TNA Impact! Insight: 04.09.05
Posted by Steve Cook on 04.09.2005
Sabin, Shane, Styles & Stevens…but once we left the S names behind trouble was ahead…
Hello everybody, and welcome to TNA Impact Insight! I am the Impact Playa Steve Cook. This week we have a big announcement from our distinguished Director of Authority, a main event featuring Kid Kash taking on Apolo, and much much more!
No time for small talk, so let’s get it started!
This is TNA…the new face of professional wrestling.
We’re welcomed by clips from last week’s X Division shootout, where Elix Skipper earned the right to face Christopher Daniels for the X Division title at Lockdown. There was much jaw jacking between the former tag team partners, as one would expect.
Impact Zone! Fans! Pyro!
Match 1: 10 minute time limit
Michael Shane vs. Chris “Ham Sandwich” Sabin
Mark your calendars folks, as this is the first time Shane has wrestled on two straight episodes of Impact in a loooooooooong time. A tieup gets nothing, so does another one, Sabin trips Shane up for a 2 count. A rollup by Sabin gets 2, and he gets a headlock takeover on Shane. 2 count and they get back up, off the ropes and a shoulderblock by Shane, off the ropes, another headlock by Sabin. He goes for a tornado DDT, but Shane sees it coming and deposits Sabin over the top onto the floor! Shane goes to the floor, clubs Sabin in the back and whips him into the safety rail. Back in the ring now, Shane slaps Sabin, but Sabin slaps back. Sabin into the corner, tries a crossbody but his gut meets the knee of Shane, busting it! That gets a 2 count, Shane picks up Sabin, then whips him off the ropes and hits a nice dropkick! He spends too much time bragging about it though, and once he finally covers Sabin he only gets 2. Shane locks a slepperhold on Sabin, with a bodyscissors. Sabin fights out, and hits a flying head scissors into a rollup for 2. Atomic drop by Sabin, followed up by a running enziguri…off the ropes and a big powerslam by Sabin gets 2! Punch by Sabin, whip into the corner, big boot by Shane, he then tosses Sabin shoulder first into the ringpost and rolls him up for 2. A punch knocks Sabin down then Shane goes for a short arm clothesline. He picks him up and does another clothesline, but the third time is the charm for Sabin, as he ducks and rolls up Shane for the 3 count!
Your winner: Chris Sabin (4:50)
Sabin’s celebration is ruined by a superkick from Shane! Shane taunts the crowd as Tenay tells us that Shane & Sabin will be in a 4-way match with Shocker and Kid Kash at Lockdown!
My Insight: Good opening match here, these guys might be relatively young in the business, but they know each other well and can have a good match every time they’re in the ring. The match at the PPV should be interesting, especially with the element introduced later in the show…3.5 Traci moons for a solid match. While I’m thinking about it, it’s nice that they’re letting Sabin’s matches go longer than 3 minutes now. That’s a good thing.
“Iron” Mike Tenay & “Dandy” Don West yap about how everybody’s been wondering what Dusty’s big announcement is…
which of course means that we are now joined by our distinguished Director of Authority, Dusty “Terry Funk owns me even in autobiography writing” Rhodes. As usual he is joined by Trinity & the lovely Traci, who’s ditched her traditional t-shirt/biker attire for some sort of top with one arm and not much else…so you know my attention isn’t really anywhere near what Dusty’s talking about. But since you all must know what Dusty says, I try my best to figure out what he is saying. He says he’s got something that will revolutionize pay per view television…a Prince of Darkness match between Dustin Rhodes and Bobby Roode. Joy. Raven vs. Hardly will be a table match, and the 6-man will be fought under “Lethal Lockdown” rules, which I’m guessing means it’ll kinda be like a melding of the Lethal Lottery and Wargames. The winner between A.J. & Abyss will get a shot at Jarrett at Hard Justice. But this is the big one here…put the women and children to bed, hide people with pacemakers, because all the matches at Lockdown will be inside the Six Sides of Steel. It’ll be bigger than the tooth fairy! I swear he said that.
At first I was a bit skeptical about the idea of having every single match on the card inside the steel cage, but the more I thought about it the more I kinda liked it. While we’ve seen some of these matches before, we haven’t seen them inside the cage. So why not put everybody in a cage for one night and have fun? My only complaint is there’s no women’s match with the co-secretaries going at it.
What?
Match 2: 10 minute time limit
Chase Stevens (w/Andy Douglas & Chris Candido) vs. A.J. Styles
Styles is representing for my Louisville Cards & Cincinnati Reds this week, sporting a dapper red outfit. While the outfit rules, I can not comment on whether or not he has a phenomenal booty, as a sign in the crowd says he has. You’re asking the wrong recapper for that kind of information. Stevens starts with a headlock, Styles reverses out of it into a hammerlock, keeps it on for awhile, Stevens does a couple of fireman’s carries, then Styles answers with a couple of arm drags. Stevens misses an attempted elbowdrop, then Styles hits the dropkick! Stevens rakes Styles in the eye, misses in the corner, then Styles headscissors him to the floor! Candido & Douglas check on him as we go to commercial…
TNAwrestling.com finally has the Turning Point DVD for sale. What takes them so long on those things anyway?
During the commercial Styles did his trademark flip dive onto the Naturals & Candido, but now Stevens has taken control with a front facelock. Styles fights out, well, he tries anyway because Stevens hits 2 Christian style backbreakers and then hits a flatliner for 2. Stevens hits a running boot, and Larry Zybysko is our judge today. Vertical suplex by Stevens, and a high five to Candido! High fives are so cool…but Styles fights back with punches, Stevens goes down, whip reversed, spinning heel kick by Styles! Vertical suplex into a neckbreaker by Styles! Douglas gets up on the apron and tries to distract the referee, but Styles slides to the outside and yanks Douglas off the apron! Punch to Candido! Douglas tries to grab Styles’ ankle on the apron but he kicks him off…this gives Stevens enough time to grab Styles and hit an Alabama Slam! That gets 2, Styles then gets a sunset flip, but manages to get up with it and hits the Styles Clash! That’s a winner!
Your winner: A.J. Styles (7:37)
Styles exits the ring while Stevens is looked after by Candido & Douglas, but here comes Abyss and even the sneaky heels know it’s best to get the stepping. He has a chair, and invites Styles back to the ring. Styles looks like he wants to RSVP in person, but unfortunately security gets in his way.
My Insight: Damn those mid-match commercial breaks! Other than that this match looked pretty damn good. We’ll go with 4 Traci moons on this one, and here’s an interesting fact for those of you kinda new to TNA…Jeff Jarrett’s 2 previous NWA title reigns were ended at the hands of A.J. Styles. Smell the intrigue!
TNA needs to do a better job with historical information like that…and this AJ/Abyss feud would really benefit from a video package explaining their past history. They had quite the feud before, but people who joined on since Impact started on FSN wouldn’t know about that.
Lockdown commercial
We’re back and America’s Most Wanted has joined Tenay & West to discuss the next match and their match with Team Canada at Lockdown. They’re real happy about the cage stipulation, since Team Canada will no longer have anywhere to hide from them.
Match 3: 10 minute time limit
Lex Lovett & David Young vs. Dustin Rhodes & Cassidy Riley
Hmm, Dusty’s son who never loses against the two biggest jobbers in the promotion…I wonder who’s winning this one? ;) Rhodes & Young start us off, arm drag by Rhodes, slap by Young! Punches by Rhodes, followed by a pretty fugly atomic drop. Lovett tags in, arm drag by Rhodes and then a tag to Riley, who comes in with a handspring elbow! Young comes in, only to get put in the corner and suffer Shattered Dreams from Rhodes. Lovett gets whipped into that corner, and Young’s in a world of hurt. Rollup on Lovett gets 1. Riley tries a lionsault, but Young breaks it up. He then tags in and punches away on Riley. Tag to Lovett, off the ropes, kick and a swinging DDT by Riley. Young breaks up the tag attempt, but Rhodes comes in anyway and punches both Lovett & Young. He takes Lovett to the outside while Riley ranas Young and rolls him up for 3!
Your winners: Dustin Rhodes & Cassidy Riley (2:30)
My Insight: Maybe it’s just the fact that I could not care less about the men involved in this match, but I really got nothing out of this. It wasn’t terrible wrestling, but it was just kinda there. Riley has some talent, but he’s not going to get anywhere wrestling with these guys. 1 Dusty moon for this dull action.
AMW DVD commercial
Lockdown commercial
A.J. DVD/T-shirt commercial
We’re back and Tenay is in the ring. You know what that means…and sure enough he introduces the NWA Champion Jeff Jarrett. The fans are less than pleased. JJ is wearing what looks like a salmon dress shirt today. At first I was going to note how he and Traci were wearing similar colors and declare shenanigans, but after rewinding the tape….nope, not all that close. Tenay thinks Dusty’s one step ahead of Jarrett with this Lethal Lockdown stuff. Jarrett asks why Tenay’s always talking about Dusty. Good question. JJ is still the champion and King of the Mountain. He is a dominant champion because of his one man evil empire. The Patriots, Yankees, and Bulls can not compare to him. The three opponents won’t even make it to Lockdown. Nash got taken out last week, and DDP & Waltman are next, so they better stay close to each other. They have a full global warning, and they don’t know when, where or how, but he will fire the second shot, and it will be violent. Uh oh, here comes DDP! Whip and a big boot by Page, punches and stomps in the corner…here comes Outlaw but he goes flying over the top rope! DDP escapes…play his music!
Why do I have this sinking feeling that DDP will be challenging JJ for the belt at Slammiversary in June? Oyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy….
Daniels vs. Skipper promo
Speaking of which, Elix Skipper is talking to some random dude when Christopher Daniels walks up to him with X title in hand. Daniels wants to be sure Skipper wants the match, which he does. Daniels says he was the better man in Triple X, and Skipper lost the last time he was in a cage, he has more experience, and he knows Skipper’s every move. Skipper doesn’t care though, and still wants the match. He again laughs at Mr. TNA and walks off.
At least they’re giving Daniels airtime. The man is X Division Champion and he deserves your respect! Worship him now!
Match 4: 10 minute time limit
Kid Kash (w/Lance Hoyt) vs. Apolo
Some trash talking to start us off here…Apolo tosses Kash down a few times, some punches knock Kash on his ass and Apolo follows up with a gorilla press slam, then a clothesline. Kash goes outside, tries to get back in but Apolo chases him out, and it’s time for a commercial…
TNAwrestling.com commercial
We’re back and Apolo has an armbar on Kid Kash. That gets broken up, Kash gets tossed onto the apron by Apolo, but Lance Hoyt yanks Apolo out of the ring! Apolo punches Hoyt away, but Kash comes off the apron and ranas Apolo! Kash throws a chair at Apolo’s head, then Hoyt hits the big boot. Back in the ring Apolo is down for a 2 count, Kash then targets the leg by kicking away on it. Apolo fights back with chops, but Kash answers with a dropkick to the knee for 2. Kash follows up with an Achilles lock…at least that’s what the hold was called in the No Mercy game. Kash breaks it, then drives Apolo’s knee into the mat and taunts the crowd. Chops back and forth now, punches by Kash, whip, Kash runs into Apolo’s boot, Apolo misses the clothesline and Kash hits another dropkick to the knee. Dusty Rhodes is now at the announce table with Tenay & West…your guess is as good as mine. Kash stomps Apolo south of the border, whip reversed, Kash to the turnbuckle, he tries a moonsault but Apolo slams him down. Punches, whip, kick by Kash, up top, rana by Kash! He then tries a swinging DDT, but Apolo shrugs him off. Clotheslines by Apolo, whip, baaaaaaaack body drop. Sonny Siaki is down at ringside now to support Apolo as we are starting to run way low on time. Sit-out powerbomb by Apolo gets 2, but only because Apolo yanked the referee out of the ring! The ref disqualifies Kid Kash!
Your winner: Apolo (9:57)
It’s a pier 4 brawl! Siaki throws chairs at Kash & Hoyt, and they continue to fight up the ramp…meanwhile we cut backstage where Kevin Nash is wearing out Chris Candido with punches! The Naturals try to help but don’t help too much, Nash continues punching as the show ends!
My Insight: To his credit, Kash was on his A game. He did some pretty good moves without seriously messing anything up, and tried to incorporate some psychology into the match with the leg work on Apolo. The only problem was Apolo wasn’t having any of that crap. It takes 2 to tango, and only one guy here was doing it right. It’s weird though…while I’m happy they’re having longer match times, this match was a bit too long. The BS finish certainly didn’t help matters here. We’ll give it half a Traci moon for effort. I’m feeling nice today.
Overall Insight: The first two matches were top notch…the last two not so much. Impact got off to a good start, but limped home, making it a pretty average show overall. Hopefully the next two will pick it up, and there needs to be more involvement from people not named David Young, Lex Lovett, or Dustin Rhodes.
And that’s all I got this week. News on Sunday, and back on Impact next week. Have a nice day!
