The RAWtopsy 03.07.05

"I just thought you'd like to know. I was just banned from Amy Dumas's website adoreyourpets.org. I was one of the first people to start using her site but with a few words I was banned, the 1st person ever to be banned from the light hearted site. Why?

I mentioned the whole Amy/Matt situation. Just saying I’d like to hear what Amy says & upon being told I couldn’t talk about it, I just wrote ‘has no opinion’. It seems Amy has given the mods of her site strict instructions to ban anybody speaking about it. Whereas Matt’s forum is fine about people talking about it.

It seems Amy is very defensive about it. Seems like she has/had something to hide. That’s why we’ve had no comment from her so far. She was in the wrong and she knows it.

Post this on the site and let the world know Amy KNOWS she’s wrong and if afraid to admit it. We’ve all been wronged by scornful women before. Make sure you get the world out & tell them about Lita!

Thanks

Ryan Carr"

I actually contacted the site, just to see if they have a response. They said they would answer questions, but haven’t gotten back to me yet. It could be the Yahoo mail server, or they could be blowing me off.

In their defense, A.D.O.R.E. isn’t really a fansite so much as it’s an advocacy site. It’s there for a purpose other than to promote Lita. Matt Hardy’s site is there specifically for you to talk about Matt Hardy. I can see why they wouldn’t want that distraction from their cause. It’s similar to why you wouldn’t see people arguing over whether Charlton Heston was the best Moses on the NRA message board.

Book Recommendation: If you’re in the mood for a lite novel about dark subject matter, check out Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho.

WWE Raw — 3/7/05

Live from Raleigh, NC.

Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

Shawn Michaels comes out and gives us a recap of the feud between he and Kurt Angle. He says it’s been a long time since he’s felt that kind of rage from a man. [Insert Gay Joke Here]. He dubs himself “Mr. WrestleMania” and says Angle never had a chance to hook up with him. [Insert backup Gay Joke Here]. Kurt Angle shows up on the Titantron. He blames Shawn for stealing his spotlight in 1996 when he won his Gold Medal and Michaels was WWF Champion. That’s a bit of a stretch, but we’ll pass it.

Triple H vs. Rosey.

Rosey, of course, wants revenge for Triple H abusing Hurricane last week. Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Rosey backdrops him and squats down. An avalanche and a slam set up a moonsault! 😮 Triple H gets out of the way, lest he wind up a greasespot on the mat. Triple H takes him outside and whips him into the steps. Back in, Triple H delivers a spinebuster and finishes with the Pedigree. After the match, Triple H takes the sledgehammer to superhero. 3/4*

Spotlight on Christy Hemme and her Playboy cover signing.

Bonus Review: The Candace Michelle episode of Hotel Erotica entitled “Model Behavior” was on More Max last night. Since I know guys who like wrestling rarely watch porn, I’ll fill you in. We open at the Hotel Erotica where they’re having a photo shoot at a nearby beach. The older model who looks a little like a crusty-faced Jennifer Lopez arrives first and says she has a splitting headache. She’s going to go lay down. A man approaches her in her hotel room (I forget who he was). Basically, he has her “aspirin.” Candace, playing the naпve younger model, arrives next and the photographer escorts her to her room. She can overhear the older model having sex through the walls (including in the naughty place). The next day Candace asks about the photographer. The older model says she thinks he’s gay. That night at a party, Candace finds out that he is definitely NOT gay. Lots of sweatless sex with the **chickie, chickie, chow** music. Nice boobies on Candy, though. The two models argue and fight on set in almost exactly the same fashion you see on Raw. Some stuff happens and the older model winds up sleeping with the photographer. Candace overhears them again and decides to join them in a threesome. The next morning, as they leave the hotel, all three are happy. The end.

Don’t you feel better for knowing that. Btw, Candace is a much better actress on Raw.

Triple H interrupts Ric Flair’s meditation and declares his love for the sledgehammer. He reassures Flair that he’ll be behind him 100%.

Eric Bischoff makes a six-way ladder match for a future World Title match (anytime in the next twelve months, including WrestleMania 22). Tonight we get a precursor as the six guys will square off in singles matches — Chris Benoit vs. Shelton Benjamin, Edge vs. Chris Jericho, and Christian vs. The Mystery Man. Hmm. Edge, Christian and Jericho have been in so many ladder matches that it’s pretty much old hat at this point. I love the stips, though.

Baron Von Christian (w/Tyson Tomko) vs. Kane.

Kane is your sixth man. Christian attacks early, but Kane shrugs him off. Kane misses a charge, and Tomko hits a cheapshot. Crowd is all over Christian for sucking. Christian with a sleeper on Kane. Kane reverses to a sideslam. A tilt-o-whirl sideslam by Kane sets up a chokeslam attempt. Christian ducks it but runs into a boot. Kane goes up, but Tomko interferes long enough for Christian to duck out of the way. Christian tires to capitalize and runs right into a chokeslam. After the match, Tomko levels Kane with a ladder. Kane no-sells. He’s Kane. 3/4*

Randy Orton tells Stacy Keibler that he’s going to make his challenge for WrestleMania tonight.

We come back to the lovely sight of Jerry Lawler stuffing his face. Ross notes that Subway is the official sandwich of WrestleMania. Lawler corrects him – the official “toasted” sandwich. Is that distinction that necessary?

Chris Jericho vs. Edge.

No jokes from me. Not intentional ones anyway. They actually start out with some wrestling. Jericho grabs a reverse armbar. Edge forces a break in the corner. Jericho yanks his arm down on the ropes and dropkicks him in the shoulder. Jericho with the cross armlock. JR and Lawler talk about Edge getting screwed out of a title shot at Taboo Tuesday. JR responds, “How long is Edge gonna ride that horse?” You know, it’s hard enough not to make jokes without JR setting me up. Jericho with a running enzuigiri and a springboard dropkick. We come back from commercial to Jericho booting Edge in the face. Edge catches Jericho going up and superplexes him. Edge delivers a sliding dropkick that knocks Jericho to the outside. Back in, Edge applies a bodyscissors. Jericho comes back but runs into a kneelift. Edge tries the Jericho vertical splash on the ropes, but Jericho pops up and clotheslines him. Jericho with a DDT. A Huracanrana gets two. Jericho goes back to the arm. The Lionsault misses and Edge boots him in the mug for two. Jericho uses an armtwist to counter the Edgecution. Jericho goes for the Walls, but Edge shoves him into the ref. Jericho charges into another boot. Edge goes for a spear, but Jericho sidesteps it and sends him to the outside. Edge grabs the ladder — which is basically just an advertisement for the Mania match. He tries to use it, but Jericho drop toeholds him into it and delivers the Lionsault. No ref. Edge lowblows him with the ladder and delivers the Edgecution for the win. ***1/2

In the back, Jonathon Coachman sucks up to Bischoff and refers to himself in the third person. For the next few weeks, Batista and Triple H get to pick each other’s opponents.

Anyone else hoping everyone else turns on Hogan at the HoF ceremony. I know he’d just fight them off anyway, but virtually all of them had big feuds with him at some point.

Randy Orton comes out and gives us a “Brief History of Randy.” He says he’s done some things he regrets but embraces “The Legend Killer” moniker. He says that will continue at WrestleMania when he squares off against…the Undertaker. Fans do not like that at all. Bischoff comes out and gushes about Randy making history. Randy notes that Bischoff’s history with WCW is the stuff of legends. Bischoff agrees, so Orton RKO’s him.

Chris Benoit vs. Shelton Benjamin.

Funny. Shelton climbs the ladder to pose, and Benoit shakes his head like his kid’s misbehaving in Walmart. They do some nice wrestling before getting pissed and chopping the hell out of one another. Benoit tosses him over the top rope. Benoit tries a tope…this can’t be good. Indeed, Benjamin dives out of the way and Benoit slams into the ladder. Shelton counters the Rolling Germans to a rollup for two. Benoit makes him pay by getting three more. The diving headbutt misses, though. Benjamin gets an Oklahoma Roll for two. Benoit counters a suplex to the Crippler Crossface, but Benjamin reverses that to a backslide for two. Benoit ducks the leg whip and counters to the Crippler Crossface. Benjamin tries to roll through, but Benoit hangs on for the submission win. **1/4

Goofy ass “Dirty Harry” parody with Undertaker in the title role. Taker is no Clint. I know people are down on it, but I actually prefer “Magnum Force” with its preppy vigilantes. C’mon, the guy from “Up the Creek” and Hutch as badasses. What’s not to like?

Mohammed Hassan is upset that he’s not invited to the Money in the Bank ladder match at Mania. Bischoff says that he based it on previous experience and success at WrestleMania. Hassan promises this is not over.

Christy Hemme comes down and calls out Trish Stratus. She wants to challenge Trish for the Women’s Championship. Trish is so obnoxious. God, I love her. Christy says someone’s been training her to wrestle…Lita! So, what? Christy’s going to break her leg and go down on…nope. No jokes. Given Christy’s execution of the reverse Twist of Fate (The Fist of Twat?) on Trish, she really has been trained by Lita.

Bischoff cracks the whip and confiscates Triple H’s sledgehammer.

Batista has already picked Triple H’s opponent for next week – Chris Benoit.

Batista vs. Ric Flair (w/Triple H)

Batista shoves Flair down. They exchange poses, and Flair pokes him in the eye. Flair lays in a few shots, but Batista Luger’s him. Batista backdrops him and gets a few mounted punches in the corner. FLAIR FLOP~! Batista gets in an argument with Triple H, enabling Flair to sneak in and chop block his leg. Flair chop blocks his leg again and stomps on it. Figure-four! Triple H helps from the outside, but Batista reverses it. Batista no-sells some chops but runs into a reverse elbow. Flair goes up to the groans of the familiar North Carolina crowd. Batista powerslams him and delivers a spinebuster. Batista does the “thumbs down.” Triple H tries to save Flair, but Batista dispatches him and finishes Flair with the Demonbomb. The crowd was a little mixed, so you wonder if it was a good idea to put Batista in there with Flair so close to home. Triple H clips his leg out from under him and grabs a sledgehammer from under the ring. You can never have too many sledgehammers. Batista snatches it away from him and snaps it over his knee. **

Final Thoughts: Pretty good show, dominated by two WrestleMania matches — the Money in the Bank match and Batista vs. Triple H. I’m not entirely sold on the six-man ladder concept just because you’re putting a lot of eggs in one basket. Orton’s promo gave him a little bit of edge back, which is a very good thing for his career. It will be interesting to see the reactions of the fans at Mania. Solid show and, fortunately, no backstage shenanigans seeped through.

J.D. Dunn