411’s OVW TV Report 5.30.06

Sorry to be tardy but damn I had some fun this weekend!

We are welcomed….of course…by Armando Alejandro Rodriguez!

Armando: Hola! Everybody listen…haha…to me. Welcome to the Spanish version of OVW TV. My name is Armandooooo Alejandroooooo Estrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrada! Aka Big Lalo. Amigos, tonight, we are in the control room of the Davis Arena, and we are going to go via satellite right now to find out if Kurt Angle is going to answer the challenge from Idol Stevens.

Armando points at a small TV that’s nothing but static and gives a bad face. He slaps the TV.

Armando: This wouldn’t have happened if that cheapo Danny Davis would have hired my cousin Jose. He’s a little caffeiened up. He knows how to steal cable. Satellite problems, piece of cake. Come to think of it, stealing cable is not fun. Stealing cable takes money out of my pockets. And out of my pay per view checks from my Samoan bulldozer Uuuuuumaga. So Jose, if you’re watching, no me gusta! Cameraman stay here to see if we can get the satellite feed from Kurt Angle. In the meantime, I’m going to go and find Maria to see if she’s going to perform a strip tease for the people of Los Kentuckos.

Right as Armando leaves, the tv comes on and Kurt Angle is joined by Mr. Kennedy.

Kennedy: Hey I think they are having satellite interference. Let me run something by you. Normally I’m not the one to stir up the pot but there’s this guy down in OVW named Aaron “The Idol” Stevens and you wanna know what he said?

Angle: What?

Kennedy: He said you’re a clown. He said he could whoop you. I’m not kidding you. No question. No Doubt.

Angle: Ok this guy, Idol Stevens said he could whoop me. Olympic gold medailst.

Kennedy: He said he was going to Angle Slam you and put YOU in the ankle lock. He said that’s not even a real gold medal. He said you never won the match…

Angle grabs Kennedy by the shirt and jerks him forward.

Angle: You going to stir it up? You’re telling me what Idol Stevens said. Well I want you to tell him exactly what I say. You tell him I’m going to snap HIS ankle in two. And since he can’t keep a girlfriend, tell him I’m going to snap his boyfriend’s ankle in two as well. And something else. Kiss my ass.

“Let the bodies hit the floor”

Boris Alexiev vs. Mike Tolar (Kent State All American Amateur Wrestler)

They circle. Tolar misses a takedown attempt. Boris with a kick to the knee. Boris with a leg sweep takedown. Boris with Tolar in the corner but Tolar wiggles out. Boris with a flying jump kick knocks Tolar to the corner. Roundhouse kick to the jaw of Tolar and he falls through the ropes and onto the floor. The ref restrains Boris who wants outside. Tolar back in. Boris grabs him and lands several knees. Tolar falls straight down and isn’t even moving. Boris landing several punches and Tolar not even defending himself. Tolar is knocked out cold. There’s the bell.

Winner- Boris Alexiev

We’re back in the control room with Armando who is rubbing his face.

Armando: That Maria, she drive a hard bargain. No me gusta. Hey cameraman. Did I miss the satellite feed. *Camera nods up and down* Ahhhhhh. No me gusta! Amigos, allow me to take this opportunity to thank all the Latinos in Los Kentuckos for making OVW the numero uno show among females ages 75 through 80 named Guadolupe. And males through 6-7 named Jose. And everybody else in between! Gracias amigos! Say it loud and say it proud! OVW! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT! Vote for Lalo.

Kasey James vs. Roadkill -c- vs. Shad Gaspard & The Neighbor Hoodie (OVW Southern Tag Team Titles)

We got a gangsta tag team now. Hoodie in first with Kasey James. They lock up. Scoop slam by Hoodie and Hoodie does some signs. James ducks under a lockup. Hoodie brings him around and another scoop slam by Hoodie and Hoodie does a yo mama joke. James with a lockup from behind into a side headlock. Hoodie pushes James to the ropes. Leapfrog by The Hoodie. Celebrates a little but James catches him with a scoop slam. And another. James does a two step strut. Ducks a clotheline and lands a clotheline on the Hoodie. Tag to Roadkill. The double team to the ropes and a double elbow by Roadkill and James. Roadkill with the cover 1…2…No!

Roadkill lifts up Hoodie and BIG slam by Hoodie. Roadkill points at the ropes. He goes to the middle rope and goes for a slam but Hoodie out of the way. Hoodie off the ropes and a beautiful neckbreaker by Hoodie who dives to make the tag to Gaspard. Gaspard in with Roadkill now. Big kick to the back of Roadkill and running big boot by Gaspard. The cover gets 2. Gaspard shoves Roadkill into the turnbuckle and the tag back to The Hoodie. The Irish whip puts Roadkill in the corner. Here comes the Hoodie. Gaspard lifts the Hoodie up about 8 feet in the air and he slams into Roadkill in the corner! Wow!

Hoodie flashes some signs and talks some trash. Roadkill fighting out of the corner through Gaspard and Hoodie. Tag to James. Roadkill has hoodie. James back in and lands a fist and another. And another. Dropkick by James. Tag to Gaspard. James ducks a clotheline by Gaspard. Big fist and another to Gaspard staggers him. James to the ropes but The Hoodie grabs his boot on the outside while the ref was distracted. Gaspard from behind clubs him and then tosses him into the steel corner as James tumbles to the outside where The Hoodie is. Hoodie on the outside stomping away on James while the ref is distracted by Roadkill. James thrown back into the ring. Gaspard with the pin. 1…2….No!

Gaspard takes James and slams him into his turnbuckle. Tag back to the hoodie. Gaspard with an Irish whip. He’s going for the big splash again! James moves and Hoodie lands face first into the turnbuckle! Gaspard turns around and charges. James rolls under and makes the tag to Roadkill! Roadkill with a clotheline knocks down Gaspard. Now Hoodie. Now Gaspard. SIDEWALK SLAM ON GASPARD! ANOTHER FOR THE HOODIE! THE COVER! 1…2…NO! Gaspard breaks it up!

In comes James. James working on Gaspard. Roadkill with The Hoodie. They put Hoodie in one corner and Gaspard in the other. Irish whip to Gaspard slams him into the Hoodie on the opposite corner. Now the Irish whip by Roadkill on James sandwhiches Gaspard and The Hoodie! Now Roadkill charging! James moves and another sandwhich. Roadkill has Gaspard up and a big side slam for Gaspard. James with a big back drop on The Hoodie! Roadkill is calling to the fans and is going up top! TOP ROPE SPLASH BY ROADKILL! 1…2…WAIT! CHERRY IS IN THE RING! SHE BROKE UP THE COUNT! THE REF HAS HIS BACK TURNED! DEUCE AND DOMINO FROM BEHIND HAVE SKATES AND THEY NAIL ROADKILL AND JAMES WITH THE SKATE! THE HOODIE ROLLS OVER ON TOP OF ROADKILL! THE REF COUNTS! 1….2…..3!!! NEW CHAMPS!

Winners and NEW OVW Southern Tag Team Champions- Shad Gaspard & The Neighborhoodie

We have another special feed from Kurt Angle!

Angle: I’m Kurt Angle. And on June 2nd at Six Flags, I’ll be facing Idol Stevens. And Idol, obviously, you don’t know me. You’ve heard about me, but you don’t know me. I’m Kurt Angle, olympic gold medalist. 6 Time World Champion. One thing I like to do is breaking people’s ankles. And on June 2nd, you’re going to be my next victim. I’m going to make you tap out. And after that, I’m going to enjoy…breaking…your….damn ankle! Cuz nobody in the world is more vicious than Kurt Angle. *Puts a vicious mouth piece in*

Idol Stevens vs. Chet The Jet

Chet’s back! They circle and Idol with a takedown from behind. Idol manuevers with some amateur wrestling and lets him get up. They lock up and Stevens with a takedown and a quick cover that doesn’t get a count. Chet with a takedown of his own. Armbar by Chet. Idol elbows out of it and to the ropes. Chet leapfrogs Idol. Hiptoss and a cover gets 1. Chet sends him to the ropes reversed by Idol. Chet with a bridge 1..2..No! Hotshot on Chet by Idol. The cover gets 2 again. Idol with a forearm. Irish whip by Stevens. Charges in with an elbow. Chet falls down and running knee into Chet’s head. Idol celebrates. The cover 1..2..No!

Idol complains to the ref. Chet fires with some punches to the gut. Knee to the gut by Idol.Idol with a neck hook into a very weird submission manuever pulling Chet’s shoulder back while choking him with a knee. Chet is reaching for a rope. Idol over and makes a pin to get 2 again. Headlock by Stevens. Chet rolls out of it. Ducks a clothesline. They trade fists. Chet with a short clotheline. And another. A third. Chet slaps his leg. Goes for a pump kick. Misses! IDOLIZER! 1..2….NO! Stevens lifts Chet’s shoulder up? He points at the camera. Has Chet up. ANGLE SLAM BY IDOL! 1…..2…..3!

Winner- Idol Stevens

Idol wants the mic.

Stevens: Louisville, this is your Idol! And we have a little misunderstanding here. Kurt Angle thinks that I fear him. Kurt Angle thinks that I am afraid. Kurt Angle thinks that I am not a winner. Well Kurt, I am a winner. I am a ruler amongst ruler. I am an idol amongst men. I am a 24 year old legend in the making. And whether any of you or you Kurt, like it or not. June 2nd, you are going down. And what’s even worse, for youre already overinflated ego, is I’m, going to be the man to put you down. Kurt I want you to look right in my eyes. June 2nd, I’m going to publicly kick your teeth down your throat. I am going to embarrass you, and I’m going to humilate you. And Kurt, that’s not just another Idol threat. That’s a promise. A promise that on June 2nd, I full intend to keep. Oh it’s true. It’s true.

We’re back from a break with Miz and Ronnie Jona in the ring!

Miz: Listen up Miz-fits. I know there’s millions of them. The reason why I’m out here is to let you know that there is going to be a tag match on Six Flags on June 2nd. It’s going to be Ronnie Jona…and The Miz Hoooo-rah! And our opponents, are none other than your little hero, Seth Skyfire, and his lunatic girlfriend, Shellie. Now see here’s the problem I have with this. I’m sick of dipping our hands into this little thing we keep on doing again and again and again. So I propose this to you Seth Skyfire and Shelley, how about after the match, you move on and get over it…or else. *Seth chants* You’re not going to be screaming Seth when I bring this out. Or else, you’ll have to deal with my new head of reality show security.

IT’S KENNY BOLIN! BOLIN SERVICES ARE BACK! HE’S GOT A BIG GUY IN A SUIT WITH HIM!

Miz: You see, The Miz, not only has a girlfriend, an agent, and a body guard. This is what I call…STAR POWER!

Bolin: I can’t tell you what a thrill it is *crowd drowns him out* Only you, have a powerful face, the accolades, the celebrity status, and might I add, the love of the community I have. It’s a pleasure doing business with you.

Miz: And Kenny, I appreciate you using your considerable stroke in getting me the legendary body guard… Charles Evans for me and Ronnie. I really appreciate it. To you Seth, on June 2nd, at Six Flags, I suggest you leave your girlfriend at home and cause a forfeit because this my friend, is what you’re going to have to deal with. You can be good. You can be bad but there’s nothing like being The Miz hooooorahhhhh!

*Skyfire’s music hits and Skyfire and Shelley count the people in the ring*

Skyfire charges to the ring. Ducks under Charles Evans and nails an Inzurguri that takes Evans out of the ring. Skyfire has Miz cornered. Bolin is coming up from behind with the briefcase! Shelley jumps on Bolin’s back and is attacking Bolin and Bolin scoots to the outside.! Miz trying to sneak out but Skyfire catches him and lands a few punches. Sends Miz to the ropes and goes for a spinning heel kick but Miz holds on to the ropes and rolls to the outside. Skyfire and Shelley celebrate but then they see Ronnie curled up in the corner. They grab at her but Charles Evans yank her out at the last second!

C.M. Punk vs. Johnny Jeter (OVW Heavyweight Championship) *Spirit Squad banned from ringside*

They lock up. Johnny with Punk from behind. Punk trips him and gets Johnny in a headlock. Johnny reverses it into an armbar. Punk with another takdown and now Punk with an armbar. Johnny pushes him to the ropes. Johnny with a kick to the gut and now Johnny with a headlock on Punk. Punk sends Johnny to the ropes. Johnny knocks down Punk and talks some trash. Johnny to the ropes. Punk is up and hiptoss by Punk on Johnny Jeter! Big scoop slam by Punk. Dropkick by Punk. The cover 1…2..No! Punk going for the Anaconda Vice but Jeter gets out of it!

Punk up to his feet and they circle around. Crowd going crazy for Punk and Punk cups an ear and raises his arms. They lock up and Johnny with a shot to the gut. Punk in the corner and big chop block! Whooo! And another! Whooo! Punk reverses it and a few chops for Johnny! Punk sends Johnny to the ropes, reversed by Johnny. Punk ducks a clotheline. Punk goes for a dropkick. Johnny holds on to Punk’s legs and Punk falls to the mat. Johnny going for a boston crab. Punk trying to fight it and kicks Jeter off. Punk shakes a finger at Johnny.

They get in each other’s faces. They talk some trash. Johnny with a slap. Punk slaps back. Punk goes for the anaconda vice but Johnny locks it. Johnny tries to elbow out of it. Punk falls back and Johnny falls with him. PUNK HAS THE ANACONDA VICE ON JOHNNY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! JOHNNY IS STRUGGLING! HERE’S MIKEY AT THE ENTRANCE! HE’S CALLING FOR THE REST! A REF COMES OUT BUT NO SPIRIT SQUAD. THE REF IS PUSHING MIKEY BACK THROUGH THE ENTRANCE! BACK IN THE RING THE NEIGHBOR HOODIE IS ON THE ROPES TAUNTING PUNK! PUNK RELEASES THE HOLD ON JOHNNY! GASPARD FROM BEHIND! HE NAILS PUNK WITH HIS NEW TAG TEAM TITLE BELT! PUNK IS OUT COLD IN THE RING! JOHNNY IS DOWN TOO! THE REFS ARE TAKING MIKEY BACK! JOHNNY ROLLS OVER FOR A PIN! HERE COMES A REF! 1…..2……NO!!!! PUNK KICKED OUT AND WE GO TO BREAK!

We come back and Punk is fighting out of a sleeperhold. Johnny with a neckbreaker reversed by Punk into a backsldie and gets 2. Johnny with a kick to the head and a cover gets 2 again. Johnny goes back to the headlock. Punk to his feet and fights out of it. Belly to back suplex by Punk and both men are down. Punk struggling up to his feet. Johnny up first. Johnny with a fist. Punk with one back. They trade punches for awhile. Punk gets momentum. Big right takes Johnny Down. Johnny off the turnbuckle. Back heel trip and clotheline by Punk. Irish whip by Punk. Charges at Johnny. Running knee and a bulldog by Punk! The cover 1..2…No! Johnny kicks out!

Punk with Johnny between his legs. Johnny blocks a move. Punk kicks him. Butterfly backbreaker by C.M. Punk! The cover 1…2..No! Punk to his feet. Cuts his throat. Stalks Jeter. Goes for the anaconda vice. Locks it in. No. Johnny out of it. Goes for the wheel kick but Punk ducks! Punk charges and slap slap backchop misses and Johnny nails the Johnny Go Round on Punk! Johnny with a cover! 1..2…NO! Punk kicks out!

Johnny goes for a boston crab again. Punk fighting out of it. Slingshot into the corner. Punk leaps onto the middle ropes. Johnny up. Punk dives and sunset flip. Johnny rolls through! BOSTON CRAB ON C.M. PUNK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! PUNK REACHING FOR THE ROPES BUT JOHNNY DRAGS HIM BACK! PUNK ROLLS THROUGH THE CRAB! ANACONDA VICE BY PUNK! JOHNNY IS RIGHT BY THE ROPES! JOHNNY REACHING AND KICKING FOR THE ROPES! HE’S INCHES AWAY! HE SCOOTS! AND JOHNNY…MAKES IT TO THE ROPES!

Punk with Johnny and going for the Anaconda Vice again! Johnny rolls Punk up in the crucifix! 1..2..NO! JOHNNY WITH THE BOSTON CRAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING AGAIN! PUNK IS IN PAIN! PUNK IS CRAWLING FOR THE ROPES! INCHES CLOSER AND LUNGES FOR THE ROPES AND HE MAKES IT! JOHNNY DRAGS HIM BACK TO THE CENTER OF THE RING! PUNK ROLLS HIM UP! 1..2…NO! SO CLOSE! JOHNNY GOES FOR A SUPERKICK! MISSES AND RUNS RIGHT INTO AN INZUGURI BY PUNK! PUNK UP AND AN ANACONDA VICE IN THE CENTER OF THE RING! JOHNNY REACHING BUT HE’S NO WHERE CLOSE TO THE ROPES! JOHNNY TAPS!

Winner And STILL OVW Heavyweight Champion- C.M. Punk