411’s Hogan Knows Best Report 4.16.06
Posted by Larry Csonka on 04.16.2006
You won’t believe this…but Hulk gets over-protective when it comes to his kids.
Let's meet the Hogan Family!
Father: Hulk
Mother: Linda
Daughter: Brooke
Son/Punk-ass: Nick
Friend, babysitter and comedy relief: Brian Knobs
This week on Hogan Knows Best: Brooke does a nasty dance that gets a rise out of the wrong people.
At the Hogan house Hogan play fights with Nick, but Nick no sells him. They piss around, Hulk is Hulk and cuts a promo to an imaginary Mean Gene and Nick says Hulk is cuddling.
HOGAN SEGWAY time! He talks about going to shoot the "Little Hercules" movie, and he will play Zeus. Hulk talks to the movie guy and thanks them for giving him the part, as well as Nick a part. The carnie in him comes out and he works to get Brooke and Linda in the damn movie as well! They agree and the Hogan's are all Hollywood bound!
Hulk tells the family about the news and has the script for them to look at. Linda is so excited because she has never got to do anything like this.
Linda sloppily packs WAY too much shit for this trip. Hulk says he will only pack the things he needs and plays with Linda's giant casaba melons, if ya know what I'm sayin. He smacks her ass as well. She says he just can't wear T Shirts and he says, "Sure I can brother, I'm Hulk FN Hogan brother!" Paraphrased of course.
Nick and Linda do some shitty air guitar as she packs for him. She flips out because he has ghetto hangers, or wire hangers to all of us, and she tells him to get packed.
They arrive the next day in Hollywood, and we get Hulk talking to us as he brushes his teeth. Where the hell are you're HULKA MANNERS brother? He rolls on the bed to get rid of his back sweat…ewww.
They arrive at the set and they head right to catering. Some dude tells him he cried when Hulk lost to Warrior. LOSER! The little Hercules kid, who is that ripped 10-year old that did like Montel and shit meets Hulk, and kinda no sells him, so he's cool. Hulk looks for more food and Brooke meets the crying dude and he hits on Brooke. He's like, "You're model height…how old, 17? Niiice…" PERV!
Hulk talks to Nick as he prepares for a fight scene. Nick bitch slaps some kid, that was fun.
Hulk talks to Nick, and they love what Nick is doing and are adding more shit for him. Hulk puts him over brother, DAWG!
The next morning Nick and some dude talk and he plays Nick a song. Nick laughs at him. He says he is a trip and mocks him more. He says he wants Brooke.
Day 3 on the set and crazy Tony sings to Brooke and Hulk doesn't look happy. Hulk looks at the camera and crushes a can…HOLY HULKAMANIA ROID RAGE! Linda is here and then Hulk and he headlocks Tony.
3-Hours later we see another Nick scene. Hulk makes fun of Tony and he feels weary about him. Tony says she is only 17, but has an old spirit and he enjoys where they are together. He wants her.
Back from commercial and they wake up at 4:25am and Hulk destroys an alarm clock. Hulk yells at them to get ready and Nick is still asleep.
Day 8 on the set and we see Hulk get into his Zeus makeup. Tony hits on Brooke more and Linda says Hulk is pissed. Hulk works on a scene and Tony puts ore moves on Brooke. He tells Nick to get rid of him.
Nick tries and fails, Hulk is mad. Brooke says he sees dad getting mad. We see Brooke and Tony using a poor accent walking with Tony.
4-Hours later and Hulk says he gets to see Linda shoot her scenes now. She has a naughty librarian look to her. She is busty. Hulk says she did well. Hulk is further annoyed with Tony hitting on Brooke.
We head to Brooke's music video type deal. Hulk says he has to see it to approve of it. Brooke does her deal like a total skank, and Hulk doesn't approve. The fat director says this is a family film and that's not cool. Hulk puts the KIBOSH on that. Hulk says Linda dropped the ball. Hulk says to help her fix it. Hulk says heads near crotches are not cool, neither are pelvic thrusts. I disagree.
Back from commercial and Hulk gives Brooke a jacket. He wants to tell her that she knows better and she can't bone the movie company. She is annoyed, but she understands, but sex sells.
3-hours later she is back to do the new dance routine. It's much more tame and Hulk approves.
The last day arrives and Hulkazeus is there with BIG SHOW! Tony massages Brooke and Hulk is MEGA PISSED! Show is like, "Yo Tony…EHEH dude…hands off!" YES! Go Big Show! He ignores Show, DUMB ASS! Hulk takes him aside and tells him to stand up NOW! He asks how old he is and Tony says he is 26. That's a problem Hulk says. Do not touch her again! He makes him sit down, puts a "dunce hat" on him as Tony talks shit and Hulk says to shut up and sit here, and NEVER touch her again! Hulk says if he gets up, that will be a sign of disrespect. HAHA!
Tony says he apparently pissed off Hulk. He understands but isn't happy.
They finish up and they want to get home. They want to go out and Hulk is tired and we fade.
Show ends.
Kind of blah show this week. Hulk being the over-protective parent is really old and no Knobs. Thumbs down.
