411's WWE Legend's House Report (4.17.14)
Posted by Jeremy Lambert on 04.23.2014
This is the true story, of eight WWE legends, picked to live in a house, work together, and have their lives taped. To find out what happens, when people stop being polite, and start getting real. WWE LEGENDS HOUSE!
Welcome everyone to 411's WWE Legend's House review. I'm Jeremy Lambert, filling in for Ryan Byers, who refused to do this show because there wasn't enough eye candy, sex storylines, or female problems.
So the premise of this show is eight WWE Legends living together in a house and doing wacky things and getting pissed off at each other. The legends are Roddy Piper, Jimmy Hart, Tony Atlas, Jim Duggan, Mean Gene Okerlund, Pat Patterson, Hillbilly Jim, and Howard Finkel.
Tony Atlas arrives at the house first. "You probably know me as the guy who press slammed Hulk Hogan." FALSE! He's probably best known as Mark Henry's manager. Atlas is wearing a Triple H t-shirt. I admire his sucking up.
The house is your typical "reality show" house. "The house is amazing. I don't know the price, but I can't afford it." That's why you're doing this show, Tony. Atlas is excited to get to know his fellow wrestlers better.
Hillbilly Jim arrives next. Best known for being in the gimmick battle royal at Wrestlemania 17. Hillbilly isn't shocked to see Atlas eating when he arrives. THEY HAVE THEIR OWN LEGENDS HOUSE BEER!!!
Pat Patterson is the third to arrive. He's best known as one of Vince McMahon's stooges. Maybe the first IC champion, but it's not like that belt means anything nowadays. Pat makes it known that he can cook.
Jimmy Hart, manager of champions, is next up. "I was a manager in WWE for 10 years, took a hiatus, and then came back." That hiatus was called WCW. Patterson mentions that Jimmy loves to talk.
Howard Finkle aka the greatest ring announcer of all-time arrives next. Jimmy tells a story about how The Fink got him in the business.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan arrives now. He's best known for turning on the USA and joining Team Canada and being a janitor or something in WCW. Duggan arrives in a sharp tux. My guess is that someone ribbed him and told him to dress up. Duggan expects to clash heads with Atlas a bit. There's no bathroom in Jimmy's room, so he has to cut through Piper and Duggan's room at 5 AM to take care of his business.
MEEEEEEAAAAAAN WOOOO BY GAWD GENE! Gene Okerlund arrives. Atlas is his roommate. Gene tells him to be on his best behavior. Hillbilly and Jimmy make fun of Gene's age.
Rowdy Roddy Piper is the last to arrive. Never heard of this guy. "I'm not here to learn anything, I'm here to teach the rest of them something." Piper says he loves Duggan, but isn't looking forward to sleeping in the same room as him. Jimmy tells Piper that he has to go through his room to use the bathroom.
"I fear that the brotherhood that we have is going to be tested," says Piper.
Okerlund puts on his swimming trunks but is disappointing there are no ladies in the house to impress.
RIGHT ON CUE!
A smoking little thing in red arrives. She immediately compliments Okerlund on his swim trunks. Okerlund is smitten. Ashley, Steve Cook's latest stalker victim, is the host and she tells the legends to bake some goods and pass them out to the neighborhood. Jimmy Hart still thinks this is a mans world and calls Ashley "a bimbo."
The Legend's visit the neighbors. The Fink and Patterson have no luck while Okerlund and Atlas get invited inside for tea by an old man. Piper and Duggan get invited inside by a family. One kid wants Piper to wrestle Duggan, so Piper forearms him in the back and Duggan no sells. Duggan gets Piper to eat some dog food. Jimmy and Hillbilly give the neighbors a Wrestlemania shirt. Keith, the old man who were visited by Atlas and Okerlund, makes them brownies. Okerlund is ready to leave but Atlas is all FEED ME MORE!
Duggan wants a pet in the house besides Piper. Meanwhile, Piper can't work a blender. "How do you drive a group of wrestlers crazy? Give them something without a switch." Piper tries to change outlets and then fill it with water before Duggan finally shows him how to work it.
Jimmy and Pat go to the grocery store to pick up items for dinner. Pat makes a joke about "playing with meat" while Jimmy drive one of those scooter shopping carts. Pat makes cabbage rolls, which take forever to make, so some of the guy go out to play tennis. It's Jimmy and Hillbilly vs. Fink and Piper. Jimmy notes that Fink has gained weight, so Jimmy makes it his goal to get Fink slim and trim by the end of this. Good storyline. Fink and Piper suck at tennis.
GONG! GARY F'N BUSEY IS HERE!!!!!
Pat doesn't know who he is. All the Legend's should have to watch Point Break. Busey sits everyone in a circle with yoga mats. He wants the Legend's to meditate and love themselves. That sounds like an activity for night. "When I get bored, I honk a geese." Then Gary gives us a honk. Okerlund thinks he has tourettes. "You know what NOW stands for? No Other Way." MORE GARY BUSEY! "Enemies are friends in reverse." Pat doesn't buy into Busey's positive thinking. Atlas says that he likes working with kids and thinks parents should spend more time with their kids. Atlas loves his kids. Duggan says that he works with his kids. Atlas works with many kids. Busey squashes the situation by talking about characters and how you can't take the character home. This is why Daniel Day Lewis is an Oscar winner and Gary Busey is not.
Piper says it's different because Busey is an actor, Piper is not. Then things are just over. I was looking forward to Busey and Piper screaming and go crazy on each other, but that didn't happen.
The Legend's reminisce about Wrestlemania 1. Hillbilly and Piper show off their surgery scars.
Everyone else starts to drink while Piper just lies in his bed. Piper gets up and begins to wander to the middle of nowhere in his bathrobe. Piper begins howling at the moon as the show ends.
Thoughts: For a debut episode, this went about as expected. Everyone got established and got along before things eventually went a little downhill and set up for the rest of the season, when they'll go downhill ever further. Gary Busey's cameo was cool, although it ended out of nowhere. My guess is that they didn't want Busey to own the show, but you kind of know what you're getting yourself into when you ask for a Gary Busey cameo. Ashley adds some eye candy, which every wrestling show needs. Too bad Ric Flair isn't in the house.
Not a bad episode to kick things off but I certainly hope it gets a little better.