They show us when Shawn kicked the shit out of Mr. McMahon at Wrestlemania XXII.
Cue Raw intro, cue the pyros, cue thousands of screaming fans – all this can only mean one thing….MONDAY NIGHT RAW!! Joey Styles welcomes us to Raw from London, England. He's alongside Jerry "the King" Lawler and The Coach. Shane McMahon will go one on one with Shawn Michaels tonight.
**You think you know me…..**
Edge and Lita make their way to the ring. Lita licks the side of Edge's face, and Edge grabs a microphone.
Edge: (booooos) This Sunday the Rated R Superstar is in a championship triple threat match at Backlash with two other men. And one of those men is Triple H. (cheers)
They show a video from last week when Edge speared Triple H and got the 1-2-3.
Edge: The other is the current WWE Champion John Cena. (booos)
They show a video from New Year's Revolution when Edge speared John Cena and also got a 1-2-3 to become WWE Champion.
Edge: Are you sensing the pattern here? This should be simple enough for even all of you to figure out. You see – whether you're British, American, or like myself – the clearly superior Canadian. It should be painfully obvious I will be walking out the new WWE Champion!
**All hail the King of Kings….on your knees…**
Triple H appears from the back and makes his way to the ring.
Triple H on the mic: (Triple H chants) Edge….you've come a long way. You have. I mean – look at you. You look like a star. You walk like a champion, you talk like a champion, you act like a champion. Hell, you WERE a champion….for three weeks. Hey – that doesn't mean anything. I mean – it means you can go, you just can't go very long. No, no – hey, hey, hey – there's nothing to be ashamed about. A lot of guys have that problem. You know they get going and just when it's starting to get interesting – guuuuuhh…it's OVER! (Triple H chants – louder this time) And as much as you love it I can imagine how frustrating it is for you. But listen – hey (hooooo), hey…I got a way maybe you can turn this whole thing around. Maybe get yourself an endorsement deal – it's little, it's blue. I got a little rhyme for ya – the premature superstar! But the fact is until you can do it ten times in a row…..you are not even in my league, pal.
I can do it like ten times a night. Trust me. But at Backlash I don't need to last a long time. As a matter of fact last week I only needed three seconds to pin you.
Triple H: You're right and that was very smart. You waited until my attention was on you and you took advantage of the situation. Very smart. I went to the ring last week with one thing on my mind – to give John Cena a message. And I'm sure I hammered that message home. At Backlash – I will go on to become the 11-time WWE Champion. I don't care if I have to go through you – I don't care if I have to go through Cena. At Backlash – the King of Kings goes back on his throne.
Edge: 11 times, 11 times. You hammer this constantly Triple H – king of kings. You never answered this question. Why are you even in this triple threat match? You lost at Wrestlemania, and you've never beaten me. Are you in this because of your past accomplishments or are you in it because you like to dial up the old man. You like to get down on your knees and beg him to be in the match.
Triple H: You and I both know there is only person in this ring that is known worldwide for getting down on their knees. (hooooooo) And Lita's not even in the match! But Edge – you're right they call me the cerebral assassin and they call me that for a reason. If being on Vince's good side benefits me then that's what I'll do. But make no mistake about it that championship means everything to me. I'll bash my own damn grandmother with a sledgehammer if it means taking that championship. I will go through anyone to get what I want….
**Cena's music hits to a chorus of boos**
John Cena appears from the back with his WWE Championship.
Cena and Triple H start pounding on each other. Triple H off the ropes and he slides under and heads to the back. Cena in the ring by himself now, and the crowd is booing like crazy.
**Spirit Squad's music hits**
The Spirit Squad comes from the back.
Member #1: Whoa, whoa, whoa – we just talked to Mr. McMahon himself and we have an announcement for the three of you. All you three. Ready….
They do a cheer, and they inform us that it is the three of them against the five members of the Spirit Squad tonight.
Ad Break
The WWE Rewind this week is when Carlito and Matt Striker went at it only to be interrupted by Chris Masters and his Master Lock.
**Chris Masters' music hits**
Chris Masters appears from the back and goes through his three pronged flex.
**Matt Striker's music hits*
Introducing his tag team partners, first…..Matt Striker.
**Ain't no stopping me noooooooooooooooooow**
And from somewhere in South Carolina, he is the Intercontinental Champion, Shelton Benjamin.
**I spit in the face of people who don't want to be cool…**
Making his way to the ring from the Caribbean, Carlito!
**Charlie Haas' music hits….**
Introducing his tag team partners – from Dallas, Texas - Charlie Haas.
**RVD's music hits**
From Battle Creek, Michigan – weighing in at 230 pounds – Mr. Money in the Bank, Rob….Van….Dam.
Match 1: Shelton Benjamin, Chris Masters, and Matt Striker vs. Carlito, Charlie Haas, and RVD
Carlito and Shelton start off. Shelton with a slide behind and some chain wrestling to start things off. Carlito tags RVD. RVD gets the boots from Shelton. Shelton off the ropes – hurricanrana. Spinning heel kick sends Shelton to the outside. Striker tries to attack from behind, but RVD moves and he goes up and over. Double clothesline from Haas and RVD to Masters to the outside. RVD goes up and over and splashes on to Masters and Shelton on the outside! Off to an…
Ad Break (1:05)
Ad Break Ends (4:39)
We're back with Masters in control of things in the ring going head to head with RVD. Masters locks in a bearhug in the center of the ring. During the break, Shelton threw RVD into the steel steps. RVD chants now. RVD breaks the bearhug. RVD off the ropes and a huge power slam from Masters. Carlito breaks up the pinfall attempt, and then quickly runs out of the ring. Big Carlito chant. Shelton in the ring now and lands a snap suplex to RVD. Camel Clutch from Shelton. Where's your momma chants now. RVD lands a sidekick out of nowhere. RVD looking for a hot tag. Tag to Haas. Charlie cleaning house with clotheslines and back drops. Shelton off the ropes, missile dropkick from Haas. Standing press slam into an inverted DDT by Haas. Cover and Masters breaks it up. Masters and Striker double teaming Haas. Carlito in the ring and he breaks it up. Masters turns around and Carlito lands a poke to the eyes. Carlito ducks a clothesline – back cracker to Shelton! Master Lock on Carlito! Haas breaks THAT up and lands a release German. Blind tag to RVD. Carlito with a spinning inverted DDT on Striker in the ring. Hard action to follow. T-Bone by Shelton to Carlito! RVD off the top with a leaping sidekick to Shelton! ROLLING THUNDER! RVD to the top rope! FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH! Carlito fends off Masters, and it's over! Wow, hot action there at the end.
WINNERS: RVD, Charlie Haas, and Carlito (9:06)
Tonight the Raw Divas will have a bikini contest and we all know about the big 5 on 3-handicap match. Shane-o-Mac takes on Shawn as well.
Ad Break
Vince McMahon stands in the back as Todd Grisham asks him what happened last week. Vince says that there were some bad fuses last week. The head of pyros apologized, Vince accepted, and then he fired him. Vince says Shawn better hope that there's an act of God on Sunday. As far as tonight goes, he has it on good authority that he has lots of good connections. He has it on good authority that God is not there tonight. Vince says God is on holiday and tonight it's going to be one-on-one – Shawn vs. Shane.
Shane McMahon says Shawn is going to go down again at the hands of Shane McMahon. He says tonight is going to be revenge for Wrestlemania.
Torrie Wilson gets ready for the Diva bikini contest. Yank yank.
Kane walks around in the back acting like a crazy person. Big Show appears from nowhere! Show talks about all the good times they had together. Show says that as Kane's friend he wants to know what is going on with him. Kane says that Show said that date. Show says: "You talkin' bout May 19th." Kane gets pissed. Kane tells him not to say that date again. Show says it again so Kane beats him down. Snitsky, Lance Cade, and Trevor Murdoch break it up. Show bleeds from his eye and we go to an….
Ad Break
The Coach is standing the ring.
The Coach: The Coach always delivers. And tonight the Coach is going to deliver again. It's time for the Raw Diva Bikini Contest. Let's bring out the Divas right now.
**Let me show you hot to work your body….**
Candice Michelle makes her way to the ring.
**Maria's music hits**
Maria makes her way to the ring in a beautiful velvet robe.
**I ain't the lady to mess with…….**
Victoria also makes her way to the ring.
**You're not enough for me…**
Torrie Wilson makes number four.
Each lady will get some seconds to strut their stuff. Torrie Wilson is first. She looks nice enough. Victoria is next. She disrobes, and she also has a nice body to be proud of. Maria's turn…….I think I may love her. Candice Michelle is last. She flicks her robe at Torrie who throws it at her. Then Candice kisses Victoria which was kind of weird.
Now they try to gauge the audience cheers. They cheer Torrie, boo Victoria, cheer loudly for Maria, and give Candice a mixed reaction. The Coach declares the winner….Candice Michelle. She definitely didn't get the most cheers, though. Coach is a cheater!!
The Coach: Wait, wait, wait – you know Candice. What would a contest be without a very special prize and since I made the rules I think you deserve a very special prize. Right here, right on Raw – you get to make out….with yours truly, The Coach! Whoa, you should be smiling. You said you'd try anything once so sweet heart, pucker up, and come over here and do what you want to do anyway.
**The world's largest love machine….Viscera**
Viscera makes his way to the ring.
The Coach: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the world's largest love machine, Viscera. You know – me and Big Vis hang out all the time. I appreciate you coming out, but I'm working on something here.
Viscera: What about what you were thinking of doing to her – why don't I do that…..to YOU?
Viscera picks up Coach and lands a Samoan Drop. Time for the Viscera butt fuck. Candice blows a kiss to Coach and suddenly she is in face mode. Viscera pulls Candice in and puts a big smooch on her. Candice slaps his ass, and they head off into the night.
Ad Break
**No chance that's what you've got….**
Vince makes his way to the ring and grabs the microphone.
Vince: Would you please give a warm Great Britain welcome to my only begotten son, to the product of my omnipotent semen – here is Shane McMahon.
**Here comes the money…..**
Shane appears from the back and makes his way to the ring as only Shane would.
**Oh..oooh…Shawn**
And making his way to the ring from San Antonio, Texas - The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels.
Match 2: Shane McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels
Shawn goes after Vince, but Shane attacks from behind. Shane rolls Shawn in the ring and the bell finally rings. Shane with some rights and lefts, but Shawn striking back. Shawn off the ropes, Vince clips his leg, and Shane goes up and over courtesy of HBK. Shawn follows them outside. Shawn goes after Vince again, but Shane attacks…again. Shane rolls Shawn back into the ring. Big shot to the kidney of Shawn. And again. Shane continues to work over the lower back of Shawn. Cover and a one count. A trio of backbreakers from Shane. Cover gets two. Rights and lefts from Shane sends HBK to the mat. Cover gets another two count. Shawn fighting back now with some knife edge chops. Shane picks up Shawn in a torture rack and lands a swinging neckbreaker. Impressive. Cover gets another two. Shane goes to the top rope for a moonsault – off and MISSES! Sweet Jesus! Both men to their feet exchanging rights. Shawn takes control. Irish whip by Shawn reversed by Shawn – flying burrito! KIP UP! Inverted atomic drop and a clothesline. Another clothesline by HBK. Standing press slam from Shawn. Shawn going to the top rope! Vince comes over, but Shawn caught him and lands a big right. Shawn back to the top rope. Comes off…..and nails the elbow drop! Shawn playing to the crowd……tune up the band. 1….2….3……4…….Vince grabs Shawn's leg and pulls him out of the ring. Rights by Shawn on Vincent. Shawn slams his head into the announce table. Vince is out and laying on the table. Shawn goes to the top rope! Shane comes out of nowhere with the nut shot! Shawn is down. Shane grabs his father and helps him up. Vince and Shane are taking out the television monitors. Vince grabs the ring bell and just drills HBK with it. Shane puts Shawn on the table. Shane going to the top rope as Vince is holding Shawn down! Shane comes off – OOOOOOOHHHHHHH MY GOOOOD! Big elbow drop through the table by Shane-O-Mac!
Vince on the mic: I told you Shawn. God's not here tonight. God has abandoned you. God this Sunday will be a chicken. God will not be at your side this Sunday at Backlash. As far as your chances of winning against my son and me – you and God have no chance in HEEEELLLLL! Praise be, praise be the name of Shane Brandon McMahon! Praise be the name of Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah and Amen! Amen!
No Contest (8:11)
Ad Break
During the break, fans on WWE.com Unlimited saw Shawn Michaels getting helped to the back.
They show earlier in the evening when Kane attacked Big Show and took his eyeball. They segue that into another See No Evil hype-a-thon. They run through the Backlash card…
Mr. McMahon and Shane McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels and God
Kane vs. Big Show
Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus – WWE Women's Championship Match
Carlito vs. Chris Masters
Shelton Benjamin vs. Rob Van Dam – IC Title vs. Money in the Bank
John Cena vs. Triple H vs. Edge – Triple Threat Match for WWE Title
Cena gets ready in the back. Edge comes to the back and tells Cena he is going to do anything to win the title on Sunday. Edge says tonight is different, and they have to work together. Cena says Edge is a snake, and if he tries anything tonight he's going down…..quicker than his girlfriend.
Ad Break
Edge and Lita talk in the back, but we can't hear them.
**Umaga's music hits…**
Umaga and Alejandro Armando Estrada make their way to the ring. His opponent tonight is Steve Lewington from London.
Match 3: Umaga vs. Steve Lewington
Umaga attacks right at the bell. Umaga drives Steve into the canvas. Steve trying to fight back, but Umaga sends him to the outside with a single kick. Umaga slings Steve's body into the steel steps. That was neat. Umaga lifts Steve up and puts him into the tree of woe position. Umaga comes off the ropes and lands a huge headbutt. And here comes the….BUTT SPLASH!! Thumb of destruction and that's all.
WINNER: Umaga (1:59)
Ric Flair comes out of nowhere as Umaga celebrated in the ring. Flair gets a hand full of Umaga's nuts and sends him to the outside.
Lita approaches Triple H in the back. Lita tells Triple H it's cool and Cena said that they will operate like a well-oiled machine. Triple H says it's really nice of her to come over there and help him out. He says he hopes that she's still that nice on Sunday when he's kicking Edge's ass. She says: "And if that happens…maybe you can hit me with your sledgehammer." She walks off and Triple H says he was hoping she could give him some advice since she has a lot of experience taking on five guys at once. CHACHING!
Ad Break
As a result of what we just saw – Ric Flair and Umaga will face off at Backlash.
**Mickie James music hits**
King echoes my thoughts by saying: "Who's it gonna be?" Mickie James herself makes her way to the ring.
Mickie on the mic: Ok, I'll admit it! I did get just a little bit carried away didn't I? I mean seriously, though – wouldn't you too? I mean I did become the new women's champion at Wrestlemania – hello!!! And from my former idol, Trish Stratus. Yeah so I dressed like Trish, I did dye my hair like Trish didn't I? I guess you could say I tried to be Trish Stratus, yeah? But, but – seriously folks – I mean after last week I know exactly who I am. And that's Mickie James! YEAAH! Your new WWE Women's Champion! So I think this proves that I don't have to be like Trish Stratus or even be here because I am, in fact, even better than Trish Stratus! So at Backlash….I'm gonna show Trish Stratus…
**Mickie James' music hits again**
Trish Stratus dressed as Mickie James runs out to the ring! Haha – this is awesome.
Mickie: I don't know what you're trying to prove!
Trish keeps cutting Mickie off everytime she tries to talk. So Mickie gets pissed and starts pounding on Trish. Trish fights back – misses one Chick Kick, but nails another! Mickie slides to the outside and Trish runs off. Mickie screams: "That's not FUNNY!!!"
The 5 on 3 match is NEXT!
Ad Break
**The Spirit Squad's music hits**
The Spirit Squad makes their way to the ring.
**You think you know me….**
Making his way to the ring – from Toronto, Canada – weighing in at 250 pounds, Edge! Lita is also with Edge, of course.
**It's time to play the game….**
Weighing in at 265 pounds, Triiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiple H!
**Cena's music hits**
And their partner – the WWE Champion, John Cena!
Match 4: Spirit Squad vs. John Cena, Edge, and Triple H
Before the bell, the Spirit Squad introduces themselves one by one. Edge, Cena, and Triple H pound the hell out of them and throw them all out of the ring as the bell rings.
Ad Break (:09)
Ad Break Ends (3:05)
We're back as Edge is in the ring and in control of things. He backs Johnny into the corner and sends him into the other buckle. Big shoulder to the midsection by Edge. Tag to Mikey. Mikey gets a pounding. Vertical suplex by Edge. Another runs in and Edge flapjacks him into Mikey. Mikey gains control with some rights and lefts. Back handstand and now a big knee. Tag to Kenny. Cover by Kenny gets two. Tag to Johnny. Spirit Squad now has four men in the ring and Edge fights them all off. Hard tag by Edge to Triple H. Triple H in the ring and just pounding the hell out of Johnny. Vertical suplex by Trips. DX chop by Triple H! Big knee drop. Cover gets two when the cover was broken up by Kenny. Hard tag to the other Johnny…Cena. Double back elbow by Cena and H's. The crowd is booing like crazy. Cena sends Kenny into the buckle – Kenny comes off and walks into a fisherman. Mikey out of nowhere comes off the trampoline and drops Cena off the top rope. Spinning kick by another member. Cover by Kenny gets two. Kenny sends Cena up and over to the outside. Kenny distracts the ref as the other four members stomp away on him on the outside. Cover by Kenny gets another two. Standing press salm by Kenny. Mikey in the ring. Flip-a-roo on the teamwork by Mikey. Cover gets another two. Mikey drops a knee and gets another two. Mikey locks in combo headlock/armbar. Cena gets out of it – off the ropes and Kenny lands a kick to the back. Mikey gains control again and covers Cena. That gets two. Tag to Mitch. Mitch loses control as Cena lands a big right. Tag to Johnny. Cena gains control, but Johnny lands a rake of the eyes. Johnny back in with a little offense, and he immediately tags to Mikey who lands a cheapshot on Triple H. Cena with a bodyslam. Kenny comes off the top rope and Cena takes him out as well. Double clothesline by Cena and another member of the SS. Cena rolls to the corner and Triple H tags himself in. Triple H taking out all five members of the SS. He clotheslines Johnny out of the ring, lands a spinebuster on another – and another spinebuster on Mikey. Nicky sends him off the ropes and he lands a forehead crusher. Pedigree upcoming out of nowhere? No, broken up by Kenny as Cena and Edge watch on. All five members ganging up on Triple H, but Cena is in the ring landing some haymakers. Edge continues to watch. Cena going for an F U on Mikey and Triple H for a pedigree on another. Both land it at the same time as Edge and Lita take off. Triple H and Cena are face to face in the ring. Now they are landing rights and lefts on each other. They are rolling around in the ring as Edge watches on and laughs his ass off. The crowd boos when Cena is on top and cheers when Triple H is on top – that may sound sick…..but now the show is over??
