411’s WWE Legend’s House Report 5.01.14

Last week: the Legends played golf cart polo and Duggan and Atlas had beef but then squashed it over beef.

Ashley Cook arrives to the house and lets the Legends know that she has accepted a bowling challenge on behalf of the Legends. I thought she was supposed to be a babyface.

The Legends will take on THE BOWLING QUEENS! A team that consist of old ladies in a bunch of fake jewels. “They look like ring girls in the 60s and 70s,” says Jimmy. No, they look like ring girls in their 60s and 70s.

The Legends start by rolling a bunch of gutterballs. Why do I have a feeling that they’ll make a dramatic comeback? The Queens get the heat before Piper receives the hot tag and bowls a strike. The two teams trade finishers, but the Queens win by over 100 pins. So it really wasn’t as close as they made it out to be. The Queens get an Andre The Gian size trophy. The Legends get a Hornswoggle size trophy.

The next day, Ashley Cook returns to the house to inform the Legends that they’ll be split into two teams and shooting a local business commercial. Mean Gene is one captain and they show the clip of him interview Rick Rude and the sign falling behind him, causing him to curse. One of the greatest moments in the history of our sport. Piper is the other captain. Team Gene is Patterson, Jimmy, and Hillbilly. Team Piper is Duggan, Fink, and Atlas.

“They are stuck with Tony and Howard. What’s it gonna be, a muscle head weight loss commercial?” says Jimmy. Tony wants to run the camera and is dejected that he got picked last. We’ve all been there, Tony. Especially everyone watching this show.

Team Gene heads to a carwash to shoot their commercial for Rancho Mirage Auto Spa. I wonder if it’s a front for a drug business. “Have an A1 day.” Jimmy is that guy with a million ideas and no execution. The Vince Russo of carwash commercials.

Team Piper gets their assignment, which is selling pink flamingos and rubber ducks. “How you gonna put this over?” says Piper. Atlas is very excited about this assignment.

Team Gene begins filming their commercial and Jimmy is once again being annoying. “The vacuum really sucks.” Cutting edge stuff. Team Piper wants to sell the flamingos and ducks as foreign objects. Atlas realizes this is stupid and wants to make it for the kids. Team Gene continues to have problems shooting with Jimmy while Atlas can’t figure out how to work the camera for Team Piper.

Team Gene washes the car in the carwash. Jimmy gets blamed for pushing the button that gets Patterson soaked. The carwash seems terrible. Guys washing the car inside the auto wash? Either wash the car in the sun or let me drive it through the auto wash.

Team Piper is shooting their commercial, which consists of Piper popping out of the water and yelling “flock of flamingos.” “It’ll probably be a good commercial on acid,” says Piper. Atlas is ready to be done with things and the team says he’s lazy. Team Gene is still arguing about who pushed the button. Then they speculate on who was driving the hummer. They conclude that JOHN PUSHED THE BUTTON! Team Gene finally finish their commercial. Patterson is still mad at Jimmy.

Atlas talks with Team Gene about his experience on Team Piper. Basically, he’s not happy with how he was treated.

Editors arrive at the house to help put the commercials together. Team Gene finishes their editing and get along great. Atlas continues to grow frustrated with Team Piper and walks out on the editing session. The CM Punk of Legends House. Piper makes nice with Atlas the next morning.

Ashley Cook and The Commercial Kings show up to judge the commercials. I’ve never heard of these guys, but Hillbilly has. They are big wrestling fans, so that’s cool.

Team Gene is up first. They use the footage of Pat cursing and getting soaked in the commercial and it’s done very well. Team Piper’s commercial runs and it’s about what you’d expect. The Commercial Kings mention that it’s so bad that it’s good. That about sums it up. Both commercials were actually pretty solid for local commercials.

The Commercial Kings pick FLOCK O FLAMINGOS! Gene is not happy.

Both teams will now head off to Las Vegas. Team Piper gets a limo, Team Gene gets a van. Team Piper pulls up next to the van in their limo and sticks a flamingo out. The cops pull over the limo. CLIFFHANGER!

Thoughts: I must say, this show is very well done. Unlike Total Divas, it’s not all over the place with quick jump cuts and 500 stories. They do one or two things, tell one or two stories, and keep things moving a comfortable pace. The bowling challenge was a little pointless and didn’t amount to much, but the commercial challenge was fun and had some drama. Overall a strong episode.

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