411 WWE SmackDown Report – 03.25.04

The views and opinions expressed herein are those solely of the author and may not necessarily reflect those of the rest of the human race.

Man oh man, is shit going to get busy around here! I have a ton of things to write and almost no time to do them all. Never fear – they’ll al get done, which means you get to see me plastered all over the place soon. Just thought I’d warn you…

Well, now that part one of the Reset has gone off in surprisingly fine form, let’s see if they can keep that up or if I was right in dreading this whole thing. What I thought would be a complete reset wound up sticking to quality and not to quantity, and as a result Raw worked out very well. If they can keep this up past tonight, I’ll gladly take back my poo-pooing of the whole thing. If not, you get to hear me run my mouth some more. Just thought I’d warn you again…

Before we see if they can keep up the Draft momentum, however, it’s time for some good ol’ fashioned street pimpin’:

As usual, taking the lead spot is the Low Ki to my Christopher Daniels, Stephen Randle and the News Experience (and in case you may have missed it, he’s also been using the BlackLogs, too). Of course, Elix Skipper – I mean Gagnon hasn’t yet, but he does have another high-larious Canadian Rant up…

Nute’s latest Finish Line wasn’t as vitriolic as I expected, but I guess he got all of that out of his system with The BlackLog post he put up right after Lesnar took a powder (am I the only one not using those?). He also had more kind words in another BlackLog post about the draft. I wish he’d get pissed more often; that’s entertainment, right there…

I kinda suspected that Eric S may not know about the pimps he gets here and now I realize why – the man hates SmackDown and therefore probably doesn’t read the report. I’ll have to do this in the next Monday Mayhem (Gotcha again, Biscuiti) so he’ll actually see it…

Robert Ortega Jr’s catching up on the Raw and SmackDown Lines – which means you should, too.

I have to disagree with Evocator and his T.I.T.S. somewhat – if you look up the definition to “one trick pony”, you’re more likely to find Nelly’s picture there than DMX’s.

For those of you interested in this sort of thing (like me!), there’s a damn decent new writer at Maximum Metal who just completed her interview with Royal Anguish.

And over on The Wrestling Fan, my pal Sean Carless has a nice little satire up about Brock and his NFL career that’s worth it for the pictures alone.

And with that, I do believe we are ready to get to the Rasslin’!

SmackDown – 032504

But first, we have to appease the gamblers in the audience…
Cash 3: 011
Play 4: 1597

Show opens with clips of the Draft this past Monday including all of the picks and Paul Heyman’s departure. I’m still wondering about that one, myself…

Credits and pyro bring us to Grand Rapids, MI – and Triple H’s music hits to a damn decent reaction! After taking forever to come out, Triple H, though, doesn’t – Kurt Angle does. Oh, man. Kurt announces that there is some business to take care of, namely the new GM. Kurt announces that it’s HIM. Wh—huh?? Kurt has made the ultimate sacrifice and stepped up to run the show. He then announces that Triple H will not get a rematch because Triple H will not be on SmackDown! He’s been traded back to Raw for The Dudley Boys (who will be wrestling later tonight) and Booker T! So one of the MAJOR fresh roster changes has already been negated? Terrific. And what was the point of all this again? Booker, not afraid to immediately show his face, comes out to the ring to address the fact that he ain’t happy at all about being traded. “Compared to Raw, SmackDown is the minor leagues” – holy shit! SmackDown has some great talent, but he’s better than ALL of them, Eddie Gurrero, John Cena, Big Show, you name it. Booker doesn’t want to be on SmackDown and had no say in it at all. Kurt begs to differ about SmackDown vs. Raw, but not about the fact that Booker T is the biggest of them all. Kurt agrees that the SmackDown fans don’t appreciate good talent, and he’s living proof. Kurt has the fans give Booker a warm welcome, and the welcome is more tepid. One promo later, and Booker goes from a Raw face to a SmackDown heel. Wow.

Charlie Haas faces new draftee Rob Van Dam when we come back from:

Commercial.

Back to Rob Van Dam vs. Charlie Haas
Pre-match, RVD plans on taking SmackDown to new heights, “because no one gets any higher than Rob – Van – Dam.” HAAH! Colar-and-elbow tie-up to start, RVD off the ropes with a shoulder. Haas gets him down on the mat in a front facelock and rolls with him into the ropes. Looked neat, but did no good. Van Dam retalites with several kicks and an armbar before Haas fights his way up. Van Dam goes up top and Haas shoves him off to the guardrail outside, injuring Van Dam’s knee. Haas follows jhim out to work on it and brings him back in for 2. Haas ties up Van Dam’s knee in the ropes before going to the Ѕ crab. Van Dam is up, mises the enzugiri but gets the heel kick. RVD with a legdrop and then the Rolling Thunder for 2. Corner whip into a monkeyfl—no, Haas holds on and rolls up Van Dam, but the ref catches Haas using the ropes and won’t count. Van Dam charges Haas in the corner and Haas kicks him dead in the head~! Owch. Haas pulls the top turnbuckle pad off, only to have Van Dam catch him in a small package for 3~! Nice match between these two; this is a program – and a way to get Haas over as well – waiting to happen, here.

Video of Rene Dupree as the first draftee shows, and Rene is next when we return from:

Commercial.

Back to video of the show-ending brawl between both rosters on Raw. Cole and Tazz put over SmackDown as superior before

Billy Kidman vs. Rene Dupree (with FiFi)
I’ll be damned…he brought the dog. Collar-and-elbow tie-up to start and Dupree shoves Kidman away. Knee to the gut by Dupree but Kidman flips out and gets a hurracanrana. The match goes outside some before Dupree takes over inside with stomps and a hard corner whip. Kidman fires back, but Dupree gets a high back body drop before the SmackDown debut of the French Tickler~! Elbow by Dupree gets 2 before he goes to the bearhug. Kidman escapes with a jawbreaker and lands an enzugiri for 2. Kidman gets a corner whip and a clothesline attempt but Dupree gets a powerslam for 2. Kidman with a dropkick before going up for the Shooting Star, but Dupree catches him with a dropkick of his own and an overhead slam for 3. Man, the SmackDown regulars are getting punked by the newcomwers tonight…

Now John Cena is out to “welcome” Dupree to SmackDown. Cena tells him Tazz is a thug, Cole is gay, leaving your wallet around Eddie is a bad idea, and so is going to the bathroom after Big Show or Rikishi. He also tells Dupree not to eye his “magic Johnson” before throwing him a pack of peanuts and telling him not to choke on them. Get it?

Commercial.

Back to video of last week when Undertaker murdered Paul Heyman. Nice.

In The Back, Josh Matthews is talking to Rikishi and Scotty Go Potty about Paul’s departure when Teddy Long interrupts. He says that they’re good, but not great, and offers his card to talk later. Hurrm…I’d love to see him break those two up by getting in Rikishi’s head…

Elsewhere In The Back, Eddie hanging out in the locker room, welcoming Rob Van Dam (?!!? Continuity loss?!) and Spike – and also Booker. Booker’s still not happy about being there and calls Eddie a minor league champion. DEEAMN. Eddie takes offense, leading to a pull-apart between the two before we go to:

Commercial.

Back to Before The Break: Booker continues his heel turn for the new show.

The Dudley Boyz vs. the Basham Brothers
Buh Buh starts off manhandling Danny before tagging in D-Von. More corner punishment by D-Von but Danny knees him before tagging in Doug. D-Von gets in a powerslam for 2 before Buh Buh tags back in with a neckbreaker for 2 of his own. D-Von back in and Danny eats a double flapjack. D-Von covers but the ref is too busy getting Buh Buh out, allowing Doug to slip in for the SWITCHEROO~! Doug works over D-Von before tagging in Danny proper, who gets 2 off of the doubleteam. Abdominal stretch by Danny with the assist from the outside by Doug. Danny tags in and gets an elbow for 2. D-Von gets in a spear (!) and the warm tag to Buh Buh Ray, who’s an INBRED ON FIRE! The Bashams take over but Buh Buh is too much of a hoss for that and ultimately gets Doug in the Wassup Drop. 3D finishes off Doug, and the punking continues…

In The Back, Booker enters Kurt’s office, demanding he do something about Eddie. Kurt obliges, offering Booker a shot at the WWE Title tonight. All RIGHT!

Commercial.

Back to Chavo Gurrero Jr. © (w/Chavo Sr.) vs. Spike Dudley – WWE Cruiserweight Title Match
The Dudleys remain at ringside to welcome Spike and negate Sr. Overhand wristlock into a reversal series to start and Chavito goes to the ropes to break. Slugfest in the corner and Chavito goes for a suplex, but Spike blocks and goes for the Acid Drop (I refuse to call it a “Dudley Dog”) but Chavito tosses Spike over the top to counter. Sr approaches for some shenanigans, and the Dudleys stop him, asking him if he’s crazy. Heh. Spike rolls in and Chavito gets 2. Chavito with stomps and a hard corner whip before going for the modified sitout abdominal stretch. Corner charge for Chavito eats elbow and Spike gets a reverse atomic drop and a clothesline for 2. Small package by Spike gets 2 again before he goes up top but Chavito stops and meets him. Spike knocks him down and gets the double gut stomp for – 2! Come ON, Spike! Chavito with a corner whip and a Gory Bomb, but Spike counters with a sunset flip for 2! Spike goes up for the missile dropkick, but Chavito dodges and gets an overhead backbreaker for 3 to retain. Damn. Video replay of the victory just to rub it in and Spike is upset…

Later on, Eddie defends against Booker T as we go to:

Commercial.

Back to Cole and Tazz talking about the breakup of the APA last week, with Cole all sorts of pissed at Bradshaw. Video recap brings up to speed.

And out comes Bradsh—I stand corrected – John Bradshaw Layfield, in a suit and cowboy hat, to address the crowd over what happened last week. Bradshaw couldn’t follow Ron Simmons (unfortunately) because he has books and radio shows coming up and generally too much to walk away from, despite what he and Ron accomplished. Bradshaw is better than everyone now, and the fans don’t understand that people like him ru(i)n businesses and governments. He’s always been better and smarter than everyone else, and now it’s time to prove it. He played with and supported the troops for show, but now it’s time to make an impact. And another heel turn is cemented. Man, 2 in one night…

The WWEE Title is on the line NEXT as we go to:

Commercial.

Back to In The Back, Holly confronts Booker on behalf of the SmackDown roster and promises that a whole list of guys are waiting to kick Booker’s ass once Eddie gets done. Leave it to Holly to be the bully…

Clips of Eddie vs. HHH from Raw, as Tazz and Cole wonder what condition Eddie is in before:

Booker T vs. Eddie Gurrero © – WE Title Match
Booker and Eddie make their respective entrances before we go to:

Commercial.

Back to a collar-and-elbow tie-up and Booker with an armdrag. In the corner, Eddie breaks, but Booker charges and gets caught in a drop toehold. Booker gets Eddie in the corner and punches and chops abound before Booker gets an Irish whip and an elbow for 2. Eddie returns with corner punches and chops before a snap mare and a chinlock, but Booker breaks with a jawbreaker (our official Move Of The Night!) and gets a clothesline for 2. Booker gets his own chinlock into a surfboard but Eddie is up with a side suplex. Eddie lands a slingshot senton from the outside for 2 before locking on another chinlock. Booker is up with the corner-whip-and-charge and gets an overhead suplex and a side kick for 2. Eddie gets a dropkick but Booker hotshots him to the outside as we go to:

Commercial.

Back to Booker with the sleeper as a replay from During The Break shows Booker dumping Eddie into the second row outside. Eddie breaks the sleeper with a side suplex but Booker goes back to the sleeper. For a while. Eddie finally escapes and goes up top, but Booker meets him with a superplex for 2! Sidewalk slam by Booker before he goes back to – the chinlock. Come on, now. Booker chokes Eddie on the ropes and chops him in the corner but Eddie reverses that and fires back hard. Corner whip and a clothesline for Eddie before getting the tilt-a-whirl headscissors off the ropes. Eddie goes for the rolling verticals but Booker counters with the Bookend! Cover – for 2~! NOW this one’s picking up! Corner whip by Eddie but Booker reverses with the sunset flip for 2. Booker gets a side kick and opts not to do the Spinneroonie, but to instead cover for 2. Good stuff. Booker goes for the Axe Kick, but Eddie instead hits the Rolling Verticals! Eddie goes up for the Frog Splash and nails it good—

Before Bradshaw comes out to attack Eddie, prompting the disqualification?! —the FUCK?!!? Bradshaw nails the Clothesline From Hell before dusting off his jacket and celebrating to end.

That motherfucker. Booker and Eddie could have been an excellent feud, but that son of a BITCH has to ruin it with another push. He may be cool as a heel; at least his promo was something different from what we’ve seen all these years prior. But that still doesn’t justify ruining Eddie and Booker.

As for the Draft…I really don’t know. There’s some really good out of it but then there’s some real crap to negate that. This might wind up becoming a column in and of itself as there’s too much to suss out here, lest I want to make the final thoughts as long as the report itself…

L8. Thanks for reading, y’all.

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