411’s WWE Smackdown Report 07.21.06
Posted by John Nocero on 07.21.2006
Why pay for the cow when you get the milk for free?
From: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Your hosts: Michael Cole and JBL
Show opens direct with Smackdown GM Teddy Long. He begins by saying Mark Henry had knee surgery this past Tuesday in Alabama, and will be unable to compete at The Great American Bash. Right before Long names his new opponent…MR. KENNEDY…KENNEDY comes to the ring. Dim the lights. Kennedy says though Batista may be a former world champion, he is not the one everyone is talking about. Right, we're all talking about him. He challenges Batista to a match at the GAB. Cue The Animal, looking corporate thug in a business suit, accessorized with white wife beater, huge bling. He says six months of anger have been building inside him and now that Henry is out, he has no one to take it out on. But Mr. Kennedy will do just fine.
Cole plugs the Finlay-Lashley rematch "tonight only." Like lost lovers, they'll never meet again.
Commercial for WWE Wreckless Intent.
Kid Kash vs. Brian Kendrick
The champs meet the Pitbulls this Sunday at GAB. Noble beat London last week. JBL points out Kash was trained by Ricky Morton, one of the "greatest tag team wrestlers of all time." Quick action begins, arm drags, and a quick near fall by Kendrick, who looks like a male diva, notes JBL. Kash kicks him in the left knee, where he begins methodically working it over. Then sharp kicks to the back by Kendrick. It's not pretty, it is simply effective. Kendrick is up, and slows Kash with a neck breaker, and an enziguri. Noble is in the ring, and double teams Kendrick into a brainbuster. JBL says it is reminiscent of Dick Murdoch. I am thinking more like Koko B. Ware
Winner: Kid Kash @ 6:49
Backstage Long sees Chavo Guerrero and asks him if he is ready to come out of retirement, when King Booker and Sharmell rudely interrupt. KB demands a match against Rey Mysterio tonight. After getting 619'ed last week, KB is ready to make him bow down. Chavo is tired of people disrespecting Rey-Rey. But Long says he will take it under advisement.
Jillian and Ashley are shown backstage touching themselves. Okay, not really. That happened in my own mind as I closed my eyes for a split second.
Back from commercial, and Chavo is trying to talk Rey Rey out of accepting the match with KB tonight. Rey Rey says it's on and walks off. Chavo chases…almost saying "where we going Spike, we're we going" from the old Tom and Jerry cartoons.
Ashley & Jillian vs. Kristal Marshall & Michelle McCool
Footage is shown from last week's kitty-kat fight in the back. Jillian's boobs and Ashley make their way to the ring. Michelle and Jillian exchange blows. Jillian with a springboard Muta-like moonsault and tosses Michelle's face into her cleavage. Ashley in and quickly becomes Ricky Morton in peril versus these two spitfires. Jillian in and breaks up the cover, ripping off Kristal's shirt to tease Sunday's bra and panties match at the GAB. Ashley with a rollup and it's done.
Winner: Ashley & Jillian @ 2:29
Cole hypes Rey-Rey-KB tonight!
Footage is shown from last week's GAB press conference in Indianapolis.
In the ring, The Great Khali and Daivari promo the Punjabi Prison Match. Escape is the only way to win…what is it? Snippets are shown making the Punjabi prison look like a steer pen from your local county fair. Promo airs recapping their feud.
Finlay is shown…...walking. US championship match next.
Funny storybook fable hyping KB-Rey-Rey this Sunday.
Lashley is interviewed by the Miztake, who asks about his game plan. Lashley is in no mood for talking.
Finlay vs. Bobby Lashley – US Tile Rematch
Lashley looks at Finlay like he raped his mom. Slow pace starts. Finlay asks the ref to check his elbow. No he was playing possum. That silly Irishman! He loves to fight. And be wily obviously. Lashley uses his explosive power with a series of shoulder blocks and a back suplex. JBL says Finlay doesn't lose. God this is slow and plodding. Back to the canvas with a rear chinlock by Finlay. They go outside the ring and Lashley hurts his knee. Finlay tosses him back and attacks it. Lashley fights back but there is William Regal on the apron as Finlay brings out the Little Bastard from under the ring. Irish eyes are smiling. LB attacks Lashley. Lashley fights everyone off and holds Finlay for a huge suplex. But Regal interjects as Lashley was going for the spear. Finlay exposes the top turnbuckle. He brings in a chair but Lashley kicks him in the mouth, and a spear to Regal. Finlay busted hard way as the three of them brawl. The little gremlin hits Lashley in the nuts with his shileighlay. And another sickle shot but Finlay. Wait, I thought Finlay didn't lose??
Winner: Lashley by DQ, @ 17:00.
It's the Miztake again with the Diva Dance Off. Divas all slutted up, looking rode hard and put away wet. This is mindless garbage. Erica dances like she is on an Effexor-Ativan speedball. Cheap porno music gets old quick Crowd votes Milena as the winner. I jab a sharp stick in my eye.
Matt Hardy, Funaki and Tatanka are talking in the back. In comes Quebec's ambassador-at-large Sylvan. Join him for a visit to Quebec, shall we? JBL hates him.
Cole hypes Rey-Rey-KB tonight. Again. Thanks Doc Obvious. I hate him.
It's Cruiserweight champ Gregory Helms joining us for commentary, looking all tough with his beard, skully and red and black striped shirt. Dude, where did you get those gay glasses? He has agreed to defend his title at the GAB.
Psychosis vs. Super Crazy
Helms hope they beat each other to death. Crowd wants to get into this. Psychosis takes it to SC tying him up in the ropes and delivers some sharp kicks to the back. Psychosis looks just angry as he gives SC the camel clutch. Did you know SC actually pawned his lawnmower for more hot dogs? Helms says so. SC with a springboard moonsault off to Psychosis outside the ring. Wow, SC with some crazy arm drag into a pinning combo. Lot of highspots in this. Impressive.
Winner: SC @ 4:49
Vito is shown trying on cowgirl outfits….juicy
The entire card at the GAB detailed…
Main Event - Rey-Rey vs. KB
Sharmell is proud to present…ALL HAIL KING BOOKER!! It doesn't have the same impact without Regal. Out of the ground, it's a midget, it's a masked man, and it's the World Champ. We're JIP from commercial break. Rey Rey with kicks to the leg and the 10-punches in the corner. KB moves from the 619 but falls into Rey Rey's jump from the apron. KB tosses Rey Rey like a dart as he averts a flying head scissors. KB follows up with a clothesline. Kick to the jaw and he gets a two count. Rey Rey fights back but gets felled by a KB elbow. A slingshot suplex by KB and can't hold Rey Rey down. KB yells "Eddie can't help you." You can't keep the little man from fighting though. Rey Rey caught but reverses...KB into the ropes set up for the 619 but Sharmell interferes. Royal Bookend but Rey-Rey's foot on the ropes. It's Chavo from nowhere. 619, top rope leg drop, Rey-Rey gets him!!
Winner: Rey Mysterio
Damn those Guerrero's!!! KB and Sharmell are livid as Rey-Rey and Chavo stare down as show ends. Can Rey-Rey continue his storybook title reign? Find out Sunday!!!
