wrestling / TV Reports
411’s WWE RAW Report 7.8.13
Championship Roll Call:
WWE Champion: John Cena
World Champion: Alberto Del Rio
US Champion: The Shield’s Dean Ambrose
IC Champion: Curtis Axel
Unified Diva’s Champion: AJ Lee
WWE World Tag Team Champions: The Shield’s Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns
Welcome to 411’s LIVE WWE Raw Report 7.08.13
Welcome, one and all, to the best recap on the internet! It is I, Tony Acero, and I’m here for all your immediate RAW needs…(giggity). While you’re waiting for the show, enjoy staring at my beloved for 20 minutes or so! Quick question, HOW do you think the Wyatt’s are going to debut tonight?! Promo? Interrupting a match? Or sliding down the ramp on rocking chairs?
In case you forgot, WWE starts the show with a short Wyatt vignette! OOO-weeeee!! They’re comin!
After the intro, we head to the middle of the ring with Vickie, Brad Maddox, and a ladder! Smell the intrigue! As we know, she’s been working on the PPV. She calls the ladder a symbol of spectacle, and brings up names like Shawn Michaels, Razor Ramon, Triple H. It also means something very special to her. She has climbed year after year with her career. If she falls, she is holding all of us responsible.
Vickie heads up the ladder! She asks for the mic. She says that there is no book on how a woman can be successful in a male dominated environment. No one ever held her hand. No one told her how to run a show, or how to manage a roster full of superstars. But she has done everything on her own. She navigated every minefield to bring us the greatest matches and best entertainment. She knows we ain’t seen eye to eye, but from the top of the ladder to the bottom of her heart, every decision she ever made was for us. awwww.
Interruption here. It’s Jerry “The King” Lawler and he asks to be excused. He just received a note. In prep of her job evaluation, the McMahon fam will be considering any and all factors, including the opinion of the Universe. Starting now, there’s a poll where we can grade Vickie as managing supervisor.
A) Pass
B) Fail
C) College Credit
Of course, Vickie kisses some cheeks atop the ladder, callin us her family. We have good days and bad days, but at the end of each day…every member has each other’s back, right? RIGHT?!? Brad hilariously gives her thumbs up.
Remember, if you’re not reading this on 411wrestling.com, you’re reading it on a site that has herpes. You don’t want that on your fingers do you?! DO YOU?!
Tonight, John Cena will stand face-to-face with Mark Henry. Because back-to-back would just be weird. She will also have Christian vs Kane, Orton vs CM Punk, Sheamus vs Daniel Bryan…..NOW!
Look at these chumps. Opening RAW.
Lockup to start! Sheamus sends Bryan into the corner. Ref breaks it up. Side headlock takedown from Shemaus. Bryan stands up into it, sends Sheamus to the ropes, and Sheamus hits a shoulder tackle. Both men look at the briefcase (Should we drink?) and we start with another lockup. Bryan quickly turns it into an armhold and takes Sheamus to his knee. Twist of the arm, and it’s behind Sheamus’s back. Rope work, Bryan leaps backwards, gets hopped over, hard clothesline! Pin for 1…NO! Kicks from Bryan are stopped by some forearms to the back. Knees to the head of Bryan from Sheamus. He uses the ropes to help out a bit. Ref counts to three. Takedown from Sheamus as he works the left arm.
Both men up, and Bryan hits a knee to the gut after some rope work. Kicks to Sheamus in the chest and left arm as the crowd chants YES! Bryan tries to work the arm but Sheamus grabs the nose, then hits a neckbreaker and a pin for 1…2..NO! Sheamus grabs Bryan and sends him to the ropes. Bryan runs into a backbreaker and a pin for 1…2..NO! Bryan uses the ropes to flip up, grab Sheamus with his legs, then send Sheamus over the ropes! He goes for the flying knee, but Sheamus grabs him and looks to send him into the barricade but flubs up a bit. Bryan hits the barricade face first as we get a commercial.
We are back in the ring, and Bryan has the upperhand as he gets sent into the corner, flips over Sheamus and….right into an Irish Curse! aww man! 1…2..NO! The crowd is firmly behind Bryan. Whip to the ropes, Bryan with a kick! He gets stopped by an axe handle, stands in the corner! Shouldere block, knee to the face! Spinning uppercut! All from Sheamus!! Pin for 1…2…NO! Sheamus sends Bryan into the corner. Whip to the opposi—no, Sheamus sends him back into the corner! Bryan tries to kick out of it, but Sheamus hits the rolling senton! He stands to some boos! (Not all boos, but they’re noticeable!) He calls for the Brogue! Misses it as Bryan tugs the rope! Sheamus goes up and over! SUICIDE DIVE!! He hits it! Well fuck, this is fun! Bryan sends Sheamus back in the ring! He goes to the top turnbuckle! Bryan is gonna fly! Missle dropkick! Pin for 1…2..NO!
Bryan is seething with every YES! Sheamus is kneed. Yes kicks to the chest, muthafuckas!! He misses the head one, though! Sheamus rolls to the apron. Bryan misses a kick and Sheamus starts with the beatdown on the chest of Bryan! He gets the 10! Sheamus with a clothesline from the apron! Sheamus is up top! Bryan crotches him, though! Sheamus with a right from up top, so Bryan gives him one, too! Bryan is looking for a possible frankensteiner, but Sheamus holds on! Battering ram from the corner and a 1…2..NO!! Sheamus is muy angry. He is looking for White Noise! Bryan is able to weigh him down so Sheamus just sends him into the corner, twice! Drop Toe Hold sends Sheamus into the turnbuckle face first! Bryan kicks the rope! He goes Super Saiyan and kicks Sheamus in the fuckin head! Pin for 1…2..NO!! Bryan goes up top! Flying headutt! He misses! Sheamus pins! 1…2..NO!!
Sheamus with some right hands, but Bryan ducks the third and starts with the thigh kicks. Sheamus goes for a short clothesline, but Bryan is able to kick Sheamus down. Bryan hits the ropes for the solid kick, but Sheamus grabs him! Bryan with a crucifix pin! 1…2…NO!! Yes LOCK! But no, Bryan can’t get it! Sheamus is able to turn that into the Cloverleaf!
Bryan strengths his way out of the hold! Rolls forward! ROLL UP!!! 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Daniel Bryan via Submission
That was a hectic and fun ass match! I’m tempted to give it four stars just on the excitement factor, alone. Sheamus hasn’t looked this good in so long…
RATING: ***1/2
Sheamus is shocked as the crowd is going YES Crazy! Sheamus gets in Bryan’s face, then they both stare at the briefcase. Sheamus shakes the hand of Bryan then heads out.
Apparently, the WWE sent out a reporter to Hickville to find the Wyatt family, and we’ve got some video proof. A couple folks tell our camera dude that it’s a couple miles “down that-a-way” and “you’ll know” when we get there.
My beloved is here! She wants Big E to be on the look out for Kaitlyn and her stompin. In comes Ziggler. AJ has missed him. Dolph wants to talk. Uh ohs….looks like I got breakup duty. Dolph is wondering why AJ wasn’t there Monday or Friday. Dolph wants to know why this is about AJ. AJ gets all super sexy, saying Dolph’s first and only priority is for them to walk out as champs. She’ll do anything to make sure that happens and wants to hear the same from Dolph. Dolph ain’t tryin to say it. AJ wants to know if he wants to go all the way. And he’s like yeah, bro, for sure, all the way to his third championship. The show goes black for a second, then we get Cole talking about Henry and Cena. I wonder what I missed.
Another Mark Henry video package is aired, and if you ain’t scared….be scared.
Remember, if you’re not reading this recap on 411wrestling.com, there is a chance that a Hawaiian-shirted, hat-wearing, big boy is going to visit you in the night.
So, apparently, the tag team match will be on the pre-ppv match. In other words, unimportant! (Ok, I’ll try to be fair and say that maybe they’re trying to make the pre-show more important…but it ain’t there yet).
Brodus and Rollins to start. Brodus misses a clothesline, gets kicked, then chops Rollins’s chest. He presses Rollins up then tosses him. Tag to Tensaid, and they double team the gut of Rollins. Double underhook lift by Tensai, followed by the suplex and a pin for 1…2..NO! Tag to Brodus. Big Boy is in with a right to the gut. Whip to the ropes, T-bone suplex from Clay! He’s lookin to smash! Spalsh into the corner! He goes for the Fall of Humanity, but Rollins is out, and tags in Reigns. Reigns with a clothesline and a pin for 1…2.NO! Reigns lifts up Brodus with a headlock then tags in ROllins. They double team for a second then Rollins gets Brodus hangin over the apron. Big boot to the head on the outside, then he rolls in and pin for 1…but Brodus powers out. Tag to Reigns. He comes in with a headbutt as Rollins heads out.
Brodus is in the corner, and tries to fight out, but Reigns is too powerful and hits a knee to the gut. Snapmare into a chinlock. Brodus is able to get some rights, breaks the hold, hits the ropes, and runs right into an elbow. Tag to Rollins who hits some rights in the corner. Kick to the gut as Brodus tries to fight out again. Reigns whips ROllins into the corner, then hits an elbow to the chin of Brodus, sending him to the mat. Reigns rolls him over then covers for 1…NO! Reigns with a cravat. Brodus turns into it, but Reigns stays on top and beats the shit out of the top of the spine with some right forearms. Reigns taunts Brodus up. He grabs the left arm and is looking to lift Brodus! After a failed first attempt, he gets him up, but Brodus rolls down and locks in a rollup for 1…2…NO! Brodus with a belly to back toss, and both men are down.
Reigns gets the tag first, but T comes in shortly after with a right, another, a blocked clothesline. He channels his inner Road Dogg with some juke n jive then a shoulder tackle onto Rollins. He sends Reigns off the apron. Tensai with a rollin Senton INTO Rollins, woh was seated in the corner. Tensai runs into a boot, grabs it, but Rollins sends him face first into the turnbuckle. He sends Brodus off the apron, then goes up top. Rollins flies off, Tensai sends him to the right. BALDO BOMB!! Pin for 1…2…NO!! OOOOOO, I thought that was it!!
Rollins with a kick, a spinning kick to the head. Rollins hits the ropes. Blind tag from Reigns. Sweet T sidesteps. Rollins flies over the top rope into Brodus as Reigns hits a Spear! Pin for 1…2…3!!!!
Official Result: The Shield
A little slow when Reigns was in there, but that end sequence was solid! And they totally got me with that Baldo Bomb.
RATING: **1/2
Back to the reporter, who is searching for The Wyatts. Some shoddy cam work from such a professional leads us to a Texas Chainsaw massacre looking house…or an Episode of Hoarders. We catch one of the Wyatt’s with a mask on, choppin some wood. He says “shhh” then we are surprised by the other Wyatt! He says, “Follow Me” and when we pan back to homeboy choppin, a fire is already ablaze.
John Cena is here. He calls the crowd riled up. He says MITB may very well be tonight. He mentions the tweet from Henry about how he and Henry needed to “talk.” He claims that the World’s Strongest Man is missin, cuz he’s right here. HERE HE COMES, Home Skillet!!
Henry is here! Is that a new shirt?! I’d wear it if I worked out. But I’m a basement dwelling fatty. Henry says Cena has the same look from last week, the look of a bitch! Ok, he says fear. Cena says he ain’t scared. Henry says he should be. For 17 years, he’s starved and there’s only one thing that can satisfy his hunger. Cena says he must want a Snickers bar. Henry says the old Mark Henry would have laughed, or maybe even whopped dat azz. But instead, he’s gonna chill. See, Cena stands over there and thinks he knows who the World’s Strongest Man is, but he doesn’t. Henry is a new man. He’s known Cena for over 10 years and knew who he was before Cena knew who he was, and he’s just like the people – puppets.
And here are the What chants…come on, crowd, you were doin so well! Henry says that title will validate Henry’s career. If it’s taken from him, without a shadow of a doubt, Henry will be a hall-of-famer. He’ll sell out his own momma to have that title. hahaha. Henry sold out his family. Cena says he better win this Sunday, then. Cena has won and lost, but has done so with respect. If Henry walks away with the belt, he deserves it, but if not, he has lost the respect of everyone.
Henry laughs it off, cuz he don’t give a damn what Cena or the other people think. Some of these people love Cena and some hate him, but either way, Cena cares! He don’t! oooooooo. There are lines, says Henry, that Cena won’t cross, because of his “goodness.” Cena wants to know how Henry could not care about the universe and Henry says if Cena interrupts him one more time, MITB will start tonight.
Cena removes the shirt, one arm at a time, and draws a line on the mat. Tells Henry, “cross it and I’ll whip your ass right now.” Cena looks funny in his at-ready stance. Henry says he ain’t crossin the line for free. He took a paycut before, he ain’t losin money. Cena will get Henry on Sunday. Henry drops the mic, then forgets somethin. He says, “you want some, alright I’ll give you a sample.”
Henry fakes Cena out then laughs. He’s not down. haha Oh, but wait! Cheap shot! Henry lifts Cena, ut Cena goes for an AA only for the weight of Henry to squash the shit outta him, face first. Henry says he ain’t no easy win! He turns Cena over, then lifts him up for The World’s Strongest Slam.
If you’re not reading this on 411wrestling.com, you’ve crossed the line, and your wig will be split. Not literally, though, I’m far too lazy for that.
Backstage, Randy Orton is watching what just transpired. Here’s Josh Mathews. He wants to know how Orton feels about facing CM Punk. Orton says that Punk has always called himself the best in the world. Orton never really believed that be true, considering he beat him 2 years ago, and he won’t believe it this Sunday. He says, also, that if Cena retains, Orton will not hesitate to cash in and take the WWE Title from Cena.
The Miz is on commentary for the next match. Let’s hope he’s not too dark and menacing.
Recap of Ryback quittin last week.
Heyman is out with sunglasses. His name is Paul Heyman. Now you know. For those that did not see Smackdown, he is not here to serve as a martyr. Instead, he is here to bask in the glory of perfection. Perfection in the form of our Intercontinental Heavyweight Champion, Curtis Axel.
Axel brings up Jericho’s moniker and jacket with “Christmas lights on it.” All Axel needs is the shine of the IC Title to let the Universe know that Axel has arrived. He has spent a lifetime to get to where he is at, and he will not let The Miz or Jericho stand in the way of perfection…
Ropework with some leaps ends with Jericho hitting a dropkick, then a clothesline, and another, sending Axel to the outside. Jericho looks for a dropkick between the ropes, and hits it. Both men on the outside. Jericho sends Axel to the barricade. Chop! Axel gets sent inside the ring. Jericho is on the apron, and Axel hits a shoulder to the gut. Another. Jericho fights back with some chops, but Axel is able to stop him and hit a neckbreaker, using the ropes for some help. Pin for 1…NO! And we go to break.
We’re back, and Ron Burgandy Curtis Axel is in control. Body slam followed by a missed knee drop allows Jericho to stand and hit a shoulder tackle. ANother. One more, nO! He is tossed over the apron. JEricho quickly runs up top and drops an axe handle on Axel. Clothesline! “COME ON, BABAY!” Jericho goes for the Walls, but Axel kicks out. He runs into a boot, and follows up with a go behind. Jericho reverses with one of his own. Turns. Suplex! Bridge! 1…2..NO! Jericho hits the ropes, ducks a clothesline, and gets hit in the back of the head with another. Pin for 1…2..NO!
Chops from Axel into the corner. He whips Jericho to the corner, runs! Jericho moves. He goes up top. Crossbody from Jericho! 1…2..NO! Jericho sends Axel to the mat. Lionsault attempt, and he gets some knees. Axel is up. Swinging neckbreaker! 1…2….NO!!! Axel sends Jericho to the ropes, misses a dropkick, and allows Jericho to hit the lionsault this time! Pin for 1…2..NO!! Jericho is looking for the Codebreaker, but Axel carries Jericho over to the ropes, bounces him over. Perfectplex!! 1…2…NO! WHAT?! Axel is showing frustration, and attacks the back of the head of Jericho. He then rubs his head into Jericho’s….like a puppy.
Axel lifts Jericho. He’s looking for a neckbreaker. Jericho with a quick twist into the Walls of Jericho! Axel crawls to the bottom rope, and he makes it!! Axel rolls out to the apron, and Jericho runs into him, sending Axel face first into the announce table! The Miz smirks, and Axel doesn’t like that too much. Miz takes off his headset and jacket. He’s down with the get down. Heyman is here to mention the fact that he is going to get counted out.
Axel heads back in. Jericho is there with a Codebreaker! Pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Chris Jericho
The match was average, as it seems Axel still hasn’t found that entertaining bone yet. He is solid in the ring, but boring.
RATING: **
If you’re not reading this on 411wrestling.com, I’ll cut a dark and sinister promo on you.
Backstage, Sandow and Rhodes are chillin. Mathews wants to know if they are concerned about their friendship. Sandow says, of course not. If for some reason, Sandow doesn’t win, then he would want nothing more than Rhodes to win it and he is sure that Rhodes feels the same way.
They are interrupted by Coulter. He says the money in this country is going to be worthless, and Cody should know considering he is the son of The American Dream. At MITB, someone
Here comes Barrett, saying he’s going to win, speaking the Queen’s English! hahaha.
Enter, Fandango. He starts to say his name. Rhodes cuts him off. He starts again. Wade cuts him off. One more time, and Zeb tells him not to. He gets to the DAN then Wade hits him with an elbow to the face. That’s fucked up. Wade walks away, leaving Rhodes and Sandow to appreciate the facial structures of Swagger and Cesaro.
Back to the reporter, who is warned not to stray, as we follow our Wyatt down a hallway, as we hear someone repeating “OBEY” over and over. We follow a finger to the left, open up a door, lights flicker, and here’s Bray! He invites us in, claiming to be waiting for us.
Del Rio sends Cara into the corner, then beats dat ass till Cara’s in a seated position. Del RIo with a kick. We get Cara up, and Del Rio attempts an arm drag, countered into an arm drag of Sin Cara’s own. Cara up top, spins and flips. Deep arm drag to Del Rio. Del Rio with some headbutts, then sends Cara into the corner. Shoulder block into the corner, he misses another, so Cara hits a Hurricanrana. Cara with a kick to the chest. Pin for 1…NO! Sin Cara goes up top, but Del Rio hops up with an Enziguri! Pin for 1…2.NO! Del Rio has Sin Cara on his stomach, and drives some knees into his head. Del Rio pulls at the mask, then drops a knee to the head, squashing Cara. Cara with some rights, but Del RIp hits a knee. Whip to the ropes, Cara bounces off and we get a springboard elbow. Cara calls for Del Rio to rise. Del Rio with another Enziguri, though! Pin for 1…2…NO! Del Rio pulls back on the left arm.
The music of Dolph Ziggler hits, and here’s at the top of the stage with a mic. Sin Cara from behind with a rollup! 1…2.NO! Dolph feels bad, so he wants to introduce Del Rio the way he should be introduced. Del Rio with some rights to Cara. Dolph wants to introduce “a man who flaunts his wealth to overcompensate something not so massive.” Cara misses a clothesline, and Del RIo hits a german suplex. Dolph says in 6 days, Del Rio has no chance walking out with the belt as Del Rio hits a superkick. Ziggler introduces us to the loser of the match. Del Rio heads out to attack. After some excessive hair flipping, Del Rio is standing. Cara is up top! Crossbody! man, that looked good. Dolph heads up the ramp…
Official Result: IOENO
Having Dolph cut a promo while the match continued was just odd.
RATING: *1/2
Vickie is in the middle of the ring, which is covered in black, and has a desk with three chairs and mics waitin for the McMahons. All three of them come out to Mr. McMahon’s music. Vince let’s Steph and Triple H head into the ring first. Vince soaks in the cheers while Triple H stares like he’s the teacher of a kindergarten class. They finally take a seat, except Steph, who lets us know why we are here tonight. Before we begin, though, she wants to thank us for voting.
Steph gives the floor to Vickie, and the crowd boos the crap outta her. Steph tells her to sit before Vickie can even continue. Vickie wants to state, humbly, that she took pride in always producing high quality and priceless entertainment. She brings up getting AJ out of the GM position, hiring RVD, and inspiring Taker to come back to Mania.
Steph says that it’s amazing that she is taking credit for all this stuff she has nothing to do with instead of focusing on who she DID sign…Brock Lesnar, the dude who took out her husband and dad. Steph says that Vickie must take responsibility. She wants to know if Vickie thought bringing back Brock was a good idea. Vickie said she thought she did the right thing for business. She had no idea he was going to attack Trips and Vince. She’s sorry.
Vince is up. He says she has no reason to apologize. He thought bringing brock back was a stroke of genius. As for her qualifications, he believes that Vickie is highly entertaining. He says she’s made a few boneheaded decisions, but they were in the interest of quality, wholesome, family entertainment.
Triple H wants to speak. He’ll be the first to admit that Vickie can occassionally be….unintentionally entertaining. But let’s face facts, she’s terrible at her job. No, really, she’s rotten. A couple of weeks ago, she was supposed to promote the new video game, but she screwed it up, and couldn’t hear a damned thing she said because the Universe was booing her out of the building. This happens every week, and it’s bad for business. He wants Vince to put aside what HE thinks is entertaining, and makes a Golden Girls reference. He wants to talk to the WWE Universe. They want and deserve better than Vickie Guerrero. On a positive side, she possesses the most annoying voice in the history of broadcast tv.
Vince is up. Calls Vickie’s voice unique. He beleives that she has qualifications that no one else does. He congratulates her on her hardwork and dedication. He admires her, unlike some other short-sighted individuals in this ring, and wants to name her permanent GM. Triple H wants to speak for the shortsighted side of the ring. Triple H says Vince will do whatever he wants to do, anyway, which is the point right? To put a puppet in a position of power that strokes Vince’s ego, kisses his ass, and does whatever he says.
Triple H doesn’t want this to be true, but if it’s not the case, then he would propose that since Steph called the meeting, she should decide Vickie’s fate. Neither one of the men have an issue having Steph make the decision. They each mention their relationship with Steph. Steph is here to finalize it. She will not lt any one or thing to drive a wedge between her and her family, so instead she is going to let the APP voters decide…
A) Pass: 25%
B) Fail: 75%
Vickie can’t believe it. The tribe has spoken, Vickie has failed. Steph has one more thing to say. She says she cannot trust the Universe, and she is not a spineless puppet. She is not going to host a popularity contest like Teddy and Booker. She says this is not right. Steph is here to pull a McMahon on Vickie…
YOU’RE FIRED!
Vickie falls to her knees as the crowd tries to start up the Goodbye song. Vince isn’t too happy about this, as he tells Brad Maddox to help her up. Vickie opts to scream, and get on her knees, begging.
A “NO MORE VICKIE” chant takes over the sorry attempt for the Na Na Na Na.
Vickie is atop the desk, and Steph is all like…..”awwwwkwarrrrddd.” Steph and Triple He bounce, and Vince stays. He wants to know if we’re happy. What’s the matter with us. We have broken Vickie Guerrero’s heart. He doesn’t want us to turn into animals. Vickie didn’t fail, each and every one of us just failed. We threw away what could have been the most entertaining GM of RAW of all time. We failed. WE don’t know what the right decision would be. We need a new GM of RAW, and he’s going to decide who it is now. He says we deserve this. It’s…..
Brad Maddox.
Vince then helps Vickie out, covering her in puke. Er, puke-colered suit.
Backstage, Vince is telling Vickie that somehow, he’ll make it right. Maddox walks in and he is really sorry about what happened. He thanks Vince, extends his hand. He says it’s a decision Vince will not regret, and we’ll all miss Vickie. He says he’ll pick up where Vickie left off. Vince wants to know how long he’s going to hold his hand out. McMahon says he just gave the universe what they deserved. Vickie attacks Brad with a smack, then just goes bonkers on him. Vickie stops her then sees that she ruined his jacket and walks away. haha.
Back to the ring, and the fiyah of Kane explodes!
Lockup! Kane sends Christian into the corner. Ref breaks it up. Christian claps. Kane with the go-behind. Kane backs him into the corner. Kane breaks the hold, turns. Misses a right. Christian with a right of his own and tries to mount. Kane sends him flying, then whips him into the corner, hard. Kane with a whip, misses a clothesline, Kane ducks again, but Kane hits an uppercut, followed by an elbow – but he misses. Christian is up. Kane is up with a goozle, sending Christian into the corner. Splash. Kane lifts Christian, but he floats over the ropes and hangs up Kane once, twice! Slides in and gets to the second rope. Spinning elbow hits Kane under the chin and pins for 1.
Christian floats off the top rope for a sunset, but Kane stops it with a punch. He hits another, then a kick to the face. Kane runs…right into a drop toehold. Christian steps on the back of Kane, who is choked up on the ropes. Up and over, into a right hand from Christian. Christian holds the ropes as Kane flies, and he goes right over. Christian is on the top rope! He flies off right onto Kane as we get a break. Good, cuz I gotta pee…
We’re back, and Christian is gettin himself a 2 count. Christian runs into a big boot, though! Kane is going up top! He’s lookin for that clothesline, but rolls out of it after Christian ducks.
Christian is going for a spear, but Kane catches him with a clothesline for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Kane
Alright match, shattered by the commercial
RATING: *1/2
Kane’s celebration is interrupted by Wyatt’s final video. He is rockin in the chair, calls people sheep. He says they need to be lead. They worship war, and crave it. He created war. It’s time for the masses to wake up. The world is deteriorating, and people do nothing about it, whispering and wondering, but never do anything about it. He has seen it all, in his dream and his thoughts. He understands. It’s The End. Wyatt lights a lantern as the family hovers behind him. “We’re Here.”
Back in the arena, it’s dark, and the music hits. He comes out with a lantern, followed by The Wyatt family. While he saunters down the ramp, the lights go back on and Luke and Erick are attacking Kane. Kane tries to fight out of it, but is unable to as they take him to the outside. The grab the stairs, and drive them into the neck of Kane, all guillotine-like. Here comes Bray. He takes his hat off, then calls the boys back. He drops to his knees, staring at Kane. He laughs as the crowd chants Husky Harris.
So, good enough or did you expect more?
We’re back with a recap of WHAT JUST HAPPENED…geez.
Backstage, Vickie has her box of belongings, as is taking the walk of shame down a hallway. She is stopped by…Ryback. He’s gonna eat her! He grabs her box, drops it nicely to the side…then hugs Vickie! BUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! He says she deserves better, then grabs her box and hands it back to her.
Back ringside, and The Bellas are here on commentary. It appears we’re going to have a tag team match with my beloved!! YAY!
Kaitlyn is super-cray, trying to attack
Alicia and Layla to start. Layla with a kick. Whip is reversed. Layla with a nice lil pin, which is reversed by Alicia with a 1-count. Layla with a kick, then a…something. She sends Alicia to the corner. She runs for a shoulder, but Alicia flips up and over. Attempts to pin, but Layla kicks. Layla with a springboard crossbody. She hits the ropes and is distracted by AJ. Alicia with a clothesline. The Bellas call AJ and Kaitlyn a trainwreck. AJ is tagged in. She goes to lift up Layla, but Kaitlyn runs in for no reason and attacks AJ. After a bit of chaos, ALicia goes to help. AJ rolls out of the ring and tries to sneak out, but Kaitlyn follows and SPEARS AJ ON THE OUTSIDE!
Official Result: No Contest?
The Bellas are supremely annoying. The spear looked pretty good.
RATING: NR
Langston carries AJ out as we fade into the fists of CM Punk. Here’s Mathew. He wants to know how Punk feels about Orton’s words from earlier. Punk says he is entitled to his opinion. You can’t just make anything up, though. Is he the best because he held the title for 434 days, or did he hold it for 434 days because he’s the best? He doesn’t know. Him beating Orton makes him the best in the world, and when he grabs the case for the third time, that will make him the best in the world.
Lockup to start! They tumble around the ring a bit until Punk gets Orton in the corner. The ref breaks it up. Orton pushes Punk. Side headlock from Punk. Orton sends Punk into the ropes. shoulder block and a pin for 1. Punk with a trip and a pin for 1. Both men up. “Let’s Go Randy” vs “CM PUNK” chants! Nice! Side headlock from Orton. Shoulder tackle from Orton. Orton hits the ropes, but Punk is there with a kick. Dropkick by Orton! Pin for 1. Orton stomps the foot, the other. One more (stomp, not foot). Scrape to the forehead with the knee, then another stomp on Punk’s face. Orton is looking to drop a knee high. Punk gets up, though, and says, “no, no, no.” Kidney shot from Punk. Right hand, knee. Punk sets up for a suplex. Pin for 1…NO! Punk with a right hand, deflected by Orton. Orton with an uppercut. Punk rolls to the apron. Orton lifts him up. He’s wanting that DDT, but Punk flips him over. Orton lands on the apron, so Punk enziguri’s him down to the floor. Punk wants to fly. Suicide Dive into Orton as we go for a break.
Back, and Orton has the side cravat in the middle of the ring. We missed a back suplex onto the barricade from Orton to Punk. Punk is trying to turn into the hold. He’s up. Elbow from Punk allows the turn. He gets a couple of axe handles, but Orton just headbutts his ass before T-Bone suplexing Punk across the ring. Pin for 1…2..NO! Orton locks in the cravat again. Punk with some knees! Back elbow to Orton. Punk with a high side kick! Orton is up, though, and hits a clothesline. Another! He goes for the powerslam, but Punk held the ropes! Roll up for 1…2..NO! Neckbreaker from Punk! Pin for 1…2..NO!
Orton is up in the corner. Running high knee from Punk! Punk with a short clothesline. He’s going up top. He wants the elbow! He hits it! (sorta…) Punk wants the G2S, and so does the crowd!. He sets up for it! Orton squirms away! Punk heads towardsthe apron, so ORton pulls a quick version of the DDT! RKO Chant! Orton wants the cheers! He hears voices! He’s ready for it! Punk turns iti nto a backslide attempt! Orton turns THAT into a powerslam! Nice! Orton with a head stomp. He lifts Punk up and sends him into the corner headd first. Elbow to the spine. Headbutt! Again! Right hand to the gut! Another headbutt! Orton is up, and he wants the 10-punch. Punk slips under at 7 and sends Orton face first into the turnbuckle. High knee to Orton! Punk rests on the ropes a second, then gets in position for the G2S. Orton elbows out of it! Goes for the RKO, but Punk high kicks right in the face of Orton! Damn, that fool’s got extension.
Punk with the G2S setup! Pin! 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: CM Punk
Pretty damned fine main event.
RATING: ***
Daniel Bryan from outta nowhere, is here! He kicks the shit out of Punk, then sends Punk fliying into the ring post! Bryan goes under the ring. He gras the ladder! Bryan sends it into the ring. Orton is stirring. Bryan sends the ladder right into Orton, though! Orton rolls to the outside! Bryan sets up the ladder directly under the briefcase! He climbs! Bryan grabs the briefcase with ease to close the show!!
End Show
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