411’s WWE Raw Report 07.10.06
Posted by Larry Csonka on 07.10.2006
You won’t believe this, but DX fools everyone again!
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LAST WEEK on RAW:
DX is here and they approach the building. They are stopped by Coach and a ton of security. The crowd chants for DX and they ask if they can move. Coach says he can't because it is a nice night, but it is a short one for them. WWE.com would have told them that they are banned. They say they don't know how to use computers. Coach says they won't be on Raw this evening. HBK asks what they ever did to Vince? HHH smiles as Coach asks them to leave. They say no problem and leave. HHH is smiling way too much; he obviously has a plan!
Edge and Lita make their way to the ring. Edge on the mic: "Mark it down people, the Rated R Superstar will OWN this summer. Tomorrow night I go to ECW…and when I get there I will defeat RVD for my 2nd WWE Championship. And then it is on to SNME where I will defend the title against Cena and RVD. Let me put it this way, RVD is like the Phillies; yeah, he is bland, overrated and has no heart! John Cena, Cena is like the Eagles; he is good, really good, but not good enough to be champion. Me, I am like Terrell Owens; I just want out of here. Make no mistake, this is my summer, even my lady Lita, Lita will beat Torrie Wilson's ass and show here what a cover girl should be like. Tonight I am involved in a triple threat tag match, and I will announce my partner right now."
John Cena's music hits and he is out to the ring. Edge says he is rude. Cena and Edge brawl! Cena clears the ring and RVD's music hits now! RVD is out with his title belts and a mic. HIGH TIMES~!
RVD: "So, I have this match last week with Cena…and since then, everywhere I go is this talk about how close Cena came to making me tap. That is what they are saying. I guess we'll never know. What I do know is that I am a fighting champion. **CENA SUCKS CHANTS** Cena, forget about the tag match…you want another shot one on one for the WWE title? I say let's do it tonight!"
Edge: "What the hell is this? So if Cena wins, my title match will be void! That is not fair to me! I refuse to get screwed."
RVD: "That's right, you'll get in my business anyway. Let's do SNME TONIGHT!"
Edge: "Fine, I want to win my title in front of these Philly assholes! Mark my words, the WWE champion will be rated R!"
RVD: "Correction, the next champion will be rated R…V…D!"
Outside we see a limo pull up and Vince arrives. Coach is here and welcomes him. Vince tells him to be quiet! He says to tell him DX in not here. Coach says they were here, but he told them they were barred and ran away! Vince says it sounds good to him. Vince says it is a holiday weekend…and then we see a car with a ton of chicks pull up.
Match #1 Lita defeated Torrie
Coach and Vince are backstage. Vince wants to make sure DX is not here. Vince says catering isn't here and his toilet is stopped up. Coach says it is a holiday weekend and Vince says he NEVER takes a day off. Vince tells him to find out what is going on and tells him to leave.
Match #2 The Spirit Squad defeated Snitsky, Viscera, Eugene, Hacksaw and Val
Outside DX is having a July 4th BBQ! They say they are sorry they can't be there, but they are banned. They decided to drink beer and have a July 4th Bash! They have mini-dogs, Vince size and the DX size foot longs. Some dude asks for 2, and HHH says he has an idea. HHH says he sees Mr. Fuji and HHH has 2-girls take their tops off for the guy. The screen goes black for a second and HBK is back, saying there was no Mr. Fuji! HBK says SS can stay inside, of they can come out there and get the shit kicked out of them. HHH says if they aren't down with that, they got 2 words for ya…SUCK IT!
Match #3 The Highlanders defeated Matt Striker and Rob Conway
Backstage Candace Michelle is with HHH. She wants to know what is in the truck HBK went into. He says it is the TV truck and keeps sneezing and such. She says OK, but wants to know if it is nice in there. They start to convulse and get all sexually aroused…HHH squirts mustard and Candace is excited as well. Some chick come sup from under the table licking her lips and then another! Her and Candace kiss and HHH needs a moment. I need to go to this party. Fellatio~! Amazing that you could see HHH's fly up the whole time. Plus, adultery~!
Back from commercial and HBK is in the production truck. HHH, Candace and the 2-chicks go to the truck and HHH and Candace check out their asses. They are amazed by the production truck. HHH says they have cameras everywhere. HHH meets a production guy and intros him to the girls and he leaves his post. They play with buttons and the screen goes black.
We see Vince and Coach. Vince needs to use a bathroom and is insulted that he has to use a public bathroom. Coach has to stand guard. We se DX and they go to camera 10 and see Vince taking a piss. OH MY GOD GTV IS BACK~! We get the sound effects and Vince talking to his penis. He calls it Andre the Giant. Coach rushes in and Vince pisses on him. Coach tells him DX took over the truck and tells Vince that he is on TV right now. DAMN IT Vince says! They rush out, and VINCE DIDN'T WASH HIS HANDS!
Vince is in the ring. Vince: "Last week was humiliating. I stood on the stage with Shane and the SS…and before we could beat down DX…and then…then...from above we were showered with excrement! So tonight I barred DX from the building, but they have stepped over the line. They have invaded my production truck. I have had enough. **The mic starts to cut out on him** He gets another and FEEDBACK! I will ask DX…damn it I know it is you! As I was saying, I will take care of DX. No one will embarrass me. **His voice changes to a chipmunk voice now.** Hello? Hello? That is not me talking! Damn it you people think this is funny? Lower my mic and lower it now. **Deep voice now** There for…I am not Barry White. I sound like Darth Vader. Normalize my mic! **Normal now** I feel better right about now. **Fart noise** THAT WAS NOT ME! THAT WAS DX! They have no respect for me, my family or the business! What DX is, are children." **Roster sounds now**
They do the tele-strator and it says "I LOVE COCKS!"
Vince: "I find no humor in that! **YOU LOVE COCK CHANTS** I am asking for dignity now."
HHH: "If you think we can't embarrass you any further, watch this."
They air a video of last week's shit storm.
Vince: "Coach where are you, where is security?"
We see Coach rounding up security, he says he will get them out and they can toss them. He knocks on the door and they open it, sending Coach flying. HBK says, "Hello, anyone?"
Vince: "That is really funny, oh yeah! Let me tell you this DX…it won't be funny any longer. At SNME…July 15th…yeah, damn right. It gets better, because on that night, it will be DX vs. The Spirit Squad…in an elimination match. So what's your reaction DX?" **Laugh track plays** "Fine, but I will be laughing after SNME…after the SS eliminates you…then I will have something to cheer about." **Cricket noises** "Would you at least have the respect to play my music?" **His music plays…and it turns into STAND BACK~!** They play it on the screen again and Vince is pissed!
We see RVD backstage getting ready and Paul is here. Paul respects him so much and no champion has done what he has done. But…enough of this "their ring, their rules" Rob. Forget about that the odds are against us, this scares the hell out of me. RVD understands but he believes in himself and ECW. He has this.
Match #5 Umaga defeated Scott Right
We see Vince leaving. He gets in the limo and all of the sudden fireworks go off from inside the limo. Green smoke pours out of the limo, and Vince appears all covered in black and green soot. Amazingly enough, his suit is perfectly clean. DX is there with sparklers and flags and say that he should have let them in.
Randall K. Orton makes his way to the ring. Orton: "What a video package that was! It didn't do as much for me as last week's Brooke Hogan music video. 18-year old that is…and um…there is just no getting around it, that girl is hot. Now, it is my understanding on Hogan Knows Best, Hulk will pick a date for her. If things work out my way, you may just see why I am a legend. If you daddy has a problem with that, he'll find out why I am a legend killer."
We begin the show with highlights of last week's WWE Title match, where Edge became a 2-Time WWE Champion.
Lillian Garcia introduces the NEW WWE CHAMPION…EDGE! He and Lita make their way to the ring. There is a SPECIAL Rater R Super Star announce table at ringside! It is all mangled, with chains and shit on it, it looks great. Edge and Lita are joining us for commentary! Edge says he is here to get some extra insight on things
John Cena vs. Shelton Benjamin
Lock up and a side headlock by Benjamin. Cena reverses it, off the ropes and a shoulder block takes Benjamin down. Cena tries an FU, Benjamin escapes and slaps Cena. Big Yakuza by Benjamin and then rights to Cena. More rights and then knees by Benjamin. Cena fights back, Irish whip and Cena misses, Benjamin tries to suplex him to the floor, but Cena brings him in and Benjamin gets a neck breaker for 2. Benjamin chokes out Cena now, and then gets a snap suplex for 2. Rear choke by Benjamin now, Cena to his knees and stands up, escapes and off the ropes and Cena misses a cross body. Elbow drops by Benjamin and a cover for 2. Benjamin back to the rear choke. Cena stand sup with Benjamin on his back, chair drop by Cena! Cena covers for 2. Cena goes up top…he stares at Edge and Benjamin leaps to the top and gets an Enziguri that sends Cena to the floor. We head to commercial @ 4:12.
Back from commercial @ 7:02 with Benjamin working the choke again. During the break Benjamin lit up Cena with a sweet knee lift. Cena battles to escape the choke, to his feet and Benjamin rides his back. Cena rams him to the corner, but Benjamin holds on. Back to center ring and Cena to his knees. Once again he gets to his feet, escapes and they exchange rights. They boo Cena's punches as Cena levels Benjamin with clotheslines. PROTO BOMB! 5-Knuckle Shuffle coming…connects. Cena stalks Benjamin…snags him up…FU countered into a Samoan drop by Benjamin for 2! Rights by Benjamin, off the ropes and Cena counters and Benjamin with knees. Irish whip and Benjamin misses the corner splash. FU! STFU locked in and Benjamin taps.
Winner: John Cena @ 11:01 via pin
After the match Cena jumps the announce table and he and Edge brawl! Cena tosses him in the ring and Lita grabs his leg so Edge can get an advantage, and fires away on Cena. Edge with crazy rights to Cena…IMPAILER DDT by Edge! He sets and waits…SPEAR on Cena! The WWE Champion stands tall over John Cena. Edge has a mic and says they would rather be somewhere else. They are going to the hotel and will watch the show from there. He'll see Cena Saturday.
We see a commercial telling us Hulk and Brooke Hogan will be at SNME.
Back from commercial as we get clips from before the break.
Live in the backstage area and we are awaiting the arrival of DX, who are welcomed into the building this week. We get a video package of the Hi-jinks of DX last week.
We see Torrie, Eugene and Snitsky laughing at the package. Eugene is busted as Vince and Shane appear. Eugene says it was funny, and Vince is pissed. Vince tells Eugene to SHUT UP! Vince and Shane will team up tonight, and they will face Eugene. Shane says Eugene gets the honor. Vice tells him good luck and Eugene is worried.
Trish vs. Melina is next.
Back from commercial as Melina and Nitro make their way to the ring. I approve of Melina's ring gear.
Trish vs. Melina w/Johnny Nitro
Lock up and Melina shoves Trish aside. Lockup again and Trish tosses Melina down. Melina tries to run and Trish has her hair. Melina nails her and then tosses Trish to the floor. Trish pulls Melina to the floor Nitro distracts Trish and Melina beats her down on the floor. Back in the ring and a dropkick by Melina gets 2. Rear choke by Melina and then some hard cross faces. Back to the choke, Trish battles out and Melina with a front facelock now. Suplex countered and Trish gets it and covers for 1. Kicks by Melina, off the ropes and Melina works the back of Trish in the corner. Melina to the 2nd rope…Trish nails her and tries and gets the handstand RANA. Forearms by Trish, corner clothesline and then chops by Trish. Handstand into the whirly head scissors by Trish. Spine-buster and Trish covers for 2. Stratus-faction try, countered and Trish nails Nitro, but Melina rolls up Trish with the tights and gets the win!
Winner: Melina @ 4:10 via pin
Nitro and Melina attack after the match but Carlito is here to make the save. DOUBLE THEZ PRESS by Carlito and Trish and then a double dropkick by them and Nitro and Melina run. Make the tag match for SNME already. JR says the match is made.
We see Edge and Lita at their hotel. Edge harasses the hotel clerk about his room. The room is not ready, but they can apparently wait in the bar. Edge asks if it gets USA, and they are off to watch the show. Edge sends Lita to the bar while Edge tells him he is a goof while he is a champion. Get his keys ready and then come and get him!
Back from commercial and we see the parking lot again, as we await DX's arrival.
We see the Diva Search chicks getting photos taken.
The Highlanders (Rory and Roby) vs. Matt Striker and Rob Conway
Rory on the mic and he introduces themselves. They have discovered corn. Roby found out that…Matt Striker stops them as he and Conway want a rematch.
Matt and Rory to begin, take down by Matt and then a go behind toss. He works the mat and gets a cover for 2. Conway tags in now, and they lockup, elbows by Conway and then rights to Rory. Rory grabs him and rams him to the corner. Irish whip, and Rory with an elbow to Conway. Rams him to the corner again, and tags Roby. Battering ram to Conway for 2. Roby misses a shot on Matt and Conway with rights on Roby. Dropkick to Conway, Rory puts the kilt on Conway's head and mocks him. Tag to Rory, off the ropes and a double team shoulder block. Scott-Drop finishes it as Striker refuses to help.
Winner: The Highlanders @ 2:45 via pin
We see Ric Flair walking. Maria is here, and asks him about Foley. Flair says he likes pleasure, but tonight is business. Tonight, he tells us all the truth about Mick Foley.
Back from commercial as Ric Flair comes to the ring.
Flair: Woooooooooo! Mick Foley…the truth is…at Vengeance you challenged me to a classic wrestling match. 2 of 3 falls, truth is I kicked your ass 2-straight. Truth is I proved beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are nothing more than a glorified stunt man. Truth is…
Foley on the Tron. In return for claims you made against me. You say I always took the easy way out. Coming from a guy that talks out of his ass, while drunk and then having a ghostwriter do your work is funny. Considering I wrote mine by hand and was a #1 best seller. Back in Germany in 1994, you were my boss, you were in charge. I got my ear tore off and I got back in the ring and did my job! A referee gave it to a ring announcer, and it was given to you. You said to put it ice, and then you saw me still wrestling. I traveled 1000 miles and slept in my car, eating PB&J until I puked, and then you accuse me of not being a wrestler while you made matches grabbing another man's genitals. Tell me this Ric, how much worse could those bad asses messed you up than I did? FIND SOME NEW CHICHE'S YOU WASHED UP HACK! You no linger matter to me Ric, you brag about your 16-titles. I got titles of my own, I am a legend, 3-time WWE Champion, 2-time Best selling author by HAND! I have been interviewed by Katie Couric and am a personal friend of Melina. You are a used up piece of crap and you get NO rematch!
Flair: Foley would you quit crying about the past! Get your ass out here today and let's go hardcore! I will stomp your ear to the ground!
Paul Heyman makes his way to the ring!
Heyman: Mr. Flair, pardon the interruption, but we have talked, Foley and I. You keep making the same mistake over and over again. You see, you keep lumping everything into one category. Well, I prefer to call it Extreme Entertainment. Surely, you know that there is a new ECW champion, as you can see tonight.
The footage runs of Big Show winning the ECW title.
Heyman: Mr. Flair, it is my honor to introduce to you the new ECW champion, the Big Show.
Big Show is out in a PIMP suit. Dress like a champion baby!
Big Show: Ric Flair…wooooo! 16-time world champion, Ric Flair. Some would say the greatest champion of all time. Until now. I am the only man to hold the WWE, ECW and WCW titles, something you have never done. You see, I got to wonder, do you have it in you for one more time…one more. I cane out here, because you were talking extreme, and nothing is more extreme than coming to ECW to face me. Tomorrow night, you come to ECW and we'll have a title match for my ECW title. Do you have one more in ya?
Flair: I accept.
Flair and Show stare down, Paul calls Flair a son of a bitch and Show grabs Flair and gives him the Cobra Clutch back breaker and toss! Odd that Big Show, after starting a feud with Triple H over Ric Flair's honor a while back, now starts a feud with Flair; basically out of nowhere. I should expect this from a man that went between WCW and the n W o a record 372 times.
We see Vince and Shane discussing DX and Shane has a bat. Eugene is here and he came to say he is sorry. He didn't mean to make them mad. They say they aren't mad at all. Eugene is ok now. They have a present for him and they were going to find him. They have a new DX shirt for Eugene. Shane then pours green paint on Eugene, since green is his favorite color. Vince yells at him and then slaps him. Shane attacks and they beat him down in the locker room. Shane gives Eugene a swirly in the toilet to wash him off as Vince flushes. Vince tells him to tell DX that the fun is over.
Back from commercial and we get a replay of the Big Show/Flair altercation. On WWE Unlimited, Paul Heyman invited Candace to have a dance off with Kelly. She wants to dance WITH Kelly.
Viscera vs. Charlie Haas
Lock up and Viscera tosses Haas across the ring. Headlock by Haas, off the ropes and Viscera levels him. Chops by Haas as Lillian looks on concerned. Viscera steps on Haas, collapsing his ribs. Hass with rights now, fires away but Viscera tosses him off. Clothesline by Viscera and then he talks to Lillian. Stunner off the ropes by Haas, back in the ring and a clothesline to Viscera with no effect. Haas up top…Missile dropkick to Viscera for a count of 2 as Haas is launched to the floor. Stiff kicks to Viscera, then rights. Off the ropes...Bossman slam by Viscera. Viscera dances, I throw up. Viscera misses a corner charge and then Lillian on the mic asks them to stop! She gets in the ring and she just wants to be friends. KISS OF DEATH! Haas attacks Viscera, blinds him and Viscera Samoa Drops Lillian as he is blind you see. Haas checks on Lillian, looks pissed off and we get some really bad acting.
They then laugh it off since Lillian won't put out, and we will have a NEW random tag team, poor Val. Lillian gets the stretcher job.
Winner: No Contest @ 4:00
We see Edge and Lita at the hotel mocking Lillian. They have drank about 15 mimosas. Clerky the tool is here with the key, and Edge tells him to hit the bricks. They toast.
The Diva chicks walk, they are next apparently.
Back from commercial for Diva stuff as we await DX still.
The MIZ(~!) is here to host the Diva search. He sure energetic, I will give him that. Tonight we search for the next Diva. He keeps getting lost in his pitch, this is funny. Here come the worthless chicks. Is that Scary Spice? No more caffeine for the Miz. They all get 20-seconds to talk, and yes it is painful to sit through. Don't talk, just look good and stand there. Ok, maybe you can jump around a bit. Kill me. They all say the same thing over and over again; "I am dedicated, this is a dream and if you vote for me I will prove it." The Miz tells us this will be on Smackdown as well, and they start the competition this Friday with Diva Boot camp. I actually want to see that, those bitches were busting their asses all over that course, it was high comedy.
We see Shane and Coach in the back. Shane wants to know when DX gets here. Hacksaw is here, and he says Shane has never had any respect. They picked on Eugene and if he thinks he is tough, then he can challenge Hacksaw. Vince kills him with a chair and then Shane cranks him in the head. Now THAT was good entertainment.
Back from commercial as Randy Orton makes his way to the ring. He has a mic, and he says Hogan will be at SNME. Hogan is a legend of all legends, and that is why he is excited, and he will introduce himself to Hogan PERSONALLY as the legend killer.
Todd Grisham does the ring announcing for the injured Lillian.
Randy Orton vs. Val Venis
Orton attacks at the bell and tosses Val off the 2nd rope. RKO. 1…2…3. Fuck you Randy Orton.
Winner: Randy Orton @ 0:23 via pin
The crowd chants for Hogan as Orton gets back on the mic. Brooke Hogan will be there Saturday, and he is looking forward to introducing himself to her to.
We see Edge and Lita in bed watching Raw. They make fun of Hogan. He is mad room service has been delayed. He demands champagne and the guy has 3-minutes to go and get it.
Back from commercial!
SNME Card:
DX vs. The Spirit Squad
Carlito and Trish vs. Melina and Nitro
Booker, Regal and Mark Henry vs. Lashley, Batista and Rey
Hulk and Brooke Hogan Appear
Extreme Rules Match: Sabu vs. ???
WWE Title Match: John Cena vs. Edge
We see Edge and Lita eating and Cena busts in and attacks. Cena throws food on him and beats his ass. Cena tastes the food, and then beats on him more. He lays Edge out with the title and then leaves.
Back from commercial and Vince is on the mic and comically announces Eugene. Eugene is out and the Spirit Squad is here as well.
No DQ Handicap Match: Vince and Shane McMahon vs. Eugene
Shane attacks and rips off Eugene's coat. Vince does commentary with the house mic, and the SS beats down Eugene on the floor. Back in and Shane with jabs. Shuffle, and a big right. Vince mocks Eugene as Shane gets a reverse/DDT back breaker. Eugene tards up, rights Shane and he levels him. Big boot to Shane. The SS trips him up and they beat him down on the floor. In the ring now they all beat him down, upsy daisy to Eugene. And again. Shane kicks him to the floor and they lay Eugene on the Edge announce table. The SS hold shim down and DX is here.
They are on the ramp and Vince wants to know what took them so long. Vince says to come to the ring. Vince wants them right in the middle, now or never. They walk and ask, "Right here?" They then walk away, obviously spoiling Vince's plans. Vince is Wile E. Coyote. Vince is all like, "How now brown cow!" He keeps yelling and a net falls behind DX. Eugene rolls up Vince for the win.
Winner: Eugene @ 5:34 via Pin
DX laughs as Vince, Shane and the Spirit Squad are pissed and look like fools again.
Remember, send your feedback on the show to me for the 3R's column this Friday!
