VIOLENT PANDA Weekly Review 05.01.06

Posted by Peter Kent on 05.01.2006

Joey Styles cuts promo of the year! Cena cheered over Spirit Squad? Samoa Joe vs. Scott Steiner? & is Mistico better than Rey Mysterio?



VIOLENT PANDA Weekly Review

Hey there, bosom buddies! In case you make a habit of clicking randomly, this thing is now called the "weekly" review, where 411's own Peter Kent reviews whatever wrestling stuff he watched on TV. This week we got Raw, TNA Impact and even CMLL Televisa Deportes! I put a bunch of pictures in the lucha review so you can see who I'm talking about if you're not familiar with the product.

ADVENTURES IN REAL LIFE!

In other news, I got some Pez today. Since when did they start packaging them by flavor? I got a whole package of orange. Was it always like this? I'd offer to mail this thing of pez out to one of you loyal 411philiacs for an answer, but I'm freaking lazy.

Also, here in New York I bought two apples for $1.70 and a 1/2 pound of beef for $1.67. Go figure that crap out.

Oh yeah, whoever force-fed an 8 week old puppy a bowl full of vodka needs to be kicked right in the neck about twenty times. Some people.. I knew a girl who went to a party where a bunch of guys decided to put their cat IN THE MICROWAVE! If you find yourself doing stuff like that, do society a favor and don't reproduce.



WWE Raw

I didn't order Backlash last night, and the reviews for the show are universally NEGATIVE! Trish got injured and the women's match was cut short, Kane's scary voice in his head was heard throughout the arena, and Vince McMahon booked himself over God. That sounds more hilarious than it was, apparently.

Rumor has it that ECW is coming back, and we may see the beginning of that angle tonight! So let's see what they got for us:

We open to see Vince backstage. Vince does some "acting". He says he's taking tonight off and has left the Spirit Squad in charge as co-GMs. They book Kenny against John Cena for the title. So can you hear the TVs being turned off across the world or what? Should be interesting to see if Kenny gets some cheers. I bet he does. He's shown that at the very least, he can bust out some sweet spots.

Wow, this arena is FULL of signs. And Joey Styles is with us announcing still. We see clips of Foley vs. Edge from Wrestlemania. Man, Lita was a trooper in that one. They announce that Foley will be here tonight.

Diva Cheerleader Tag Match - Torrie & Maria vs. Victoria & Mickie James:

- Maria got herself a real theme by a band called Zebrahead. Sounds good, very fitting for her. Is a push for her finally in the offing?

- We get a gross replay of Trish dislocating her arm from last night. Mickie watches the replay in the ring and makes a fake "oh I'm so sad" face.

- Maria actually takes the upper hand, and she brings in Torrie who unleashes a double stinkface which gets a MASSIVE reaction. Maria follows up with a bronco buster that the crowd loves. Mickie goes for a suplex on Maria, but Trish runs out to a good pop and trips her up, and Maria scores the upset win.

Well, they pulled that one off quite nicely. Trish has got a really cool new shirt out, too, a take on the WWII "Roseys". But that said, this Trish/Mickie feud is getting kind of drawn out. When will it end?? What's the issue? Mickie won - repeatedly. They should feed Mickie someone else, now. Why the WWE hasn't brought up any other wrestling females is beyond me. From all accounts, Beth Phoenix is freaking awesome. And I know Krissy Vaine is in developmental somewhere, too. Or heck, they could bring over Melina.

Winners: Maria & Torrie

You know.. the Spirit Squad have gotten a better push than the NWO did when they came to the WWE. The Squad hits the ring, three of them. They've booked themselves in a six man against "The Odd Squad".

Spirit Squad vs. Eugene, Goldust & (Gene) Snitsky:

- Good Gawd.. A "Eugene" chant breaks out. DON'T ENCOURAGE THEM!

- We just plain cut away from the match to see Vince backstage, who has "taken the night off" (but not off-camera, sadly), enjoying the show with Candace.. who looks insanely hot, it should be noted.

- Snitsky gets the hot tag and looks at a squad guy on the apron, then goes to attack him, but stops because the Squad guy isn't ready for their spot. So Gene backs up, waits, and then charges and shockingly gets dumped.

- Squad wins. If Austin ever gets his stuff together and comes back, I'd love to see him run in on a match like this and stun all the people in this match until the ring fell apart.

Useless, but not terrible.

Winners: The "I'm embarrassed to watch wrestling" Squad

So since Edge is hosting a segment with Foley tonight, does that mean it's gonna just be a straight Cena vs. HHH feud now? What a fucking rip.

During the break, Maria did the kiss cam and Mickie ran out and destroyed her with the screaming implant DDT. See, now they should have Trish teach Maria a move or something... Preparing Maria to WRESTLE. In a WRESTLING company.

Eugene is in the back and reminds us that Eric Bishoff is his storyline uncle. A little petty "fuck you" to Eric... his contract must be just about up and they want to de-value him a bit more. Matt Striker attacks him with a dictionary. Awesome.

This Week in History.. Vince himself narrates this jokey version of the usually cool feature. He runs down the "God" tag. Considering all the clips they're showing from this PPV, I think the WWE knows nobody ordered that show. Hey.. couple cool spots are shown from that match. The Squad LAUNCHED HBK through a table.

The Squad enter the technico locker room, and tell Michaels he'll be a guest ref in a Rob Conway vs. Kane match tonight. Argh. They give him a ref shirt that says something about the opening date of The DaVinci Code, which will enrage Kane. A funny idea, but the match sounds absolutely AWFUL. God...

No Coach tonight on commentary. It's a million times better without him. We see clips of Kane vs. Big Show from Backlash, which some call the WORST PPV match in a looonnngggg time.

Guest ref HBK - Kane vs. Rob Conway:

- It's like they want you to change the channel. We actually have to sit through Rob Conway's entrance. He is looking more like Test with each passing week.

- HBK pats Rob down and then lowblows him..? And then he puts the shirt on Rob. Ha! Great idea!

- Argh.. the crowd chants the date. Come on, people, let's not just mindlessly buy into this pathetic ploy. Are we just sheep or what?

- HBK makes sure Conway keeps the shirt on, then decides to bring a garbage can into the ring for Kane to use. And Kane does. Kane chokeslams Conway and then walks up the ramp. HBK gets a mic and.. well, you know what he does to get Kane to come back and finish Rob off. Tombstone, 1..2..3.

Clever! But it's a new low in WWE marketing ploys. And the red carpet angle will be wrestlecrap most foul.

Winner: Kane

Clip of Umaga vs. Flair from the PPV. Crowd looks like it had no reaction to Umaga's win.

Alejandro's in the ring. Some of the crowd sings along with his "Armando Alejandro Estrada" thing. A jobber is in the ring. This show.. wow. Raw is really going right into the 80's, isn't it?

Samoa Jamal vs. Some Dude:

- A toss, butt charge, frogsplash and.. thumb to the neck. THUMB TO THE NECK. MUCH BETTER THAN THE MUSCLE BUSTER, YES? Umaga wins.

A dumb squash. They have no idea...

Winner: Umaga

In the back, Candace canoodles with Vince. Candace needs help with her labia jitus..? "Is it acute", Vince asks. Ugghh. Here comes TRIPS. "Is that a flashlight in your pocket or are you happy to see me?". HHH's face is all messed up from the match last night. Vince offers to let HHH be the guest ref for the Cena match. HHH eventually says that he'll do it, and "if" Kenny wins the title, then HHH wants a match with Kenny next week for the title. Vince threatens him a bit and the crowd could care less.

The Cutting Edge with Edge and Lita:

Lita's in the ring sporting the Paris Hilton heat-getting high hair. She introduces Edge. Edge points out that HHH got pinned last night, not him. And he's appalled at the lack of respect. Edge complains that Joey Styles called his WM match. "Oh my God Joey - you suck!". A bit of a "Joey" chant breaks out. Wow, look at Edge rile up this crowd WITHOUT being cheap. Pretty awesome. He calls out Mick and here comes the hardcore legend.

An ROH sign is visible in the crowd. MASSIVE "Foley" chant. Mick says he watched the tape of their Wrestlemania match and realized that things went "right" for him that night. He was focused and "hardcore". He says that on that night he was involved in what may have been the greatest hardcore match in wrestling history.. ho hooo! No. Sorry Mick, but Necro Butcher is the new you. In fact, Necro is the hardcore wrestler Mick Foley wishes he was. Foley calls Edge tough and shakes his hand.

We see replays of Foley going through the flaming table. The Wrestlemania moment is the look on Edge's face after the match was done. And Mick wants to do it again... TONIGHT! Foley wants the rematch right here in ____(insert hometown name here)___. The crowd gets on their feet and breaks into a decent "Foley" chant. Edge says he can't - he's got strep throat hahaha. But then Edge says.. you're on! Crowd cheers.. Edge adds.. "...you're on crack". Hahahaa. Awesome. Edge says next week he'll take Mick on in any match type that he wants. Foley says there will be barbed wire and stuff... And that's that. Pretty cool. Boy, I am really getting sold on Edge as a main event heel. WITH Lita, though, not without. She puts him over the top.

We see a clip of RVD winning at Backlash. He took a Jerry Lynn memorial sunset flip powerbomb OFF THE APRON! Nice. Where the hell is RVD tonight, anyway? I guess he won the IC Title last night?

WWE Rewind. Shelton vs. RVD stills from last night. But we just saw full motion clips!

Masters hits the ring and has a mic. Not much reaction to him, STILL. He brings up RVD.. oh come on, now. Masterlock challenge for RVD? Here comes Rob. Here we go. BIG "RVD" chant as Rob sits. Masters applies it and Shelton runs in and attacks Rob. Carlito runs in for the save. A Spirit Squad guy hits the ramp and tells them to knock it off. He does a stupid rhyme and books a tag match right now.

Carlito & RVD vs. Masters & Shelton:

- Man.. ALL the Wrestlemania feuds are STILL GOING. It is so stale. This show is just mindboggling.

- We cut away from the action to watch Vince partially de-top Candace. Creepy.

- Joey is handed a note during the broadcast. The Spirit Squad want to see him now. So Joey leaves.

- Meanwhile, Rob is still selling, going "BLAWWW" and "YAWWW" with each blow. Another big "RVD" chant. Things break loose, and Rob hits that scary leaping kick off the top and lands ON HIS SIDE.. he's fine. Crowd loves the backcracker, and Charlie Haas makes sure Shelton goes down for the 1..2..3.

Winners: RVD & Carlito

We see clips from Smackdown, where Mark Henry did a big pussy dive putting Angle through the table. Mark's feet were ON THE FLOOR before he even hit Angle. Mark Henry is TERRIBLE AT EVERYTHING.

The Spirit Squad insult Joey's announcing skills. God, this company sucks. They want "energy" from Joey's commentary, and if he doesn't give it, they're going to make sure Joey has to wear a cheerleader outfit next week. This is awful. AWFUL. It's one thing to get heat by being obnoxious, but if you're going to be obnoxious you have to make sure it's not something that will just make the viewer want to change the channel! This show is boggling the mind. They are forcing every lame gimmick right down our throats.

We come back, and Joey comes back to the announce table. King decides to try to humiliate him on the house mic, begging him to say that Kenny is the world champ. "Show some spirit like you did in ECW". Joey: "If this was ECW, I wouldn't be working with a HACK like you" Ho HOOOO! They get into a shoving match, which of course King wins, and Joey storms up the ramp to a HUGE "ECW" chant. It's sad, but this was BY FAR is the best segment of the night.

Back from the break, King apologizes to Joey and asks him to come back to ringside. Joey comes onto the ramp, mic in hand. Joey goes OFF. "WWE called ME", he says. "Because they had humiliated and fired Jim Ross". "And from week one I got a lecture on the difference between Professional Wrestling and Sports Entertainment". "I'm told to deliberately ignore the moves to tell a story". The crowd has no idea how to react to this. Until... he gets to the end of his awesome rant, and he says "..and I'm sick of you the fans who buy into this crap". They WERE NOT booing him until then. I bet that's why Coach wasn't out there tonight. Because they would have cheered Joey.

WWE Title Match (HHH Guest ref) - Kenny vs. John Cena(c):

- Todd Grisham is next to King to call this. The entire Spirit Squad is at ringside.

- Sign: "CIMA is better than Cena" haha.

- Cena's about to make short work of Kenny, but HHH drops him with a punch as he's about to hit an FU.

- HHH counts pins at normal speed and it annoys Kenny. Kenny finally shoves HHH and gets his ass kicked. HHH walks out as the crowd begs him to come back to help John. HBK walks out in a ref shirt as a huge "DX" chant breaks out.

- Kenny hits a huge leg drop and HBK counts 1..2.. and stops. Crowd cheers. Cena and Michaels proceed to destroy the Squad. Cena throws in a male cheerleader split in the "you can't see me" routine, heh heh. FU.. HBK counts.. 1..2..3.

Fun stuff! Crowd was mostly pro-Cena, I guess the Squad is also un-cheerable. What if they reformed DX as HBK, HHH... and Cena? How wild would that be?

Winner: John Cena


Overall, this show is littered with awful gimmicks and useless segments. You get the sense someone on the creative team is doing the best with what they're given, but overall this show is turning into Mantaur-level wrestlecrap. There's a couple shining moments, but I gotta give this episode of Raw a ONE out of FIVE. The bad FAR outweighs the good.



TNA Impact

This episode of Impact got a bad TV rating - a 0.8. It's especially bad because the show before it scored almost double that, meaning TNA did not hold over many viewers of the UFC show. TNA's ratings have also steadily declined since moving to Thursday.

We see clips from the pay per view.. looks pretty awesome. Then we jump into a new TNA theme where some dude just says "adrenaline rush" over and over and over. I liked the old one better.

As Tenay drones on about what TNA is, and we get shots of the crowd including one of indy valet So Cal Val whose job in TNA is to carry wrestler's coats from ringside. This was my buddy Athena's job in Nashville. She got crazy over and shockingly TNA couldn't or wouldn't think of much to do with her.

Abyss comes out to the ring with James Mitchell. Abyss has the belt in his possession, even though he lost the match with Christian. They are met with a "not world champ" chant.

Abyss vs. Rhino:

- Rhino storms the ring and sends Abyss flying to the floor. We go to commercial. Crowd is way into Rhino still.

- Abyss dulls it down with some boot chokes. Rhyno tries to rally but charges right into a chokeslam, which gets two.

- "Let's go Rhino" chant. Abyss is barely able to go over for a belly to belly. Rhino looks at the crowd and uses the ancient art of pantomime to take a poll - should I hurt this guy some more? Answer - Yes.

- But! Team Canada has a run-in! Shocking! Bobby Roode (who is actually very polite), the NWA Cyberspace champion (who will likely drop that belt to convicted woman beater Slyck Wagner Brown), drops Rhino from behind. Abyss hits a black hole slam for the win.

Pretty much a WWE style punch-fest at a slightly faster pace. But.. I just plain like both of these guys, so I liked this match.

Winner: Abyss

Christian runs out and attacks Abyss. Mitchell grabs the belt and runs away. Abyss and Christian do a little reversal sequence, with Abyss ending up dumped out of the ring. Christian grabs a mic and says: "Nobody wants to see Shrek as the heavyweight champion!". Don West: "Wah-how! I've never heard Abyss described like that!" heh heh.. ugghh. Christian wants a match with Abyss.. a TLC match. Plus chains. Wait, it's all about the thumbtacks, not the chain. What cool spot has EVER come out of using a chain in a wrestling match?

BORSH is in the back with Steiner and JJJJ. Quads' face looks exceptionally leathery on this day. I had to watch this twice to get what the match they set up was. At Sacrifice, it's JJ/Steiner vs. Sting and whatever partner he wants. Now see... They JUST had a PPV. What were the consequences of the Lethal Lockdown match? None. We immediately jump into the build for the next PPV. So since nothing that happened at Lockdown mattered, why should we care about what happens at the next PPV? Zbysko sticks his neck in on this segment and Jarrett calls him "Mr. Probation" twice. I guess he's trying to get some development over, but fails.

We see a clip of Alex Shelley doing a "two camera" shoot today. He's going to interview somebody.. Kevin Nash! Shelley grabs his newspaper before he enters his apartment, then claims he picked it up at the store for him. The full interview will air next week. Awesome. Well done little slice, here. Also, while Nash gets a lot of criticism, one thing that he did do at the end of WCW was try to put some of the young guys over. These two together could be a riot.

World X Cup match - Hirooki Goto & Minoru w/ Black Tiger vs. Sonjay Dutt & Alex Shelley:

- Heyy all right! So is Minoru here the man formerly known as HEAT-OHHH? There's a really confusing points system to this three round tourney.

- Looks like that is Minoru Tanaka. Haven't seen any of his stuff in the past two years. Oh, great! Scott D'Amore sits down at the announce table. Being one of the top stars of TNA's thin roster, he needs his face on camera once, preferably two times each episode.

- And in a TNA staple, the wrestlers in the ring have some cool reversal spots while the announcers talk about something else. D'Amore announces that Bobby Roode and A-1 aren't really X Division guys, so he's bringing in Tyson Dux or something to join Team Canada for the X Cup. God.

- Shelley and Dutt do an AWESOME double team, where Dutt does a back senton from Shelley's shoulders. But D'Amore's still talking about Team Canada.

- "Let's go Shelley" chant breaks out. Shelley hits a side kick, and Minoru grabs the leg a FLIPS into a grapevined ankle lock! This spot is so cool that it shocks the commentators out of their conversation about other stuff.

- Minoru plays the heel, laughing at the crowd, and they break into a "USA" chant.

- Minoru is hilarious clapping along with a "Let's go Shelley" chant. He then tries to start his own chant as he goes for a superplex.. The crowd cracks up and Alex dumps him to the mat. Shelley then proceeds to hit a combo dropkick/senton on both guys. The camera barely catches it, but Minoru does this hilarious stumbling flair flop as a sell. Crowd loves it.

- Minoru does some more hilarious mocking and eats a double dropkick. Then Shelley gives him an air raid crash ON GOTO!

- Shelley with a shiranui, which Tenay also calls a "sliced bread" - awesome - and Dutt hits a charging SSP for the win!

GREAT TV match! I really appreciate that TNA was willing to team a heel with a face. Goto didn't do much, but Minoru looked really good. And the Dutt/Shelley team is tremendous. This will probably be the match of the week.

Winners: Dutt & Shelley

BORSH is in the back with AJ and Daniels. Man, I wish TNA would use someone else as an interviewer. I really don't want to look at JB's mug every week when there's a laundry list of hotties and good promo guys in the world who can do his job 20 times better. AJ and Daniels are teaming up to face AMW next week. All this time, and I still don't feel like I understand AJ or Daniels' characters at all. It doesn't help that AJ is supposed to be a devout Christian, and Daniels is his own religion - you'd think thatd be an issue between them or something.

You know, they should really play into that more. AJ and Sting are both religious. I don't remember seeing a Christian face in wrestling in a long time, probably because they'd end up as a heel if portrayed as too strict or devout. But in this culture we live in, devout Christians who are tolerant I think would go over real well as babyfaces.

X Division Title Match - Samoa Joe vs. Jay Lethal:

- We gotta squash Lethal again? We could have seen Joe vs. Black Tiger!

- We cut to commercial.. on the way back, we see a quick Low Ki.. err.. "Senshi" video. And I have another reason to watch TNA, as Senshi says he wants to rule the X Division again. Joe vs Ki... MONEY!

- Zbysko wants to do ring intros, but a trash bag runs out.. wait, that's Raven. He looks as wide as two normal men somehow. He chases Zbysko off to resume their "why are we feuding?" feud.

- Man.. you've got so many awesome guys in the same fed, and it feels like none of them ever interact. It's like everybody in TNA is only allowed to wrestle 3 other guys.

- A bit of a "Joe's gonna kill you" chant breaks out. Then a much bigger "Lethal" chant erupts.

- This match gets a lot of time. Lethal takes an enziguri kick and the bootscrape.

- Lethal hits probably the best back heel kick in wrestling and then follows it up with a great hip toss/dropkick combo.

- Lethal springboards into a rock bottom by Joe and gets nailed with a high release Muscle Buster 1..2..3.

A good match, but everything was a tad slower than normal. I wish they'd given Lethal more offense here, though. They're really hurting Jay's credibility.

Winner: Samoa Joe

After, JJ/Steiner come down, and Joe goes nose to nose with Scott Steiner! That is STIFFNESS PARADISE! Book it!

Steiner and Jarrett are in the ring, and the lights go out and Sting's music hits. Sting comes out on the ramp. He says he has a partner in each entrance tunnel, and Jarrett gets to pick one. Jarrett calls Sting "Bob Barker".. ugh. Sting's got a cool new trenchcoat. Sting calls Jarrett the "cancer that will slowly kill TNA". Oof.. Doesn't Jarrett's wife have cancer?!

Sting says he'll do this in a game show format, and he asks Christy Hemme to come out. Music plays as Jarrett tries to choose a tunnel. "Deal or no deal", asks Sting. Awful. Jarrett tells Steiner to shut up.. What? This totally makes no sense as Jeff says he doesn't want either and it's null and void but Sting introduces each mystery person anyway.

First is Buff Bagwell. He gets PYRO! Argh look at him, still wearing that stupid top hat. Christy Hemme accompanies him to the ring. The other guy is Sting's buddy, the "shoot international fugitive" - Lex Luger. UGGGHHH. The show ends abruptly right there.

Where's the "You both suck" chant?

Way to feed the WCW 2000 comparison. Awful segment. What a waste of Christy Hemme, to boot.

Overall: I hate TNA's booking.. BUT. Lots of great match-ups this week. If I could get a Joe match, an X Cup match and appearances by Abyss, Rhino and Christian every week I'd be a happy man. TNA's stories are stupid. Their attempts at Sportz Entertainment are pitiful and their use of marquee talents is really shoddy, but you can't deny that they can put on great matches whenever they want to. This is a THREE out of FIVE.



CMLL Televisa Deportes (taped 12/02/05)

The CMLL ladies wear short skirts and shake their sweet booties. Then we cut to Dr. Wagner in the back, who cuts a promo with a little kid. The kid shows more fire than 75% of the wrestling community.

An announcer interviews some guy who did caricatures of some of the wrestlers.

Faces - Heavy Metal, Negro Casas & Blue Panther vs. Heels - Atlantis, Rey Bucanero & Olimpico:

First Fall:

- I'm not sure how you say "ring rat" in spanish, but we focus in on one in the crowd with one of those awkward WWE-style "we hold too long on one person" shots.. but she handles it like a champ, jiggling and posing until we've all had our fill.

- A kid in the crowd has a blue monkey mask. I gotta get one of those.

- Ha.. the cartoonist is at ringside, doing caricatures.

- There's TONS of stalling, and then the heels hold Heavy Metal up in the air so Olimpico can give him a springboard splash all the way to the mat. Negro Casas gets stretched out on a guy's knees as Bucanero comes off the top with an INSANE corkscrew forearm that levels Casas. 1..2...3. Heels take the first fall.

- The heels do their hilarious stacked pose to celebrate.



Second Fall:

- The heels rip open Blue Panther's mask. Seems like that happens way too much in lucha to really be effective.

- NO! The blue monkey, Monito, is in the corner of the faces. Atlantis, Monito's former ally, teases tearing Monito's mask off! Poor little Monito tries to waddle away up the ramp, but Atlantis follows him and KICKS HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! The poor little midget just lies there as Atlantis drags him around by one leg and deposits him on the stage.

- Atlantis brawls with Panther up the ramp. In the ring, the faces make both heels tap simultaneously to take the second fall.

Third Fall:

- They replay the kick to the back of Monito's head a couple times... poor guy.

- Everybody dives out of the ring. Negro does this cool sitting splash on a heel.

- Atlantis goes at it with Panther. Man that ring has got no give. They hit some spinebusters and it looks like agony. Panther tears Atlantis' mask wide open. Panther has, I guess, put on a replacement mask between falls, as his was torn earlier but is now whole. Atlantis goes to tear his, and Panther turns it into a fujiwara arm bar. Buccanero makes the save.

- From there, it's a quick sequence where everybody gets in the ring. The faces all make the three heels tap or be pinned simultaneously.

An OK match. Lots of boring stalling and time-filling. It's like they just stalled until the finish of each fall.

Winners: Heavy Metal, Negro Casas & Blue Panther

Stellar Moments:

- Lo Sensacional~! El Valiente does a big spring flipping senton to the floor on Super Comando. Ouch!

- Lo ADMIRABLE@! Volador gives Misterioso a one man spanish fly! For the win! Nice..

- El Rudo :( Sangre Azteca does a top rope crossbody and eats a Volador dropkick on the way down! Beautiful.

Faces - Dr. Wagner, Mistico, & Dos Caras jr. vs. El Hijo de Perro Aguayo, Hector Garza & Tarzan Boy:

- HOLY..! All my favorite lucha faces on one team! Haha... Dr. Wagner's theme is Bon Jovi's "Bad Medicine". I don't know if the laws regarding rights fees are different in Mexico, but it's pretty pathetic that McMahon won't pay for "Enter Sandman" when Pena will pay for Bon Jovi.

- Tarzan Boy's entrance.. he dances a bit like Jeff Hardy, actually. Garza's pyro crosses the entrance steps, looks really cool. Perro, the heel captain, gets big cheers, heh heh.

- A "Wagner" chant breaks out as this is about to get under way.

First Fall:

- Ohhh man, Perro snapmares Mistico on the metal ramp. Mistico does a huge leap into it, looks painful.

- Caras with a stiff kick:



- The heels beat on Wagner and Mistico, then Mistico hits a beautiful charging corkscrew out of the ring on Perro. Simultaneous Doctor Bomb and cross arm breaker by Caras give the faces the win in the first fall.

Second Fall:

- Mistico takes Tarzan to school with a corkscrew spring armdrag that sends him to the outside. Mistico does a handspring tease of a dive, and poses. His partners run around him in circles around him and then settle into a three man pose. Freaking... awesome.

- Garza and Caras go at it as a "Wagner" chant breaks out. Caras hits a GIGANTIC, BEAUTIFUL monkey flip that sends Garza vaulting clear across the ring.

- Caras ends up on the outside, where he catches Tarzan in a plancha attempt and DRILLS HIM TO THE FLOOR WITH A MICHINOKU DRIVER! Dos Freaking Caras..!

- An ad on the screen comes up for the SUPER BOWL. So I guess this aired a while back. Why does Galavision air such old episodes of wrestling? How did they get so behind?

- The barrel-chested Wagner hits the ring and goes crazy with a big swinging powerslam and a nasty charging dropkick just like Jay Lethal's from TNA.

- Mistico ends up facing Garza and Aguayo. He unleashes a series of beautiful armdrags, and through some deep counter-spots he eventually sends Perro vaulting backward into the crowd with a plancha.

- Tarzan Boy gets owned by Wagner, so much so that he comes off the ropes and stops, dusts off the mat, and just back bumps right there, hahahaha. So awesome. And Wagner pins him! One two three! The faces win!

Winners: Dr. Wagner, Mistico & Dos Caras jr.

Tarzan's partners are pissed, and they beat him down outside the ring. Perro grabs a pipe and Tarzan runs away up the ramp. They follow and kick his ass some more, until he runs backstage. So now it's 2 on 3. This is awesome.

We cut to commercial. Back, Rey Bucanero has come out with Tarzan, jaw jacking with Perro and Garza. CMLL sometimes will use a telestrator type of thing, where they'll show a slow motion replay of a move and draw lines to show us where the impact is and how the move hurts. Well, they show us a diagram of Tarzan Boy back bumping off of no attack, and Dr. Wagner gets exclamation graphics like these: "?!" around his head before he shrugs and pins him. Hahahaa.

Hair vs. Hair - Universo 2000 vs. Halloween:

First Fall:

- Cabellera vs. Cabellera! Means "hair", I gather.

- "Halloween" chant as this one starts up. Almost right away, Halloween hits an F-5 INTO a crippler crossface! Now, who is going to not tap out of that? Halloween takes the first fall.

Second Fall:

- Halloween is in control with chops, and suddenly Universo hits a russian legsweep into a leg submission. Halloween taps. I like how on this show, submissions usually end it. When a guy applies a submission - it's over. Makes sense to me.

Third Fall:

- Universo cinches in some roll-ups and the ref counts INCREDIBLY slow. So only two.

- Universo goes up for a big senton, and in the corner we see the little boy from Wagner's promo in the show opening. Why, I don't know. Halloween moves. The kid looks off to his left for a while.

- Halloween telegraphs a miss/bump into the pole really bad. At ringside, a friend of Universo's holds Halloween for a plancha, but Damien 666 moves Halloween so that the friend ends up tasking the plancha himself.

- Universo hits a suplex and the ref's count is slow and terrible. Halloween tries to kick out late, but waits too long and the ref just kind of stops counting. Ugh.

- Halloween powerbomb gets two. For some reason, Perro Aguayo comes down the ramp and the ref is distracted. Halloween hits an air raid crash and a terrible diving.. elbow? Or punch? Who can tell? Gets two.

- Universo piledriver gets three.

Got time, but didn't do anything for me.

Winner: Universo 2000

Pyro goes off and confetti comes down. EMTs rush the ring. I think piledrivers are usually an automatic DQ in lucha libre, but I guess in this match they were legal. EMTs hit the ring with a stretcher for Halloween. They begin cutting off his hair as well.



Universo grabs a microphone as Perro hits the ring. They go back and forth on the mic to end the show.

Overall, good stuff! A THREE out of FIVE.

Match of the Week: Dr. Wagner, Mistico, & Dos Caras jr. vs. El Hijo de Perro Aguayo, Hector Garza & Tarzan Boy - This was good, but also.. FUN! CMLL seems to be miles ahead when it comes to telling a story in the ring. I don't speak Spanish and I can follow it. I speak English and I don't know what the point of RVD/Carlito vs. Shelton/Masters was.

Show of the Week: TNA Impact - Focus on the match-ups and ignore the stupid booking and you got yourself a neat little wrestling show. Up until the main event, but whatever.