411’s WCW Bash At The Beach Report 7.09.00

411’s WCW Bash at the Beach Report 7.09.00
Announcers – Schiavone, Madden & Hudson
Report by Wids

Smooth lets Top Cat out of the limo. He tells Smooooooth to keep the MIA away from the ring. Here come the Jung Dragons to be wacky and Japanese, and he beats them up.

Horribly produced intro package.

WCW Cruiserweight Title Match
Da Juice vs. C-H-A-V-O (means wacko) (c)
Konnan and Disco on the mic. Spanish commentary coming through for some reason. Whoops US announcers are back. The factions have to go to the back, they both came out, but now they have to leave. Ha Ha Ha. Chavo in control to begin. Atomic drops. Juvi just goes to leave. Juvi is back, and we brawl on the floor. Quickly back in, and Chavo is in control. Quick exchange, and an arm bar by Loco to slow it down. Powerslam by Chavo for 2. Juvi has gotten in nothing so far. Madden seems to have a horse voice. Good, bring out Heenan. Chops by Chavo in the corner. Corner charge by Chavo, back elbow by Juvi, then a double clothesline and both men are down. Back and forth switches and stuff, Juvi falls to the floor, Loco to the top, plancha from the top onto Juvi on the floor! Here come the Filthy Animals in masks. Is that slipknot? In the ring, Juvi rolls up Chavo who is distracted by the Aniamsl. Chavo to the floor, amazing guillotine legdrop from the ring to the floor by Juvi. Into the ring, Mr. Juice in control. Cool splash from the apron onto Chavo over the ropes. Juice to the top, Chavo tries to prevent, then Juvi hits a sunset flip into a running powerbomb for 2. Juice hits a pancake. Now MIA come out of the crowd in wacky masks. As they come out of the crowd, Major Trash comes out of the entrance and rips off her shirt, which distracts Juvi, Chavo goes for a pin, but ref is distracted by the MIA. Chavo goes for Tornado DDT, Juvi floats back, goes for Driver, Chavo floats over and hits an sit out inverse powerbomb for ONLY 2. Back up, Juvi Driver! Chavo gets his foot on the rope. Chavo is up, Tornado DDT and that’s an anticlimactic pin.
Winner: Lt. Loco

Backstage, Cat is talking to the Dragons. They babble about doing a job or something, and here comes the Chosen One, who can’t find Hogan.

WCW Hardcore Title Match
Big Vito (c) vs. Norman Smiley and Ralphus
Vito on the stick, apparently this was a mystery opponent. Vito says he’s scared of no one, and makes it a handicap match. We brawl on the set to begin. Brawling goes deeper into the back. Norman in control with a garbage can. Norman then does the big wiggle on Vito! Ralphus has a lid for Norman. Norman tossing Vito around like a rag doll. Vito back up and punches the lid into the face of Ralphus, and takes control as Norman screams. Norman runs into an elevator, leaving Ralphus with Vito. Ralphus runs to the ring, and Vito follows. Crowd chants Ralphus! Vito hits him with a bat in the ring. Vito gets a table from under the ring. Sets up Ralphus on a table, goes to the top and sends Ralphus through the table.
Winner: Vito

Too late, Norman returns to the ringside area and is upset.

Goldberg arrives

Gene interviews Nash. He hasn’t been himself, due to a prick named Goldberg. He might just take a survey.

Wedding Gown Match
Daffney vs. Miss Hancock
Oh look, a wedding cake I wonder what will happen. Even Hudson says it. Cat fight. David comes in and he restrains Daffney as ref restrains Hancock. Both men’s pants are pulled down. David and Hancock go to shave Daffney, Crowbar makes the save. Crowbar then pulls his own pants down to match the others. Crowbar hits his finisher on David. More wackiness, then Hancock grabs the mic and just takes her own dress off and loses.
Winner: Daffney

Tons of wedding cake zaniness after the match.

Cat walks around, Dragons are scouting him

Announcers talk as the cake is being cleaned for like 2 hours.

WCW Tag Team Title Match
Perfect Event (c) vs. Da Kronic
Adams and Chuck to start, now PerfectShawn, both getting crushed (tee hee). Adams does a guerilla press on Shawn and tosses him to the floor onto Palumbo. TPE regroup for a bit on the floor, then Shawn comes back in and goes to work. Tag to Clarke and he takes control. Wrath does the Death Penalty! Double teams by Kronic. Full nelson slam by Adams on Shawn. Shawn whips in Adams, Chuck pulls down the top rope and TPE beats on Adams on the floor. Back inside, and TPE in control. Chuck has a headlock to slow it down. Adams up out of it, but Chuck beats him down again. Double team by Shawn with Chuck. Sleeper by Shawn on Adams. Adams and Shawn are both down… WHO WILL MAKE THAT TAG?? (tony says it!) Both make the tag, and Clarke is… A HOUSE A FIRE. Sets up for the meltdown on Chuck, Chuck floats back and hits a DDT! TPE takes control again! Shawn takes them both down with dropkicks. Back and forth action. Adams does some botched fireman’s carry move. Kronic in control. High times on Chuck! High Times on Shawn! Doomsday Device by Kronic on Shawn, with Clarke coming from the top.
Winners and NEW Tag champs: Kronic

Cat on the phone, Dragons music plays. Where are they? Chosen One comes in and says he’ll screw with the show if he doesn’t produce Hogan. The Dragons attack Cat.

Who’s better Than Kanyon vs. Booker T
Announcers talk about Hogan no showing. Booker T chant. Booker in control and sends Kanyon to the floor. Kanyon back in. Booker in full control in the ring. Big kick off the ropes. Big clothesline. Booker signals to the crowd and rips off Kanyon’s DDP shirt. Sends Kanyon to the floor again. Booker takes the brick out of Kanyon’s book, and then goes to work on Kanyon on the floor. Madden mentions Bon Jovi for some reason. Get the new album Crush! Booker back in with Kanyon comes off the top and hits a move for 2. Brawling on the floor. Kanyon uses the STEEEEEEEEL steps. Kanyon wraps Booker around the ringpost. Suplex from the middle rope on booker into the ring for 2. Booker tries to get up, Kanyon beats him down. Finally Booker comes back up and hits a powerslam for 2. Whipping into the corner, Kanyon catches Booker and hits a cool powerbomb for 2. Slower action. Booker up and knocks down Kanyon. Chair was set up in the corner, Booker whips Kanyon into it then hits a spine buster for 2. booker grabs the chair and goes to hit Kanyon, ref blocks it. Kanyon grabs the book and hits Booker T, who sells like there was a brick in it, and gets a cover for 2. Booker does SPIN A ROONY! He was playing possum! Booker goes for the axe kick! Book End! Only 2. Here comes the Chosen One! Kanyon distracts the ref and JJ hits Booker with the guitar! Kanyon back up, sets up for a Cutter from the top, and hits it.
Winner: Kanyon

WCW US Title Match
Big Poppa Pump (c) vs. Mike Awesome
Steiner goes right after Awesome on the floor. Awesome back drops Steiner into the crowd. Awesome runs and flies over the railing onto Steiner. Brawling in the crowd. Steiner sends Awesome into a door. Brawling moves back to the ringside area, and finally back into the ring. Steiner being stiff. Kicks Awesome in the corner. Whip across, but Awesome kicks Steiner on his way over. Awesome to the top, Steiner stops him. Steiner hits a butterfly superplex!!! Steiner does a 2 punch count along, and then a backbreaker. Steiner to the floor, Awesome does an elbow drop on Steiner on the floor. Awesome uses a non folding chair. Awesome has a regular STEEEEEL chair and goes to work on the floor. Awesome sucks chant. Awesome tosses Steiner into STEEEEL railing. Steiner out in the ring, Steiner does a plancha over the ropes from the apron. Top rope clothesline, here comes Top Cat. Steiner reverses a suplex. Belly to belly by Steiner. Steiner goes for the Recliner, Cat on the mic says no on the apron, and then Steiner sends Cat to the floor. Awesome with a penis punch, and then a powerslam and then a Frog Splash! Covers… only 2! Ref bump. Cat into the ring, goes to kick Steiner, hits Awesome by mistake. Steiner hits a belly to belly on the Cat, the ref is up but Awesome kicks out. Steiner goes for the Recliner, Cat says he is stripped of the title. Awesome match, no pun intended.
Winner by DQ: Awesome

Steiner after the match throws a SICK T Bone type suplex on Awesome after the match. Announcers don’t say if Awesome is US Champ or not, but Cat has that title.

Graveyard Match
Demon w/Asya vs. Vampiro
Demon, Asya, ref are walking with a torch in a graveyard. They find a coffin, Vamp not there. Vamp was in a tree, he flies at Demon. Demon hits Demon Bottom. It’s so dark, I will take a break from PBP to take a sip of my delicious Iced Tea. It is refreshing. Some dark action and grunting. Vamp seems to have a headlock on Demon. Vampiro in control, Demon takes control and runs away. Demon running to the arena, Vampiro has Asya and ran away first. Vamprio ambushes Demon from the water. Now they brawl in the water. Hudson: there could be anything in that water. Vampiro runs away, Demon finally up, and he follows. Demon sees Asya near that old casket we saw earlier. He tends to her, Vamp emerges from the coffin and spits THAT EVIL WATER at Demon. Vamp has part of a tombstone and breaks it over Demon’s head. Then puts Demon into the coffin, and tosses the coffin into an open grave. Vamp: Say hi to Sting, if you see him in hell. Vamp walks away.

no end yet…

Gene interview Shane, who runs down Buff.

Shane Douglas vs. Buff Is A Homo
Hey its true. Buff is pretty over. Franchise sucks chant. Wouldn’t Buff like that? I cant stop! Shane goes to the floor, Buff follows. Buff sends Shane into the STEEEEL railing. Buff in control, Shane takes control. Shane removes floor mats, goes for piledriver, and back drops out of it. Back into the ring. Buff takes control, swinging neck breaker. Brawling on the floor. A chair is brought into the brawl, and Shane waffles Buff with it. Brawling into the ring. Shane hits a Snapmare. Then a Hennig style neck snap. Announcers Buff the neck injury. Torrie Wilson is back and she is here. She slaps Shane, Buff rolls up for 2. buff with wild clotheslines and a cross body. Torrie’s breasts look bigger, could be a boob job. Vader Bomb by Buff. So much for Torrie’s natural claims. Buff and Torrie kiss, he turns his back, and she kicks him into the balls. Shane hits a vertical suplex (called the Pittsburgh Plunge, but it wasn’t) but only gets 2. Buff this a DDT thing for 2. Buff goes to the top, Torrie holds him, he pushes her off the apron, Shane hits an atomic drop. Shane hits a jawbreaker variation for the pin.
Winner: Shane

After the match, Torrie goes to Shane, and they hug. Stubacca and I discuss Torrie’s breasts, it could be just a creative bra. We’re not sure.

Old Man Hogan walks backstage. Damn he’s here.

Gene and Jarrett. Jurassic Slapass! JJ said he has allies.

WCW World Title
The Chosen One (c) vs. Old Man Hogan
Ugh Buffer. They have been on a collision course, and tonight they COLLIDE! Jarrett’s music is playing, but where is he. Here comes Russo in a SF Giants jersey with Bonds on the back. Now here comes Jarrett. Hogan comes out to the NWO theme. Hogan has the PAINTED ON BEARD OF HORROR. Tony mentions four years ago when the nWo was formed. Hogan wants the mic, and gets it from Buffer. Hogan calls JJ the Chosen One, because he has chosen to powerbomb (?) him right through the mat. Jarrett was at the entrance in retreat, now back to the ring. JJ goes into the ring and lays down in the middle of the ring. Russo grabs the belt. Hogan looks shocked. Russo tosses the belt into the ring and leaves. Hogan gets the mic again. Hogan: This is why the company is in the shape its in, because of bullshit like this. Hogan puts his foot on JJ, makes the pin and he’s your champ.
Winner and NEW champ: Hogan

Jarrett gets up and leaves.

Vampiro enters the arena. His music plays, the ring fills with smoke. Maybe Sting will come back here. Vampiro in the ring. Has a mic: the dark circle has been completed. The Demon is dead. He got rid of Dale and also Sting. We want Sting chant. Ring is dark with smoke and some cool lights. Druids in Sting masks bring the coffin from the graveyard into the arena. Fans chant, Vamp is upset. Vamp confronts the druids. In the coffin is someone that looks like Sting. That guy beats down Vamp with a bat. Sting’s Metallica music plays, and they put Vamp into the coffin. Lights go totally out. The guy who attacks Vamp was wearing a long hair wig and a Sting mask, so probably wasn’t Sting. Muta perhaps?

Vinnie Ru is back. Has a mic. There’s only one way to do this, to tell it like it is. 3 weeks ago, he left WCW. Russo pauses. He didn’t know if he’d come back. Reason he didn’t know was that from day 1 he has nothing but deal with the bullshit politics behind the curtain. He doesn’t need this shit. Here is why he did come back. He came back for the guys in the back who bust their ass for WCW. He came back for the Booker Ts. For all the MIA. He came back for the guys behind that curtain who GIVE A SHIT about this company. Russo says that god damn politician Hogan doesn’t give a shit. What happened out here tonight? All day long he had to play politics with Hulk Hogan. He wanted to play his creative control card, that meant he had to beat Jarrett. Well, he got his wish, he got his belt and went home. He will promise everyone that Hogan will never be on TV again. Might as well call it the Hulk Hogan Memorial belt, and that belt means SHIT. The new title will go to Jeff Jarrett because he busts his ass. And he WILL defend that belt tonight in this ring… Against… Booker T!!! He has been held down by Hogan for 14 years! For the WCW Title, JJ vs. Booker! And Hogan, you big bald Son of a Bitch… KISS MY ASS.

Battle For Halls Contract
Goldberg vs. Big Gutty The Buyrate Killer
Nash and Steiner kinda argue backstage. Nash is wandering around backstage. Goldberg enters first with Hall’s contract. Nash checks the document. Lockup. Nash takes control and knees Goldberg into the corner. Nash does a foot choke in the corner. Sick suplex by Goldberg. Goldberg goes to work. Superkick by Goldberg hits the mark. Goldberg does the up yours sign to the crowd. Nash hits a chokeslam for 2. Steiner comes down with Midajah. Claps for Nash. Goldberg in control. Steiner grabs Hall’s control. Damn this is so obvious, Steiner is going to turn. Let’s see what happens. Goldberg yells at Steiner. Goldberg goes back to work on Nash. Charges into the corner, Nash gets a big boot up. Side salto for 2. Goldberg up! Goes for Spear, Nash dodges and Goldberg this the turnbuckle pad. Nash goes for the jack knife. Steiner comes into the ring and hits Nash. Nash goes to Steiner, Goldberg is up, goes for the spear! Jackahmmer!
Winner: Goldberg

Steiner puts Nash into the Recliner, and Goldberg rips up Hall’s contract. Hudson calls Hall a free agent. Steiner and Goldberg celebrate together.

WCW World Title Match
The Chosen One (c) vs. Booker T
Buffer again! Jarrett comes back out, again with a title belt. Can anyone tell me if it’s the same one Hogan has? They pace around each other. Lockup. Headlocks and such. Standing switches and stuff. Dropkick by Booker T. Jeff takes a breather on the floor. Back inside, Harlem Side kick by Booker and we brawl to the floor. Booker send JJ into the crowd. Brawling through the crowd. Brawling around the back of the crowd. Back to the ringside area, JJ has a chair and hits Booker. Jarrett hits a stuff piledriver on Booker on the announce table. Back into the ring. Jarrett with a sleeper on Booker. Booker has his arm drop twice, third time its up. Booker is getting up. Crowd is alive. Booker out of it briefly, JJ has it back. Booker reverses and puts JJ in the sleeper. JJ goes for the knee and Booker is down. JJ goes for the figure four, Booker rolls him up for only 2. JJ goes to work on the legs. Figure four again, and this time it’s on. Booker wont give up! Booker is trying to turn it. And he does! JJ gets the ropes. Jarrett continues to work on the legs. Bounces off the ropes and ass slams booker’s knee. Booker blocks JJ’s punches, and punches JJ. Axe kick! SPIN A ROONY! Crowd is alive! Spinebuster for 2. Jarrett dodges a kick, and does a TEN PUNCH COUNT ALONG! Damn ref bump. Jarrett grabs the World Title, Booker ducks, grabs the belt and levels JJ! Ref is up! Counts! JJ kicks out! This rules! Low blow by JJ. Jarrett goes to the floor and gets a chair. JJ sets up the chair on the corner ropes. Booker reverses and sends JJ into the chair, and rolls up Jarrett for only 2. Announcers push how good this match is, and how this is the way it’s supposed to be. JJ does the Stroke to the ref for some reason. JJ grabs the guitar. Goes to the top! Jumps at Booker, Booker grabs Jarrett for the Book End!
Winner and NEW WCW Champion: Booker T!!!

The crowd raises the roof in unison! Booker celebrates! What a moment! Booker is crying? We are outta here!