411’s WWE Smackdown Report: 09.17.05

Here we are, with another hot episode of Saturday Night Smackdown. Say what you will about it being the less important of the brands, but it does seem as if they’re trying to put their best foot forward in terms of “big” matches and the like. Well, enough from me. Let’s hit the show.

Chris Benoit versus Christian

Non-title. And it should go longer than 25 seconds. Before the match can start, Orlando Jordan comes out and cuts a promo, saying that the scheduled match will not happen. He tells Christian to get lost, then attacks Benoit. Benoit gets the Crossface, Christian attacks from behind. The heels double team until Booker makes the save, and we’ve got a tag match.

Chris Benoit and Booker T versus Christian and Orlando Jordan

Double back elbow on Jordan to start, and Booker takes over as legal. He chops away on Jordan, then gets a hook kick for two. Jordan fights out of a wristlock, grabs a front facelock, then tags Christian. Booker takes him over with a hiptoss, then chops him in the corner. Christian fights back with a punch, then dodges a Scissor Kick. Booker retaliates with a spinebuster for two, then gets another corner chop. He rolls Christian up in the opposite corner for two. Christian whips Booker to the ropes, where Orlando Jordan distracts him. Christian knocks Booker out of the ring, and Jordan beats him down on the outside. Back in, Christian gets a neckbreaker for two, then grabs a chinlock. Booker gets up and out, but Christian hits him with a back elbow. Jordan takes over with stomps, but as there was no tag, Christian must come back in. He prevents Booker from tagging Benoit, then makes an actual tag to Jordan. Jordan elbows a running Booker for two, then applies his own chinlock. Booker gets up, but Jordan nails him once more. Jordan goes back to the ropes, but Booker catches him with the Bookend, and both men are down. Tags on both sides, and Benoit chops Christian down. Whip, kitchen sink, snap suplex. Jordan takes a suplex onto Christian, then gets chopped in the corner. Benoit gives Christian a drop toe hold, sending him into Jordan’s crotch. Benoit tries to put the Sharpshooter on Christian, but Christian gets the rope. He nails Benoit with an eyepoke, then goes for the Unprettier. Benoit reverses to the Crossface, but Jordan breaks. Double team, but Booker saves again, knocking Jordan out of the ring. Booker and Jordan tug-of-war over a chair, and Jordan slams into Sharmell. Jordan attacks Booker as he checks on her, then slams him into the steps. In the ring, Benoit gets the Rolling Germans on Christian, then goes up top. Jordan pulls him off into a guillotine, letting Christian hit the Unprettier for the win.

Winners: Christian and Orlando Jordan
Match Time: 7:37
Rating: ***
Commentary: A good opener. It didn’t feel particularly neat, but it worked as an exciting tag match.

Backstage, Batista sprays Stacy Keibler and Christy Hemme with a water bottle (leading to the Emmy quality line “You’re making me all wet!”), then scares Simon Dean, causing him to spit shake all over a fat dude. Batista takes the shake, and doesn’t like it.

Theodore Long and Palmer Canon introduce Batista. Batista talks about his title defense, gives JBL props, and says they’re gonna name a new number one contender. He asks Teddy and “Network Guy” to do the honors (got a smirk out of me). Teddy hypes up a “latino underdog” and a “family man.” Before he can say Rey’s name, though, Canon announces “Eddie Guerrero!” Eddie comes out to the ring and talks about his addiction to manipulation. Beating Rey gave him a new addiction, though- respect. And honor. And doing the right thing. All one addiction. He’s the “new” Eddie Guerrero. He’s about love. He thanks Batista for the title shot, then proclaims his respect for him. He’s got no more hate, and at No Mercy, he wants to prove that he and Batista can have the best match in the history of professional wrestling. Well, compared to the JBL series, anyway. Batista says they can be the two amigos, but tries to tempt Eddie with the though of the title. Eddie just wants to be friends. Eddie extends a hand, but Batista wants a hug (using a paraphrase of the old “Tommy Boy” line). They hug, and Eddie looks uncomfortable. I’m sure Stone Cold Steve Austin enjoyed it, though.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Legion of Doom © versus MNM

I miss Jillian. I just do, dammit. Mercury and Heidenreich start off with a lockup. Heidenreich shoves Mercury down, then sorta clotheslines him. Mercury jumps Heidenreich as he argues with Nitro, then grabs a headlock. Heidenreich shoves him off, and Mercury avoids a boot by sliding out of the ring. Animal clotheslines him, and back inside, the faces make the tag. Heidenreich and Animal double team, then Animal puts Mercury on the top turnbuckle. Nitro kicks him off, allowing Mercury to get a double axe handle. Nercury chokes Animal on the ropes, then tags Nitro. Double Russian Legsweep by MNM gets two. Nitro tags Mercury, who gets a neckbreaker on Animal for two. Mercury applies a chinlock, but Animal shoves him off. Mercury comes back with a kick, but Animal follows with a powerslam. Tags on both sides, and Heidenreich slugs both men down. A big boot for each, and Melina gets in the ring to argue with Heidenreich. MNM attack, but stop as Heidenreich puts Melina between them. Double face crusher by Heidenreich, and Animal knocks MNM outside. Nitro dodges a double axe handle from Animal, and Mercury grabs the title belt. He hits Heidenreich, but Charles Robinson sees and calls for the DQ.

Winners: The Legion of Doom
Match Time: 4:16
Rating: **1/2
Commentary: Not too bad, but really, nothing of any consequence. The sooner the belts go back to MNM, the better.

Teddy Long starts to yell at Canon, but Eddie interrupts and thanks him. When Eddie leaves, the argument is continued. Canon stands up for Eddie, building up him and the match.

Bob Orton is standing by a U-Haul. Randy heads in and hugs him. They’re ready, and they’ve got some plan in the U-Haul. One thousand melted urns, no doubt.

JBL versus Rey Mysterio

Rey has new music, which is inferior to his old music. Rey dodges a couple of kicks, and nails Bradshaw in the thigh with one. Bradshaw manages to clobber, though, then works Rey over in the corner. Rey gets a double foot kick, and JBL counters a Sunset Flip with a punch. Rey gets an armdrag, then dropkicks JBL into 619 position. He goes running, but Bradshaw catches him with a shoulder. Cole calls JBL a bully- apparently, wrestling a guy against whom you’re booked is bullying. I’m all for insulting Bradshaw, but do it when it makes sense. JBL hits Nash knees in the corner on Rey, then whips him across the ring. Rey misses some desperation swings, and JBL hits a neckbreaker for two. Bradshaw hits a few punches, but Rey blocks and fires off with his own. Bradshaw then catches Rey in a bearhug. When I wake up, Rey is headbutting and punching his way out of the hold. JBL catches a crossbody, but Rey counters the Fallaway Slam with a DDT. Rey kicks JBL in the chest, then gets a headscissor takedown and a low dropkick. Rey covers, but Bradshaw’s under the ropes. A dropkick sends Bradshaw to the corner, and Rey gets the Rough Rider. He tries for a monkey flip, but Bradshaw blocks in and tosses Rey to the mat. Rey counters a Clothesline from Hell with a low dropkick, then hits the 619. JBL catches the West Coast Pop, and Rey fights back with punches. Rey tries to hurricanrana once more, but JBL pulls him back up. Rey slides out and nails a top rope quebrada, getting a surprise pin. Sweet.

Winner: Rey Mysterio
Match Time: 5:49
Rating: **1/2
Commentary: Probably better than previous matches between these guys have been. And hell, Rey won, so that’s terrific.

Nunzio is lobbying for a shot on Smackdown with Teddy Long when Eddie Guerrero interrupts. Eddie backs Nunzio up, as does Palmer Canon. Eddie hints at Nunzio versus Batista, and Canon makes the match. Eddie congratulates Canon on his idea.

From Palmer Canon to Nick Cannon, as we get a special preview for Roll Bounce as part of Smackdown. At least Ken Kennedy and Tony Chimel didn’t do dueling commentary to introduce the clip.

Josh Mathews catches JBL backstage. Mathews looks like he’s gonna ask him what the deal is with the losing, but Bradshaw just leaves. Ken Kennedy hijacks the interview, telling Mathews to focus on something positive- him. Kennedy complains about Mathews’s odor, then introduces himself for no good reason.

Kennedy heads out to the ring, interrupting Tony Chimel’s announcements and kicking him out. Kennedy does his own introductions for…

Ken Kennedy versus Jacques Plissken

Kennedy opens up with some punches, then whips the guy and gets a kitchen sink, then beats on him in the corner. Plissken fights back with a right hand, then climbs up top. Kennedy punches him, follows, and hits the Lambeau Leap for the win.

Winner: Ken Kennedy
Match Time: 1:05
Rating: ѕ*
Commentary: I’m guessing WWE has run out of guys willing to take Kennedy’s finisher. Well, it was bound to happen sooner or sooner.

Batista versus Nunzio

Nunzio talks trash to Batista as Eddie Guerrero heads out onto the stage, applauding Batista on. Nunzio dodges a lockup, but Batista nails him with a shoulder. Vito grabs Nunzio’s hands, Batista grabs his foot, and Batista pulls both men into the ring. Batista throws Nunzio onto Vito, then lifts Nunzio by the throat and puts him on the top turnbuckle. Vito distracts, Batista clotheslines him, and Nunzio takes the champ down with a Missile Dropkick. Eddie looks perturbed. Vito interferes, Nunzio covers for two. Batista gets the corner shoulder rams, clotheslines Nunzio in the opposite corner, then squashes Vito in the corner. Spinebuster on Vito, Spinebuster on Nunzio onto Vito. Thumbs up, thumbs down, Powerbomb, pin.

Winner: Batista
Match Time: 3:01
Rating: **
Commentary: I’m just glad Nunzio got to hit that dropkick. It’s way more offense than Undertaker ever let Nunzio have.

Post-match, Eddie and Batista give each other the thumbs up.

The Ortons look inside the U-Haul and laugh, then talk cryptically about the surprise. Alright, a gift box with Abdullah the Butcher inside. I called it.

Backstage, Bradshaw recruits Jillian to be his fixer. I like the prospect, and I get the feeling that their chemistry can be good. Not as good as the chemistry between JBL and Amy Weber, but still good.

The Undertaker versus Randy Orton

The match starts mid-commercial, and when we get back, Taker throws Orton down. Taker gets a headlock. Orton shoves him off, Taker comes back with a shoulder. Orton gets a hiptoss for two, then starts kicking away at Taker in the corner. Orton throws some punches, then whips Taker across the ring. Taker comes back with a high kick for two, the tries a keylock. Orton gets up, and Taker gets a wristlock. He slams Orton’s arm into the turnbuckle, then punches away at the shoulder. Taker whips Orton across the ring, but Orton elbows a charge. Taker takes him down with an armlock, then wrenches it on the mat. Back up, Taker wraps Orton’s arm around the top rope, then punches the shoulder. Taker punches Orton in the gut, then takes the wristlock once more. Taker goes Old School, heading up top. Orton kicks him down, though, crotching Taker on the top. Orton climbs up and hooks the head. Taker fights back with punches, but Orton hits a headbutt and an uppercut. He goes back up and hooks Taker’s head, then superplexes him to the mat. Orton gets up and orders that the truck be brought. Cowboy Bob leads it down as Undertaker sits up. Orton kicks Taker in the gut and hits a DDT. The truck opens, and stagehands wheel a casket out. Oooh, scary! Orton hits a kneedrop in the ring, and we go to a commercial. Orton’s got a chinlock as we get back, and the casket is just sitting there. So, who’s inside? Taker gets up, then backs into the corner, breaking the hold. He elbows Orton in the head, then runs back to the ropes. Taker comes back, only to catch an Orton dropkick for two. The chinlock is reapplied, with Orton’s foot on the rope sporadically. Taker’s hand falls twice, then he grabs the referee. He gets up and elbows Orton off, but Orton gets a powerslam. Orton goes to the second turnbuckle, then signals for an elbow drop. Taker gets the boot up, of course. He stands up and punches away on Orton, then goes for a slam. However, Orton slides out and hits the 3.0 for two. Taker nails punches from his knees, then headbutts Orton down. Back up, punches are traded. Orton whips, Taker ducks the clothesline, and hits the flipping clothesline himself. Taker whips Orton to the corner, then lifts him up and drops him with Snake Eyes. Big boot and legdrop (no, really) follow for two. Taker lifts his hand in the air, and grabs Orton for the chokeslam. Orton counters with a kick, then gets whipped. He comes back with another kick, so Taker clotheslines him over the rope. Taker follows, chases Bob Orton away, then goes after Randy. He throws him to the post, then opens the casket to find a very realistic version of himself inside. Taker is confused (“Huh? Am I dead? I didn’t think so, but there I am.”), allowing Orton to attack him. Back in, Orton punches Taker in the chest repeatedly, then gets punches in the corner. Taker tries to reverse to a Last Ride, but Orton slides out. Taker clotheslines the referee by mistake, and Orton hits the RKO. Bob Orton runs out with Charles Robinson, who counts two before Taker kicks out. Taker gets the chokeslam, then covers. Bob Orton pulls Robinson out at two, then slides in, where Taker decks him. Orton goes for the RKO, but Taker pushes him off. Taker nails the Tombstone, then gets the pin.

Winner: The Undertaker
Match Time: 19:16 (from the commercial return to the final bell)
Rating: ***1/2
Commentary: Good action, but stupid booking (would Taker be the last guy to be scared of himself in casket), and too protective of Taker. Still, not many complaints about the action.

Well, the main event delivered (in some ways), but the rest of the show was a bit dull. The show tried to be wrestling-heavy, but there wasn’t much notable wrestling. Still, the Batista-Eddie feud got off to a good start, which is a definite plus.