TNA Impact Insight 1.1.05
Posted by Steve Cook on 01.01.2005
The last Impact of 2004, and I have the first Insight of 2005!
Hello everybody, and welcome to TNA Impact Insight! I am the Impact Playa Steve Cook, and since FSN Ohio and other markets showed Impact at it's regular time instead of showing it on Tuesday, I am back a bit earlier than I expected with Scott Hall taking on Hector Garza, Christopher Daniels vs. Michael Shane, and Traci punking out Trinity!
Cheap Plug of the Week: Over on TWTF.com right now you can check out Part 1 of 2004: A Sock Odyssey! It's the first 6 months of 2004 through the eyes of your humble correspondent...check it out after taking in the Impact goodness and recovering from your hangover!
Now...for the first time in 2005...let's get it started!
This is TNA...the new face of professional wrestling.
Clips from last week!
We go backstage, where our honorable Director of Authority Duthy "Where's the beef? Oh, I already ate it" Rhodes orders his pulchritudinous secretary Traci to give some papers to Heavy D. I can only hope they're his papers for dismissal. Trinity bumps into them and Dusty forgets her name. These things happen when you take off to do work on a movie...just ask that Rocky guy. Traci says bye to Dusty and Trinity accuses her of sucking up. Well I never! Trinity claims that she is the top female in TNA, not to mention the top dog. Talk about a poor choice of words...she then takes Traci's papers. No big deal, Traci already has copies, and she sticks her tongue out at the departing Trinity.
Trinity...I'd watch myself if I were you. This ain't Kid Kash you're messing with here, Traci is actually a good wrestler!
IMPACT ZONE! FANS! PYRO!
Match 1: 10 minute time limit
Elix Skipper & The Naturals (Chase Stevens & Andy Douglas) vs. A.J. Styles, Johnny B. Badd, & Sonny Siaki
Mike Tenay tells us that Skipper is none too thrilled about teaming with the Natuals. Considering he feuded with them as part of Triple X, that doesn't surprise me too much. My sympathy goes to A.J., who has to figure out some way to carry the load for this "team" they've thrown him on. BADD BLASTER! Siaki tosses Stevens into the ring and we are underway...punches and chops are exchanged between the two, whip, clothesline by Siaki, Douglas comes in and eats a dropkick, Stevens back up, he runs into a Samoan drop! He covers until Douglas breaks up the count at 2, and tags in A.J. Styles! Styles with a punch, Stevens pokes him in the eye and tags Douglas...mostly because when he tried to tag Skipper, Skipper was all like "AW HELL NO!" Douglas walks into a sidewalk slam by Styles. Styles slams Douglas, and hits a kneedrop for 2. Off the ropes, blind tag by Stevens, who comes in, hits Styles in the back, and takes him down to the canvas. Snap mare gets a 2 count on Styles, Stevens punches away and tags in Douglas, who knees Styles in the gut, slams his head into the turnbuckle, and stretches Styles out in the corner. Douglas rakes Styles' face on the top rope, puts him in a wheelbarrow position, and hits a kick a bit south of the border. Douglas rubs Styles' face on the mat, then tags in Stevens for the doubleteam. Stevens hits a backbreaker for 2, then draws Siaki out of the corner so Siaki can distract the ref while the Naturals double team Styles. Good job, Sonny! Douglas is in now, he puts Styles up top and tries a superplex, but Styles knocks him off the ropes. Elix Skipper finally snaps and pushes Styles off the top onto the floor! He punches away on Badd & Siaki while the Naturals work over Styles on the floor....Skipper does a twisting splash over the top rope and onto Styles! He punches away on Styles, and the Naturals pull him off! My guess is because they don't feel like winning by countout. Siaki comes over and clotheslines Skipper, in a vain attempt to kill Prime Time's heat. Siaki tosses Styles into the ring, Styles then makes the tag to Badd. Punches for all 3 men, followed by kneelifts. Skipper runs over to Badd so Badd can throw him over the top, then Styles does a hilo over the top and onto him! Damn straight! Douglas also gets tossed out and Stevens gets placed on the top rope....the last time Badd tried this move, Douglas held on to Stevens and Badd crashed to the mat, losing the match! But this time Siaki prevents Douglas from holding on to Stevens for too long, Badd hits the top rope rana, and gets the 3 count!
Your winners: A.J. Styles, Johnny B. Badd, & Sonny Siaki (5:50)
My Insight: I liked how the finish was connected to the finish of the previous match between Badd/Siaki & the Naturals. And I liked Skipper going crazy. Other than that this was just pretty much there. Nothing bad, but nothing too great either. I'm guessing this might be building to a Styles/Skipper feud, otherwise I just feel sorry for A.J. being thrown into this stuff and not even getting the deciding pinfall.
I mean, last I checked A.J. Styles was leading the voting for Mr. TNA, not Johnny B. Badd.
Final Resolution commercial
Year-end awards: Tag Team of the Year
Mike Tenay is talking to "Rowdy" Roddy Piper...apparently Piper will be a part of Final Resolution, which he's happy about. He and Duthy disagree on some things, but they agree that TNA should be going to the top. Not only that, but Terry Funk has been fired from the championship committee and Piper will be taking his place! Piper asks if Duthy is out of his mind, putting him in power like that.Finally, Dusty has also made Piper TNA's "Enforcer", which means he's like a troubleshooting referee for special occasions when Dusty needs him. It's 2005, and they're still alive!
I'm as big a Terry Funk fan as anybody, but it makes no sense to have him on the championship committee when he won't even appear on TNA shows. If Piper's going to be around and try to help the product, more power to him.
Match 2: 10 minute time limit
Christopher Daniels vs. Michael Shane (w/Traci & Kazarian)
This is an interesting matchup...apparently the winner of this might have a good shot of making it into the Ultimate X match against Petey Williams and his X title at Final Resolution. Also nice to see that Traci hasn't forgotten about her man. All matters of face/heel alleigance aside, this should be one hell of a matchup with two of the best X division wrestlers. A tieup leads into nothing, another one leads into a headlock by Shane, off the ropes, chop by Daniels, whip reversed, hip toss by Shane followed by a wristlock. Both men arm drag each other and we have a standoff. The crowd claps, Shane offers a handshake, but Daniels knows the kick to the stomach is coming and blocks it, Shane blocks a kick by Daniels, they punch each other back and forth, face rake by Daniels, he goes off the ropes but gets tripped by Kazarian! Unfortunately for Kazarian the ref saw it, and Kazarian is outta there! While Shane expresses his dismay on the apron, Daniels hits him from behind and Shane flies into the safety rail! Daniels punches Shane and puts him back in the ring...punches away, whips Shane and hits a leg lariat for 2. Daniels sends Shane face first into the turnbuckle, then stomps a mudhole in Shane in the corner. Shane fights back briefly with punches, but Daniels hits a clothesline. He then tries to hit the Angel's Wings, but Shane reverses with a backdrop! Series of clotheslines by Shane, but his whip gets reversed, Shane hits a forearm on Daniels, then a nice belly to belly suplex for 2. Shane slams Daniels and goes up top...might I add that it's nice to see the cameras actually showing closeups of Traci during a Michael Shane match for once? I'm almost in shock...anyway, Daniels punches him, and sends him off the top with this cool necktie like move, then he follows up with a clothesline. Daniels' whip gets reversed, but he hits Shane with a uranage....then the BEST MOONSAULT EVER! It gets a 2 count! Whip, then a double clothesline! They both slowly get up, Daniels rolls up Shane, and Traci is up on the apron! The ref is understandably distracted by this, but unfortunately for Traci, Shane manages to reverse the rollup, and the ref is still looking at her.....eyes. Yes, eyes. Shane is quite peeved, and comes over and slaps Traci's hat off! Ridiculous! Daniels takes advantage by rolling up Shane for the 3 count!
Your winner: Christopher Daniels (5:30)
Kazarian is back down, and he, Shane, & Traci are discussing the situation.
My Insight: Talk about a match that could use an extra 10 minutes or so...who wouldn't want to see these guys go at it for 15 minutes or so? 2004 was not the best of years for Michael Shane in TNA...the man who was 2003 X Superstar of the Year is pulling about 4% in the poll for 2004. Hopefully he can take it back to his 2003 level and then some in 2005...but will Traci still be by his side then? One has to wonder...and Daniels still needs to be pushed to the moon.
AJ & AMW DVD commercial
Turning Point poster commercial
We're back and Hector Garza is walking past a couple of dudes with their heads covered by somberros. Once Hector passes, Scott Hall & Kevin Nash raise their heads, and put them back down. I didn't realize they were Mexican too...how bout that.
Match 3: 10 minute time limit
Marco Cordova (w/Kid Kash) vs. Dustin Rhodes
I am not sure why Kash is escorting Cordova to the ring and letting him use his music...I know he had that altercation of sorts with Rhodes last week, but letting the jobber use your music is a bit extreme. Not like it's the first time a jobber has used that music...bah-ZING! Don West remarks that Kash must not have read "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens...what relevance that has to anything I'm not really sure, but it was odd enough for me to notice. Rhodes tosses his chaps at Kash, which is how Texans generally express their displeasure with someone. Rhodes punches Cordova at the bell, but Kash grabs Rhodes' ankle and Cordova takes advantage with a dropkick and a series of forearms and boots in the corner. Cordova goes off the ropes and Rhodes hits a back body drop. Rhodes then hits a running clothesline, then does the 9 punches in the corner followed by a bionic elbow. Inverted atomic drop by Rhodes, then the Curtain Call (I refuse to call it that overly long name Tenay gave for it) finishes off Cordova!
Your winner: Dustin Rhodes (1:22)
Kid Kash attacks right after the bell, punching Rhodes while he's still covering Cordova, but Rhodes reverses a whip and Kash slides out of the ring. He even runs out of the arena after Dustin exits the ring!
My Insight: If there is one good thing about the Dustin Rhodes/Kid Kash feud, it is that it places both of these men in the same segment so they can't bore me during multiple segments. I'm not writing off Dustin yet, but he still has yet to prove that he can be a big time player without the Goldust gimmick. Maybe he can, but for now he's best off in this mid-card feud with Kash.
Year-end awards: Best finishing move
We return to clips from last week when DDP dissed Erik Watts backstage. Oh the drama!
And sure enough, here comes DDP for a promo. While he walks through the crowd, I'd like to suggest to TNA that they probably need a better way of informing people what time their show will be on in certain markets in case of pre-emptions like this week. A list on TNA's website of the different FSN affiliates on the website and the time when they will show Impact would have been a nice idea, and saved me some uncertainty. OK, here's Page. There were two reasons that he decided to come to TNA when he returned to professional wrestling. First, he wanted the NWA World title. Second, he wanted to have fun. And he considers hanging out with the guys after the show fun. He'd like to hang out with Erik Watts, but Watts has been weird lately. So Page invites him out. They play his music, but the druids attack DDP from behind! DDP fights back and clotheslines both...he pulls the hood off of one and sure enough, it's Erik Watts! The other one is Raven, but he gets knocked out of the ring. DDP Diamondcuts Watts, then Raven gets the mike and says he would set DDP on fire to light his cigarette. He claims Page is a snake oil salesman, he destroyed Erik Watts' personal life and embarassed him in public! Page is gonna pay!
I have nothing further to say about the DDP/Raven/Watts feud that is either relevant or true. OK, one question....who were the druids when they appeared by Raven's side? And how come Raven replaced them? That's two questions...I'm as bad as Jeff Jarrett during his promos.
Year-end awards: Best finishing move
We return to clips from last week when Duthy announced the triple threat elimination match for Final Resolution.
And here come the Kings of Wrestling to cover our promo quota for the show. The fans boo the hell out of them, and Jarrett takes the mike. Dusty thinks he has come up with a plan to knock off Jarrett at Final Resolution. But Jarrett says he will take on the winner. JJ always beats the odds. DDP will get banged back into retirement. Apparently Monty Brown got eaten up a few weeks back. Monty takes issue with this, and makes his entrance. He says nobody wants to hear Jarrett's crap. Ain't that the truth. He tells Jarrett to shut up, and at Final Resolution, his resolution will be resolved. No disrespect to the 3 time 3 time 3 time champ DDP, or to the Gray Goose Kevin Nash. But that was then, and this is now. He'll get through them both, and after he's through with Jarrett, instead of chanting "Next World Champ", they will chant "The World Champ"! He will beat Jarrett with the POOOOUUUUUUNNNNNNNCCCCCEEEEEE......PERIOD!
Well, Monty managed to make that segment pretty useful. In the future though, I hope they don't schedule two promo segments right after each other. I get listless without my wrestling. That being said, if they're considering having somebody other than Monty winning the triple threat elimination match, they're out of their minds.
Final Resolution commercial
AJ/AMW DVDs
Turning Point poster
We return to clips from last week of Hector Garza punking out Hall & Nash! Woot!
Tenay & West are joined by TNA Spanish announcer Armando, who is Moody Jack's partner. Armando has a pretty cool voice, I think.
Match 4: 15 minute time limit
Scott Hall (w/Kevin Nash) vs. Hector Garza
We go to commercials right after the entrances, and despite being introduced second, Garza's casual walk to the ring gets him there before Hall. That's probably not a good sign.
Final Resolution commercial
AJ/AMW DVDs
We're back and Hall flicks the toothpick! Tieup, chops in the corner by Hall, Garza punches back, Hall falls to the canvas, but comes back with shoulderblocks and an armbar. He paintbrushes Garza in the back of the head and pulls the hair, Garza fights out and hits a clothesline. Stomp, and a dropkick to a seated Hall! Cover gets 2. Punches by Garza, his whip gets reversed, and Nash nails Garza in the back of the head! Garza replies by knocking Nash off the apron...I don't think Nash took that big of a bump in his final run with WWE. Meanwhile, Hall appears to be so blown up that the first three rows have passed out from oxygen deprivation. He hits a clothesline for two though. He then hits a kinda fallaway slam...which saddens me when I remember that he used to be able to toss people across the ring with that move 10 years ago. Time for the abdominal stretch...Nash helps some until the ref notices, and Garza hip tosses Hall out of it. Misses the elbow drop though, Hall places Garza up top and hits a back suplex off the middle rope for 2! Hall signals that's it...and for the sake of his well-being I hope the end is near. Hall tries the Razor's Edge, but Garza backdrops him out of it. Right hands by Garza, his whip gets reversed, Garza vaults over the top on the apron, yells for Hall to come over there, and punches him, Garza up top, Hall charges, Garza somersaults over him, slams Hall, and then does a running baseball slide into Kevin Nash! Tough night for Nash...Garza goes up top for El Tornillo, but Hall crotches him on the top, and hits the Razor's Edge for 3.
Your winner: Scott Hall (5:04)
The bagpipes play and here comes "Rowdy" Roddy Piper! He heads down to the ring with Don Harris in tow as Impact goes off the air.
My Insight: Wow...um...yeah. There really isn't much I can say other than Hall stunk up the joint. You can throw the man in there with A.J. Styles and have a decent match because Styles can have a decent match even with a guy like me who isn't in much better condition than Hall except when it comes to the liver. Hector Garza is good, but he's not quite that good. He also probably has difficulty slowing his style down to Hall's speed, which is a bad combination. At this point, Scott Hall probably doesn't belong in a singles match, and he shouldn't be going over people like Styles and Garza who TNA plans to build around in the future. And don't get me started on the Piper thing...I hated it when Savage came out at the end, and this wasn't any better.
Overall Insight: This wasn't one of the better editions of Impact. Outside of Daniels vs. Shane, Monty's half of the KOW promo time, Piper & Tenay talking, and the Traci/Trinity thing, I can't really say that much else was any good or of much entertainment to me. And I hope not that many people get turned on by Scott Hall blowing up in 3 minutes wearing an Elvis suit. Luckily 2005 is upon us, and TNA can hopefully rebound from this show next week.
There's always next week, and there's always next year. I hope y'all have a happy and healthy new year, and I'll be back next week with more Impact Insight!
