411’s OVW TV Report 3.4.06

Show starts off with Brent Albright in the lockeroom. He’s got his grandfather’s strap.

Albright: Tonight is the biggest night in the history of OVW. And tonight is the biggest night of my entire career. Tonight, I live up to every single expectation that my grandfather has for me. And tonight, I do something that C.M. Punk isn’t man enough to do. Tonight, I restore dignity and honor to the OVW Heavyweight Championship.

“Let the bodies hit the floor!”

Dean Hill and Al Snow greet us. It’s Brent Albright vs. C.M. Punk for the OVW Heavyweight Title!

Johnny Jeter w/ The Spirit Squad vs. Roadkill

Oh…my…god. Roadkill is dressed up like a big fat Amish man. Long beard, suspenders, white shirt, black slacks. Wow. Jeter clubs him from behind as the bell rings. Jeter stomping on Roadkill. Jeter sends Roadkill for the ride. Roadkill ducks a clotheline. Shoulder tackle by Roadkill. Wow the crowd is hot for this guy. Jeter backs down into a corner. Roadkill comes toward him and Jeter catches him with a kick to the gut. Jeter with several blows to Roadkill’s head. Jeter does a little cheer. Big clotheline by Roadkill! And another. And another! Roadkill with the cover gets 2. God someone take those airhorns away. Roadkill sends Jeter to the ropes. Catches him spins him around and beautiful sidewalk slam. Nick Nemeth on the apron now. Roadkill catches him with a big shot to the temple. Mondo on the apron and the same fate for him. Jeter up to his feet. Doane tries to distract Roadkill. Roadkill goes for a big punch but Doane jumps out of the way. Roadkill goes back to Jeter and catches him with a big splash body slam! Roadkill is going to the ropes. He’s on the first rope. Ken Doane in teh ring moves Jeter out of the way right in front of the ref. The ref looks at Doane. The Spirit Squad is outta here! They throw a little fit. Roadkill leaning on the ropes waving goodbye! Jeter is on his feet behind him. He’s warming up the band! Roadkill is still waving goodbye. Roadkill turns around. Jeter goes for the superkick! Roadkill catches his foot. Thumb to the eye by Jeter. Dropkick by Jeter. Jeter covers and gets 2! Big shot to the temple of Roadkill. Jeter with Roadkill in the corner catches him with some boots to his big gut. Jeter going up top with Roadkill’s head. Swinging DDT! No! Blocked by Roadkill. Roadkill with some elbows to Jeter’s gut. Jeter goes for a punch. Blocked by Roadkill. Roadkill nails a punch. And another. Big roundhouse by Roadkill takes Jeter down. Roadkill puts him up on his shoulder! Guillitine!! Droadkill is on the middle rope. He’s calling to the crowd. He’s on the top rope now! OH MY GOD!!!! TOP ROPE BODY SPLASH BY THE 300 POUNDER AND JETER IS DONE!

Winner- Roadkill

The Spirit Squad is back out and is attacking Roadkill. They each grab an arm and a leg and flip him up to the air! Wait! Elijah Burke is here! He’s taking out the Spirit Squad but the numbers get to him! Now The Spirit Squad working on Burke. They each grab an arm and a leg and another upsy daisy on Elijah Burke! The Spirit Squad celebrates as we go to break.

Osama is in the back with the OVW TV Champ Aaron “The Idol” Stevens and Beth Phoenix.

Osama: Amigo! You remember me! Who’s going to be your pick to win the OVW Heavyweight Title?

Stevens: Amigo! Just like El Babykins. This one can go either way!

Osama: HAHA! That’s what I’m talking about! Hey I’m hiring for The Revolution. I’m taking applications What’s the deal muchacho? (Osama speaks some more Spanglish that I really can’t understand. Basically he asks where the crazy girl is that belongs in the sanitarium.)

Shelley comes in screaming and scares Osama into screaming. Wearing her pirate best.

Shelley: AHHHHHH! This is the worst day of my life. I refuse! I refuse!

Osama: I heard your edition before. You are wooooo! (Circles finger around his head) I’m outta here! Take it easy!

Shelley’s mouth falls wide open.

Shelley: I am not…pregnant…with Paul Birchall’s baby! I know he wants me to provide the love, the warmth, the nourishment to raise the next generation of pirates. He wants me. He loves me. HE NEEDS ME! HE NEEDS ME! YOU UNDERSTAND ME! I’M NOT GOING TO RELAX!

Osama bounces back into the picture.

Osama: And remember to vote for me for dicatator of Los Kentuckos! Osammmmmmaaaaaa! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRoooooooooodriguezzzzzzz Aljandro! Aka Big Lado!

Shelley comes up to him and slaps his hand on her chest. Osama looks down at the hand and up at the camera and down and up again.

Osama: The proceeding was paid for by friends and family of Osama! *Waves his little American flag*

We switch lockerroms and we’re now with Maria and The Dicks!

Maria: That girl needs some serious medication. *Circles finger around head* I’m Maria and I’m here with Tank and Chad. And I wanted to take your predictions on the OVW Title match tonight.

Chad: Well Maria I gotta tell you…

Tank: Hold on man, I got this one. Predictions…no predictions on them. But if you want predictions. How’s this for a prediction. Chris Cage and The Miz…the OVW Tag Team Champions….they’re going to be having a very bad week.

Chad: Haha yeah! They’re going to be having a terrible terrible week….haha….uh…why?

Maria: Yeah why?

Tank: You wanna know why. Look further than me to tell you why. Next week…it’s going to be Chris Cage and The Miz are going to be defending their tag team titles against none other than…….none other than……*sigh*…………

Chad: Come on! I’m begging ya!

Tank tears off his suspenders. His cuffs and all that makes him A Dick.

Tank: None other than…the most domninant tag team in OVW History. Tank….and Chad……..The Tolands.

Chad: The Tolands. The Blonde Bombers! The most dominant tag team in OVW History! That’s us! Did you hear that Maria! We’re the Tolands! The Tolands! We are the Tolands! I tell you what. Next week if we don’t win those titles. I will walk out that door.

Tank: No you won’t.

Chad: Yes I will….And if we don’t, I’ll even shave my beard. Yes, we’re going to win. And if we don’t, I even quit the tag team so we can split up and go seperate ways.

Tank: What is wrong with you?? Everytime I try to talk some sense into you! *Tank walks out. Chad makes the loopy sign again*

Chad: You see, that’s what I love about that guy! He’s so pumped up! He’s ready to go at anytime. But Maria. Did you hear that. The Tolands. That’s me. I’m part of The Tolands. THE TOLANDS ARE BACK IN TOWN AND WE’RE GOING TO TAKE THAT TITLES BACK! Here we go! Let’s get after it!

Maria: Those guys….are a couple of…uh…hmmmm

C.M. Punk is alone in another lockeroom.

Punk: Big night…that’s an understatement. Tonight is huge. And Brent Albright, you’re in my head. Biggest match of my career. And you’re in my head. You’ve given me a taste of my own medicine and I love it. It all comes down to this. Tonight we find out who the man is around here. Going to be filling the boots of Matt Cappotelli. Somebody who brought sooooo much prestige to the OVW Heavyweight Championship. That kid’s got a lot of heart. Tonight it’s going to be all my punishment. When I deprive you of becoming said champion. And at the end of the night, you’ll finally realize what it’s like to get punked. And you’ll finally feel what it’s like to be punked by the O…V…W…Heavyweight Champion.

We go back to yet another lockerroom. We are with Dice Dominto and Deuce Shade. The Throwbacks! They are dressed up like 1950’s Greasers. They have a blonde valet wearing a pink poodle skirt.

Domino: Unbelievable! There’s going to be a rumble tonight man! A serious rumble! It’s going to be my man Deuce and that hasbeen pirate Paul Birchall. There’s a pirate’s ship parked right outside here!

Shade: There wasn’t any pirate ship here.

Domino: It was! It was. The guy. The guy’s kinda scary lookin man. He’s pretty big and scary.

Shade: What are you sayin? You tryin to say I’m scared of him?

Domino: I didn’t say that.

Shade: I’ve beaten guys twice the size of him.

Domino: Yeah you’ve beaten guys twice the size of him but I don’t ever remember you beating no pirate before. Call me crazy but have you?

Shade: What are you trying to say grease bag?

Domino: Who you calling a grease bag?

Shade: You grease bag!

Valet puts her foot up and Domino holds it. She has on a roller skate.

Valet: Are you guys talking about Paul Birchall? Idol says that Paul Birchall thinks my skates are really cool!

Domino: What?!?!

Shade: What are you talking about. I’ll freakin kill you!

Domino: Relax. Birchall he don’t know. Don’t worry about it! They know what’s going to happen. Take it easy. Let’s do this. Look at this guy Birchall.

Paul Birchall vs. Deuce Shade

Aaron “The Idol” Stevens w/ Beth Phoenix and Shelley are at ringside. Shelley takes off running and they are holding her back from getting to Paul Birchall. Stevens and Phoenix hold her back as Shade gets in the ring. Domino is holding back Shade. Deuce from behind catches Birchall with a big forearm. Deuce with a punch. Birchall blocks it. Birchall with some uppercuts. Birchall to the ropes. Deuce Shade leaps up and catches him with a huge kick! Shade to his feet. Picks up Birchall. Knee lift to Birchall’s head. Shade circles around Birchall. Grabs his hair and slams him to the mat. Birchall with a left hook. Big forearm to Birchall puts Birchall in the corner. The ref pushes Shade away and Domino chokes Birchall while the ref isn’t looking. Shade locks in a headlock. Birchall to his feet and BITES SHADE’S HAND! Shade with a big punch. Shade misses a clotheline. Birchall ducks a big kick. Reverse atomic drop by Birchall! Snap suplex by Birchall. Belly to belly suplex by Birchall! Birchall sends Shade to the ropes. Trips him. Birchall sets him up under the bottom rope. Birchall on the apron. Leaps over the top rope! Great over the top rope legdrop by Paul Birchall! Birchall celebates in the ring. He calls for Shade. Shade staggering to his feet. The valet whose name is apparently Sherry grabs Birchall’s leg! Uh oh! Here comes Shelley! Shelley levens Sherry and starts beating the hell out of her! Dice and Stevens breaks them apart. Shade is distracted. Kickup by Birchall. Shade turns around. C4 BY BIRCHALL! 1..2..3!

Winner- Paul Birchall

Shelley gets away from Stevens and starts beating up on Sherry. She’s got her in the middle of the ring and they are catfighting!! Dice and Stevens break them apart. Crowd chants to let them fight. Phoenix pushing Shelley away. Shelley shoves Beth Phoenix’s face and onto the mat. Stevens looks on like WTF? Shelley stalks around the ring. Stevens asks what happened.

Flashback 3 weeks ago to Matt Cappotelli’s emotional speech in which he relinquished the OVW Heavyweight Title to Danny Davis.

Ken Kennedy is in the ring.

Kennedy: Ladies and gentlemen…this next contest is your MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING! It will be one fall to an absolute finish to determine the NEW OVW Heavyweight Champion! Introducing first…weighing in at 240 pounds. From Tulsa, Oklahoma. The former OVW Heavyweight Champion! Brent Albright!!!

Brent comes out with his strap and to a bunch of boos.

Kennedy: His opponent. Weights at at 225 pounds .From Chicago, Illinois….C……M…..PUNK!!!

I have been calling for this for months! I can’t wait!

Brent Albright vs. C.M. Punk (OVW Heavyweight Title)

The ref shows the belt to both opponents.They circle. Punk catches Albright with several blows to the head. Punk punches him into the corner. Albright reverses out of it and catches Punk with several blows of his own. Albright grabs Punk sends him for the ride and huge clotheline by Albright. Albright to the ropes. Punk leapfrogs. Ducks under Albright. Punk goes for a dropkick but Albright hooks the ropes. Punk falls to the mat. Albright off the ropes. Punk catches him witha big boot. Big kick to the back of Brent Albright. Punk stomping on Albright. Punk with a cover gets 1. Punk with Albright. Sets him up for a suplex. He’s got him up. Delayed suplex! He was up for about 10 seconds. Covers! 1…2..NO!

Punk with an Irish Whip. Punk with a chop! Whoooo! Knee to the head of Albright. Punk hooks both arms and belly to belly suplex. He covers for two! Punk with a snapmare and a dropkick to Albright’s back gets 2! Punk kicking Albright’s head lightly. Dropkick to Albright who was on his knees. Punk covers for two again. Punk to the apron. Albright on the mat. Punk nails a rolling thunder over the top rope! Punk locks in The Crossface! Albright kicking around and catches the ropes. Punk releases. Punk with Albright in the corner. Forearm shots from Punk to Albright. Punk scrapes his boot on Albright’s face. Punk off the ropes and NAILS A RUNNING BOOT RIGHT TO ALBRIGHT’S HEAD!! PUNK WITH A COVER! 1…2…NO!

Punk locks in a headlock. Albright to his feet. Shoves Punk to the corner. Ref trying to break the hold. Albright catches a huge right hand on Punk. Big chop by Alrbight. Albright with a boot to the side of the head. Albright with an Irish Whip! Punk nails an elbow to a charging Brent Albright! Punk on the middle rope! RANA BY PUNK! Big boot by Punk! SIT DOWN PIN ON PUNK! 1…2…NO!

Punk takes a breather. Grabs Albright by the head. Backbreaker by Punk only gets 2. Punk with Albright’s hair. Albright on his knees. Punk dragging him around on his knees. Punk with a huge forearm. Albright fights back. Punk with another forearm. And returned by Albright! Another by Punk! Quick cover gets 2! Punk with another crossface on Brent Albright! Albright is in pain. Ref checks on Albright. Albright to his knees. Punk brings down his weight. Albright to his feet. Revereses. Alrbight with the Irish Whip on Punk. Albright charges. Punk tosses him over his head out onto the apron. Punk catches him with a big kick to the head. Punk drills a springboard inzuguri and Albright is on the outside. Punk goes outside. Standing on the apron. He dives! He nails a hurricarana from the apron! Wait! NO! ALBRIGHT HANGS ONTO PUNK! ALBRIGHT SWINGS C.M PUNK INTO THE BIG POSTERS ON THE OUTSIDE! BOTH MEN DOWN ON THE OUTSIDE! Ref goes outside to check on them. Albright to his feet. Tosses Punk back into the ring. Albright gets a cover 1…2…….NO!

Albright mounts Punk and nails him with several punches. Albright with Punk and big belly to back suplex! Albright with a cover only gets 2! Albright lifts up Punk. Short arm clotheline to the front! Now one to the back of Punk’s head! Albright to the ropes! Running back elbow to Punk’s jaw gets two! Albright locks in a headlock on Punk. Punk to his feet. Jawbreaker by Punk and both men are down again. Albright to his feet. Grabs Punk. Sets up for a suplex. Punk gets out of it. Punk to the ropes. Albright catches him. Punk with several elbows. Punk to the ropes again. Albright puts his head down and Punk nails a kick to the head of Brent Albright! Punk off the ropes again! Albright catches him and over the head belly to belly suplex by Albright! Albright covers 1…2….NO!

Albright grabs Punk by the hair. Sets him up in the corner for a suplex. Puts him on the top rope. Albright is climbing up. Going for the superplex! Punk punches Albright’s legs! Albright falls into a tree of woe!! PUNK IS STANDING ON ALBRIGHT’S FEET WHILE HE DANGLES UPSIDE DOWN FROM THE TOP ROPE! WHAT’S HE GOING TO DO??? ALBRIGHT IS SETTING UP TRYING TO GET HIS FEET OUT! PUNK JUMPS AND OH MY GOD! TOP ROPE LEG DROP ONTO ALBRIGHT’S CHEST WHILE SITTING IN THE TREE OF WOE!!! WOW!!!! OV-DUB! OV-DUB! BOTH MEN DOWN! ALBRIGHT OUT OF THE TREE OF WOE! REF IS COUNTING! PUNK OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A COVER! 1….2……….2 and 9/10! WOW!

Punk with a chop. And another chop. Goes for the back chop. Albright ducks. Albright comes around with a kick. Punk catches his foot. Albright hopping on one foot. Punk looks at Albright and nods. Albright trying to punch Punk. Punk backing away. Albright nails an Inzurguri! Punk falls onto the middle rope. Albright off the oppostite ropes and nails a one legged 6-1-9 type move! Can we call that the 5-0-2? Albright with the cover! 1…2……..NO! What a match!

Albright with Punk from behind. Hooks him for that sick suplex. Punk gets out of it! Punk now TRYING TO LOCK IN THE ANACONDA VICE! NO! Albright hiptosses out of it! Albright from behind again! ALBRIGHT NAILS THAT SICK GERMAN SUPLEX! NO! PUNK LANDED ON HIS KNEES! PUNK TO HIS FEET! CHOP! CHOP! BACK CHOP! PUNK TO THE ROPES! HE LEAPS ONTO THE TOP ROPE! OH NO! I THINK PUNK JUST BLEW THE MOVE! PUNK SLIPS ON THE TOP ROPE AND FALLS DOWN ACROSS THE ROPES! PUNK ROLLS INTO THE RING AND IS HOLDING HIS KNEE! THE REF IS THERE TO CHECK ON HIM! THE REF BACKS BRENT ALBRIGHT OFF PUNK! ALBRIGHT DOESN’T LISTEN AND TRIES TO GRAB PUNK AGAIN! THE REF PUSHING ALBRIGHT OFF AGAIN AND BACKING HIM TO THE ROPES! ALBRIGHT DOESN’T LISTEN AND ONCE AGAIN THE REF PUSHES HIM INTO THE CORNER! ALBRIGHT LISTENS THIS TIME!

Punk is in the corner. Another ref is here? Is this legit? The crowd is gone silent. Punk is pointing at his knee. One of the refs yells across the silent studio that we need some help. And we’re going to break while they figure this out.

We come back and a trainer is here tending to Punk’s knee. They slide him through the ropes. He shoves one of the trainers as he apparently hurt him. They have a stretcher here now. Punk tells the trainer something. Punk rolls onto the stretcher as the crowd chants for him. Punk yells in pain at his leg. The trainers strap Punk onto the stretcher and lay him back. Punk is yelling pain. Al Snow is there too telling him he’s alright. Punk rises and yells in pain again. They wheel Punk away on a stretcher to a round of applause. Punk is still in pain. Albright is still in the ring. They have Punk on the stretcher and are at the entrance way! WAIT! OUT OF NOWHERE HERE COMES BRENT ALBRIGHT WITH HIS STRAP AND HE’S WHIPPING C.M. PUNK WITH THE STRAP WHILE PUNK IS TIED DOWN ON THE STRETCHER! AND AGAIN! HE FLIPS OVER THE STRETCHER ON THE CONCRETE FLOOR AND INTO THE RAILING!! ALBRIGHT CONTINUES TO WHIP PUNK! THE REFS ARE TRYING TO HOLD HIM BACK! AND AGAIN ALBRIGHT WHIPS HIM! ALBRIGHT IS CHOKING PUNK WITH THE STRAP! THE REFS FINALLY HOLD HIM BACK BUT ALBRIGHT JUST WHIPS THEM ALL WITH THE STRAP!!! OH MY GOD!!!! C.M PUNK UNLATCHED HIMSELF FROM THE STRETCHER AND HAS CRAWLED BACK INTO THE RING!!!!! HE CAN BARELY STAND! HE’S TELLING ALBRIGHT TO COME ON! ALBRIGHT NODS! PUNK TELLS HIM TO GET IN THIS RING NOW!!

ALBRIGHT’S IN THE RING! THIS MATCH WAS NEVER STOPPED!! PUNK SENDS ALBRIGHT TO THE ROPES! PUNK CATHES HIM WITH AN ELBOW AS HE STAGGERS AROUND ON ONE LEG! PUNK WITH A RUNNING FOREARM!! AND ANOTHER! PUNK LOCKS IN THE ANACONDA VICE!!!!! ALBRIGHT TRYING TO GET OUT OF IT!! ALBRIGHT SHOVING PUNK INTO THE CORNER! THE REF IS IN THAT CORNER! THE REF IS SANDWHICHED BETWEEN PUNK AND THE ROPES AND FALLS TO A BIG PILE OF REFEREE HEAP!

Albright with a hiptoss from the corner. No ref! Albright looks at Punk. Punk looks at Albright. They look to the corner and BOTH OF THEM SEE THE STRAP LAYING THERE! THEY BOTH CRAWL FOR THE STRAP!!! ANNNNNND PUNK’S GOT THE STRAP! HE WHIPS ALBRIGHT WITH IT! PUNK WRAPS THE STRAP AROUND HIS HAND! HE IS WHIPPING THE HELL OUT OF ALBRIGHT! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN!! WAIT! ALBRIGHT CLIPS PUNK’S INJURED KNEE AND PUNK FALLS DOWN! ALBRIGHT LOCKS IN THE STF!!! THE REF IS UP NOW!! THEY ARE IN THE CENTER OF THE RING!!! PUNK IS SCREAMING!! THE REF DROPS HIS HAND ONCE! TWICE!………….THR……..EE! PUNK PASSED OUT FROM THE PAIN! IT’S OVER!!

Winner AND NEW OVW Heavyweight Champion- Brent Albright

Albright falls to his knees in the center of the ring and hugs the title. My God. What a match! OVW Match Of The Year Candiate for sure!