411’s WWE Legend’s House Report 5.08.14

Last Week: Team Piper won the Local Commercial challenge with Flock O Flamingo and Rubber Ducky Bubble Bucky. On the way to Vegas, Team Piper and their limo got pulled over.

Piper tells the story that The Fink made sure to get the most comfortable seat in the limo, which is next to the window, and when the cop pulled over the limo, Fink stood silently instead of trying to see why they got the ticket or try to get out of it. Atlas reveals that he wanted Fink to have that seat so he didn’t have to sit next to Piper or Duggan.

After the limo gets a ticket, Atlas starts farting a lot. That causes the limo driver to drive faster. Make your own gas joke.

The Legends finally arrive in Vegas. “It’s nice when you’re not behind bars. I got arrested here a lot,” says Piper. Now that would make for a good episode.

The Legends go to some theater stage and are introduced to their next challenge. They will be Chippendales. Fink does not look impressed. The lady tells the Legends that they are going to be manscapped. They have no clue what this is. They were in a WWE locker room for how long and don’t know what manscaping is? Then again, they were famous in the 80s, so I guess it makes sense now.

The next day, the Legends head to a boutique to get manscaped. They start with some chest waxing. Hillbilly’s chest is as hairy as you would expect. He doesn’t yell, he just kind of lays there in shock while Jimmy Hart gives him some encouragement. The Fink gets a spray tan. The Fink in nothing but underwear is not PG. Patterson gets a spray tan and screams in pain because it’s too cold. What a wimp. As the spray tanner tells Pat to bend over, Atlas say, “bend over Pat, I’ll be there in a minute.” Oh boy.

Now it’s Piper’s turn to get waxed. His chest isn’t very hairy, but he gives the Steve Carrell scream. Duggan helps rip off the paper. Atlas gets a spray tan, Piper gets his legs waxed and then gets his own spray. Patterson in his underwear. Not PG.

The Legends go to Chippendale rehearsal. Johnny, an expert shirt ripper, teaches them how to rip their shirt off. Jimmy Hart does it the worst, which is pretty shocking given all the years he spent with Hulk Hogan.

After some rehearsal, the Legends take a break. While drinking, Atlas bumps into Duggan and IT’S ON! “I’VE BEEN IN A FIGHT BEFORE AND BIG MUSCLES DON’T MEAN SH*T TO ME!” Duggan is yelling and knocking over water bottles. Atlas says that he and Duggan has been brewing for 20 years and they’ve never liked each other.

Back at rehearsal, Duggan and Atlas are still talking about wanting to fight each other but it goes nowhere. The Legends get their outfits and the word “c*ck sock” is used.

The Chippendale show begins. They rip off their shirts as construction workers then do the Risky Business scene. The Legends work the crowd and Mean Gene does a bunch of crotch chops. The show has peaked.

The Legends get back to the house and Duggan and Atlas avoid each other. So they just went to Vegas to do a Chippendale’s show? They didn’t go out on the strip or drinking or anything? That seems like an absolute waste. Let them run wild in Vegas and tape that.

Piper talks with Atlas about his attitude and whatnot. Piper and Atlas hated each other last week, not they are having a heart to heart. Piper tells Atlas to just get some rest. Atlas goes to bed while Piper talks to Mean Gene and Patterson about Atlas. Mean Gene is just waiting for things to blow up.

End Show.

Thoughts: Once again, this isn’t a bad show, it’s just a dull show. In this episode, they spent 35 minutes on the Legends preparing to do a Chippendale show and then doing the show. Literally nothing else happened except the continued tease of Atlas vs. Duggan.