cena, which is impressive in itself. Cena is in his “renaissance” as the champ again… but not against the Shield. The Shield continues to dominate the WWE landscape.

OVERALL 4/10   The opening match was okay, the rest was recaps and an awful divas match. Nothing special this week.

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