The Impact Crater 08.24.06

Posted by Ryan Byers on 08.25.2006

TNA Driking Game Rule #3: Take a shot for every thumbtack Abyss punches.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to this week's IMPACT CRATER~! This week, in addition to covering the show, we're debuting reader feedback, which you can check out after my review of this week's show.

Brother Runt and his ridiculous mohawk open the program, and he challenges Abyss to a "10,000 thumbtack match" as Raven looks on and chuckles. Yeah, that's a great way to lock in the MMA fans. Up next is a video package recapping the events of last week, as Jeff Jarrett says he'll give Sting a rematch for the NWA Title, but only if Mr. Borden puts his career on the line. We're getting the Crow's answer tonight.

When we head in to the arena, Shane Douglas is cutting a promo, and there's a fan with a ridiculous sign displaying caricatures of Shane-o and the Naturals. The former Triple Threat leader says it's time for a Natural title reign before bringing the poor man's Hardy Boys out to the ring for . . .

Match Numero Uno: The Naturals vs. The Paparazzi

All four men brawl at the opening bell, and the bad guys look to take the advantage, though their opponents skin the cat in stereo and toss Shelley to the floor before Douglas jams Johnny's face in to Stevens' knee. That's your setup for commercial break number one. The heels are dominating with run of the mill offense when we come back, but Devine misses a moonsault to set up the "hot tag." It's in quotes because nobody popped. Stevens runs wild with a flying forearm before the Naturals land a double shoulderblock on Devine. They go for their powerbomb/top rope clothesline combo on the Canadian, but Shelley interferes and nails Chase. That results in Devine falling on top of him for the three count. After the match, Douglas berates his men, tells them they're "not championship material," and says they're going "right back to the bottom." Wait, they're going to CZW?

Match Thoughts: The in-ring action was nothing special here, mainly because the match was short and interrupted by a commercial. In fact, we probably missed about half of the contest, so I don't know that I could rate it in good conscience. However, it was an improvement over the matches that I've seen these men over the course of the past couple of weeks, because they kept things basic and didn't try to cram five thousand moves in to their four minutes on TV. Though the bit in the ring was decent, I can't say that I'm a fan of the booking. Obviously what the company is going for is a slow build towards the Naturals ultimately challenging for the Tag Team Titles, but they have to be careful with the whole "lose and restart" angle. If you do it too often, the team will wind up losing more times in the build to this title shot than they wind up winning, which will hurt the fans' perception of them as a top level team.

Now we've got an AMW promo. They bicker about splitting up, and it sounds uncomfortably similar to some arguments that I've had with ex-girlfriends. Eventually they have some beer, which presumably substitutes for make-up sex.

If you were wondering, Christy Hemme is still employed and still worthless.

We're back from break, and now it's time for a recap of Sting turning on Christian, Rhino confronting Christian, and Christian explaining his relationship with both me. Mr. Cage joins us in the arena now, and Sting's a liar because he didn't win the title like he said he would. Reso declaes that he is God but gets cut off by Rhino, who's ready to defend the real God – namely JBL. Just kidding. Rhino once again asks why Christian did what he did, which means that somebody didn't bother to watch last week's show. Xian tries to win the War Machine's favor by mentioning everything that he's done for him over the course of their friendship, but that fails. With that out of the way, Captain Charisma goes for Plan B, offering the ECW alum a free chairshot. That doesn't happen either . . . but it's only because Rhino decides to use his fists instead of a weapon. He decides to use the gore too, but Christian counters with the chair, drawing blood. And, hey, remember the one man con-chair-to? It's back. The mic work here by Christian was fabulous – much better than his lame babyface stuff – and almost distracted the crowd from the fact that he should actually be feuding with Sting. The only problem with the segment was Rhino, who, though good in the ring, fails in any interview segment where he's required to do more than yell at the top of his lungs and swear a lot. It was still an above average angle, but a better face could've made it a great angle.

After a commercial, we start wasting precious camera time on the Earl Hebner/Slick Johnson feud. Larry Zbyszko comments on it but gets interviewed by Eric Young, who will be tossed if he loses his match next week.

Match Numero Dos: Abyss vs. Cassidy Reily

Reily is no longer Raven's number one fan. Since that didn't work out, I think next week he should reveal that he's the world's biggest Tony Atlas mark. The opening seconds of the match are ignored, because the cameras instead focus on James Mitchell, who is pouring tacks all over the announce table. When we're back in the ring, it's time for the Black Hole Slam and the three count. After the match, Abyss punches a bunch of tacks to show us all how crazy he is.

Match Thoughts: Next.

It's showtime as Sting joins us. His acceptance of Jeff Jarrett's offer comes in video package form, complete with creepy footage of blood dripping down on to a Sting mask and a little girl running around in a forest. I'm assuming that there's supposed to be symbolism involved there, but I thought all day at work. I'm not going to try to figure out a wrestling show.

Now Jarrett is out, and his forehead is really starting to show all of his years in the business. He promises a "public execution" next week. This must mean somebody in the locker room is a HORSE THIEF!

Match Numero Tres: AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels (c) vs. LAX in a street fight for the NWA Tag Team Championship

As you can imagine, this is a huge fight right off the bat, which is a bit odd given that Daniels is dressed like a JC Penny's mannequin. The Angel hits the first big spot of the match, jumping out of the crowd, over the announce table, and down on to Hernandez. Naturally, that's our commercial setup. Hernandez and Daniels are in the ring when we come back, with Daniels hitting a leg lariat for two. Hernandez responds with a backbreaker and follows that up by applying a camel clutch, which is a real head scratcher when used in the middle of a street fight. Meanwhile, Styles is officially busted open on the outside. Daniels makes a comeback for his team with a backbreaker on Homicide and some chairshots on Hernandez, but he's caught on a Stinger Splash attempt and tossed face first in to the furniture. Tenay and West need to stop hyping next week's show, because this match should be important enough on its own. Now a table has come in to play, and Daniels is bleeding thanks to Homicide. Styles tries a comeback of his own, sending Hernandez out of the ring and distracting Homicide long enough for the Angel to hit an STO. A massive Styles plancha wipes out Hernandez, but, in the ring, Homicide gives Daniels the Hama-chan cutter through a table after Konnan interferes with the slapjack. That leads to a three count and a new set of Tag Team Champions. El Gran Hamada would be proud.

Match Thoughts: Well, this was certainly longer than anything that we've gotten on Impact in quite some time. It was also better than anything that has happened since I started reviewing the show. All four men went out there with their working shoes on and were pounding the ever loving crap out of each other for ten solid minutes. That alone would be enough to earn this a decent rating, but everybody involved also showed a pretty good sense of timing, with good guys knowing exactly when to come back for he maximum emotional effect and the bad guys knowing exactly how long to let those comebacks last before recapturing the advantage. My only complaint is that perhaps the match was a bit too one-sided in favor of the bad guys, but that was almost necessary after Daniels and Styles went over clean in the teams' first encounter. I wouldn't say that this was worth going out of your way to see, but it was a quality main event for those of us that were already watching the show. **1/2

Final Thoughts

This has to be one of the top ten Impact episodes of all time. The main event was better than 90% of the free TV matches that you'll see broadcast in the United States, and it probably would've made even an otherwise putrid show worth watching. However, the episode was not just carried by the main event. Christian/Rhino was a very strong interview segment, as it established a concrete issue between the two men. The real strong point, though, is the fact that Christian's viewpoint as the heel is not one that people can agree with outright but one that we can at least sympathize with somewhat, even if he is ultimately a little bit twisted. The rest of the performances on the show were all fairly solid, with Jim Mitchell and Shane Douglas performing well on the microphone and Alex Shelley holding together a tag team match with the Naturals that was not a complete embarrassment. The only thing I really missed was a wacky promo by the likes of Scott Steiner or Kevin Nash . . . but I'm not gong to complain.

And, with that out of the way, let's see what some of the general public had to say about last week's show. A man who calls himself NCHS08JOHNBRYANT kicks us off with a question:

If you liked Truth being fed to Joe then if ya can name the 3 potential wrestlers that TNA should give Joe in a match, personally I was thinking giving him Raven or maybe even Abyss that way Joe can get some experience in being the little man for once in a match.

That's actually an interesting question. First of all, I think I should point out that there's a difference between giving Joe a guy to beat in a one-shot match on television and giving Joe a guy to beat after a major feud. Truth was good for the one-shot match because he wasn't going anywhere in the company and, if you wanted to push him at this point, it would take some significant rebuilding anyway. As you mentioned, Raven would be somebody in a similar position.

I don't know that I'd pick Abyss for the same role, for exactly the same reason that you mentioned - you can get some mileage out of Joe being at a size disadvantage for one of the first times. So I think that if they met up, Joe should certainly win, but I'd like to see a real feud made out of it.

In addition to Raven, I think that A1 would be a good choice for Joe to kill in a match with no real feud behind it, and you could say the same for whichever member of AMW winds up not getting pushed after that team splits. You could also use Billy Gunn or BG James, since a singles loss wouldn't hurt their credibility as a tag team all that much.

Up next is Suttle65, who hated my review:

>WTF? Were you watching the damn show you Idiot! That X-Division Match was solid and Sonjay Dutt is underrated. Do you even like TNA? Why are you reviewing this show? You are a waste of time! ASSHOLE!

Dear sir:

Yes, I was watching the show. However, I prefer matches in which stories are told and there is a progression from more basic moves to faster paced, higher impact sequences. The X Division match had neither of those attributes. Sonjay Dutt can pull off good matches when he is given plenty of time, but, as I mentioned in my review of last week's show, he is essentially worthless in short matches because he just wants to get in as many big moves as possible, which serves no purpose other than desensitizing the audience.

Yes, I like TNA. However, I thought this episode of Impact was bad. I fail to see why you have jumped to the conclusion that I don't like the promotion based on my review of one episode of their programming.

Fortunately, Ryan is Forever did like what I had to say. I chose to believe that his nickname is an homage to me:

I fell asleep around 8 and missed most of Impact, so a "thank you" for a great recap. I don't normally care for negativity unless it's done with ideas on how it should be done, rather than just pissing all over it, and you t have a perfect blend of it. Keep up the good work.

Glad you enjoyed it. It's not my goal to go out there and be "negative," but I was just faced with what I thought was a particularly bad episode of the show, and I'm not going to go out there and sugarcoat things just because readers prefer to read "positive" reviews.

And it sounds like LAX/PA really gothe shaft. Easily the best tag team feud in a long time. I'm so tired of everything being overshadowed because TNA is trying to justify Sting's contract. Also agree that TNA will probably do something stupid and make D'Amore Roode's manager. I love what Roode is doing right now, and he came off as a genuine ass. Think they'll screw his push up?

I've got no problem with Sting being on the roster, but they really need to keep him in segments with whoever he's feuding with and away from everybody else . . . because, whenever they decide to mix him with the rest of the roster, they just have to make him out to be a much bigger deal than everybody else. Don't get me wrong, I think you need to have a roster with clearly defined "a-level guys" and "b-level guys," but you don't want wrestlers you are trying to make in to a-level talent being constantly overshadowed by the players that are already there.

As far as Roode is concerned, I'm just not feeling it. He reminds me of Test - a guy that seemingly should have all of the tools to get over but is just missing that intangible that keeps him from being a main event player. I doubt they'll screw up his push because he's D'Amore's boy and D'Amore is on the creative team, but I don't think that he'll make it to the level that they want him to.

Finally, Joey Nic also wants to defend Sonjay Dutt:

Hey. So, you think Sonjay Dutt is one of the worst wrestlers in the world because he's not good at working a five minute match. Well you don't really have much time to build a story in a five minute singles match much less a five minute six man tag match. Ricky Steamboat said that he couldn't work five minute matches, so does that mean he sucked too?

I never said Sonjay Dutt was one of the worst wrestlers in the world. I said that I hated Sonjay Dutt as a television wrestler and that he is no good in short matches. In fact, I made sure to note that I like him in longer matches. You're right that he doesn't have time to put together a story in a five minute match, but there are ways to wrestle a five minute match that make much more sense than what Dutt does. You may not have much time to work with, but you can still build up to big moves somewhat. If the guy does a standing moonsault in the first ninety seconds of a match, what do the fans have to look forward to? Where's the drama? Without those elements, you may as well be watching a gymnastics floor routine.

That does it for our feedback, and that does it for the week. I'll see you all in seven short days.