Views from the Hawke’s Nest: IMPACT Wrestling’s Destination X 2013

I finally listened to the Chris Sabin AOW today. It made me excited to see him win the title. That’s probably a sign he’s not going to win.

7/18/2013

Commentators: Mike Tenay & Jeremy Borash

The show starts with a video package hyping up the Sabin/Bully main event. The video made me think that Sabin is going to win. Or it’s a swerve. Or the swerve is that there is no swerve. Around this time, there were a bunch of subtweets about what happened in the main event.

Bully Ray came out to start the show with a promo. It seems to me that a Bully Ray promo is a very lame way to start a show meant to showcase the X-Division. He then called out “his wife.” I was wrong. BROOKE HOGAN is a lame way to start a show meant to showcase the X-Division. Cool, Hulk Hogan is here. This is the worst. Why did I decide to watch this show? Let alone review it?!?!? The Main Event Mafia appeared backstage. They promised Bully would lose the belt to Sabin in a fair fight. This was all a giant DUD*. The video package before the promos was very strong though. The crowd seems hot, and I’m guessing there will be a great atmosphere for the main event.

* I should mention that the crowd loved this segment. As usual, I am not TNA’s target audience.

Austin Aries (7 Points) vs. Bobby Roode (0 Points) [Bound for Glory Series]
This is a rematch from Destination X 2012. Aries defeated Roode in the main event of that show for the Heavyweight Championship.

Dixie Carter Twitter Plug #1. Aries went for a diving crossbody, but Roode caught him with a dropkick. Roode was in control, as we went to a commercial.
Commerical.

Back from the break, Roode got a nearfall with a spinebuster. Jeff Hardy Exercise App Plug #1. Aries managed to come back and hit the 450 for a nearfall. That nearfall pretty much came out of nowhere. Aries then hit the Heat Seeking Missile; they landed on some steel stairs next to the ramp. That was a cool little touch. Back in the ring, Aries hit a missile dropkick and the corner IED kick. Roode came back with the crippler crossface. I’ll use this moment to let everyone know that at the TNA house show I went to, the crowd did “Chris Benoit” chants three times. Morons. Aries escaped and hit a DDT. Roode went for a spear, but Aries blocked it. Roode got a nearfall with a lariat. Aries hit a discus forearm and a brainbuster: 1…2…3.

Roode flipped out after the match.

This was a fun TV match. They didn’t do too much of substance, but they kept it fun. Both guys seemed motivated. Check this match out. Aries is such a top-flight performer. He can be a main eventer in TNA whenever they want.
Match Rating: ***

There was an awkward backstage meeting with Hernandez, Homicide, and Chavo Hernandez. Chavo teased a horrifying scenario where Chavo becomes X-Division Champion and Hernandez becomes Heavyweight Champion. The amount of Eddy Guerrero namedrops that would happen if Chavo won the X-Division is scary to think about.

After a commercial, we got an awkward backstage meeting with Aces & Eights. There was a throwaway line to explain why Luke Gallows was no longer in the group.

Homicide vs. Petey Williams vs. Sonjay Dutt
I lost interest in all of these guys years ago. Let’s hope this exceeds expectations. Dutt’s moonsault double stomp would make this match worth it.

Homicide quickly hit a slingshot somersault plancha. Petey got a nearfall on Dutt with a slingshot Codebreaker. Cide got a nearfall on Dutt with a Cop Cutter. They teased some finishers. Petey hit an Avalanche German and a Cop Killer. Dutt then hit Cide with a standing sliced bread #2 and the moonsault double stomp: 1…2…3

This was short and meaningless. I guess they made the most of the time given. Dutt will be in the Ultimate X match for the X-Division title on next week’s show. I can’t make a passionate case for any of these people to be in the company at all.
Match Rating: **

Kenny King vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Manik
Winner will be in the X-Division title match next week. Manik is TJ Perkins.

King mocked Manik early on. Perkins stole a Davey Richards spot. Chavo sent Manik to the floor. Manik quickly got back in the ring. They did some spots. Chavo did the Three Eddies. I hate Chavo Guerrero. I don’t hate anything. I hate the word hate. I hate Chavo Guerrero. Thanks to @typicalROHfan for reminding me that TJ Perkins and Kenny King should be a team. They were a great one-off team in PWG! King kicked Chavo to the floor. King celebrated. Manik caught him with a gutbuster move: 1…2…3

Another worthless match. If you’re into cliché TNA ADD token X-Division matches, this X-Division title tourney is for you. I don’t like the Suicida/Manik character, but Perkins was my pick to move on in the match. So, good job there TNA.
Match Rating: **

Hulk Hogan told Chris Sabin that his time was now. He’s ready brotherjackdude.

Cue the AWFUL Main Event Mafia music. Rampage Jackson was not wearing a suit. Magnus is the only one who looks like he’s taking this seriously. I’m judging that by his wardrobe. They wanted a fight, but instead, we got a promo from Mr. Kennedy Kennedy backstage. Kennedy said they had to rest up for tonight. Kennedy then challenged them to a backstage fight. That doesn’t make sense. Samoa Joe said they were thirsty. Thirsty was a metaphor for wanting to fight. This is a very deep show. IT WAS A TRAP~! Kurt Angle was kidnapped and put in the back of a pickup truck. If this is the payoff to the Samoa Joe kidnapping/ninjas/Nation of Violence, I will eat Hulk Hogan’s fruit. If Kurt Angle can’t escape a flatbed truck, he’s probably very drunk.

The graphic for the X-Division Title match for next week indicated that Rockstar Spud was going to win the last match. Whatever. I’ve never seen him before, but hopefully he does well in his match tonight.

Rubix vs. Greg Marasciulo vs. Rockstar Spud
Rubix is better known as Jigsaw on the indies. Spud won the British Bootcamp reality show to get a TNA roster spot. Greg is the former Trent Baretta. They’re letting him use his real name, which is weird. I assume that means he is not long for the company, or they’re kissing some WWE-reject ass. Or I’m just being a dick.

I remember watching Greg Marasciulo in front of 30 people in Florida ten years ago! Oh wait, that was three months ago in FIP. Spud tried to hide on the floor. Rubix wiped him out with a tope suicida. Spud worked Greg over for a while. Rubix got a nearfall on Spud with a seated dropkick. Greg knocked Spud to the floor. Rubix got a nearfall on Greg and a nearfall on Spud. Greg took out Spud with a tope con hello. Rubix hit Greg with a Coast-to-Coast dropkick. Spud stole the nearfall: 1…2…NO! This is the flattest match of the three tourney matches. LOLOL! Greg gave Spud a Jig ‘n’ Tonic: 1…2…3! That’s Rubix’s finisher if you don’t know. I’ve never seen another guy get his finisher stolen by an opponent without it being a part of a storyline.

This was ok. They got a little more time. Rockstar Spud made a Rockstar DUD of a TNA debut. Hopefully, his career in TNA is not defined by this. I would have preferred Rubix to advance, but Greg is not the worst choice.
Match Rating: **1/4

Bully Ray told someone on the phone that they should make Kurt Angle an offer they can’t refuse.

We got footage of Kurt Angle coming back inside the building.

You mean Kurt Angle was not PROPERLY CONTAINED in a flatbed truck? WHAT ARE THE ODDS?! #DestinationX

— JP Nichols (@IAmHOLLYWOOD__) July 19, 2013

Cut to Mickie James in the ring. We got footage of her singing at a show. James cut a standard self-involved heel promo. Gail Kim came to the ring. Mickie made star ratings jokes. They brawled. It took a while for the referees to separate them. This was a solid segment.

Austin Aries and Chris Sabin had a backstage segment. Aries told Sabin he was pulling for him to beat Bully. This was another solid segment. The main event is next.

Before the main event, we got an emo AJ Styles promo. He’s facing Jeff Hardy next week.

Bully Ray© vs. Chris Sabin [TNA Heavyweight Championship]
Bully said he was going to take out Sabin’s knees. Sabin got in Bully’s face. Sabin was showing a lot of fire early. They were trading strikes. Sabin’s chest was red from the chops. Bully went after Sabin’s knees. Aces & Eights came to the ringside area. The Main Event Mafia came out. I think we’re supposed to think that Kurt Angle has switched sides.
Commercial

Back from the break, Bully was going after Sabin’s knees. Bully started jawing with Rampage. THAT matchup would be something. Bully exposed Sabin’s right knee and went after it. Bully was in complete control for a while. Bully hit my favorite move: KneeDT. Bully continued to jaw with Rampage. Despite the jawing, Bully remained in complete control. Sabin crumbled from the pain in his knee. Sabin fought back. He went to the top rope, but Bully crotched him. Bully hit a superplex: 1…2…NO! First real nearfall of the match. Sabin avoided the Bubba Bomb and hit an enzuigiri. Sabin hit a missile dropkick, but that caused a ref bump. Phantom pinfall for Sabin. Kennedy Kenney handed Bully a hammer. The factions went at. Rampage fought Wes Brisco~!~! If that match happens on PPV, I will give TNA all of my money. The factions went up the ramp. Sabin avoided a hammer shot. He picked up the hammer. Bully went for a powerbomb, but Sabin hit him with the hammer: 1…2…3.

That is an incredibly lame way for a babyface to win his first World Championship. I hope this means Sabin is turning heel soon. However, if Sabin remains a babyface who won the belt by slipping on the proverbial banana peel, he might as well have lost this match. This could be the start of great things for TNA or a footnote in their history. As usual with a storyline finish, the follow up is the key.
Match Rating: **3/4

What was that Kurt Angle red herring about?

The 411: This was a fine way to spend two hours. However, the X-Division Title tourney matches are not worth going out of your way to see, and I was disappointed with how the main event went about the title change. Aries vs. Roode is probably worth a look though. This was a show that was just better than the sum of its parts (if only slightly). I don’t watch TNA often, but I’ll pretend to be optimistic about the next few months until TNA drops the ball (as they’re wont to do).

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