The Smackdown Breakdown 02.17.06

WWE Smackdown — 2.17.2006

From Norfolk, Virg.

Your hosts are Michael Cole and Tazz.

Rey Mysterio vs. Sylvan.
Sylvan talks all the way down to ringside about how he’s going to be a superstar. Get him a manager or something. French Canadians should not be allowed to speak, and certainly not sing. Rey dropkicks him off the apron and follows him out with a pescado. He kicks at Sylvan’s hamstring and delivers a tilt-o-whirl headscissors. Big “Eddy” chants as Rey misses a broncobuster. Sylvan works the back with a corner whip and backdrop suplex. That leads to a bearhug. Sylvan truly is a master of ring psychology. Well, he would be if anyone bothered to call it. Instead, Tazz and Cole talk about Randy Orton’s concussion. Rey pokes his way out of it but runs into a spinebuster. Sylvan goes to a reverse bearhug. Rey gets out of it and finishes quickly with the 619 and Dime Drop at 4:55. After the match, Randy Orton comes out and gives Eddy Guerrero credit for main-eventing WrestleMania. But, he says, Rey is no Eddy Guerrero. 3/4*

In the back, Rey comes face to face with Kurt Angle who encourages him to stand up for himself. He says it would be an honor to face Rey at WrestleMania, but Mark Henry interrupts and threatens to take Angle and the Undertaker out.

Orlando Jordan comes out to brag about…well, just to brag. He claims he can beat anyone, which you know is going to bring out either Lashley or Boogeyman. In this case, it’s Boogeyman.

Boogeyman vs. Orlando Jordan.
Orlando attacks from behind but gets pumphandle slammed for the loss at :52. The usual post-match ritual ensues. O

Gregory Helms interrupts a coffee klatch of cruiserweights, promising to show them how it’s done.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Scotty II Hottie.
Scotty gets a backdrop suplex early, but Helms knocks him down with a clothesline. Scotty misses a charge and posts himself. Helms delivers a Fireman’s Carry chinbreaker for two and gets two off an arrogant cover. Scotty elbows out of a Guillotine Necklock and makes his big comeback before Helms suddenly finishes him with the Shining Wizard at 4:40. Helms calls out all the cruiserweights before abusing Scotty. The cruiserweights run down and hit their finishers on Helms just to make a point. The match was soooooooo boring, but at least their getting face time to get some heat. The crowd only responded to the beatdown. 1/4*

In the training room, Helms receives some ice for his wounds. General Manager Teddy Long comes in and makes a match between all of the cruiserweights for the CW Title.

Paul Burchill comes face to face with Mr. Kennedy who doesn’t think much of his new gimmick. Burchill threatens to cut Kennedy’s head off with his scabbard, which changes Kennedy’s mind quite a bit.

Chris Benoit & Bobby Lashley vs. Fit Finlay & John Bradshaw Layfield (w/Jillian Hall).
Booker T and Sharmell join the commentary table. Finlay and Benoit start. **girlish shriek** They’re immediately scrappy with one another too. You know how two guys are just kind of meant to wrestle one another because of their size, their look, their style, etc? Shawn/Bret, Steamboat/Flair, Hogan/Andre. Benoit and Finlay are a lot like that. It’s like they’re diametrically opposed or something. Anyway, after a bit of mat wrestling, Benoit chops Finlay’s chest. He tries a baseball slide, but Finlay traps him with the ring apron. Bradshaw stomps Benoit’s hand repeatedly, trying to break his fingers. Benoit tries to chop his way back, but his hand is hurt. Not sensing a lot of faith in Lashley tonight. Benoit reverses a suplex and tags him. Lashley tosses JBL around like a rag doll before JBL pokes him in the eye. Finlay runs into a boot, but JBL gives Lashley a boot of his own on the outside. We come back from break to JBL beating the crap out of Lashley after a shillelagh shot from Finlay. Lashley fights back but takes a clothesline by JBL. Not a Clothesline from Hell, though. More like a Clothesline from Purgatory. Suddenly, Lashley gets pissed and fires away at Finlay. HOT TAG TO BENOIT! Benoit chops everything in sight and opens a box of German Suplexes and guess what?! There’s enough for everyone, bitch! Benoit misses a charge, so Bradshaw knocks Lashley off the apron. Bradshaw stumbles into the ref while Booker pops up and hits Benoit with a chair. The Clothesline from Hell finishes at 14:54. Booker dances all the way up the ramp because he was just faking the whole injury thing. No! Get right outta town! **1/2

Matt Hardy vs. Simon Dean
Dean insults the fans’ weight. That’s one of those things that’s fine for house shows where each town thinks they’re unique, but when you have to see it every time Dean comes out, it gets old fast. At least borrow Lawler’s “She’s so fat…” book. The Gymini interfere right away and get tossed. Dean locks in a front facelock, but Matt counters to a Side Effect. He drops an elbow instead of the usual legdrop. Huh. How about that? The Twist of Fate finishes at 3:15. 1/2*

Kurt Angle video package.

In the back, Matt bumps into Melina and says that he will accept her offer – not to join her, but to take on MNM for the tag titles.

MNM & Mark Henry (w/Melina & Daivari) vs. Kurt Angle & the Undertaker.
Mercury starts with Taker, and that goes about as well as you’d expect. He tosses Merc into the corner and dares Henry to get in. Henry tags in and grabs a headlock. Angle makes the blind tag, and he and Taker start trying to one up each other by seeing who can kick the most ass. Both men are proud of their accomplishments and stop to compare notes, so Henry knocks them both to the floor. We come back from break to the heels isolating Kurt Angle. Henry smacks him around for a bit before Angle goes for his anklelock. Henry shoves him away as Cole notes that Undertaker has never submitted in his career. Yeah, not true. In fact, he tapped out to Angle. Angle comes back with a backdrop suplex on Mercury. HOT TAG TO TAKER! Snake Eyes to Nitro! Big boot to Nitro! MNM catches a series of corner clotheslines, but Henry breaks up the double chokeslam. Henry takes over on Undertaker and slugs him. Taker fires back, and Angle gets a blind tag. WOOO! Angleslam! Down come the straps! Nitro taps out to the Anglelock at 15:38. Henry tries to attack Angle from behind, but Taker saves with a chokeslam. Angle isn’t impressed, so Taker gives Henry a Tombstone! Angle: Ohhhhhhhh shiiiiiiiit. **

Final Thoughts: I don’t sense a lot of excitement for the No Way Out card. The only two matches that have much heat at all are Orton/Rey and Taker/Angle, which, I guess, is how the WWE wants it. This card has the potential to be surprisingly good, or one of the biggest dogs of all time. I guess we’ll find out Sunday.

J.D. Dunn