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411’s WWE Smackdown Report 5.17.13

May 17, 2013 | Posted by Michael Benjamin

Hello readers! I’m Michael Benjamin and this is the final Smackdown on the road to Extreme Rules. Lets get to it!

SHOW… ON!

Championship Roll Call:
WWE Champion: John Cena
World Champion: Dolph Ziggler
US Champion: Kofi Kingston
IC Champion: Wade Barrett
Diva’s Champion: Kaitlyn
WWE World Tag Team Champions: Kane & Daniel Bryan


WWE Smackdown Report 5.17.13

Miz TV Featuring Randy Orton and Big Show
Miz kicks off Smackdown by welcoming us to the return of Miz TV. *yay* He introduces both men and brings them down to the ring immediately. Miz explains that anything goes in their Extreme Rules match on Sunday. Miz takes us back to last week’s episode of Smackdown and shows us a replay of Randy Orton hitting the RKO on Show after his match with Tensai. Miz asks Show if that’s going to happen at Extreme Rules. Big Show says that Orton can only get the job done by coming from behind. Show says that he doesn’t need weapons. He only needs his fists and he’ll win by TKO. Orton says there’s no chance he’ll let Big Show defeat him in his home town. The Viper is going to take down the giant on Sunday and the giant may not get back up.

Jack Swagger’s music interrupts and he makes his way down to the ring with Zeb Colter. Colter apologizes for breaking up the therapy session. Colter says that Sunday will be memorable, but not because of anything Big Show and Randy do. On Sunday, Swagger is going to make Del Rio say “I quit.” Obviously, this brings out Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez. Alberto tells Colter to shut up. He says the only thing people are going to remember this Sunday is Alberto Del Rio becoming the number one contender.

Here comes Mark Henry. He hears all of them talking about what’s going to be remembered on Sunday. What’s going to be remembered is Henry setting records and pulling semis. People are going to remember him beating Sheamus like nobody has in his life. What will be remembered is that he’s the strongest man in the world. That’s what he does. Here comes Sheamus. He pulls a strap out and asks “why wait for Sunday?” He charges into the ring and the faces clean house. This was a typical Smackdown opening segment disguised as Miz TV. I was expecting Teddy Long to come out and book the six man tag.

-Commercial Break-

– Ah, here comes Teddy Long to the top of the ramp. You know what happens next.

Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns (w/ Dean Ambrose) vs. The Usos
Rollins and Jimmy start us off. Jimmy corners Rollins and delivers some stiff strikes. He tosses him around a bit and Reigns gets the blind tag. Reigns comes in and stomps a mudhole into Jimmy. He whips him into the corner and but Jimmy gets his boot up. Reigns falls down into the corner and takes a Samoan ass to the face. Jey tries getting involved but Rollins clotheslines him over the top. Reigns ducks a clothesline and delivers a spear to Jimmy Uso for a quick victory. This was quick, yet effective enough in showing off Reigns and Rollins as a pair. Reigns sure does deliver a hell of a spear as well.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns @ 1:40 aired via pinfall
RATING: N/R

– After the match, The Shield beat down The Usos and Kofi Kingston runs down to make the save. Right as they’re about to triple powerbomb Jey, Kofi starts swinging a steel chair and that sends The Shield packing.

-Commercial Break-

– Backstage, Teddy long is welcoming back The Miz. Sandow steps onto the scene and pitches the “Damien Sandow Show” to Teddy Long. Teddy books Miz vs. Sandow for later tonight and we move on.

– We get a replay from Raw of the six man tag finish and Ryback beating John Cena down with a chair after the match.

Tons of Funk (w/ The Funkadactyls) vs. The Prime Time Players
Darren Young starts off with Brodus Clay. Brodus quickly corners him and beats him up. Quick tag to Tensai. They hit a sideslam/running leg drop double team. Darren rolls to the outside and Tensai follows him. He rolls Darren in and Titus clotheslines Tensai on the floor. In comes Young with some punches and shoulder thrusts on a now hurt Tensai. He charges at Tensai in the corner but Tensai sidesteps him and tags in Brodus. In comes Clay with some clotheslines and a T-Bone suplex. He sends him into the corner and hits the splash. He goes for a cover and Titus is late to break it up. Awkward spot. Things break down quick. Titus is thrown to the outside and Darren Young ends up falling victim to a double body splash for the loss. Another match that was too short to mean anything. I’m not complaining though, as this was never going to be good and did nothing to promote Extreme Rules anyway.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Tons of Funk @ 2:18 via pinfall
RATING: N/R

-Commercial Break-

Chris Jericho vs. Antonio Cesaro
Here we go! They circle to start and grapple. He corners Jericho and they break it up. Back to the middle of the ring and Jericho locks in a side headlock. Cesaro whips him off and knocks him down with a nice looking shoulder block. Backstage, Fandango and Summer Rae are dancing. Summer Rae falls down and pretends to hurt her ankle again as they laugh it off. Back in the ring, Jericho Irish whips Cesaro into the ropes and Cesaro catches the ropes and heads outside for a breather. Back in the ring and he delivers a few uppercuts and chops. He charges at Jericho in the corner but Jericho gets his feet up. He follows up with a missile dropkick followed by a dropkick to the back of the head. Cesaro rolls onto the apron for another breather. Jericho meets him on the other side of the ropes and they exchange suplex attempts. Jericho hits a springboard dropkick and Cesaro flies to the mat.

-Commercial Break-

During the break, Cesaro took control. He has a headlock applied and Jericho escapes. He gets a roll up for two and Cesaro clotheslines him back down and slaps on another headlock. Jericho backs Cesaro into a corner to break the hold and delivers an axe handle off the top rope. Cesaro makes it back to his feet and locks in another headlock! Jericho gets him down and goes for the walls to no avail. Cesaro gets the knees up for a lionsault reversal and hits his signature stomp on Jericho’s chest for two. He lifts Jericho up by his ears and whips him into the ropes. Jericho floats over and hits an enziguri. TWO. Jericho lifts up Cesaro and delivers a few punches and chops. He hits the ropes and Cesaro catches him with a tilt-a-whirl back breaker for another nearfall. He stalks Jericho as Y2J makes it to his feet and goes back for the headlock. He tosses Jericho down to his knees and goes for the Neutralizer. Jericho reverses that into the walls but Antonio powers out. Jericho climbs up top for a splash but Cesaro makes it to his feet and catches him with the uppercut! TWOOO! Cesaro’s getting pissed off now. He slaps Jericho in the back of the head a few times and dead lifts him up. Cesaro goes for the gutwrench but Jericho reverses that into the walls of Jericho! This time, Cesaro taps out. This was a really fun match while it lasted. I’d love to see these guys go even longer on Main Event some time though.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Chris Jericho @ 8:18 aired via pinfall
RATING: **3/4

– After the match, Fandango’s music plays and Summer Rae dances atop the stage. Fandango attacks Jericho from behind however, and Jericho doesn’t fall for it! He beats up Fandango and sends him packing.

– We get another taped Colter promo with Swagger in the background. He talks about extremism. Same old toeing the line racist promo that he always delivers.

-Commercial Break-

Damien Sandow vs. The Miz
Sandow gets the jobber entrance. Cody Rhodes will be joining us on commentary. Rhodes does a good job of putting Miz over, saying that the pre-show would be a good proving ground for himself against a former world champion and movie star. Lockup to start. Miz gets the side headlock in and Damien rolls him out. Sandow gets him in the corner and delivers a stomping. Miz fights back with a clothesline. He whips Sandow into the ropes and Sandow rolls out. Miz meets him out there and clotheslines him down to the mat. He tosses Sandow back in the ring but Sandow catches him before he can roll in. Cody Rhodes gets on the mic and tells the entire crowd to stand up and show Damien Sandow some respect. Sandow hits a nice suplex followed by a knee to the jaw. Right now, Barrett is on the WWE App cutting a promo. This is WWE’s way of saying you don’t have to give a shit about this match. Sandow hits the elbow of disdain for two. He locks Miz in a chinlock. Miz battles out and they exchange some punches. Miz hits a clothesline and a big boot. Corner clothesline? Yep. He hits it. Miz goes upstairs and delivers an axe handle. Miz goes for the Figure Four and Rhodes gets on the apron! Miz knocks Cody Rhodes off the apron and reapplies the Figure Four for the victory. This was a pretty cookie cutter match. Cody Rhodes killed it on commentary though. The guy is an ace in the ring and cuts fantastic promos. However, he’s in an endless rotation of meaningless matches with no chance for upward elevation. It must get pretty depressing working for WWE.

OFFICIAL RESULT: The Miz @ 4:57 aired via submission
RATING: *3/4

-Commercial Break-

– They show Kaitlyn getting flowers backstage from her secret admirer.

Aksana vs. Kaitlyn
They circle to start. Kaitlyn takes her down and locks in a headlock. She follows up with an arm wringer. Aksana fights out and whips Kaitlyn into the ropes but Aksana fights back! She slingshots Kaitlyn throat first into the top rope before digging her knee into the small of Kaitlyn’s back. She follows up with a headlock. Kaitlyn tries to fight out of it but Aksana remains in control. She delivers a nice leg sweep and kicks Kaitlyn in the face. TWO. Josh Matthews is talking about the research he’s done to find out Kaitlyn’s admirer and Cole makes jokes about it being Josh Matthews while subtly saying Josh jacks off to pictures of Kaitlyn at 2 AM. Aksana lifts Kaitlyn up onto her shoulders but Kaitlyn slips off, whips Aksana into the ropes, and gives her the spear for three. This was your typical short divas match. Aksana really doesn’t get credit for being more than serviceable in the ring. She’s making some progress.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Kaitlyn @ 2:07 aired via pinfall
RATING: N/R

-Commercial Break-

– We get a Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar video package. Like we do every Friday.

– They follow that up with a Raw Rebound of the Triple H/Lesnar segment on Raw. They played almost the ENTIRE segment. I have to assume that the majority of the Smackdown audience watches Raw, right?

Sheamus, Randy Orton and Alberto Del Rio vs. Mark Henry, Big Show and Jack Swagger
Swagger is going to start things off with Del Rio. They lock up and battle for power with Jack Swagger coming out on top. He hits a shoulder block, hits the ropes, and Del Rio hits an arm drag. Del Rio corners Swagger and kicks him a couple times followed by a dropkick to the face. In comes Orton for the faces and he stomps on all of Swagger’s limbs. He gets all ten of the corner punches as the crowed tepidly counts along. He whips Swagger into the ropes but Swagger picks the leg with a nice shoulder block. Orton gets up from that and hits an elevated dropkick before tagging in Del Rio. Del Rio sends Swagger to the outside and dives through the ropes, taking Swagger down. He rolls Swagger into the ring and goes upstairs. Swagger makes it to the top rope and arm drags him down to the mat. He crawls to his corner and tags in Big Show. Show takes it down a notch and steps on Alberto’s chest methodically. SHH chops! Back in comes Swagger. Swagger delivers a bevy of knees to Alberto in the corner before quick tagging Mark Henry in. He delivers some more stomps to ADR and tags Swagger back in. Swagger runs at Del Rio but gets hit with a boot. ADR follows up with a tilt-a-whirl back breaker! Both men are down! Swagger makes it to Big Show in time and Show cuts ADR off right as we was about to tag in Orton! It’s time for the last commercial break of the evening.

-Commercial Break

We’re back! Swagger charges at Del Rio in the corner but ADR gets out of the way and Swagger goes shoulder first into the ring post! Again, Jack Swagger tags in Big Show and Show pulls ADR back to the middle of the ring. ADR was inches away from the tag. Show goes for a powerbomb but ADR reverses that into the head scissors. In comes Sheamus! Sheamus hits some running strikes. He goes upstairs but Big Show ducks! Sheamus rolls on the mat and comes out unscathed. WHITE NOISE! He goes for the brogue kick but Mark Henry grabs him from the apron. That was enough of a distraction for Big Show to deliver a chokeslam! ONE… TWO… NO! Swagger’s in now. Swagger gives Sheamus a scoop slam and a leg drop for a two count. Sheamus fights back and hits a running senton on Jack Swagger! In comes Henry! He prevents Sheamus from tagging in Randy Orton and goes to work. Stomps and punches ensue. He tags Big Show back in. Sheamus gets to his knees and delivers a few punches to Show’s abdomen. His comeback falters though and he takes a big boot to the face. Big Show lifts him up and gives up five or six chops. Swagger’s back in now. He takes the fight to Sheamus with a few punches and a clothesline. He follows up with the Swagger Bomb and only gets TWO. He attempts it again but Sheamus catches him! He drops Swagger on the mat and in comes Orton. He’s on fire with clotheslines and a powerslam but Mark Henry catches him. Things are breaking down! Swagger locks Alberto Del Rio in the ankle lock and Randy Orton comes out of nowhere with the RKO! That’s all she wrote. This was a textbook six man tag that had enough time to develop and entertain. It was a fine way to close the show and head to Extreme Rules.

OFFICIAL RESULT: Randy Orton @ 13:08 aired via pinfall
RATING: ***

OVERALL: There were a lot of short matches tonight that never got out of first gear. That usually tends to be the case for a go home show. Cesaro/Jericho was pretty good and the six man tag was a fun main event. Still though, this episode of Smackdown was pretty boring with all things considered, especially if you’ve already seen the Lesnar/HHH segment on Raw. 4/10

Be sure to check out Instant Access on Sunday after Extreme Rules for my knee jerk reactions and star ratings. Also, check out my latest YouChoose Review for my take on Backlash 2006. Be sure to vote for what I review next!

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