411's Smackdown Report 08.25.06

Posted by John Nocero on 08.25.2006

Look at me, I'm Vickie G, bastardizing sweet Eddie. How could this be, wait this is the E...I want to freaking puke.

From: Wachovia Arena at Casey Plaza; Wilkes Barre, PA
Your Hosts: Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield

Highlights begin the show from last Sunday's SummerSlam. Same package from RAW…

The show begins with all of us hailing World Champion King B! He's center ring with Queen S, Finlay and Regal, his monotonous repeating of "ALL HAIL KING BOOKER!" in the background. I love that King B looks as if he will cry at any millisecond. He thanks us all. No, thank YOU KB. He says that he proved last Sunday that THE ANIMAL cannot challenge your king. Without a royal court, there is no king. He needs royal knights, which hear ye hear ye, serves your purpose of Sir Regal and Sir Finlay. Is the leprechaun your royal jester? The humbled knights extraordinaire promise to take care of anyone who crosses ye king and make them kiss King B's royal piggies. WHAM! It's Lashley out of nowhere, spearing Finlay. And the music hits…it's THE ANIMAL. It's a pier-sixer, a slobberknocker, a rocketbuster, fuck it you get it..more music with SMACKDOWN! GM Teddy Long coming out and making a handicap main event tonight, dawg: a handicap tag…KB, Regal and Finlay vs. THE ANIMAL and Lashley. Holla…

A promo airs for the new McMahon DVD..no mention of incest unfortunately…

Hey, it's the longest reigning champ in WWE today..Gregory Helms..still with the great fucking
beard.

KK vs. Matt Hardy
They eye each other up and lockup. Headlock by Hardy into a shoulderblock off the ropes and a headlock takedown. KK reverses with a headscissors but Hardy goes back to the headlock and a quick two count by KK. Hardy with a shoulderblock off the ropes and a hiptoss to KK. Hardy with right hands, another whip to the ropes and an elbow to KK's grizzle. Another two count by Hardy. JBL forgets what night SMACKDOWN! is on. Unfortunately, it's Friday night. KK takes control and rams Hardy's face to the buckle. Tries it again but Hardy blocks and takes KK's face to all four buckles. And a big clothesline takes KK down. Another near fall. Hardy with forearms to the back. KK reverses an irish whip and tosses Hardy to the buckle..and a nearfall by KK. Hardy with a side of fate and another near fall. KK with elbows to Hardy's face and Hardy tosses KK over the top as he charges..and takes KK out with a flying bodypress over the top and to the outside as we go to commercial. We're back as KK has Hardy in a overhead armlock. Hardy missed the moonsault while we were gone. Thank GOD for replay. KK kills Hardy by whipping him to the metal steps out of the ring. But he only gets two after tossing him back in. Back to the armlock. KK must be tired. Yes, this is old school. Hardy breaks the armlock but KK back in control. This match is so slow. KK with a knee to the spine and snapmare takeover and back again to the armlock. Hardy cut hardway on his chest. KK to the top but Hardy catches him and a big superplex. But he can't hold KK now. They trade blows and here comes Hardy..clothesline and into a bulldog, but gets two. Another side of fate and another two. Hardy climbs the ropes and drops the elbow. Hardy goes for the twist of fate but KK counters. And it's Helms dropping Hardy's neck on the top rope. KK into a neckbreaker..Cole screams "what are you doing, you fool?" oh that witty Cole and poor foolhardy Hardy...hardy har har. a nice little old school match.

Winner: KK 13:49 (approximate)

Backstage, The Mizanthrope and Ashley discuss Layla winning the Diva Search. Ashley asks what a Mizfit is. Hello McFly, it is a huge fan of Miz, who's obviously miztaken. He's gay.

The Slam of the Week is Layla winning the Diva search.

Here comes The Miz, who brings out Layla, all slutted up. Can she wear any kind of clothing? She's basically naked with her melons hanging out and a mini mini mini.. JBL says Miz sucks. Funny. Layla thanks everyone for their support. JBL wonders if Miz is happy with his haircut. Miz says he makes his in ring debut next week. JBL would rather see Star Jones in a thong, topless in his bedroom. He's still gay. Cole's second use of the word "fool." The over/under for that is four.

Turkay vs. The Buffalo coming up..highlights of the recent robberies by refs on the poor Buffalo..you and the 1992 Bills.

Sylvester Turkay with Elijah Burkevs. The Buffalo
Turkay is such a stooge. Some girl does some crazy Tatanka yell. Turkay pushes Buffalo to the corner and catches Buffalo's foot, and takes him down. They trade blows. Turkay with the boot to the jaw. Covers and drives the knees to the shoulder and arm and then gets up to get advice from Burke. No one has a clue to solve the conundrum that is Turkay, JBL says. Turkay with a slam that gets two. Turkay boots while Buffalo is down. God is this fucking slow and boring. Turkey has Buffalo in a seated surfboard. I don't believe I am seeing this either JBL. Buffalo fights back with a chop and rights. A clothesline doesn't take him down and chop chop chop. Kicks to Turkey's legs. Turkay is no selling like his name is McMahon..a chop off the top gets a cover but Turkay gets his foot on the bottom rope. Buffalo cries to the ref, turns around into a boot by Turkay. That sucked.

Winner: Turkay 4:21

Highlights of Rey Rey-Chavito from SS. Vickie G is coming to the ring after commercial. I'm so excited I pop a boner and jerk off. Sorry, but she is so freaking nasty.

The trailer is shown for The Marine out October 13...

Vickie G comes out to Eddie's music. A sign is shown in the crowd by a kid in a Rey Rey mask "Vickie stop this madness." No shit. It is time for Vickie to move on with her life. She did some terrible things at SS and feels horrible for getting involved. She apologizes to all of us, and then wants to apologize to Rey Rey and Chavito. Rey Rey comes to the ring. Rey Rey, she's sorry. Huggies. Chavito, she's sorry. Huggies. They all are about to leave when Chavito attacks Rey Rey and hits a backbreaker. He goes to hit Rey Rey with a chair but Vickie takes it away and then waffles Rey Rey. Sickening. Chavito with a brainbuster on the chair, another hug and Rey Rey is lying in the ring. I swallow vomit from my mouth. Rey Rey cries and we go to break.
..
Back from commercial with the SMACKDOWN! live events tour…

Highlights from the vomit-inducing angle are shown…

Paul London vs. KC James
Kendrick is with London. Idol Stevens and Michelle McCool accompany James. London with some right hands to start. James forces him back to the corner and more brawling. McCool loves what she sees. I love what I see too. James with a nearfall then working the chinlock. JBL says London and Kendrick remind him of a young Rockers. London breaks free with a chop to James' kisser and a boot. James runs into an elbow after reversing an irish whip to the corner. Stevens grabs the leg but Kendrick gets involved. There is fighting inside and outside. London to the top when The Pitbulls attack. They go rabid. A three team brawl.

Winner: London via DQ 2:47

MVP comes to the front row to sit ringside with two sluts as we go to commercial.

Boogey is coming to get cha!!

Kristal Marshall vs. Jillian Hall
I love Jillian's tits. If her wrestling was only half as good. Old school inset as Kristal warns Layla. Jillian looks like Trish in jeans and a belly shirt. Her tits bounce as Kristal attacks before the bell and dumps her to the outside. They jiggle as Jillian hits some forearms and a hairpull takedown. More bouncing as she covers for two. They shimmie when Kristal takes her from the ring and drives her lower back to the apron. A hairpull take down face first by Kristal..watch the love pillows. Jillian with two hard chops and a springboard moonsault. Crossbody to Kristal tits first. Jillian shakes her melons and tries for a fireman's carry, but Kristal reverses for three. Did I mention I love Jillian's tits?

Winner: Kristal Marshall 2:43

MVP is shown ringside.

It's a new Japanese cowboy..a redneck chinaman?..Jimmy Wang Yang. He's our boy. Giddyup.

Vito vs. Sylvan
MVP is shown laughing at Vito from ringside. Sylvan tries to chop Vito but Vito comes back and works Sylvan over on the outside. Back in and Sylvan with a kick to the gut and a bodyslam. He chokes Vito on the ropes and tries to gouge his eyes out. Vito fights back and delivers some forearms. But Sylvan gets the upper hand and climbs to the top and hits a dropkick, gets two. Vito reverses into a back suplex. Vito with right hands, and he's jabbing. Vito with a clothesline, big elbow and a back body drop. Sylvan misses with a shoulder to the post. Vito DDT and under the dress submission. Vito calls out MVP, who got in the ring to confront him. MVP's agent calls on the cell phone and says they don't have a contract yet, so MVP turns down the challenge. SMACKDOWN! most visible pussy of the NTI…

Winner: Vito 4:00

The King and his court are shown in the back..

THE ANIMAL and Lashley vs. KB, Regal and Finlay

King B holds up the title as THE ANIMAL enters. ANIMAL attacks and goes right to KB. But Finlay with a clothesline and a chinlock. Batista powers out and snapmares Finlay over his back, then drives shoulders to the gut. ANIMAL kicks Regal in the ribs with Finlay on his back, and then dumps the Irishman over the top rope. Lashley presses Finlay overhead and tosses him onto Regal. Double-shoulder knockdown and Finlay and Regal scatter. The court huddles as we go to break.

We're back and Lashley is covering Regal for two. Lashley dominates and tags ANIMAL. Double shoulderblock. ANIMAL suplex to Regal gets two. ANIMAL and Lashley doubleteam Regal in the corner. Regal hits a clothesline on Lashley after a kick from Finlay on the outside and KB is in. He places his royal stomps onto Lashley's chest and tags in Finlay. Forearm to the face but Lashley kicks out at two. Regal and Finlay play ping pong with Lashley's dome in the corner. KB with a scissorskick to Lashley and ANIMAL breaks up the count. Lashley is outside and Regal tosses Lil B onto Lashley off the apron, then goes and bites Cole on the ankle. Hysterical. King B with knees to Lashley's head. Lashley counters a KB suplex and covers..Finlay saves. Hot tag to ANIMAL. Right hands to KB and sideslam..right hands to the knights..suplex to Finlay…bodyslam to Regal…slams him on top of Finlay. KB has his scepter but Batista steals it and bounces it off KB's skull..Spinebuster..Goodnight sweet King.


Winners: THE ANIMAL and Lashley 10:50 (approximate)

Thoughts: Isn't it sad that the same show that I saw two weeks ago is the best show of the week from the E????