411's WWE Smackdown Report 08.11.06
Posted by John Nocero on 08.11.2006
Watching a diva talent show makes me wish I was Maurice Clarett.
From: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee Hosts: Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield
Tonight – THE ANIMAL and Lashley vs. Regal and Finlay and Rey Rey and KK
Yeehaw, let's rock bitches! The show opens with an interview with The Great Khali and Daivari. JBL says he feels sorry for Khali for being in the Last Man Standing Match versus The Undertaker. I feel sorry we actually have to see the match. Daivari says Taker doesn't exist and refuses to accept the match. Good for them and good for us. BONG! Out comes out the Deadman who throws big soupbones into Khali's overgrown jaw then drops Daivari. A CHOKESLAM and another BONG, Khali is gone. Taker looks like one bad mother lifting Khali an inch off the ground.
A recap is shown of last week's Rey Rey-Chavo angle. On second viewing, it's still freaking tasteless. Vickie is shown in the back asking Chavo why he is doing this. Chavo says he didn't start this, Rey Rey did. This is shitty. Vickie tells Chavo this war is tearing up the Guerrero familia. Chavo says Rey Rey is no Guerrero. Thanks Sherlock Holmes, what's your next case?
Back from commercial and thanks to the Teddy Bears for the SummerSlam theme.."Cobrastyle"
Gregory Helms vs. Tatanka (non-title)
Buffalo just skirts under the cruiserweight limit I guess. Nothing wrong with the Dodge Dakota..god I love JBL. They lock up and Helms quickly tossed into the corner like a bitch, then floored with a clothesline, and Buffalo chops him to the canvas. Helms cries like a bitch, then attacks and steps on Buffalo's neck over the bottom rope. A quick two count by Helms and he stays on the offensive. Buffalo comes back and they exchange blows but Buffalo runs into an elbow into the corner and another two count by Helms. Helms unloads with a right hand and snapmares into a chinlock. Resthold..Buffalo's getting tired. Buffalo fights out and they trade rights. Buffalo takes control, big back body drop and into the war dance. Big chop! And another! Tomahawk to the head and Buffalo's fly! But he only gets two. Buffalo goes for the Trail's End but Helms reverses into the shining wizard and the three count! But wait, Buffalo's foot under the bottom rope. But Charles Robinson misses it. Boo hoo.
Winner: Gregory Helms 4:55.
Daivari is in Teddy Long's office, crying about how Taker punked them both. Long cancels the SummerSlam Last Man Standing match but makes it for next week's SMACKDOWN!!! The war between the two comes to a head and pops like a zit on Snitsky's back next week.
Idol Stevens and KC James vs. Paul London and Brian Kendrick (non-title)
How the hell do Michelle McCool's teacher's pets debut last week and get a match with the champs this week? What happened to working up the tag ladder and defeating the Young Stallions? Sorry, bad flashback. McCool is to Stacy Keibler what James is to Bobby Eaton. London and Stevens start and London takes him to the canvas. And a big doubleteam by the champs and a flying doubleteam elbow off the ropes. Frequent tags as the champs work on Steven's arm. A flying bodypress by Kendrick into a lateral press gets two on Stevens. But Stevens fights back and tags in Eaton, who gains control with an armbar. But a doubleteam hiptoss and kicks by the champs and Eaton kicks out at two. James and Stevens collide but London gets tossed from the ring as their opponents control. Stevens gives a bodyslam onto James knee and gets two. London fights back but Stevens hits a knee to the gut and cuts off the ring. London makes the hot tag to Kendrick who comes in and cleans house like Florence Johnston. Flying clothesline by London. Kendrick rolls up Stevens but James kicks to the head. Stevens covers and the teacher's pets steal one. What the hell is McCool teaching these boys?? Those are lessons you can't learn at community college.
Winner: Idol Stevens and KC James 4:58
Ashley shown backstage talking to Luke Perry, who is the celebrity judge for tonight's Diva Search Talent Contest. Yay yay for Dylan McKay. But Kristal interrupts as her and Ashley exchange heated words. Perry tries to keep the peace. Kristal tells him to call her. Yeah right.
Back from commercial and it's time for this week's biggest waste of time…The Diva Search! Out comes The Mizanthrope with Luke Perry, who kisses an ugly fat chick on the way in. I love looking at hot bitches but why then do I hate these girls so much? Oh yeah, because they fucking suck. Each contestant has one minute to show off her ass, I mean her titties, I mean her talent. Some guy in karate gear is in the ring to assist. Up first is Jen, who is gonna show some moves, Stone Cold Steve Austin style. Jen throws some kicks at him, and then kicks him in the balls. She gets some beers and pours it all over her melons. That's ass kicking! No one in the crowd wants a Jenweiser as they boo her skanky ass.
Up next is Layla, dressed like a cop, who is gonna lay the law down with a dance number, gyrating with Luke, rips off her uni and does some splits. She tosses a beer can at Jen and a staged catfight is on. I've hit my wife harder than those two slapped each other.
So Milena is up to perform some mixed martial arts. She says she is muy caliente and strips off the gi and into an over the shoulder throw on her sparring partner. Insane boos by the crowd. Vince, are you listening? She walked around for the last 30 seconds. Damn, that's talent, baby!!
JT, almost buck naked in a teeny tiny silver bikini, is up to read a poem. Seriously, her thatch is almost showing. She seems to rip on the other contestants but you couldn't hear her because of the crowd's jeering. JT and Jen seem to be shit talking each other and no one cares. Luke asks the crowd to pick a winner and Layla gets the lease amount of boos so she wins. This looks so horribly atrocious I cannot begin to describe it. My son smiled though, so maybe that is the audience they were looking for? I am voting to get these whores off my TV next week.
Rey Rey is in the back with Vickie, who works up the tears talking about her loss of Eddie. She begs Rey Rey to forgive Chavito and move on..Rey Rey says he will try his best in the name of Eddie Guerrero to forgive him, but he can't promise forgiveness…oh the drama.
Back from commercial hyping Taker-Khali next week..
Rey Rey vs. KK
On paper, this looks okay. KK does his mic shtick. I like that. But who doesn't? A kid in the crowd is shown with an NWO T-shirt. Thanks for keeping up with the storylines, son. KK taunts to start and pushes Rey Rey into the corner. KK with a headlock into a hammerlock but Rey Rey fights off and counters with a headscissors. Rey Rey with rights but KK takes control with a high elbow off the ropes. KK forces him back to the corner and lands some rights. Rey Rey battles out of the corner but KK reverses and smashes him in the corner belly first upside down. Say that five times fast. KK gets a nearfall and twists Rey Rey's neck, slowing down the aerial attack. Rey Rey gets up but KK spikes him center ring, shoots the half, hooks the leg, and another near fall. KK works Rey's left arm but Rey Rey won't quit. KK with a forearm to the back. Rey Rey works up and counters, tossing KK to the turnbuckle. Rey Rey to the top but KK catches him. KK attempts a slam from his shoulders off the top rope but Rey Rey battles and reverses into a Frankensteiner off the top rope. Back from mid-match commercial and we get KK whipping Rey Rey across the ring and running into a elbow. Rey Rey flies out of the ring and hurts his left knee. KK drives Rey Rey kidney first into the apron outside. They get back in and another near fall. More next twisting by KK. Rey Rey hits an elbow and rolls through a sunset flip, with a doublekick to the face. Springboard cross body by Rey Rey gets two and a half. Rey Rey with a crucifix gets another two. Wow, frog action and Rey Rey gets two again. How inventive. Rey Rey goes for the 619 but Chavito it out. Baseball slide and they brawl outside. Vickie is out to help but Rey Rey knocks her down during the fight. Chavo with a cheap shot on Rey Rey as he checks on Vickie, who is crying. Vickie pushes them all away. Maybe next week they can fight on Eddie's grave, first one to shit on it wins?
Winner: KK by DQ 13:29 (approximate)
King Booker in the back with his Queen Sharmell. How many gladiators will he have to slay to prove he is king of the world, he speaketh? They will all fall one by one, as The ANIMAL will be his greatest triumph at SummerSlam, he speaketh again.
Vito (w/dress) vs. Sylvan
Vito works out at his old gym and gets some weird looks. Vito slaps to start because Sylvan laughs at him and an inverted atomic drop. Sylvan with a boot and whips Vito to the buckles but up and over with an back body drop. Sylvan tries a sunset flip from outside the ring but gets a peek up the dress and screams. Sylvan swallows his vomit and hits Vito with a clothesline and a nearfall. Sylvan plants with a rock bottom and gets two. Vito escapes a headlock and kicks Sylvan in the mouth. Sylvan misses a leap into the corner and Vito plants him shoulder first to the canvas. It is the dress over the head armbar. Sylvan quits.
Winner: Vito by submission 3:30
WWE Mag (with a smoking HOT pic of Trish on the cover to increase the puberty rate in American teens everywhere) recaps Monday's Trips-Umaga match.
Tag team main event is hyped before commercial...
Highlights shown of Taker-Khali from earlier.
Sylvester Turkay (w/ Elijah Burke) vs. no name scrubby jobber.
In another turkay, headbutt to the heart, suplex, foreams to the chest, belly to belly suplex, a towel off by Burke, nighty-night right hook to the temple, and the keylock submission armbar ends the beatdown in the boogeydown. How many times can Cole say "nothing but a damn bully?" The over under stands at 59 for next week.
Winner: Sylvester Turkay 1:30
Teddy Long is in his office again talking to The MVP, with a world class spread of the finest meats and cheeses no less, who promises to get his agent to holla holla at Teddy tomorrow say about 4 o'clock to get him signed, sealed and delivered. True dat, playa.
Finlay and Regal are shown jibber-jabbering in the back. Finlay says to listen to him and they will beat The ANIMAL and Lashley.
He's coming to getcha! A promo airs for the return of The Boogeyman. I suddenly have the verge to eat fried worms.
JBL and Cole run down the SummerSlam card…
King Booker and Queen Sharmell make their way to ringside to join the commentary team for the main event
THE ANIMAL and Lashley vs. U.S. Champ Finlay and Regal
JIP and Finlay gets tossed around by THE ANIMAL, who tags in Lashley, and hits Regal with right hands. Regal whipped across and into the ropes, gets a forearm in the mush. Lashley drops an elbow off the ropes. He goes for another but Finlay puts down the top rope and then pulls out Lil B from under the ring and slams him onto Lashley. He's back in and Regal stomps. Finlay is in and puts on the chinlock, then hits a big clothesline. JBL still talking about a leprechaun gaggle. Regal and Finlay isolate Lashley from THE ANIMAL. Lashley comes back on Regal but gets clubbed to the back of the neck. Finlay boots Lashley and runs him shoulder first past the turnbuckles into the post. Finlay drops a series of elbowsmashes. Lashley fights off but Finlay and Regal cut off the ring, and then Regal immobilizes the big man on the canvas. Finlay tags in and hits a European uppercut. Lashley reverses and a hot tag to THE ANIMAL. Big right hands abound. Regal irish whipped and a clothesline. Lashley in and we have a donnybrook, a slobberknocker, double spears, and a spinebuster by THE ANIMAL on Regal for the three. Batista thanks King B post-match for holding the title but at SS he is gonna be needing it back..oh no he didn't...
Winners: THE ANIMAL and Bobby Lashley
The first hour flew by, probably because it was so god damn awful. If you like the Rey Rey-Chavo angle, bite me. With the last man standing match next week, it only gets better, huh?
