wrestling / TV Reports
Tremendous Tirades 7.29.13: WWE Monday Night Raw
Introduction
Hi kids, it’s Steve Cook filling in for the Bossman this week. Y’all know the drill, the Tirade is not a traditional recap, but more of a free-flowing analysis of the show. Kind of like the Raw Thoughts I used to do in News From Cook’s Corner or stuff I’d post on Twitter but with ratings & whatnot. Completely uncensored, so put the women & children to bed before reading this one. This is a review, and Larry has entrusted me with reviewing the show all fair & balanced-like. Obviously I’m a fan or why in the blue hell would I have wasted the last nine years of my life writing about pro wrestling? I like the stuff, but when stuff ain’t right I’m gonna complain about it. It is what it is. I encourage discussion & even disagreement, in fact the more I get the more likely it is that Larry will continue posting my columns & podcasts. This is a one shot deal.
~WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW 7.29.13~
The McMahon/Bryan Summit: I still have a tough time getting used to things like Daniel Bryan & Vince McMahon cutting promos on each other. Everybody told me that Bryan dude would never make it to WWE, and when he got to WWE he sure as hell wouldn’t be in a main event feud and there was no chance that the almighty Mr. McMahon would ever cut an in-ring promo with him. Turns out that everybody was wrong, so I’m still kind of getting my bearings. Mr. McMahon was at his Mr. McMahoninigst here, running down Bryan as a guy that was a troll & didn’t have RUTHLESS AGGRESSION while trying to get Bryan to turn on John Cena at the same time. Bryan replied that it didn’t matter what Vince thought, it mattered what the fans thought, who had been repeatedly told to be silent by McMahon when they’d start chanting things like “YES” or “DANIEL BRYAN”. I’m not really a huge fan of all the things I’m hearing about the McMahons dominating future programming with a power struggle, but Vince did a good job here at building Daniel Bryan as somebody he doesn’t like so the fans should support. Reverse psychology works every time. Brad Maddox was here too but he didn’t add much other than being a warm body for McMahon to boss around.
Rating (1-10): 7.5
6 Man Tag Team Match: The Shield vs. Mark Henry & The Usos: Honestly, if the Usos could beat the Shield with Christian as their partner then they shouldn’t have any problem beating the Shield with Mark Henry as their partner. I like the Shield just as much as anybody else around here, Henry is the man & the Usos have potential. Dean Ambrose seems to have gotten a haircut that makes him a little less sleazy than usual. Bad move on his part, I think. People trying to double team Mark Henry amuse me. I’m sorry, I can’t buy into Roman Reigns spearing Mark Henry. He’s big, but he ain’t that big. Dean Ambrose beats one of the Usos with his frontwards DDT, then the Henry attacks afterwards & splits some wigs. Pretty basic stuff here, nothing bad but not among the Shield’s better efforts. Which is fine because these guys are going to have matches in the future & you want to build towards the good stuff.
Rating (1-10): 6.5
Rob Van Dam vs. Fandango: Fandango is the Doctor of Dance & RVD has educated feet, so this should be a pretty smartly worked match. RVD has always been one of those guys who has a routine & gets his stuff in whether it makes sense or not, but fans love to see it so it works. Besides, you want to see your old favorite singer playing his hits, not all the stuff off his latest album that nobody bought, right? It was an ok little match until Fandango decided to get counted out & get his heat back by saying his name. Kind of a waste of time, but at least it didn’t waste too much time.
Rating (1-10):5.0
Non-Title Match: Kaitlyn vs. Divas Champion AJ Lee w/Big E Langston: I liked the Total Divas show more than most people and I‘ll keep watching as long as it‘s on since that‘s how I roll, but the lack of AJ & Kaitlyn on the show is quite appalling. It’s like what would happen if the documentary crew on The Office didn‘t film any of Michael Scott‘s antics.. If you’re looking for two Divas on the roster to work a match for a few minutes on Raw and not kill the crowd, these are really your only two choices right now. True, they’re a little confused on who the face & heel are, but that’s because it’s impossible to hate AJ unless you hate America too. Kaitlyn spears AJ & a baby cries & loses a hero. The feud continues, which is quite all right with me because they need to kill time until Eva Marie is ready to carry the division.
Rating (1-10): 7.0
Dolph Ziggler vs. Big E Langston w/AJ Lee: I like Big E bringing back the Ultimate Warrior splash. WrestleMania XXX teaser? The main flaw Ziggler has in my book is lack of believable offense, but I guess that’s not really a factor when he’s working somebody like Langston that will beat him up most of the match. Unfortunately Big E’s offense isn’t exactly scintillating, so this match is just kinda there. AJ causes a DQ by going crazy on Ziggler’s hair. I dunno, it seems like Ziggler vs. Langston is a great match waiting to happen, but this wasn’t the night for it. SummerSlam?
Rating (1-10): 6.0
Non-Title Match: Christian vs. World Champion Alberto Del Rio: Some history between these two, as Christian won his first World Championship in a ladder match with ADR at Extreme Rules 2011. ADR has a tough time of it since nobody cares about the World title, but the dude’s been on a pretty good run of entertaining matches lately. Nobody seems to notice, but it’s true. Add in Christian, a guy who even though he might be getting up there in years is still one of the better workers on television, and you’re pretty much ensured a good time. ADR dominates most of the match, but Christian slips out of the cross arm-breaker & rolls ADR up for a 3 count! Perhaps the cagey vet deserves One More Match. Crowd didn’t really seem too into it but I appreciated the effort.
Rating (1-10): 7.0
Wade Barrett vs. Cody Rhodes: I really like both of these guys and feel they’ve been massively misused & underutilized over the past couple of years. In my alternate universe they’d be big stars by now. They’re still looking to get over the hump, but I’ve got some hope for Cody’s current face run. Decent little match with the right result since Cody’s the one getting the push. I guess Barrett will get another IC title run in a few months when they decide to push him again. Damien Sandow comes out to complain about his briefcase & insult Cody’s family, who he refers to as carnies. Well, they are wrestlers so it’s tough to argue with that.
Decent match & the after-match stuff did a good job of furthering the Rhodes/Sandow issue. The only problem I have with the Team Rhodes Scholars feud is that the team wasn’t really all that successful. Don’t get me wrong, they were awesome together, but they didn’t win a ton of matches. Had they been built up more the feud would likely mean more than it currently does.
Rating (1-10): 7.0
Daniel Bryan vs. Kane: Did Bryan & Kane stop being friends when they stopped being tag team partners? I guess it makes sense, it’s not like I talk to people I used to work with. Bryan & Kane had great chemistry as opponents last year, then they had great chemistry as a tag team, so of course they still have great chemistry as opponents. Bryan could have a good match with a soda machine at this point, but Kane isn’t slacking by any means. Mr. Small Package wins another match with a small package, but Kane choke slams him immediately afterwards. Some friend! The Wyatt Family responds to this attack on their brother of the beard by coming out & assaulting Kane again. I’ll probably overrate this segment, but screw it, I love Bryan & I love the Wyatts. Follow the Buzzards, man.
Rating (1-10): 8.5
Natalya vs. Brie Bella: Natalya came off as quite bitter on Total Divas, and she looks downright peeved tonight. Apparently the Bellas mocking Natayla by calling her an ugly duckling is going to be a thing. OK. Brie wins after a distraction by Nikki leading to a rollup. This was a match. I can’t imagine that people who didn’t watch the first episode were watching this and saying “Hey, I need to watch that Total Divas show if it’s going to feature these people!” Not good.
Rating (1-10): 3.0
Non-Title Match: R-Truth vs. Intercontinental Champion Curtis Axel w/Paul Heyman: Heyman cuts a promo prior to the match which makes me sad that there has to be a match after it featuring Curtis Axel & R-Truth. Axel beats up R-Truth for awhile, and nobody in the world cares until CM Punk comes out, attacks Axel & goes after Heyman. I haven’t seen Heyman run this fast since the end of the final ECW show when people were looking for their paychecks. Run of the mill match, but at least it built towards something & Punk got a huge pop.
Rating (1-10): 5.0
Non-Title Tables Match: WWE Champion John Cena vs. The Ryback: One thing I really like about this match is that it’s going on at 10:50 so they won’t be trying to go 30 like they did in their PPV matches. Ryback tries to put John Cena through steps & Cena tries to make Ryback submit to the STF. Interesting strategies. After many minutes of action, Cena adjusts Ryback’s attitude through the table. D-Bry comes out to hand Cena the title & wake the crowd up so they can leave the building. It’s tough to hate on a tables match too much because they typically end with somebody going through a table, and everybody loves watching somebody go through a table. However, the road to get there can sometimes be less than exciting, and this was one of those instances. There were a couple of interesting spots, but nothing to write home about.
Rating (1-10): 6.0
This show was taped last week since the WWE roster is currently entertaining fans overseas. Much has been said by just about everybody with an Internet connection about how wrestling shows that are taped don’t feel quite the same as ones that are live. This definitely had the feel of a taped show, which took away from some of the excitement. That being said, most of the action was good enough for government work. The crowd didn’t seem into much of anything, but it’s always tough to judge crowds based on how they come off on television, especially when the show’s taped & people can play with the sound. I do think the SummerSlam build is going pretty well. Cena vs. Bryan should be a great match and even though I was worried about the McMahon involvement taking away from the angle they’ve managed to add to it so far. Punk vs. Lesnar didn’t get much time tonight, but Punk’s appearance was an example of maximizing your minutes. I’ve said on Twitter that WWE doesn’t really need to build anything other than Cena vs. Bryan & Punk vs. Lesnar to sell SummerSlam, and so far that’s going pretty well. We do see some feuds starting to percolate like ADR vs. Christian, Shield vs. Henry/Usos & AJ/Big E vs. Kaitlyn/Dolph (they haven’t been combined yet but I’m assuming they will be at some point since it makes sense), and all of those would add to the presentation. All in all, tonight’s Raw wasn’t anything special & won’t rate as one of the best Raws of the year but it was a solid enough presentation that I don’t have any major complaints. Show Rating: 6.5 As a reminder, I will be going by the 411 scale… 0 – 0.9: Torture The final rating is not simply an average of the rated segments above. The rating takes them into account as well as the segments that are small but not scored, the flow of the show, the overall booking, build to PPV, crowd reactions, and so on and so forth. |
Steve Cook is a Gemini and enjoys drinking the occasional alcoholic beverage or nine, long walks on the beach, objectifying women and winning fantasy football championships. He graduated from the University of Louisville in 2006 & has a B.S. in Political Science with a concentration in Law & Public Policy. He has been a wrestling fan since 1990 and has been writing for 411 since August 14th, 2004; contributing nothing but headaches & utter frickin‘ chaos to the site. He is the last of a dying breed.
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