411’s WWE Smackdown Report: 1.07.06
Posted by Scott Fried on 01.07.2006
World’s Biggest Mark
Falls Count Anywhere: JBL versus Matt Hardy
JBL cuts an opening promo that's good, but pretty much typical stuff. And repetitive. He calls Hardy out to start things in the crowd, and Hardy complies. They brawl around the crowd, and JBL takes a quick advantage with a boot. He chokes Hardy with his towel, then whips him over the guardrail back to the ring area. He slams Hardy on the table, then climbs up after him. Both men crash through the table as Hardy gets a leg scoop, and Hardy covers for two. JBL slams Hardy's head to the steps, then whacks him in the back with a chair. JBL covers for two in the ring. Clubbing blow by JBL, followed by several kicks. Hardy reverses a Powerbomb, then dropkicks JBL out of the ring. He gets a plancha for two. He slams JBL to the steps, then pulls a ladder out from under the ring. He slams JBL in the gut twice, then goes for a bulldog on the ladder. JBL pushes him off, then slams him into the limo. Stab him with the horns, sez I. Hardy finds a trashcan lid and hits JBL with it several times, laying him out on the hood of the limo. Hardy sets up the ladder and climbs up, but Jillian grabs his leg. JBL nails him with the trashcan, Hardy falls onto the limo, and JBL pins him. Post match, the Boogeyman comes out through the roof of the limo. He catches Jillian, then puts worms down her underwear. "I got worms!" "Excuse me?"
Winner: JBL
Match Time: 5:24
Rating: **3/4
Commentary: Still the best match of the series, for what that's worth.
Mark Henry versus Rob Eckos, John Trosky, and Doug Hollister
This seems to be a gauntlet match. Trosky starts off, and gets thrown down. Henry throws him to the steel post, then goes out and bends him around it. Back in, Henry gets a torture rack for the win. He grabs another talent du enhancement by the hair and pulls him up. He suplexes him on the ropes, then hits a pretty cool inverted chokeslam for the win. Rob Eckos tries to sneak attack, but Henry gets a big clothesline. He hits a Banzai Drop on Eckos, then a falling slam for the pin.
Winner: Mark Henry
Match Time: 2:41
Rating: *1/2
Commentary: Not altogether a waste, as Henry showed some cool moves. I could almost take him seriously if he hadn't been misused for a decade.
Michael Cole jumps into the ring to interview Melina. She yaks about the lawsuit, and never answers Cole's question about Mark Henry.
Backstage, Booker chastises Orton for his loss last week. He blames Sharmell, then hands Booker an invisible belt. A little odd, but it worked well, with three decent-to-great talkers.
Mr. Kennedy heads out to the ring and announces himself as the man who will change how Smackdown is called on Friday nights. He then heads over to do guest commentary for the next match.
Alas, poor Juventud, I knew him, Horatio. Circling and a lockup, and Kash backs Juvi into a corner. Juvi fights out and back with a dropkick, a clothesline, and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Juvi clotheslines Kash out of the ring, then goes up top and hits a sick somersault drive which he mostly misses. Juvi throws Kash back in and hits a slingshot in for two. Kash reverses a whip and catches Juventud on the buckle, then slams him to the mat by the leg. Kash goes after the leg with kicks, then goes up and hits the Turning Moonsault. Juvi moves out of the way. Juvi blocks the Dead Level, but can't hit the Juvi Driver after the damage done to his leg. Juvi gets a spinning heel kick. Kash sets Juvi up for a Powerbomb, but Juvi flips out and gets a rollup for two. Kash reverses a hurricanrana into a single leg crab. Juvi gets the rope. He backdrops Kash to the apron, then crotches him when he goes up top. Juvi hits a hurricanrana from the top for two. Juvi drags Kash to the corner, then goes up top. Kash knocks him down and goes up, but Juvi headbutts him down. Juvi goes for the 450, but Kash moves. The Dead Level follows and finishes.
Winner: Kid Kash
Match Time: 6:07
Rating: ***1/4
Commentary: Sad thing is, this was a really good match. Supposedly they went over their allotted time by three minutes, meaning they doubled the length of the match. Well, say what you will about his attitude, but when Juvi is on, he is ON.
Krystal is backstage with Booker and Sharmell. She asks him if it's difficult to be on Smackdown and be married. He says no. Orlando Jordan interrupts and offers his services against Benoit. They make fun of him. Jordan wants respect, but no dice. Booker's gotten this evil middle-aged guy kind of vibe lately, and it's really working perfectly for him.
Batista's holding a press conference to address the allegations. We see microphones reading "Action 7," "2," and "WWE." He says he's innocent- but is he looking for the real harasser? Mark Henry interrupts and tells Batista that he took advantage of an innocent woman. Henry poses the question as to what if it was him taking advantage of Batista. Gross. Batista tells Henry to leave or fight, and he backs off. Batista's natural cool will really take a beating if he has to dignify this shit much longer.
Man, this series really fizzled, though it's nobody's fault. Damn it, we need someone to blame. Lockup, and Orton goes behind and gets some punches. He punches Benoit in the corner, and Benoit punches back. Benoit slams Orton's head to the corner, and then lays in the chops. He gets some knees, then the running clothesline. Snap suplex gets two. Benoit slams Orton to the buckle again, then hits some knees. Sharmell trips Booker with the crutch, and Orton goes out to argue with her. Nick Patrick sends her backstage, still with the crutch. Which, of course, Booker says he needs. Orton re-enters, pokes Benoit in the eye, and hits the big man awkward dropkick. A kneedrop follows and gets two. It's been almost three minutes, so Orton goes to the chinlock. Benoit gets up, and Orton suplexes him over for two. Another chinlock, and Benoit gets up. Orton goes for another suplex, but Benoit floats over and hits a German Suplex. Orton pulls the rope down as Benoit charges, sending him over the rope as we go to commercial. When we return, Orton has Benoit in… a chinlock! Benoit gets up and gets an armdrag, then punches Orton down. Benoit gets the Three Amigos, then goes up top and gets the diving headbutt for two. Benoit goes for the Sharpshooter, but Orton tries to block. Benoit manages to turn him over, then releases the hold and snaps on the Crossface. Orton gets to the rope. Benoit hits some punches to the back. Orton rolls out of a Crossface attempt, Benoit pushes off an RKO, and Orton hits the 3.0. Orlando Jordan jumps the guardrail, hits Booker, takes his crutch, and hits Benoit with it, giving him the DQ win.
Winner: Chris Benoit
Match Time: 10:45 (including commercial)
Rating: ***
Commercial: Benoit keeps things good, but I can't understand why people give Orton credit for improving. He's refreshing against big guys like Taker (and probably Batista) because he works a similar style, just a little faster. When subbing for Booker against Benoit, though, he really gets exposed.
Another Finlay promo. He's by a castle, the name of which I didn't catch. He's coming soon!
Simon Dean makes an open challenge for any two superstars. London and Kendrick answer and run down to the ring in their masks. And nothing else. Dean says that the challenge isn't against him… it's against his new tag team, The Gymini. First one comes out, then the other. They look exactly alike. Which makes sense, as they're the Shane Twins. The Twins catch planchas and slam the cruisers into one another, then take them inside and get a huge beatdown.
Backstage, Bobby Lashley cuts a promo about how he's in the Rumble, and wants to win. Lashley video package follows.
I feel like I'm playing GM mode on SD vs. Raw with all these stip matches. Rey and Batista attack the champs to start, beating on them and whipping Nitro into Mercury in the corner. Batista charges on both, squishing them. Rey gets a snapmare and a legdrop on Mercury. He kicks Nitro in the butt. The challengers continue to dominate, throwing MNM against the cage. They block the iMPACT and try to climb out, but they get pulled down by Rey and Batista. When we reuturn, Batista slugs down both opponents, then throws each one against the steel. They try to climb out again, and they kick Batista away. Rey goes up, and with Batista's help, both men go down. Rey grabs Mercury's head and comes off with a bulldog, legdropping Nitro for two. Batista gets a ten punch. Nitro backdrops Rey against the cage, then gets clotheslined by Batista. The Champ gets a missile dropkick from Mercury, then a DDT from Nitro for two. Nitro puts the boots to Batista, then gets a kneedrop. High Times on Mysterio gets two. MNM stomp on Batista, then send him into the cage with a double baseball slide. Double legdrop on Rey gets two. They squish Batista against the cage and hit another double baseball slide. They then double catapult Rey into the cage for two. They go back to squishing Batista, then Mercury hits a short clothesline on Mysterio. Double Russian Legsweep on Batista. Punches and Stomps continue, and Rey gets whipped across the ring. He boots a charge from Mercury and gets a crucifix on Nitro for two. Rey goes up top, then decides to pull himself to the top of the cage. He catches Mercury with a crossbody, but Nitro breaks at two. Rey goes for the bodyscissors bulldog on Nitro, but Mercury grabs him by the head and slams him down. They send Rey to the cage, but Batista comes back with a double clothesline. He hits shoulders on Mercury in the corner, but takes a boot from Nitro. Nitro tries to climb up, but Batista hooks him for a Batista Bomb. Nitro grabs Mercury's hand and gets back on the rope, but Batista hits their legs, crotching both. Batista throws each to the cage, then gets a spinebuster on Nitro. Batista shakes the ropes, but Mark Henry walks down to the ring. He pulls on the wall of the cage, but no dice. He points to the door, then pulls on the chain, snapping it. He rips the door off, then throws the door into the cage. Batista fights with Mercury, but Henry attacks him from behind. Mark Henry throws him into the cage, then hits him with the door. Rey gets up, but he gets doored as well. Mercury covers Rey and gets the pin.
Winners: MNM
Match Time: 17:04
Rating: ***
Commentary: A pretty decent main event, capped off by Cole saying "Mark Henry, leaving waste in the ring." A little repetitive at times, but as Hulk Hogan says, whatchagonnado?
Next week, Match Seven. Damn, just save it for when Booker's better.
