411’s OVW/HWA Recap Extravaganza 10.22.06

Welcome to Week 3 of the OVW/HWA Recap Extravaganza! I am your party host Steve Cook, and I have just returned from Lexington, KY, where we went to the Blue vs. White Scrimmage. Good times, but I’m tired as hell and need beer, so who knows how this will go.

Ohio Valley Wrestling

Dean “King of the” Hill & Kenny “Starmaker” Bolin run down the card.

Match 1: Joey Mecrury vs. T.J. Dalton

Dalton hails from the O.C., Mercury is from Hollywood, it’s a battle to settle who’s the king of So Cal! Dalton is wrestling in board shorts and no shoes…interesting ring attire. Mercury works over the arm early, Dalton fights out, Mercury grabs the hair and takes him to the corner, forearms by Mercury, short arm clothesline by Mercury. Head into the turnbuckle, overhand chops, snap mare, kneedrop and a slap by Mercury, no cover as of yet as he shows off for the crowd. Dalton takes advantage and fights back with fists and chops, another short arm clothesline by Mercury. A neckbreaker only gets a 2 count. Mercury misses a second rope splash, Dalton fights back, off the ropes, Dalton with a sleeper drop for a 2 count. Mercury with a spinebuster, he punches away on Dalton. Reverse DDT only gets a 2 count! Double arm DDT gets a 3 count, and after bickering over what Mercury’s Rodeo Driver was the whole match, Dean & Kenny decide that was it.

Charles Evans runs into El Areo Fuego (who still looks familiar) before confronting new OVW Television Champion Devon Dricsoll. He wants the title back. Meanwhile, Jacob Duncan beats the crap out of a security officer and an unidentified person.

OVW Television Title Match: Champion Devon Driscoll vs. Charles “The Hammer” Evans

Rematch from last week, when Driscoll shocked the Kentuckiana area by defeating Evans for the title. Evans’ charge doesn’t work, crossbody by Driscoll gets maybe one. Punches by Driscoll, into the corner, Evans with an Alabama Slam on Driscoll! He pounds away on Driscoll, apparently Kenny Bolin fed him well at a seafood restaurant. Too easy…Evans stomps on Driscoll, punches away, kneelifts, headbutt, it’s all Evans right now. Well, it was all Evans until Driscoll kinda rolls him up for the pinfall. Whoops! The rollup didn’t look all that good, but it doesn’t matter because Driscoll is still the champ and Evans is still pissed.

Earlier this week, Chet the Jet did an interview, and he looks like shit. Busted ribs and a concussion, and a black eye thanks to Jacob Duncan. Well, at least now we know why he isn’t trying to get his belt back.He promises he will come back to get his title belt back.

Wow, a World Wildlife Fund commercial!

OVW Women’s Title Match: Champion Beth Phoenix vs. Victoria Crawford

Ah, so this is the second Victoria. Fireman’s carry by Beth, a hip toss, she keeps offering Victoria a chance to leave, but Victoria doesn’t want to. Hammerlock by Victoria, backslide gets 2, Beth spears her in to the corner and elbows away. Off the ropes, flying headscissors by Victoria, nice axe kick by Victoria. Handspring elbow is met with a clothesline to the back by Beth. She lifts Victoria up, but Serena comes in and spears Beth for the DQ! I’m getting the feeling that nobody’s going to beat Beth Phoenix for the Women’s Title except Serena, if Serena has her way.

Sosay announces that tonight “Fearless” Jack Bull will wrestle a live, possibly ferocious animal with fur. Sounds fun. Jack claims he is an animal lover, but apparently he doesn’t want to wrestle a bear. That’s right Jack, get the flask out. I know where you’re coming from.

Match 4: “Fearless” Jack Bull vs. a bear (w/Ranger Milton?)

Looks like Jack’s had a few too many. Ranger Milton, who’s apparently a guy in a boy scout outfit, brings out a guy in a bear outfit while Kenny Bolin does a bad Yogi Bear impression. This is something you’d see in CHIKARA, and I love CHIKARA! Wait a minute, Jack Bull is trying to pay off the bear, but he’s having none of it! Bull headlocks the bear, he pulls off the bear’s head and underneath is….Raoul? Bull’s giving the bear head mouth to mouth, but Raoul the Bear attacks him from behind. DDT by Bull! That gets the 3 count, and as Dean Hill says, it’s unbearable.

Wait a minute, here comes Jacob Duncan! He is the real OVW Champion, but Bull tries to take the belt. That doesn’t go very well, as Bull receives the same kind of treatment that Steve Lewington got last week. So does Ranger Milton and Raoul the bear. Chokeslam for the bear! Bull takes a swig from the flask and spits it in the face of Duncan! DDT! Bull goes for the title belt and takes it! His stumbling to the back was way too slow though, so Duncan gets him from behind and takes the belt back. Hey, it’s Cryme Tyme! They and several other wrestlers convince Duncan to leave…

High Dosage talk about HDTV. Ryan Reeves can cut a promo, but I still don’t think he’d pass a Wellness Test. Jon Bolen is apparently not very bright, duuuuuude.

Match 5: High Dosage vs. Bad Company (Kraven, Kruel & Sean Osbourne)

It’s 3 on 2 here, but Reeves is the size of two men so this might be a fair fight Bad Company clears the ring when Bolen & Reeves hit the ring, they attack from behind…doesn’t work. Double atomic drops, double clotheslines, big beal by Reeves! Tag to Bolen, he gets the advantage on Kraven, clothesline in the corner, tag to Reeves, double shoulder tackle, cover gets 2 thanks to Osbourne. Jawbreaker by Kraven, Kruel gets slammed, big chop, tag to Bolen, Bolen suplexes Kruel, irish whips, Bolen misses a corner splash, tag to Kraven, variation of a cobra clutch doesn’t work, tags to Reeves & Kruel, many, many clotheslines followed by a back drop, Kraven tossed to the floor, Reeves hits a big gorilla press slam on Kruel, but Osbourne hits him with brass knucks! The referee, as usual, didn’t see it, and Kruel gets the pin! Bad Company has won the battle, but the war is far from done…

Match 6: Steve Lewington vs. Pat Buck

Buck has one of the more ridiculous mohawks you’ll see outside of Mike Mizanin. Full nelson into a snap mare by Lewington, Buck tries the same thing, without the same results as Lewington somersaulted out of it. Rollup gets a 2 count, folowed up by a somersault splash, Buck gets some offense after a thumb to the throat. The sleeper doesn’t work, Lewington elbows out, atomic drop, Lewington hits a move called the G-Force, which looks like a uranage into a jawbreaker. Not bad.

OVW Southern Tag Team Title Match: Champions Deuce & Domino (w/Cherry) vs. Cody Runnels & Shawn Spears

Despite the hurt ankle, Cherry still wears the roller skate on the other foot. She’s hardcore, she’s hardcore! So how bout Runnels & Spears coming out to The Darkness? It’s a good idea…as I’ve learned, playing that group can really do it for the ladies. OK, I’ve never tried it, but I’m sure it works for somebody! Deuce & Runnels start it out, it’s weird to see a Runnels with black hair and a Sunka dressed up like a greaser…Domino gets involved beating up Runnels on the floor, and they doubleteam Spears in the ring. They work over Spears for awhile, butterfly suplex by Domino gets 2. Deuce in now, he works over Spears while Cherry looks on. More doubleteaming while Runnels talks to the referee and Kenny Bolin tries to offend the entire female population of Louisville & Cincinnati. Clothesline in the corner by Deuce, still working over Spears. The hot tag finally goes down, and Runnels is a house of fire, taking care of both Deuce & Domino with fists! Runnels tries a bulldog, but it’s blocked and Deuce hits a leg lariat! He’s signaling for something…I think. Cherry has apparently received some flowers, Deuce & Domino are not happy, and they tear up the flowers and yell at Cherry…Runnels & Spears attack from behind, back in the ring, double backdrop, double dropkick, double crossbodies, new champions! Cody Runnels & Shawn Spears have done it, and the World Wildlife Fund commercial cuts in before Dean Hill can bid us farewell!

HWA Adrenaline

Your hosts are Chris Kurtis, Hooks & Amanda Fire.

Tim Tatum, the HWA Executive Assistant, welcomes us to HWA Adrenaline and introduces each of the 6 teams involved in the gauntlet match at “To Hell And Back”. Tonight’s main event will be a 6-man elimination match determining the order of the gauntlet. Sounds fair to me. None of these men look very happy though. I have a feeling this will kinda be a strange show because they held “To Hell And Back” on Friday night and this show airs the day after. But since I haven’t seen any results for the show, it’s all new to me!

Match 1: Amber O’Neal & Heather Owens vs. Nevaeh & Hellena Heavenly

Amber and Neveah start it off, Amanda Fire thinks Amber is pretty hot, and I agree with her. So I’ll look over the fact that somebody botched that headscissors on Hellena. Heather works over Nevaeh, but Nevaeh fights back with forearms. Nevaeh works Heather over for awhile, tag to Hellena, rear chinlock, tag to Nevaeh, swinging neckbreaker gets 2. Some doubleteaming going on here, Hellena tags in, puts her in a submission hold, tag to Nevaeh, snap mare, Heather gets into the corner…but Amber won’t tag! Well, you know what, I don’t blame her. Reverse DDT by Hellena ends it, and Amber O’Neal stars beating up Heather Owens! She doesn’t take too kindly to Heather’s anti-diva stance…can’t say I blame her.

See, that’s what happens when you say you’re against divas and you’re a woman…none of them will help you out! Bad strategy, Heather Owens!

Match 2: Chris Carnage (w/Cricket) vs. Ala Hussein (w/Patrick Black, Kara Kildare and Quinten Lee)

Something tells me this won’t go very well for Mr. Hussein. Headlock by Hussein, Carnage just throws him off. Kicks by Hussein to the leg, big clothesline by Carnage. More kicks to the leg, Carnage with a fallaway slam. Hussein hanging in there, his sunset flip does not work Carnage chokes him while Patrick Black pours something on a rag…ether? Well, he’s choking Carnage out with it. It gets a 3 count? Interesting booking there. And by interesting I mean straight out of 1955. Apparently Cricket got beat up too…good for him!

Match 3: Jesse Hyde vs. Pepper Parks

Jesse reminds me of a younger, chunkier Chris Jericho. You can see the resemblance between them, and Hyde has obviously patterned a lot of his wrestling moves and mannerisms off of him. Parks attacks from behind, Hyde gains the advantage while the announcers talk about Monster Ballads. Chops back and forth, kicks by Parks, Hyde with a rollup for 2, Parks catapults Hyde into the corner and executes a backbreaker. Parks chokes away on Hyde, Hyde fights back, kick to the midsection by Parks, cover for 2. Big backbreaker by Parks gets 2. Parks continues to work over the back, but Hyde comes back with a flying head scissors, kicks to the shin, clothesline by Hyde, into the corner, double knees to the chest, whip reversed, Hyde with an elbow, swinging DDT gets a 2 count. Parks drops Hyde chest first on the top rope, goes up top, Collar Popper (variation of the Block Buster) wins it for Pepper Parks!

Match 4: HWA Champion Chad Collyer vs. Jake Crist (w/Brock Guffman)

Collyer & a member of the Irish Airborne? Oh lordy…to be honest with you guys, I’m really not a fan of either of these guys after their countless appearances on ROH shows in Dayton. Crist complains about a non-existant hair pull. Some wrestling action while the announcers wonder why Brock Guffman wears the same clothes every week. I’ve always wondered that about wrestlers too. Hip toss by Collyer, slam, elbow drop, headbutt, 2 count. The momentum changes when Guffman does a cheap shot to Collyer. Collyer fights back, Finlay Roll! Kitchen sink by Collyer, gutwrench suplex gets 2. European uppercuts by Collyer, Crist with a neckbreaker, goes up top, misses a twisting splash thingy. Leg lariat, cover gets 3! Not too bad, could have been a lot worse.

I’m not sure what it says about this show that there have been multiple Monster Ballads commercials. I love Monster Ballads, but come on now.

Match 5: Pompano Joe vs. Quentin Lee vs. Dave Crist vs. Andre Heart vs. Aaron Williams vs. Ed Gonzalez

Well, this is just gonna be a mess. 6-way elimination rules with 85 people at ringside. Heart & Joe start it off, they go back and forth awhile, Joe gets kneed in the back and flies outside. Gonzalez in now (I guess this is under Lucha Libre rules), both men get tripped up by people outside…oh good lord this is going to be a futile exercise.

Order of elimination:
1. Andre Heart (by Gonzalez via painful finisher)
2. Quentin Lee (by Joe by a somewhat botched move)
3. Pompano Joe (by Gonzalez after doubleteam with Gonzalez & Crist)
4. Ed Gonzalez (by Williams after Crist’s interference backfires)
5. Dave Crist (by Williams via Holy Roller)

So there’s the order for the tag team showdown at To Hell And Back. I presume we’ll be hearing about that show next week!

Final Thoughts: OVW was interesting this week…I imagine Csonka would have gone bezerk because there were seven matches and none of them had a lot of time, but there was a lot of entertainment there. Kinda like WWE in a way, but the whole Jack Bull thing makes me laugh more than anything on WWE these days. Lots of stuff going on there.

HWA was ok, but it doesn’t seem like they have as much going on as OVW does right now. I like them bringing Amber O’Neal in though. That was cool. I can live without all the Collyer & Crist, but I guess they’re not going to get rid of that anytime soon.

Until next time, keep your stick on the ice.