The Smackdown Breakdown 01.06.06
Posted by J.D. Dunn on 01.06.2006
Stipulations galore!
Re: My "Perfect World" scenario for the U.S. Title last week.
Nah, Randy should have beaten Benoit. In a perfect world,
Randy wins. The crowd and public would never expect it, Randy would immediately be legit after the HiaC match loss,and instead of handing Booker the title, he should have just walked out with it himself. Then you get a triple threat match for the title, and Benoit can win it clean. Pimpin'.
That's thinking old school. It works for me. Although, I'd try to squeeze as many matches out of the feud as possible, so I'd delay a triple threat. See below.
WWE Smackdown — 1/6/06
From Wilkes-Barre, Penn.
Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.
Falls Count Anywhere: John Bradshaw Layfield (w/Jillian Hall) vs. Matt Hardy.
JBL gives a promo from the crowd to demonstrate that he can beat JBL anywhere. They brawl through the crowd all the way back to the ring. Fisticuffs leads to the announce table where Hardy puts JBL through the table (a little prematurely, it seemed). That gets two. JBL grabs a chair and SMASHES Hardy with it to take control. Back inside, Matt backdrops out of the Cancer Bomb and dropkicks JBL to the floor. A pescado gets two. Hardy involves a ladder, but that happens to be his demise. Jillian blocks him from coming off long enough for JBL to smash him with a trash can shot. Matt falls on the hood of the limo, and JBL gets the pin on the hood at 5:22. The Boogeyman boogies down and shoves some worms in Jillian's panties. **
Gauntlet Match #1: Mark Henry (w/Melina) vs. John Trosky
Henry chokeslams him down and finishes with the Torture Rack.
Gauntlet Match: #2: Mark Henry vs. Harlasker (sp?).
Henry finishes him wit an Amazing Impact (Chokeslam to the face).
Gauntlet Match #3: Mark Henry vs. Rob Echoes.
Henry destroys his kidneys with a pump splash and finishes with a front powerslam. 1/4*
Melina gets on the mic and ignores Michael Cole's question. She says she's doing what she thinks is right to keep Batista from hurting other women. She says that Mark Henry is here for her protection. Batista should charge Henry with sexual harassment for inappropriate touching last week.
Randy Orton explains his plan for beating Chris Benoit on behalf of Booker T.Sharmell blames Randy for the loss last week. Randy makes sure that Booker knows that he'll owe him one.
Cruiserweight Title: Kid Kash vs. Juventud.
Mr. Kennedy comes out to join the commentary team and boast about Smackdown's ratings. Juvi hits the dropkick off the bat and clotheslines Kash to the floor. A cannonball hilo off the top by Juvi takes out both men. Kash comes out of it with the upper hand and goes after Juvi's leg. The Worst Moonsault Ever misses, and Juvi blocks the Dead Level Brainbuster. Juvi can't scoop him up in the Juvi Driver, though, because his leg is still hurt. For some reason, he still can hit a spinning wheel kick, though. Juvi blocks a sunset flip but gets caught going for a huracanrana and winds up in a single leg crab. Juvi makes the ropes and crotches Kash on the top. A top rope huracanrana gets two. Kash catches Juvi going up, but Juvi shoves him to the mat and follows with the 450-splash. IT MISSES! Kash finishes with the Dead Level at 6:09. Man, they really went long, didn't they? See ya, Juvi. Anyway, pretty good match. **1/4
Orlando Jordan confronts Booker T and Sharmell and begs them for a chance to substitute for him instead of Orton. He says Orton didn't get it done last week, and he won't this week. Jordan demands respect. Booker challenges him to earn it. Jordan tells Booker to remember he said that.
Batista addresses the fake reporters to say he's innocent. He would never force himself on a woman. Mark Henry storms in and criticizes him for his sexually deviancy. Mark Henry said this, mind you. Mark ponders, "What if it was him?"
U.S. Title, Best-of-Seven Match #6: Chris Benoit vs. Randy T.
Booker and Sharmell come down to observe. Benoit starts out hot with a snap suplex and stomps Orton down in the corner. Sharmell trips him up, though, prompting Randy to have her tossed from ringside so he doesn't get disqualified. Back in, Randy pokes Benoit in the eyes and gets a standing dropkick for two. Randy gets a snap suplex of his own for two. Benoit slips over his shoulder on another suplex and delivers a German Suplex. We come back from break to find Randy holding, what else, a chinlock. Benoit comes back with the Triple Vertical Suplexes a la Eddy Guerrero. The Diving Headbutt connects, and Benoit locks in the Crossface. Orton makes the ropes. Orton reverses a second attempt to the RKO, but Benoit shoves him away on that attempt. Randy stalks Benoit for another RKO, but Orlando Jordan comes through the crowd, grabs Booker's crutch, and hits Benoit with it to give him the DQ win and tie up the series at 10:48. See, now Orlando is suddenly interesting. I can't really say that the series has been disappointing because I wasn't expecting anything from it, but it seems booked to build a long-term story rather than give Booker and Benoit a showcase. My advice to the WWE is to squeeze as many match combinations as you can out of these four instead of blowing off the whole thing with the four-way. **1/4
Another Finley promo. He's tough and Irish, you know.
Simon Dean predicts this will be a breakout year for Simon System. He challenges anyone to come out. London and Kendrick run down. I like those masks. Kinda creepy. It's not a challenge for him against London & Kendrick. It's…
London & Kendrick vs. The Gymini (w/Simon Dean).
The Gynimi are two Warlord looking bastards who toss around the tiny little cruiserweights and blow their very first spot as one of them fails to catch London on a pescado so the other one just kind of has to hold Kendrick until the other one can grab London's carcass. Many power moves follow, and London & Kendrick are left laying. So, you have one team that works hard, has a cool if bizarre look, and they're humiliated by a guy who couldn't even catch an M&M if it were in his own mouth? Let me save you the time. They won't get over as is. The Dicks are already screwed. The Bashams were screwed before them. The WWE clearly doesn't know what they're doing when it comes to introducing new tag teams. The only reason MNM got over in the first place is that they have a piece of ass as a manager. Take Melina away and where are they? No match.
Ah, Kenny Mayne was just knocked out on "Dancing With the Stars." He was always my favorite SportsCenter anchor.
Bobby Lashley gives promo about the Royal Rumble that makes him sound vaguely like Eddie Haskell.
WWE Tag Titles, Cage Match: MNM (w/Melina) vs. Batista & Rey Mysterio.
MNM tries to call time to start, but the challengers ain't having it. Batista sandwiches them with a corner clothesline. MNM blocks a double toss into the cage, but Mysterio and Batista catch up to them and yank them back down into the ring. Back from break, Batista is throwing the champs into the cage headfirst. Rey bulldogs Mercury off the top rope as he's dropping a leg on Nitro. Cool. A babyface double-team backfires as Batista whips Rey into a Nitro backdrop. Mercury catches Batista with a missile dropkick. They double chokeslam Rey for two. MNM suddenly has a good strategy, keep Batista down with double dropkicks while they destroy Rey with double-teams. Rey suddenly snaps Nitro over with a crucifix for two. He goes up to the top of the cage and hits Mercury with a flying crossbody off the top of the cage. ONE, TWO, THR-Nitro makes the save. MNM catches up with him and rams him into the cage. Batista recovers and tries to powerbomb Nitro off the top. Mercury makes the save, but the champs get crotched. SPINEBUSTER to Nitro. Melina panics and calls down Mark Henry. Batista, like a moron, stands there and shouts at him while Mark tries to figure a way into the cage. Henry snaps the chain off the cage door (which was judiciously clipped, if you believe the spoilers). No wonder they didn't want Kash and Juvi to run long, they needed 30 minutes for Henry to figure out how to get in the ring. Henry rips the door off its hinges and crosschecks Batista up against the cage. Rey's dead already, so Henry drags Mercury's carcass on top of him, and MNM gets the victory at 17:07. Good match up until the finish. ***
Final Thoughts: The booking is a bit schizophrenic right now. The tag and world title scene is stumbling backward so ineptly that it might damage all involved. On the other hand, the U.S. Title picture has opened up a bit and actually seems interesting. Kid Kash at least has some personality as CW champ, but I'm not really sure who (outside of London & Kendrick) they can bring in to face him as babyfaces. The Gemini & Dicks have the same problem. MNM has the tag titles, so how do you push other heel teams with only one or two teams for them to wrestle?
