The Final Fantasy Heat Report 01.08.06
Posted by Jeff Small on 01.08.2006
No Steriods Allowed Edition
Welcome everyone to the tenth edition of the Final Fantasy Heat Report. It's crazy how fast time goes. First off, I apologize for missing the pre-PPV Heat match. It does not look like I missed much as Chavo Guerrero defeated Snitsky with a frog splash. Good for him.
I do have GREAT NEWS though. Season 6 of WWE Fantasy has just been announced this weekend!!! The new season will begin on Monday January 23rd and the winner of this contest will receive two free tickets to Boston, MA for Summerslam. Starting with the January 29th edition of Heat, I will be bringing back the Fantasy stats. In addition, look for a special Final Fantasy report on the new season as I will go in depth on who to look out for in the upcoming season. Color me excited for all of this.
With that out of the way, let's get onto the show…
Match One: Snitsky vs. Val Venis
Match Background: It looks like the team of Snitsky and Tomko will take on Venis and Viscera in singles action tonight. Except 50/50 booking here with one member of each team getting a win. While I would like to see Venis get the win for his team, Snitsky is higher on the totem pole than Tomko which means he should get the win.
The COACH is back, baby!!! Unfortunately, Todd Grisham is still here. Snitsky makes his way out first. He looks to be off of the ‘roids as he has a belly forming. Speaking of belly forming, I'm very scared of the demon child Steph and Trips will have. Venis comes out next and hands his towel off to a GMILF (figure it out) in the front row.
Snitsky charges at Venis to start but misses a clothesline. Venis punches Snitsky into the corner and climbs the turnbuckle looking to do the 10 punch routine. Snitsky throws him off before Venis gets off punch. Venis gets back up and throws Snitsky into the other turnbuckle. He tries for the 10 punch routine again and successfully lands 3 punches before getting thrown off. Snitsky runs at Venis but gets chopped. Venis follows up with 2 running knee lifts and a side Russian leg sweep. Knee drop by Venis. Snitsky makes his way back up and gets to a corner. Venis follows him and gets two shoulder blocks in the corner. Snitsky reverses a Venis Irish whip and powerslams him. He takes time to taunt the fans. Snitsky rams Val into the corner before getting a scoop slam. He drops 2 elbows on Venis's back for a 2 count. The bearhug follows.
Venis elbows out of the bearhug and the two exchange punches which Val wins. Venis Irish whips Snitsky who reverses it. Venis comes off the ropes with a clothesline. Venis gets a back elbow and another clothesline. The half-nelson suplex is blocked as Snitsky elbows out of it. Snitsky puts Venis on the top rope and looks to attempt a superplex. Venis throws him off the ropes but cannot capitalize as the Money Shot misses. Snitsky's big boot attempt misses. Venis gets a quick schoolboy for 2. Snitsky gets back up and hits the big boot for 3 @ 4:09. Decent match.
Winner: Val Venis
A plug is shown for the Wrestlemania Anthology. Even though Christmas is technically over, I'm hoping Santa Claus might still bring me one.
Match Two: The Heart-Throbs vs. Fred Sampson & Scotty Charisma
Match Background: Looks like a squash for the Heart-Throbs. This is actually the first time they will get to win a match since their April debut. I'm serious.
The Heart-Throbs make their way out to no response. Like Snitsky, they too look to be off the steroids as both look smaller and less muscular. Antonio takes the mic (!) and states that the most beautiful girls are from New Jersey. As a local Jersey resident, I must agree. Even though most are extremely dirty, there are some really pretty girls. Antonio is looking for 2 hot girls to dance in the ring. In order to find these girls, Romeo uses his gyration detector (which is pretty funny). The two pick out TNA's Trinity and independent wrestler Talia, who wrestled against Victoria in the summer and is also Gregory Helms's girlfriend. The two girls come into the ring and start dancing with each other. The fun ends when the two jobbers attack.
The Heart-Throbs fight off the sneak attack by dumping both jobbers. The duo first hits double planchas to the outside. In the ring, both Heart-Throbs give Charisma a double arm-wringer/chop for 2. A double back elbow/elbow drop combination follows for 2. In the midst of celebration, Charisma tags in Sampson. Sampson runs into a sitdown hip toss from Romeo. Romeo grabs Sampson's arm which allows Antonio to tag in and jump off the top rope with a double axe handle. A double hip toss/kip up follows. Antonio misses a splash in the corner which allows Sampson to tag in Charisma. Charisma clotheslines Antonio for 2. Charisma grabs a headlock to warm up the hot tag. Charisma let goes of the hold to attack Romeo but walks into an Antonio back drop. Hot tag and Romeo is a casa en fuego. Sampson is immediately dumped from the ring apron to the outside. Romeo gets a quick snap suplex. He whips Charisma into the corner and follows with a corner clothesline. A running bulldog follows. Sampson enters the ring and is thrown over the top rope. A Tandem STO ends this match @ 3:12. After the match, the Heart-Throbs celebrate with their 2 Jersey sluts.
Winners: The Heart-Throbs
A plug is shown for WWE 24/7.
First blood highlights from last week's Raw are shown. The clip package ends with Cena's FU on Michaels which hopefully sets up a feud for Wrestlemania. At least, that is what I want to happen.
Matt Striker's Classroom
Matt Striker makes his way out for another lesson. After asking for the crowd's attention, he asks the crowd "What is he?" The unanimous response from the crowd is "Asshole". Of course, that response is incorrect as he is their teacher. Tonight's topic is all about him. Did you know that he grew up in NYC, was a high school social studies teacher, has a 186 IQ, scored a 1600 on the SAT, has a graduate degree in English Psychology, enjoys classical music, speaks 17 different languages including ebonics, and finally does not smoke the reefer?
A commercial for the Elimination Chamber match at New Year's Revolution follows.
Match Three: Viscera vs. Tyson Tomko
Match Background: As mentioned earlier, this is a singles match between tag team opponents. Expect Viscera to win just because Snitsky won the first match.
Viscera comes out to a nice reaction. Tomko makes his way out next while the announcers talk about Shelton Benjamin's momma. Tomko attacks Viscera to start. Vis whips Tomko into the corner and follows up with a scoop slam. Vis then dumps Tomko to the outside. Vis goes to grab Tomko on the ring apron but Tomko gets in a quick cheapshot. He unloads more punches on Vis but an Irish whip attempt fails. Tomko really should have watched Rob Conway's match with Vis last week to see that this strategy does not work. Vis whips Tomko into the corner but misses a running splash. Tomko gets a head of steam and hits a running shoulderblock on Vis to knock him down. This gets 2. Tomko goes back to punching Vis's head and nails a DDT for 2. Chinlock kills some time. Vis stands up out of the chinlock with Tomko conveniently in the Samoan drop position. VD (his big splash) misses after the Samoan drop. Tomko goes back to slugging Viscera. He runs off the ropes but gets hit with a Vis spinning wheel kick. Tomko fights out of Vis's sit down powerbomb. Tomko charges at Vis with a big boot but that misses. The Sex Drop (sit down powerbomb) ends this match for Vis @ 2:46. To be honest, Conway looked much better last week in his loss to Viscera.
Winner: Viscera
Well with only 10 minutes of ring action this week, I cannot recommend anything from this edition. All the matches were skippable and while Striker was extremely sleazy tonight, he did not say anything of note in his segment. Heck, I'm so bored; I cannot even make a Slimmer joke.
