Tremendous Tirades 9.09.13: WWE Monday Night Raw
Posted by Larry Csonka on 09.09.2013
Tonight’s report is a Shattered Dreams Production, and is Rated R…
As a reminder, this will not be another traditional recap, but instead it will be a mash up of the Rs, Instant Analysis and my usual Twitter ramblings I would do during the shows; completely uncensored and as the ideas flow unfiltered to the old keyboard. Remember, this is a review; and I am here to review the show. As always, I encourage discussion and even disagreement, just do so in a respectful manner. I will be doing the review for Raw and most PPVs and iPPVs going forward.
WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW
Holy Shit It's Adam Copeland From Haven: Rock star reaction for Edge in Toronto, as it should be. The best thing about him is that since he did not agree to any kind of deal, his appearances are not very often and feel fun and important. He is here, at the request of HHH, to host the Cutting Edge, and because it is good for business. He explained he was here for a reunion, not one with Christian, but instead one with his Rated RKO partner Randy Orton. Edge took time to totally mock Orton, but also put over his MITB win because, "he wrote the book on that." Edge was pissed that Orton became a puppet, and then announced Daniel Bryan as his opponent. Bryan with good emotion here, said that no mater what they do to him (RKOs, Triple Powerbombs, KO Punches) he will defeat Orton and win back the WWE Title. Orton came out and buried Edge for his body failing him at a young age and that the only place people care about him still is in Canada. Some good back and forth and then Triple H came out, and since Edge doesn't work for WWE, he could tell it like it is, and that was that Triple H couldn't see real talent since he thought Edge, Jericho and Cena wouldn't make it. Triple H then did the best for business line and promoted Haven, and said he may have been wrong about Cena and Jericho, he was right about Edge being a failure. Bryan vs. Ambrose was set for later, and since the Shield would be with Ambrose, Bryan would need someone. The Big Show. Triple H then had the Shield bring out a beaten Christian, claiming that since he could not hurt Edge he could hurt the ones he loves. Edge was fun to watch and had some great lines and back and forth, looking as if he didn't miss a beat. But at the end of the day, we had a long opening promo that felt mostly the same due to Triple H not selling the insults at all and acting above everyone. I get that he is the new overlord, but you have to sell some of the stuff to make it feel as if the others have some kind of chance. Edge added a lot to this, and they tried to bring some emotion into it with Christian; but it could have been better. Also, I am so sick and tired of the long ass show opening promos. Know that some will call it a story telling device, but so is "Once Upon a Time," and just because a story begins that way doesn't mean that it is good.
Rating (1-10): 7.0
Triple H told Edge to step the fuck off and leave his town. Because he had to get his heat back from four-minutes ago because Edge said mean things with words.
IC Champion Curtis Axel vs. Kofi Kingston: They had a perfectly average match that did nothing to make me care about either guy. Then, Curtis Axel got disqualified for kicking too much ass. Part of me thinks that it makes sense that they did the finish because Axel lost on Sunday. Also, they are trying to see that Heyman is fucked on Sunday because Axel is a loser. But with Axel being IC Champion, that hurts his already weak ass standing in the company because he has not been booked well at all. On another hand I think that the fall into insanity for Heyman is setting up him debuting a new Paul Heyman guy at the PPV. It was there, and may lead to something new, but we'll have to wait and see.
Rating (1-10): 6.0
Paul Heyman continues to be a con-man in 2013 as he faked slipping in water backstage. Wait, that was cold, maybe someone is trying to mess things up for Heyman and the WWE. Maybe, maybe it is someone that is constantly overlooked and run down for his lack of contributions to the team. Maybe, maybe it was…
Big Show is a sad panda backstage, and Booker T comes to offer some unsolicited advice. Seriously, does Booker T have a job anymore? Does he wonder around telling people what they should do? Does he tell the catering people what to serve for dinner? Does he tell Sandra the Seamstress on Total Divas how to craft outfits for the Funkadactyls? WHAT IS HIS JOB DESIGNATION?
Bray Wyatt w/Harper and Rowan vs. Dolph Ziggler: So Dolph got the "already in the ring" jobbers entrance. They did that work for a minute deal and shot to a commercial, which I tend to hate because I have issues getting into the match when we come back from the break. What I saw was good, Harper and Rowan tried to get involved, which distracted Dolph and allowed Wyatt to his Sister Abigail for the win. Wyatt needs wins over guys, but I think that the bigger story here is that the trip to the doghouse for Dolph continues. Remember when everyone said he'd rocket to the top once he won the world title? Apparently it doesn't work that way. I guess he spoke his mind one time too many; show, off.
Rating (1-10): 6.0
We get a Goldust video package, which I felt was the wrong one to run. The first showed his initial stuff as a dangerous, cerebral wrestling. This one was all of his comedy bullshit, which doesn't help build tonight's match.
Shenanigans: Paul Heyman, Curtis Axel and a fake doctor walk into a wrestling ring. Heyman mocks the Canadian Healthcare System and then explains that his doctor says he has a possible meniscus or ACL tear. That means he is, regretfully, from the Night of Champion match with Punk. Brad Maddox, who is written as both a heel and face depending on the segment, comes out with WWE's doctor and says Heyman can only be pulled from the match if evaluated by WWE's doctor. As a man with numerous knee issues and surgeries under my belt, I think that this examination in the ring while sitting in a metal chair is a bit sketchy. Of course the WWE doctor revels Heyman is faking and Punk makes his way out. Heyman runs for his life as Punk destroys the fake doctor and Axel with a kendo stick. The doctor got some extra beat down, and don't feel bad for hi, that Indy guy just made his best payday ever for that beating. It was exactly what I expected when they did the Heyman fall backstage, and was a fine segment to build that match for the PPV. I do feel that they lost some momentum and peaked a bit too early, but this was fine.
Rating (1-10): 6.5
Layla, Alicia and Layla vs. Natlaya, Naomi and Brie: Alicia Fox I believe has the most unrecognized face/heel turns in wrestling history as they randomly team her with whoever needs a teammate on TV. Dear God AJ and Lawler were so annoying on commentary. It was an attempt to sell the Divas title match Sunday, but made me want to change the channel. JBL was also annoying, as he seemed more concerned with burying AJ's tattoo that commentating on the match. The match was ok at times, ugly at others, I mean, can we learn to bump a little? I don't expect a five star classic, but some of the stuff they do looks so bad at times like they are getting hurt in the process of basic wrestling. Segment fail as I wanted to change the channel.
Rating (1-10): 3.0
Little box interview with RVD. It lasted like, 20-seconds, and was typical RVD bad.
R-Truth vs. World Champion Alberto Del Rio: About a minute in the crowd gave no fucks about this match, chanting for JBL. Cole of course had to drop a bizarre land reference, and then the crowd chanted for Cole as the commentary spoke more about Lawler surviving a heart attack in Canada. Seriously. It's hard to care about a match when the crowd clearly is just entertaining themselves and commentary doesn't seem to care about it either. Del Rio won clean with the arm bar. Del Rio winning clean was good as he heads into a PPV title defense, but no one seemingly caring about the match hurt the segment.
Rating (1-10): 5.0
On the PPV pre-show, The Usos, Real Americans, Prime Time Players, 3MB and Tons of Funk will have a #1 contenders tag team match.
Zeb Colter rants about Canadians.
Santino vs. Antonio Cesaro: Crowd was excited to see Santino back. They had a fun, but short match. The highlight was Cesaro hitting the giant swing for like, 45 seconds. I completely get Santino wining his return match, especially in Canada, but it comes right after they advertise the tag team contender's match for Sunday. And with Cesaro being a part of that, it does him no favors heading into that match. Call me crazy, but with Cesaro being in a match on even the pre-PPV show, maybe he needed the win more. This came across as one of those matches that they booked without thinking, because if they had put some thought into it, they may have realized that it didn't make all that much sense. But that's just me.
Rating (1-10): 5.5
Damien Sandow vs. The Miz: Sandow discussed cashing in his MITB contract at the right time. This was another match that the crowd didn't care about, but commentary at least tried. Fandango made his way out to the ring, much to the delight of the crowd, which distracted Miz and actually allowed Sandow to win a match. This made the crowd happy, continued the feud between Miz and Fandango, and actually got Sandow a victory. On top of that, the wrestling was solid as well. Good segment overall.
Rating (1-10): 7.0
Goldust cut a promo about getting second chances, noting that he was the screw up of the family, but that Cody always did things right. Triple H interrupted and shit on his parade, noting that bad things could happen if Goldust lost, and then told him not to let the family down.
WWE Champion Randy Orton vs. Goldust: Normally I hate when the champion is made to come out first, but in this case forgive it because it was to set the stage for the Goldust entrance. The crowd loved the entrance, and that energy followed through into the match. The crowd was so responsive as they were building a great story. Goldust constantly going for the pin, counters of Orton's trademark stuff into pinning combos and all of that was played very well. They were working a good pace, taking their time, and allowing the crowd to fully get into things. It was also a great thing that the fans were responding to Goldust's trademark stuff. This was a tremendous example of a crowd making a match way better than it was. Do not get me wrong, the match was a well worked, but rudimentary match. They kept it simple, they slowed down at the right times and did the right things at the right times, and the crowd played along perfectly. It did not have a "million flippidy doos" and dives, just a great story, solid work from two veteran performers and a crowd that wanted to be a part of it. Goldust busting out the cross Rhodes counter to the RKO for a near fall was awesome, and created a tremendous near fall. Orton won in the end, making it back to back weeks of very good matches with the Rhodes family. This was excellent stuff, simplistic in execution, but they certainly got the most out of it. Goldust, as expected, worked his ass off.
Rating (1-10): 9.0
Orton promised to shatter Bryan's dreams at Night of Champions.
Los False Sterotypicos debut soon.
Goldust is a sad panda backstage, and Stephanie says he should feel bad and rubs it in and says that he let down his brother, father and whole family down. She then calls him a loser like his brother.
Stephanie, I'm coming for you bitch!
RVD w/Ricardo vs. Ryback: Before the match, Del Rio came out to talk shit on RVD and Ricardo. No singlet jokes. They had a match, the crowd really didn't care because they were chanting boring and Goldberg at Ryback. Ryback was disqualified for kicking too much ass on the floor, and then hit Shell Shock on RVD. Way to make RVD look strong for his world title match. But it makes sense, because Ryback is facing… wait, Ryback isn't on the PPV… Well then this accomplished nothing unless they reveal that Del Rio paid off Ryback to kick the shit out of RVD.
Rating (1-10): 4.0
Stephanie McMahon tells Big Show that he cannot touch the Shield tonight. If he does, he is terminated, because that's what's best for business. Big Show gets angry and destroys a boat anchor TV.
Edge should tell Hunter to fuck off and not show up on Smackdown due to what the Shield did to Christian. That dastardly bastard.
Cole stated that Stephanie aired Big Show's dirty laundry on Raw last week. Of course he his dirty laundry, his strip mall went belly up.
Daniel Bryan w/Big Show vs. US Champion Dean Ambrose w/Reigns and Rollins: This is one of those, "from the Independents to the big stage" matches…
It's always fun to look back and see where these guys were and where they are now. Anyway I really enjoyed the match. Two guys working hard, partly because they are in positions to steal the show and because they almost need to in the eyes of some. This was very different from Orton vs. Goldust, which is a plus. This also had the crowd into it big time. Big Show played cheerleader since he could not touch the Shield, and while Bryan was able to avoid attacks from Reigns and Rollins, it was enough for Ambrose to take control after a fire filled segment from Bryan. Mr. Small Package would strike again and score the victory.
Rating (1-10): 8.0
Bryan stood tall and then Orton hit the ring for a brawl, but the numbers game got to Bryan. Show teased helping, but backed off, allowing Bryan to be laid out for I believe the eighth time heading into the PPV title match.
Triple H and Stephanie appeared and instructed Show to KO Bryan again. Orton and Show argued about it, and while there was indecision on Show's part, Bryan took out Orton with the running knee and finally stood tall with the title.
Finally Bryan got to stand tall at the end of a show, which was a welcomed change. Overall though I felt that this was a very soft go home show for the PPV. I didn't feel that many people were built up for their matches all that well, and that isn't fantasy booking. It is simple logic, if you have a PPV match, you should look strong. Especially for a title match (RVD). Honestly, this just felt like a show, building to a PPV that doesn't feel all that special to me. Make sure to watch Goldust vs. Orton and Bryan vs. Ambrose, but the rest I think you can skip.
Show Rating: 6.0
As a reminder, I will be going by the 411 scale…
0 - 0.9: Torture 1 - 1.9: Extremely Horrendous 2 - 2.9: Very Bad 3 - 3.9: Bad 4 - 4.9: Poor 5 - 5.9: Not So Good 6 - 6.9: Average 7 - 7.9: Good 8 - 8.9:Very Good 9 - 9.9: Amazing 10: Virtually Perfect
The final rating is not simply an average of the rated segments above. The rating takes them into account as well as the segments that are small but not scored, the flow of the show, the overall booking, build to PPV, crowd reactions, and so on and so forth.
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Larry Csonka is a Pisces and enjoys rolling at jiu jitsu class with Hotty McBrownbelt, cooking, long walks on the beach, Slingo and the occasional trip to Jack in the Box. He is married to a soulless ginger and has two beautiful daughters who are thankfully not soulless gingers; and is legally allowed to marry people in 35 states. He has been a wrestling fan since 1982 and has been writing for 411 since May 24th, 2004; contributing over 3,000 columns, TV reports and video reviews to the site.