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411’s WWE RAW Report 7.15.13

July 15, 2013 | Posted by Tony Acero

Championship Roll Call:
WWE Champion: John Cena
World Champion: Alberto Del Rio
US Champion: The Shield’s Dean Ambrose
IC Champion: Curtis Axel
Unified Diva’s Champion: AJ Lee
WWE World Tag Team Champions: The Shield’s Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns

Welcome to 411’s LIVE WWE Raw Report 7.15.13

Money in the Bank has come and gone, and some shit went down. We’re here on RAW for the aftermath, and you’re stuck with me and Ragsdale! Let’s do this!


We start Monday Night RAW with a drumroll to introduce….Brad Maddox! He calls this the Maddox era as he saunters down the ring and says that tonight we will have a Money in the Bank rematch between Ziggler and Del Rio ! Maddox calls himself the soon to be greatest general manager of all time before Cena interrupts his ass. The crowd ain’t feelin it, but the Champ is here.

Cena mocks the Maddox era a bit. He says this is the only time that the person Maddox next to in the ring is more hated than he. Maddox says its a bit disrespectful. Cena says he hears “these guys” all the time. That noise, either way, is energy, due to the excitement. The jury is still out on Maddox but he may be ok. Maddox is glad Cena came out here. He has always admired Cena, ever since he was a teenager. He admires his courage, his strength, his will to win, and the Cena treats the less privelaged. Which is why, for the first time in WWE history, Cena will be allowed to choose his own opponent at Summerslam. The crowd goes buckwild with a Yes Chant.

Cena questions Maddox’s idea, calls Maddox stupid considering he could choose Dutch Mantell or even Michael Cole, or even the Bella Twins…(too late?) He calls it catastrophic but someone is here!

Randy Orton! Orton tells Maddox to be careful and not to get too far ahead of himself. There’s a good chance that come Summerslam, Cena might not be champion. Orton says he won’t be making the same stupid mistake Cena made last year. Orton claims that when he cashes in, Cena will never see it coming.

DA-DA! DA-DADADA! Fandango is here and the crowd loves it! Orton speaks and Fandango sushes him. He tells Cena that Orton will be cashing in against him, not Cena. Fandango tells Cena that there is only one man that the entire WWE Universe wants to see. His name is…

Fandango tries to teach Cena how to do it, and Cena does pretty well until Orton gives Fandango a right hand during “GOOOOO” and knocks him silly. They rumble a bit, but Fandango actually gets Orton out of the ring. It’s short lived as Orton runs in with a Thesz Press then sends Fandango over the rope. Maddox, predictably, makes the match official and we’re goin now!

-Commercial Break

Match 1: Randy Orton vs Fandango

We’re back and Orton is in control. Uppercut to Fandango. Orton misses knee to the face so Fandango stomps Orton while Summer Rae looks on, elated. Fandango goes for a suplex but Orton reverses. Fandango heads to the outside, and Orton follows. He sends Fandango iinto the barricade, tries for the steps, but Fandango with a right and heads into the ring then out again. Orton follows then hits a clothesline. Follow up with a back suplex on the barricade. He sends Fandango in at 5 and covers for 1…2..NO!

Orton sends Fandango to the corner, then runs into a boot. Fandango chokes Orton up on the ropes, then goes outside for a right hand to the head. Fandango back in the ring and gets a knee to the face then a front faced cravat. JBL calls Fandango MC Hammer and GSP. I think there’s a Randy Savage chant. Orton tries to hit a few rights, and he gets em. He sends Fandango into the ropes then up and over with a back body drop. Orton sends Fandango seated in the corner then chokes him up a bit, followed by the fists. He gets to 8, then hits a nice dropkick. Pin for 1…2..NO! Orton stomps on the hand of Fandango, the other. Fandango is able to stand and get a nice kick to Orton, sending him to the outside. Fandango follows then tosses Orton into the steps. Fandango stands atop the steps and poses as we roll to commercial.

We’re back with a pin for two, followed by another cravat onto Orton. Orton with a right hand to the gut, but Fandango stops that with some knees. Short whip, and Orton goes for the back breaker, but Fandango counters THAT with a side suplex. Well I’ll be damned. Pin for 1…2..NO! Fandango goes for a right, but Orton blocks and gets his own. Another. Orton with a kick. Whip to the corner, Fandango goes for the boot again but Orton grabs the leg, hits a clothesline, then hits a T-Bone from the corner! Orton sends Fandango atop the turnbuckle! The crowd is wild. Orton wants the superplex. He’s goin for it! HE HITS IT!!! Fandango is all the way across the ring as Orton tries to catch his breath. Orton with a clothesline. Another. Powerslam! Fandango rolls to the apron. Orton looking for the DDT, but Fandango hits a sweeping kick to the face! Fandango is heading up top! Orton is there to trip the legs up! Headbutt! Another! Orton wants the DDT! He uses the second turnbuckle and hits the DDT! Man, the fuckin crowd is HAWT!

Orton calls for some cheers then hits the RKO! Pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Randy Orton
What an opener! It had a few small slow parts, but a bulk of that was during the break. Fandango didn’t look bad here at all! Great match.
RATING: ***1/2

Backstage, the lovely and talented and lovely and hot as hell AJ is backstage asking Dolph if he’s going to just stop talking to her. Dolph says to stop talking about last night, because it’s time to move on. AJ is glad that he said that and hugs Dolph. Dolph says AJ doesn’t understand, it’s time for HIM to move on…from her. AJ runs down the hall and grabs her phone. She calls me and I have to try and console her before this commercial break is over!

-Commercial Break

We’re back, and AJ is ok. Mark Henry is in the middle of the ring, suited up. He calls Cena one of the greatest WWE Champs of all time. Granted, he did something Henry thought was impossible. He took Cena to his limit, and came close. The crowd gives him a “You Tapped Out” Chant. Nice. Henry says he did tap out, but he’d tap out any last one of us out, too haha. Henry says he’s got no excuses and no apologies. Henry mentions how Cena has a choice to pick whoever he wants at SS, as the crowd chants for Daniel Bryan. Henry says he’ll take him to the limit once more.

Mark Henry is interrupted by…THE SHIELD! The Shield is circling the ring rather than going for the all out attack. Henry is ready for em. They slowly head upon the apron. Henry takes off his jacket. Henry goes for Reigns first, knocking him off the apron. Here’s Rollins and Ambrose to beat him down. Reigns is in and attacks as well, but Henry sends all three away like flies! He swatys em away one at a time till Ambrose locks on a sleeper! Rollins runs and Henry kicks him away, but here’s Reigns with a spear! A few more hits, and here comes the Three-Man Powerbomb! They get it as the crowd chants Holy Shit.

-Commercial Break

Backstage, Brad Maddox is talking to his mom, saying he’s doing well. Jericho walks in and doesn’t look too happy. Jericho says it must be a lot of pressure for a guy Maddox’s age – what, 15? 16? Jericho says he must be wearing Extra Medium. Maddox says the best way for Jericho to become champ is by impressing Cena, so why doesn’t Jericho face…R….V….D. Jericho goes all acronym-crazy, likes the idea, and tells Maddox there’s a hell of a future there, yo.

Match 2: Alberto Del Rio vs Dolph Ziggler

Crowd is lovin them some Ziggles. Del Rio has his DeNiro face on. He attacks the upper spine of Dolph then sends him to the roeps, misses a clothesline, then Dolph dodges another and hits a dropkick for 1. Del Rio is up and gets hit with a right. Dolph with a neckbreaker. Pin for 1. Dolph gets some elbow drops as the crowd chants along! He gets the ten then a pin for 1…2..NO! Dolph runs into the corner, but Del Rio moves and Dolph goes face first. A kick to the arm from Del Rio is followed by some stomps. Del Rio talks mucho masa then lifts Dolph up towards the corner.

Del Rio gets Dolph in the seated position facing the crowd. Looking for a reverse front faced suplex, and hits it! Pin for 1…2..No!Del Rio with a boot to the face. He holds it there with the ropes. Del Rio chokes up Dolph on the bottom rope. LETS GO ZIGGLER! Del Rio in the corner, misses. Dolph with a clothesline! Hits the ropes, another clothesline. He gets some air time there. Whip to the rope from Del RIo but Ziggler kicks the chest. He runs and Del Rio sends Dolph over the top rope as we go to break!

BACK, and Del Rio is giving Dolph a kick of his foot. Back suplex lands perfectly as we get a replay of Dolph’s wonderful bump on the outside. Del Rio goes for a superkick, but Dolph moves. Del Rio is there to send him high, then kick him low. Del Rio runs towards Dolph and Dolph flies off the second turnbuckle, grabs the head, DDT! Man, that looked BAD! ASS! Dolph and Del Rio trade some rights, until Dolph goes all Taker-bones and gets a few left and rights! Dolph sends Del Rio to the ropes, Del Rio holds onto the ropes, Dolph waits for the return, but Del Rio just socks his ass with a right. Nicely done. Del Rio mocks Ziggler, then runs. Dolph moves, Del Rio flies through the ropes, but holds onto the ropes! Del Rio looks to springboard, but Dolph with a dropkick! Del Rio rolls under the ropes and Dolph covers for 1…2..FOOT ON THE ROPES! Del Rio is looking for the Fameasser but Del Rio ducks, grabs Del Rio, and GERMAN!!!! Man that’s lovely.

Del Rio with some headbutts. He’s smilin. He stands and is callin for the cross armbreaker. He sets up for it, but Dolph turns it into a neckbreaker! 1…2….NO!! So close! Ziggler hits the ropes, looks for the fameasser again, but Del Rio moves and sends Dolph into the corner! Enziguri! Pin for 1…2…NO! Del Rio gets Dolph into a Tree of Woe! He goes for a low spear, but Dolph heads up! Del Rio with a spear into the ringpost! Dolph turns around. He’s on the second rope! FAMEASSER from the second rope! Pin for 1…2..

The bell rings! Da HELLZ?! It’s My Beloved! The ref is there to call the match continued.

Dolph is looking at AJ, wonderin what the frack! Del Rio with a superkick to the fuckin dome! Pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Alberto Del Rio

RATING: ***3/4

We’re in the middle of the ring. CRA-J is here, staring at Dolph. She slaps the shit outta him, then goes on the attack! She’s screaming that he broke her heart. Dolph is trying to get her away, and turns….right into a clothesline from BIG E LANGSTON! The straps drop, and he’s lookin for the Big Ending as AJ cries in the corner. Big E hits it, and AJ is hurt, tugging at her emotions and hair. She lifts up Dolph, and gives him the kiss of death.

Oh boy. I’ve said it a thousand times: you never break up with a girl before your match for the World Heavyweight Championship…

-Commercial Break

Back from the annals of puRgatory, R-Truth is here to ask what’s up, and he’s probably really curious considering he’s been insignificant for a minute due to an unfortunate death. His mini dreads are all but gone, and that hairline is somethin Lebron ain’t even jealous of.

We don’t get to hear the question because the screen falters, and The Wyatts are HERE!! They’s creepy as fuck. The fam attacks Truth as Bray Wyatt chills in his rocking hair. They send Truth to the outside then go to Wyatt for inspiration. Wyatt stands, heads into the ring, and here comes our first promo!

Wyatt says there’s no such thing as a hero, not anymore. But we’ve become addicted to the illusion of what a hero is and does for us. We think we need a pat on the back, someone to tuck us in bed, kiss us on the cheek, and tell us everything is alright…but everything is not alright. He’s pretty damned convincing. What if he was to tell us that the man who made us is a liar. That our own flesh and blood turned their back on us. He will never turn his back on us, though. The answers we sick have been slapping us right in the face. Maybe he has been the answer all along.

Truth is here on the apron with a chair. He wants Bray Wyatt. Wyatt splits the family and is willing to give himself to Truth. He removes the hat, he’s waiting. The family heads to the outside. Wyatt tells Truth to bring it. Truth looks to the brothers, and Wyatt attacks. Luke and Erick bring forth Truth. Wyatt hits Sister Abigail.

Wyatt on the mic. Truth is not the Truth we seek. He tells Kane to follow the buzzards as we fade to black.

-Commercial Break

So “The Real Americans” will be the name Swagger and Cesaro officially go by. Zebbie is here to make mention of the many languages in Brooklyn. If this is the meltin pot of America, they should change the name to Port-a-Potty. There was a robbery that wasn’t reported, when two real Americans were robbed last night. He makes a message to Cena, this is his chance to right a wrong. He wants Cena to chose one of two real Americans.

Apparently, there was a vote to make on who these guys faced and I either walked away or didn’t care. The Usos won by a pretty large margin so either the push is working, or this is another fixed voting. As a recapper, I should really find out who the hell is who in order to do a better job….

Match 3: The Real Americans vs The Usos

Cesaro and Jey to start. He sends Cesaro into the corner and Jimmy tags himself in. He comes in with a right, a roll up for 1, he hits Swagger, then gets cossed by Cesaro, and he just tosses Jimmy across the ring. Tag to Swagger, and we get some kicks followed by a Swagger bomb. Swagger lifts Jimmy into the corner then hits some rights, sending Jimmy down. A kick from Cesaro to the head while the ref isn’t looking. Swagger tags Cesaro. Cesaro is in and just double stomps the gut of Jimmy. Pin for 1. Jimmy is up, and Cesaro has a chinlock. He tosses Jimmy into the corner, and Jimmy hits an elbow on him, then Swagger. Cesaro lifts Jimmy, and Jimmy is able to reach for the tag. Jey flies off top with a crossbody. Pin for 1…2..NO! Swagger stops the match. He’s sent to the outside, and here’s Cesaro holding Jey like a-nothin. He is about to toss him over, but Jey floats over and rolls up Cesaro for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: The Usos
Nothing bad, but nothing good.
RATING: *1/2

We are back! And the winner of the blue case is HERE! He is all smiles, as he should be.

Match 4: Christian vs Damien Sandow

Lockup is short lived as Sandow goes on the aggressive offensive. Some rights and a blow to the back is followed by Sandow quickly running out of the ring. Christian follows. Sandow runs in, waits for the inevitable, but misses an elbow! Christian on the corner, and Sandow just sends his ass to the outside, lookin all kinds of vicious. Christian back in and Sandow sends him into the corner. Christian is up on the 2nd rope. Tornado DDT. Pin for 1…2..NO! Christian is up top and drops some rights on Sandow. Stopped at 4, as Sandow sends him away. Drop toe hold sends Sandow hanging on the 2nd rope. Christian hops over and hits an uppercut. Christian heads up top then flies off with a crossbody. Pin for 1…2..NO! Sandow looks for his neckbreaker, but Christian gets out and goes up top. Spinning uppercut sends Sandow to the ground. Christian wants the Killswitch, but once he turns, Sandow hits a right hand to the back, then hits the Side Russian Leg Sweep. He goes for the Elbow of Disdain, but Christian rolls is ass up for 1….2….3!!!
Official Result:

RATING: **1/2

Sandow wants the mic and briefcase, announces himself as “STILL your intellectual savior of Money in the Bank” but he is interrupted by a Spear in a Suit!! It’s Cody Rhodes, and the crowd gives him a hell of a chant as he beats down on Cody. Sandow hightails it out as we get a preview of who Cena may want to face.

There was a commercial. It had Sheamus in it. He kicked a man.

Earlier today, Vickie had a sign and a bullhorn that said “Vote for Vickie,” asking fans buying popcorn to sign her petition. haha. One chubster signs it, good on you man.

Match 5: Brie Bella vs Naomi

Lockup followed by a go behind, which is reversed with at ake down from Brie, but Naomi kips up, blocks the arm, hits a flipping clothesline. Pins for 1. Whip to the ropes, and Naomi slides out, onto the apron, high kick to Brie, then she tosses Brie to the mat! She lifts up Brie, but Brie trips her as Nikki screams. Brie sends Naomi back in and pins for 1…2..NO! Brie with a kick to Naomi. A stomp. A hair toss by Brie.

Brie chokes up Naomi on the ropes, then pulls and drops her in the middle of the ring. Pin for 1…2..NO!Brie with the chin lock from behind. I missed a bit due to a sneeze, but I come back with Brie calling Naomi a loser. Another chin lock from Brie as Cameron tries to get the crowd pumped. Brie looks for a back suplex, but Naomi flips out of it. Hurricanrana. Naomi with a dropkick. Another, that really grazes the shit out of Brie’s hand. Rear view from Naomi. She runs for the corner as the crowd starts an OLE chant.

Naomi is up top, flies with a cross body! Pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Naomi
I mean, it wasn’t bad, but there’s still quite a bit of work needed from both. Naomi is athletic, but that does not spell “good wrestler.”
RATING: *1/2

We get a preview of a dude following Heymanlast night outside the arena, trying to question him about what he did. He doesn’t say a damned thing until the end, where he says to stay out of his personal life.

-Commercial Break

We are BACK! CM Punk is here, and he looks like a sad panda. Apparently, Punk needed 13 staples in his head after Heyman’s little screw job. Punk knows Heyman is in the building, and he knows Brock is here, too. And he knows that he’s not waiting anymore, so come on out.

Here’s Heyman. Paul is a bit apprehensive to speak, but only for a second. He says that right now, what he’s looking at is an empty ring because in his world, CM Punk doesn’t exist. In 2005, WWE had no vision for Punk. CM PUNK was a figment of Paul Heyman’s imagination. What did Heyman do? He took Punk in, defended him, trained him, martyred his entire career for Punk. Then, they reached the holy grail together with a 434 day reign. THEY were the longest reigning champ. THEY came within an inch of breaking The Undertaker’s streak. Heyman says, “WE were the Best in the World.” Here is part of the equation that Punk seems to forget, though: without Heyman, Punk is not the best in the world. Everyone has been asking him why, why, why. They call him a Judas. Heyman will say why, because the truth is a harder pill to swallow (Mr. Straight Edge). The truth is, Punk failed “US.” When Punk went home, he “found” himself and comes back to the WWE and thinks he’s better than Heyman. CM Punk better than Paul Heyman? ha! So Heyman lied, manipulated and played Punk, because Punk can never claim that Punk dumped CM Punk. History will write that Heyman dumped CM Punk.

Heyman said since Punk wanted personal, he made it as personal as he could possibly make it. Here’s the truth: Punk has no family, no children, no wife. All he has is “them.” Ouch. All Punk has is the Universe, their admoration, respect, and affirmation. Listen to them! All Punk wants and needs and crave is the WWE Championship. Punk took Heyman’s best friend away, and Heyman took his chance away from Punk. Punk’s going to find out that Heyman is much worse “personally.” Heyman swore on his children, but it was his children who made him see it so clear. They would ask why Punk wouldn’t listen to Heyman like Brock does? IF Punk can beat Brock Lesnar. If Heyman wants to know why last night happened, here’s the harshest truth of them all. He betrayed Punk because…CM Punk can’t beat Brock Lesnar.

Punk wants to know if Heyman is done. Punk sees that the truth hurts. Maybe he should have seen it coming, but he trusted Heyman and now all he has to show for it is his 13 staples. Another truth is that Heyman knows when Punk lies and tells the truth, and when he wants something bad enough, he will not stop until he gets it. And the truth is, Paul, I’m gonna get you. “This time, I swear on YOUR children, that I am gonna get you. And I will get everybody that conspired against me.” He is going to get Heyman’s friends, clients, family, and anybody in between now and the time he gets his hands on Heyman. He will rip them apart, and hurt… The truth is Heyman will not have a future because he is going to burn everything around Heyman then handle him last. He calls him a Son of a Bitch, and asks Heyman if he thinks he’s lying.

Heyman wants to spell out CM Punk’s immediate future. He gets down on his knees, does Punk’s “Clobbering Time” thing, then the music of Brock Lesnar hits. Here he is!!!

Heyman circles the ring and attacks Punk from behind! Brock pulls Punk to the outside and sets up the F5. Punk slips out of it and sends Brock away. Brock is able to overpower Punk, but Punk fights back! Brock with a knee, then a stomp. Brock has Punk reeling. He tosses Punk by the hoodie, then rips off Punk’s sweater. Punk tries to fight back again, but Brock tosses Punk over the announce table! Punk is up!! He hops off the announce table!! RIGHT INTO BROCK’S ARMS! Brock sends Punk to the ringpost spine first. Brock doesn’t look done. He sets up the F5 near the table, and hits it! The table doesn’t break, and Punk just bounces off towards the barricade. Brock stands atop the table as Heyman looks on with a smile.

Punk struggles to stand, but does….for a second. He falls back down as we go to break.

-Commercial Break

Backstage, Cena is walking!!! Here’s Khali, and he says Summerslam, in between a bunch of other words. Cena replies to him in Khali’s native tongue, and we head over to Maddox’s office.

Steph is there, on the phone. She says hello and takes a handshake over the extended arms of Brad. Steph was worried about him last night, but how does he feel about tonight. Steph doesn’t really care. Here’s Triple H. He thinks Maddox is doing a great job…so far. Show isn’t over yet, but Trips has a question. He wnts to know if Brad has talked to Vince today, but Brad says he couldn’t find him. Triple H claims it’s a pretty gutsy decision allowing Cena to make a decision, especially on the 2nd biggest show of the Summer, especially if Cena picks who they THINK he’s going to pick. If Cena DOES pick who they think he will, he doesn’t think Vince will enjoy that. They mention that the only reason Maddox was hired was because he was the only one standing there at the time.

Triple H shakes his hand, then wishes him “good luck on your future endeavors.” hahaha. Silly ol Hs.

Match 6: Rob Van Dam vs Chris Jericho

Here! We! Go! They feel each other out. Lock up with a go behind from RVD. JEricho grabs the arm, gets a go behind of his own. RVD with an arm drag. Jericho with the head scissors, but RVD is able tp press out of it. Jericho gets RVD in the corner then chops him out of it. RVD fires back with some rights. He hits the ropes, then a shoulderblock. He runs right into a dropkick as the crowd chants ECW. Kick from Jericho, then a hard right to the top of the spine. Whip to the ropes from Jericho. RVD rolls over, roundhouse kick to Jericho! RVD sends Jericho into the corner, then whips him into the opposite. Monkey flip from RVD. Standing moonsault into a pin for 1…2..NO! Enziguri from Jericho gets a 2. We get a Y2J chant, with spatters of RVD underneath. Jericho with a back suplex on RVD. Dropkick to the face of RVD as we get a commercial .

Back, and RVD is in control. He’s sendin knees into Jericho. Tries to go for one more, but Jericho is able to roll it and tries to lock in the Walls. He’s almost got it! Jericho is struggling with it, so just slingshots Jericho into the turnbuckle. Awkward pin for 1…2..NO! Jericho with some stomps. Another slingshot, this time choking RVD udner the bottom rope. Jericho looks for a baseball slide, and sends RVD to the mat on the outside! Jericho checks to make sure his gum is still in his mouth, and it is! Jericho grabs RVD from the inside, and pulls him up on the apron. He’s looking for a suplex. Almost hits it, but RVD pulls down! Jericho is able to save himself, and Jericho suplexes RVD INTO the ring. BUT RVD LANDS ON HIS FEET! He stands, Jericho turns, BAM! Kick right to Jericho’s face.

RVD with the body scissors. Jericho turns and is able to turn it into a pin for 1…2..NO! RVD lifts the shoulder. We’re in powerbomb position. Jericho lifts up RVD! Hits a Powerbomb! Pin for 1…2..NO! Jericho with a knee to the face of RVD. A chop then a whip. Jericho goes for a dropkick but RVD was holding the ropes! He calls for Rolling Thunder, but Jericho is able to roll out of the ring. Van Dam on the apron! Jericho goes to pull, but RVD kicks Jericho aside, then hits a MOONSAULT FROM THE APRON as we get our second break.

Back, and Jericho with an arm bar from behind. RVD is standing out of it, hits some gut shots, but Jericho hits a knee. Whip, reversed by RVD. He sends Jericho into the corner and whips a kick into Jericho’s chest! RVD with a clothesline. One more. Spinning mule kick. But here’s Jericho with a shoulder tackle, another, a whip sends Jericho over the top and up the turnbuckle! Axe handle from Jericho! Bulldog from Jericho! COME ON BAY BAY! Lionsault is missed as RVD rolls out of the way! RVD hits the ropes! Rolling Thunder! 1…2…NO!!! Jericho hits a DDT and pins for 1…2..NO!

Jericho is looking for the Walls! He turns RVD over, but RVD spins Jericho! Kick to the chin of Jericho! Damn! RVD is a bit busted open. He whips Jericho into the corner, then runs into a boot. Jericho looks for another bulldog, but RVD sends him flying into the turnbuckle! RVD wants the split legged! He goes for it, but Jericho moves out of the way!!! Jericho hits the lionsault!! Pin for 1…2..NO!!! Jericho lifts up RVD, sends him into the corner, but it’s blocked by RVD, and he is able to kick Jericho right in the frackin face!! RVD is up top! He wants the Five Star!! Jericho is up, though!! He crotches RVD! Jericho is up and wants a Superplex! RVD fights out of it with some rights! Jericho rolls away, and RVD Front flips right into Jericho!!! Pin for 1…2..NO!!!

Wowza! RVD is up, lifts Jericho! He goes for another monkey flip, but Jericho grabs the legs and locks in the freakin Walls of Jericho! RVD is struggling! He’s got the blood dripping from his forehead!!! He’s pullin for the ropes! He reaches em!! Jericho grabs a single leg, and turns him around as the ref, very verbally, tells RVD to wipe his forehead. haha. He pushes Jericho away. Jericho comes back. RVD grabs a boot, hits a heel kick to the face! He goes up top! He wants it! The crowd does, too! Five Star Frog Splash!!! Pin for 1…2…3!!!
Official Result: Rob Van Dam
Holy shit…Look, I’ll admit that the first segment of this match didn’t work for me. It seemed clunky and slow. But that’s a complete 180 from the rest of the match. Shit was a thing of beauty, and PPV-worthy. Awesome, awesome match.
RATING: ****

The entire roster, including JTG and The Brooklyn Brawler, is at the top of the stage. JBL makes note of Henry and R-Truth’s absence due to The Shield and the Wyatt Family, thereby making my previous statement untrue.

Here is the golden boy of the WWE, as he walks through the roster. Haha…walks through the roster. Get it?

He heads into the ring as everyone awaits. Cena stares at the title then says he has selected someone and it’s time to say who. He can’t do that, though. He can’t do it because he hasn’t made his decision yet. He has listened to superstar after superstar tell him why they should challenge him, but he has left out the most important voice…the WWE Universe. Ah sooky sooky now. He says we’re a bit tough on him. Lil bitch. The reason our voice is so important, though, is that the toughness is honesty. He wants to make a decision for a match that WE would like to see. So, he asks for our help. The crowd starts a Daniel Bryan chant which quickly turns into a YES chant.

He points our attention to the stage. He is going to say some names and we will cheer.

Birthday boy Heath Slater – Meh
Any of #MB – Meh Meh.
Randy Orton? – a lil spittle
The Great Khali – We’d rather not
Del Rio – Hell No, We Won’t go
Y2J – Some cheers, but sorry, yo
RVD – We get a ROB VAN DAM chant but…no dice
FAN….DAN…..NOOOOOO
Sheamus? – They boo his ass somethin fierce!
Ryback – Booooo

Ok, this is goin on. Cena wants to know if there is someone he is forgetting. The answer is…YES! YES! YES! Cena wants to thank us for our help, but Cena has made his decision….and, here comes the chant Cena wanted. “Daniel Bryan. Clap Clap Clapclapclap” He respects the beard, but this is a guy who deserves the match, and this will make SummerSlam awfully special. If this man so chooses to accept the challenge, then he selects:

The crowd goes wild, and Cena gets the largest pop of his career…lol.

Daniel Bryan comes out to Yes! John Cena right in the face as we end the show.

End Show

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