The Smackdown Breakdown 12.30.05
Posted by J.D. Dunn on 12.30.2005
Remember kids, "harass" is one word.
WWE Smackdown — 12/30/05
From the Moheegan Sun.
Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.
John Bradshaw Layfield (w/Jillian Hall) vs. Matt Hardy.
Bradshaw bullies Matt around the ring with shoulderblocks. Matt swings wildly to buy time, but JBL stalks him and suplexes him over. He chokes Matt on the ropes and delivers a corner clothesline. Matt avoids a boot and knees JBL in the head. JBL steamrolls him and undoes the turnbuckle just like at Armageddon. This time, though, Matt sends JBL into the buckle and hits the second-rope leg drop. It gets two. JBL catches Matt in mid-air and sets him on top, but The Boogeyman interrupts the match. JBL hits the Clothesline From Hell, but he stops to check on Jillian. Boogeyman throws worms on Jillian, freaking everyone out long enough for JBL to get counted out. 3/4*
Booker T and Sharmell ponder who they can trust. Orlando Jordan comes out and sucks up to them.
Melina has called a press conference for later tonight to discuss the outrageous claims made about her on WWE.com. Typical damn internet wrestling site…uh. Hmm.
The Dicks vs. Psicosis & SuperCrazy.
Psicosis dominates Chad Dick. James shoulderblocks SuperCrazy to the apron, but he hang on, and the Mexicools doubleteam him. Chad cuts that off, though, allowing the Dicks to take over. Psicosis gets caught in the wrong corner and gets worked over by the Dicks. SuperCrazy eventually gets the hot tag and cleans house on the Dicks. He sunset flips Chad for two, but James breaks it up. Crazy gets two off a Crucifix and finishes James off with a Moonsault at 3:55. The Dicks started strong but petered out at the end. *
Booker interrupts Randy Orton's thoughts of suicide and asks him to be his surrogate tonight. Randy doesn't want to bother, but Booker convinces him he won't look like so much of a bitch if he beats Benoit.
Reporters line up around the ring for Melina's press conference. There's the fake Entertainment Tonight guy. There's the fake E! guy. Jesus, how'd they get the guy from fake Rolling Stone to do this show?! Melina comes out with her attorney, who's the spitting image of a young Jim Ross. She talks about being a role model and how she's coming forward as the victim of a sexual predator. Brian Peppers? Oh, Batista! Sure, she says, she flirted with him, but then she wanted to stop, and he wouldn't. Now, she's scarred. Her flower has been damaged. She has no other recourse than to sue Batista for sexual harassment. This wouldn't bother me so much if every woman in the WWE not named McMahon wasn't portrayed as a psychopath, a dimwit, or an evil, gold digging whore. But Melina's a heel, so this is appropriate for her.
Buy the Eddy Guerrero book. Proceeds go to his family.
U.S. Title, Best-of-7: Chris Benoit vs. Randy T.
Booker T and Sharmell join the commentary crew. Cole says he's never heard of a situation where someone won a title without participating in the match. Sid Vicious came close when he was carried by Shawn Michaels in 1996. Benoit goes for the Crippler Crossface, but Randy rolls to the outside as we go to break. We come back to Randy with, what else, a side headlock. Benoit snaps off a chop, but Randy suplexes him over for two. Benoit works the arm with an armbar and a hammerlock. They do a bit of counter wrestling as Benoit grabs a headlock, and Randy reverses to a headscissors. Randy uses Benoit's own momentum to send him over the top. Randy posts Benoit on the outside and heads back in for…a chinlock. They slug it out, and Benoit gets Rolling Germans. Orton makes the ropes and seeks a respite on the outside, but Benoit suicide dives on him as we go to another break. We come back to Randy holding an armbar. A stretch backbreaker gets two. Benoit makes the comeback and goes for the diving headbutt, but it misses. Randy stalks him but winds up in the Crippler Crossface! Sharmell panics and smacks Benoit in the head with Booker's crutch for the DQ at 17:09. Benoit is now down 3-2. If this were a perfect world, Benoit would have gone over strong here, setting up match six where the same thing happens only Booker and Randy would attack Benoit after the DQ and injure his [insert body part here]. That way, if you wanted Benoit to win, Booker could blame Randy for the loss and they'd feud. Or, if you wanted Booker to come out on top, Randy would then claim responsibility for his win, setting up a logical feud for the title. In a perfect world, I'm nailing Angelina Jolie. **1/2
Funaki welcomes his guest, Cruiserweight Champion Kid Kash (hey, he does look like Owen Hart!) He says the only reason people don't take him seriously is because he beat a nobody. There are too many furreners around here, says Kash. He dubs himself the Notorious K.I.D. and gives Funaki the Dead Level (Brainbuster) on the stage.
Fit muthahumpin' Finlay promo. He's on his way back to the ring, which should be interesting. Finlay vs. Regal. Book it now!
Josh Mathews stands by to get a word with Batista about the lawsuit once Batista is done not caring.
Sylvan laments not being in Paris or Montreal for the new year. He's handsome, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Bobby Lashley vs. Sylvan
Sylvan goes right at Lashley, but Lashley comes back with shoulderblocks in the corner. Lashley is apparently the Big Show of Smackdown because "TV doesn't do him justice." Sylvan gets hit in the face and bails because he's a model, not a wrestler. He gets counted out at 1:43. See, if your gimmick is that you're too pussy to wrestle, that's not a good gimmick. The idea is, I'm supposed to pay to see him get his ass kicked next time, but what do I care if he gets his ass kicked? He's going to have to do something more heelish than say that he likes Paris to draw anything more than the reflexive "U.S.A." chant. 1/4*
Batista shrugs off talk of the lawsuit. After all, he has a match coming up.
WWE Tag Team Titles: Batista & Rey Mysterio vs. MNM (w/Melina)
The challengers try some tripsickery, but Mysterio is one step ahead of them. He elbows Nitro and tags Batista as Melina cowers outside. Batista clotheslines both members of MNM and lets Rey deliver the 1904 (Broncobuster renamed, for some reason). See, now MNM should be the ones with the lawsuit complaint. Having Rey's ball sack bounce up and down on your chin has to be more disturbing than getting the low soft one from Batista. We come back from break to Batista kneeing Mercury in the gut. Rey slingshots into a moonsault on Mercury for two. Rey headscissors Nitro, but as he tries to springboard back in, Nitro superkicks him in mid-air. Mercury wraps Rey's leg in the ropes and pounds on it. MNM goes to work on Rey's knee, including an Argentine Legrack from Mercury. Haven't seen that since Brock Lesnar did it to Benoit. They stretch Rey's leg over the apron, and Nitro slingshots himself out on top of it. Ouch. This is some good legwork from MNM. Rey dives for the tag, but MNM catches him in mid-air. He DDTs them and rolls to the tag anyway. HOT TAG TO BATISTA! Clothesline to Mercury. Spear on Nitro. Spinebuster to Mercury. Rey huracanranas Nitro off the apron as Batista scoops up Mercury for a powerslam. The ref goes down during the move, though. Mark Henry runs down and attacks Batista from behind. He front slams Batista and leaves him laying. Mercury crawls into the cover as the ref recovers and counts three, giving the titles back to MNM at 16:05. It looks like the first main event feud of 2006 is Mark Henry vs. Batista. So much for turning a new leaf in the new year. MNM, on the other hand, have grown in leaps and bounds over the last six months, and it would be nice to see the focus a little more on them instead of just Melina. ***
Final Thoughts: Still not a lot going on. Batista finally has someone to feud with for his title for the first time since Eddy Guerrero died, but that's more of a "careful what you wish for" sort of event. Not sure where they're going with the Melina thing, unless she starts managing Henry, but all that's going to do is suck her heat away. There are a few glimmers of hope in there. Finlay is on his way back, and if he can make it back to his old form, Smackdown will have at least one more decent wrestler to throw out there. Kid Kash was allowed to show some personality, so hopefully the crowd will respond. All he needs now is a serious babyface to challenge him (no, not Funaki).
