411’s WWE Velocity Report 2.11.06

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to your recap of WWE’s Velocity for 2/11/06. This episode has the dubious distinction of trying to follow up on a show that contained a great tag team main event that paired Kid Kash and Jamie Noble up against Paul London and Brian Kendrick. Will this week’s Velocity live up to that lofty standard?

There’s only one way to find out . . .

Match Numero Uno: The Gymini (Mike & Todd Shane) w/ Simon Dean vs. Shoichi Funaki & Scotty II Hotty

Dean’s out first, and he cuts a promo to introduce the Gymini. How Cornette-y of him.

Funaki starts for his team, and I don’t think I have to tell you that I can’t tell which Shane brother is in there with him. Funaki actually takes his man down with a quick rollup and a headlock, setting up a tag to Scotty. Mr. II Hotty also tries working the headlock, but the Gymini deadlifts him, carries him over to the heel corner, and makes a tag. Scotty stays on top with some drop kickery, but he’s cheap shotted by the illegal Gymini and crushed with a few big elbows. The twins engage in some quick tags and unload the generic offense . . . punches ahoy! The big men work in a double armdrag, and then the legal man places the former Lightheavyweight Champion in to a chinlock. Not surprisingly, Scotty elbows out, only to be caught in the gut by a Gymini kneelift. Another chinlock follows that up after a quick tag, and the Worm once again breaks the hold in the traditional babyface manner. He scoots over and gets the hot tag to Funaki, who takes the Gymini down with an enzuguri and a cross body block from the top. He looks for a tornado DDT, but Mr. Shane cuts it off. That leads in to the Gymini’s incredibly lame finisher, and the Big Sho’ is pinned.

Winners: The Gymini

Match Numero Dos: Tatanka vs. Jacques Bliskem

Tatanka gets a couple of sloppy looking hiptosses early on, and he chops Bliskem in the corner to set up a delayed vertical suplex. An armbar is next from the Lumby Native American, and listening to Josh Matthews try to sell Tatanka as an intimidating, cagey veteran is hilarious. Jacques eventually backs his man in to the corner to break the armbar, and he gets in a running forearm and a blatant chokehold. A clothesline is next from Bliskem, and he applies a cravat. Oddly enough, Tatanka finds some way to power out, and the war dance follows up a back body drop. Mr. Chavis works in a few more chops, and his Samoan Drop finishes things off.

1993 called. It wants its squash match back.

Winner: Tatanka

Match Numero Tres: Bobby Lashley vs. James Dick w/ Chad Dick

This, of course, builds off of last week’s Smackdown, during which Lashley beat Chad. If Lashley’s PPV match against JBL wasn’t already signed, I’d guess that we were going to see a handicap match between these three men at No Way Out. Lashley opens things up with a back body drop. Chad tries to trip him up from the outside, but Lashley runs outside and gives him a brutal lariat. James tries to capitalize with a pescado, but the former Marine catches him and slams him on the floor. Back on the inside, Dick is treated to a one-armed delayed suplex and then speared. There’s the Dominator, and that’s it.

Winner: Bobby Lashley

Now it’s time for a recap of Smackdown’s main event and the match that it set up for next week’s show. If you really want to know what happened, just read the recap I already wrote.

Match Numero Cuatro: Kid Kash vs. Psicosis

Kash gets on the mic before the match, and he notes that nobody in the crowd knows who he is . . . which is pretty odd given that he’s held a WWE championship already. His promo is total heel work, which is odd given that he’s headed in to a match on the next episode of Smackdown against fellow heel Gregory Helms.

We hit the mat to start, and the K-I-D goes to the A-R-M. Psicosis is out of that quickly and responds with some of the same, only to have the former ECW TV Champ make the ropes. Kash tries for a cross body block, but Psi catches him and swings him in to a version of the X-Factor. A corner clothesline is next from the Mexicool, but he goes for a second one and gets thrown shoulder first in to the ringpost. Kash stays on the arm with some brutal clubbing blows, and he even rubs Psicosis’ face in to the mat as he’s doing it. Kiddy briefly applies an armbar, and then he whips his opponent’s shouler in to the ringpost for a second time before reapplying his hold. He’s eventually forced to break that due to some hair pulling. Kash stays on top of his man with a gutbuster, and then he goes to the shoulderbreaker. If he was Scott Norton, this match would be OVER. Psicosis finally makes his comeback with an HBK-esque forearm and a spinning heel kick. The luchadore heads up to the top rope for another spinning kick, but he landed on his shoulder and thus couldn’t get over for the pin in time. That gives Kash the opening to hit a backbreaker, and he looks for his brainbuster finisher. Psicosis reverses it in to a neckbreaker a la AJ Styles, but that only gets two. Psi heads to the high rent district once more, but a corkscrew senton misses. There’s the brainbuster for real, and Kash is headed in to his title match with some considerable momentum.

Winner: Kid Kash

With Jamie Noble, Super Crazy, Paul London, and Brian Kendrick all missing in action, this was probably one of the weaker Velocities in recent weeks. Hopefully the show rebounds next time, though who knows what will happen with Tatanka and Pirate Paul Birchall running around now. We’ll just have to wait and see. Until then, feel free to check out some of my other recent work right here on 411:
Cheap Wrestling!

Last Night’s Smackdown

411’s Top 50 Tag Teams of All Time

The Against All Odds Roundtable

And, finally, the the blog.

Yes, I am a shameless self-promoter.