411s WWE Raw Report 10.02.06
Posted by Arnold Furious on 10.02.2006
Cena-Edge in a cage and the IC title changes hands.
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to meeee, happy birthday to me. I'm 30 today folks. I feel exceptionally old. I've also managed to ignore the calls of several of my friends to go down the pub tonight, which would have gotten messy and almost certainly seen this particular show review just not happen. So I intend to go and get very drunk tomorrow or at some point this week to compensate. It's not like I'm struggling with the writing at the moment. I have five tape reviews in the system and this weeks Furious on Film is already written. It just needs some links thrown in. I had a particularly productive Sunday for some reason.
Hopefully the site won't crash this week, which is why I couldn't get my live coverage mack on last week. If you wish to communicate your ire, congratulations, felicitations, gratitude, location of your pornography/girlfriend's private online picture gallery/drug stash, love of my work, hatred of everything or anything else you can think of I'm available on MSN Messenger under the address of arnold@smashwrestling.com. Or you could just email me. Up to you.
Sidenote #1 Ever notice that Eugene's Titantron is basically his name written on a piece of paper? The idea being he's too retarded to have a proper entrance although that's exactly the same entrance that WCW used in their Titantrons. Just sayin'.
Sidenote #2 Lewis Muirhead, my able replacement at Smash, looks into his crystal ball this week and predicts a change of Intercontinental Champion. Could well be right. Unless they're reading this and think "is it that obvious?" and job Jeff Hardy out once more. That's what I'm hoping for.
We're in Topeka, Kansas. Hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. And the cage is already set up for tonights main event. Cena-Edge for the belt in the cage tonight.
PROMO TIME DX. "There's no escaping DX" JR. Shawn runs circles around for HHH for his own amusement. We get clips from Unforgiven where the McMahons took a beating inside the Hell in a Cell. HHH tries to hush the crowd who refuse to cooperate. HHH runs his usual DX shtick interupting it to show Vince with his face jammed in Big Show's rear end. Shawn gets interupted by The Coach. He reminds them that he runs this show not DX. He orders DX into a match RIGHT NOW in a Texas Tornado match against six opponents - Cade, Murdoch, Viscera, Charlie Haas and the Highlanders.
DX v Cade/Murdoch/Viscera/Haas/Highlanders
Everyone is in there at once with DX beating down everyone. Eventually Viscera uses his size to turn the tide. He miscues and crushes Haas when HHH sidesteps a charge though. He hurls Murdoch outside. Vis is left outnumbered by DX and gets cut down with a double clothesline. The numbers come piling back in but Cade clotheslines Robbie by mistake. Murdoch strolls into a facebuster off HHH. Double teaming on Viscera. Haas walks into the spinebuster. Shawn adds in the Savage Elbow. Superkick for Haas and the Pedigree to boot. Haas ends up pinned.
Triple H pins Charlie Haas after a Pedigree
POST MATCH Coach gets on the mic to complain about the match but can't find a reason bitching. Coach tells DX that he runs this show, not them. HHH says he's going to throw Coach's ass out of the building and run this show in his place. Coach runs off and DX chase to the back.
IC title Johnny Nitro (c) w/Melina v Jeff Hardy
JR talking about Melina liking to have sex with two men at once is somewhat unsettling. He goes on to remind us that Melina has denied Jeff the belt at two previous attempts. Hardy starts fast and floors Nitro with that Matrix neckbreaker. The double legdrop to the stomach follows and a headscissor takeover. Nitro avoids the Twist of Fate and bails. He avoids a potential pescado but Hardy was only faking and hits a crossbody off the apron instead. Commercial break arrives. We return with Nitro working a chinlock. During the break Hardy went for that corner dropkick but Nitro booted him in the guts. Hardy punches his way out an goes for the Whisper in the Wind but Nitro just moves out of the way for 2. Nice last second duck from Nitro. He goes to work on the lower back with a series of knees. Then baseball slides him into the ringpost. Melina screams. Nitro hauls Hardy up and a backbreaker gets 2. More knees and another backbreaker leads to a knee into the back stretch. They switch on a double arm hold but Hardy does his flip mule kick to break it. Step through heel kick gets 2. Nitro bails but Hardy biels him back in and does the double leg drop pin for 2. Whisper in the Wind gets 2. Melina helps Nitro out of the ring but Hardy dropkicks him over. He hits the Railrunner knocking them both over. Melina stays down holding her ankle. Nitro goes up top but Hardy cuts him off and they battle up there. Nitro gets backdropped off the top in position for the Swanton Bomb!
Jeff Hardy beats Johnny Nitro via Swanton Bomb to win the IC title. That Muirhead guy goes 1-1 in predictions.
CLIPS New Year's Revolution where Edge cashed in his Money in the Bank shot and beat Cena for the WWE title. Running clips of the feud from the start suggests this is the finale for said feud.
BACKSTAGE DX go to bother the Coach in his room. He knows it's them and won't let them in despite HHH's devious attempts to impersonate a maid and a candygram. He insinuates that Coach is masterbating behind the door, which is why he won't open it and we cut to commercial.
BACKSTAGE Maria interviews Jeff Hardy. We get clips of him taking the win beforehand. Jeff says this is why he came back to RAW. He name drops the guys he wants to wrestle and everyone wants to strip him of his belt. Mentioning strip brings Maria around to shilling the ECW strip poker game but Melina turns up to scream loudly.
ELSEWHERE Coach cowers in his room grovelling to Vince McMahon on the phone about not leaving his office. Vince apparently wants him to leave the room and act like a man. He exits but DX are nowhere to be seen. He says hello to the costume girls but then runs into Triple H standing down the end of the corridor. He goes to back off and behind him is Shawn Michaels. He's treed. Some goofy Western music kicks in. There's a TUMBLEWEED! Coach decides to head into the women's locker room to save himself. HHH orders Shawn in but he can't look so he has to wave around his arms blinded. HHH decides to stick around and chat to the ladies. "Do you come here often?" Shawn has to drag him out of there, still covering his eyes, and Coach has made it back into his office. Only to find the stripper guy is in there that Sandman caned and Vince McMahon got pissed off about. Heh. That's SO stupid. Coach runs into a wet floor sign and DX have finally caught up with him. He goes outside and begs off so much he knocks himself out on a production truck. They throw him in the trash and get a guy cleaning up the garbage to push him away.
CLIPS Royal Rumble where Cena reclaimed his WWE title courtesy of the STFU.
BACKSTAGE the Spirit Squad all shout at each other until DX show up. HHH informs that due to Coach disappearing DX are now running things. Shawn informs Spirit Squad, in his best Johnny Ace voice, of the new dress code that they're in violation of. HHH points out that if they don't comply they get the sledgehammer.
Umaga w/Armando Alejandro Estrada v Gene Snitsky
Umaga has Kane at Family Reunion next week. The loser is off RAW. Snitsky starts fast but can't get Umaga off his feet. Snitsky with a flying shoulderblock to take him down but Umaga pops him up for the Samoan Drop. WOW. The butt avalanche leaves Snitsky prone. Estrada calls for the finish. FOR SAMOA! Samoan Spike and this is over.
Umaga wins via Samoan Spike
BACKSTAGE Todd Grisham chats with Randy Orton. He has Carlito next. Orton says he's sick of Carlito and says he isn't cool. Orton says he's cool because he's a legend killer and he beat Carlito at Unforgiven.
SHILL The Marine. This week director John Bonito talks about stunts and how Cena did everything. It's out on October 13th. Friday the 13th. JR keeps plugging how "family friendly" the film is in an attempt to draw in the younger audience.
Randy Orton v Carlito
The apple gets chucked into the crowd so no apple spit in this one. Orton cheap shots on the break by kicking at the knee and then running Carlito into the ring post shoulder first. He takes it to the floor and works over the arm some more. That shoulder is posted again and Orton works the arm in the ropes. Kneedrop to the arm and Orton poses. Carlito is back up and he hits a rana but Orton picks him off with an armbreaker for 2. Orton goes to a top wristlock. Carlito punches his way out so Orton punches him back. Carlito goes lucha with the springboard back elbow. He clotheslines Orton down but hurts his arm in the process. Corkscrew springboard senton and the quebrada gets 2. Orton goes for his backbreaker but Carlito escapes and hangs Orton up on the ropes. Springboard into a crossbody but Orton rolls through and pulls the tights for the win.
Randy Orton wins via pinfall using a handful of tights
CLIPS Cena going into ECW and losing the title to Rob Van Dam thanks to Edge spearing him.
BACKSTAGE Shawn bothers the Spirit Squad who refuse to come out wearing the new outfits. HHH threatens to bash the door down but Shawn threatens to strip them of the tag titles. They decide they're coming out. "Those guys are so gay" HHH.
PROMO VIDEO Cryme Tyme. This week they get upset about a black man being a police officer and steal his doughnuts before running away. They're debuting soon, I guess.
Spirit Squad's Nicky v Sgt Slaughter
The Squad have actual cheerleader uniforms on this week. Lillian Garcia has trouble announcing without laughing. Johnny appears to have soiled himself. Sarge is out here for his yearly match. Nicky just bounces off a few times and gets trapped in the Cobra Clutch. Nicky gets the ropes to survive so Sarge beats him down again. Knee to the ribs and a gutbuster gets 2. Nicky reverses on a whip and Sarge takes a header over the top to the floor. The extra Spirit Squad guys put the boots in. He's thrown back in for 2. Nicky with a sleeper with added eye raking. Sarge reverses into the Cobra Clutch but Nicky knees out for 2. DX get on the Titantron to point out Nicky has left his underwear in the back so Sarge rolls him up for 3.
Sgt Slaughter pins Nicky via roll up
CLIPS RAW from July 3rd where Edge wins the WWE title in a triple threat match featuring Cena & RVD.
Women's title tournament R1 match/lingerie match Mickie James v Victoria
Vicky looks less than thrilled to be in her undies. That particular stipulation is down to DX running the show. Mickie looks somewhat cheekier. Victoria drives Mickie into her knee and they scuffle into the corner. Victoria with a few forearm shivers into the kidney area. Mickie double legs her and mounts with punches. Mickie is having knee trouble. Victoria blocks the Mickiecanrana, twice the second time into the Boston crab. Mickie twists out into a headscissors. Victoria throws her outside though. Mickie goes up top and just about manages the sunset flip. Victoria sits down on it but Jack Doan spots her using the ropes and breaks it allowing Mickie to finally complete the sunset flip for the pin and she advances.
Mickie James pins Victoria to advance in the tournament
POST MATCH Victoria goes totally mental but the production guys cut away from it.
CLIPS SNME where Cena gave Edge an FU through a table.
BACKSTAGE Chris Masters chats to Eric Bischoff so DX turn up to do their gratuitous PLUG for Bischoff's book. Shawn seems happy that DX are in the book but Bischoff calls them a New World Order rip off. "BLASPHEMY" Shawn. HHH spends a moment to rag on Masters losing 50lbs in 4 weeks. Shawn seems troubled that they were an nWo rip off. They bring the Dr Evil laughing to celebrate laughing last.
CLIPS Edge managing to get one up on Cena by knocking him out with brass knuckles at Summerslam. And now the cage is lowered DUN, DUN, DUN, DUN, DUN, DUN. I know you're making out Tony.
CLIPS Cena reclaims the title at Unforgiven in a TLC match. We're about 9 months into this feud so it looks like this could be the last match.
WWE title/cage match John Cena (c) v Edge w/Lita
JR talks about the history of cage matches in the WWE and apparently the WWE title has never changed hands inside a cage. Cena has a bad arm courtesy of Finlay's assault last week. Win can either be by escape, pinfall or submission. Edge goes right after the arm, which is heavily taped. Cena brawls to get him off and uses the buckles to bounce Edge's head around. Fisherman suplex of the release variety gets 2. Crowd is unusually pro-Cena but that normally changes during the match. Edge goes after the arm and ties it up in the ropes. Don't know why the ref is counting there are no DQ's in this. Edge calls for the door already but Cena pulls him back in into a back suplex for 2. Edge tries to climb out over the top but Cena catches him and throws him off for 2. Cena goes for the FU but Edge gets out into the Edgecution for 2. Couldn't tell if it was just on the arm or not. Edge with a Fujiwara armbar but Cena is never really all the way in it and he powers up into a backdrop. Throwback gets 2. Cena climbs but struggles because he only has one working arm. Edge drags him off into the ropes and spears him into the cage. Edge climbs but Cena punches him in the back and they brawl up the top. Cena drags Edge off into a facecrusher and we go to our final ad break. We come back with Edge continuing the abuse with a chinlock complete with armbar. Cena gets out into a belly to belly. Edge comes back with a spinning heel kick. Both men down but Edge gets a pin for 2. Edge tries to crawl out the door but Cena dragshim back in. Edge kicks him in the arm to stop that. Cena takes a header into the cage and Edge goes to climb. He's right up there on top and Cena has to dive to grab a foot. Both men on top of the cage now and they jab at each other. Cena gets knocked back onto the ropes but grabs Edge to stop him getting out. Cena manages to get Edge back onto the ropes but Edge back suplexes Cena back into the ring. Both men down for that as well and Edge eventually pins for 2. Edge climbs once more and this time Cena clips him so he crotches himself on the ropes. Cena shakes him off and runs Edge into the crowd. Clothesline and the Protobomb. Edge can't see him. Five Knuckle Shuffle. Edge is just about up but grabs the cage to evade the FU. Edge climbs again but Cean goes up after him and looks for the FU off the buckles. Cage saves again. He goes for the FU again but Edge counters into the Edgeomatic for 2. Edge crawls to the now open door. Cena manages to get his feet again but Lita has passed Edge a chair. The ref on the floor ejects Lita so that's all she'll get to do here. Edge looks distraught. His plan has gone south. The ref in the ring gets bumped though by Edge coming off the buckles. Edge sees the chair in the ring but Cean ducks. He also chairshots the BEJESUS out of Edge and slaps him in the STFU. Edge is unconscious though so why doesn't Cena just leave? Cade & Murdoch run in here to assault Cena and hit the High & Low. Edge can't capitalise though because he's OUT from that chair shot. The tag team have to drag him to the door. Just as they have him at the door DX run out here to put a stop to it. Murdoch gets superkicked just as Edge gets back up and leans out the door. Murdoch falls into it and Edge gets bashed in the face with the door. Cena is back up and hits the FU for the pin.
