The ECW eXperience - 10.31.06
Posted by J.D. Dunn on 10.31.2006
DEATH has come to your promotion!
The ECW eXperience by J.D. Dunn
October 31, 2006
Your hosts are Joey Styles and Taz.
Paul Heyman of the Body Snatchers opens the show to announce that Rob Van Dam is indeed your #1 contender and he chose ECW's first regular PPV, "December to Dismember," for his challenge. However, that sneaky Heyman screws Rob (and us) over by making it an "Extreme" Elimination Chamber. What's extreme about it? Um, just a little thing called garland.
Elimination Chamber Qualifier: Kevin Thorn (w/Ariel) vs. "Saw"bu.
Sabu knocks Thorn to the floor and somersaults into a plancha. You know, Thorn and Ariel should really have dressed as normal people just as a goof. Back in, Sabu springboards again, this time into a spinebuster. THE ARMBAR OF THE LIVING DEAD kills some time. Sabu springboards into a Tornado DDT and finishes with the Camel Clutch with Two Brains! *
Rebecca DiPietro, who must have gotten some ludes in with her Halloween candy, interviews the Sandman. Sandy stops to beat up a clown and continues with the interview. Um, okay, what the fuck is up with not using Doink? You're using non-union clowns now?! STRIKE! STRIKE! ATTICA!
Daivari the 13th (w/The Great Khali) vs. Shannon "Doherty" Moore.
Daivari looks very crisp for a guy who hasn't had a serious televised match in a long time. He finishes Moore cleanly with a hammerlock DDT at 1:49. Daivari looked more dominating than either of his charges. 1/4*
Rob Van Dam and Rebecca chill out and discuss how you can know that the color blue that Rob sees is the same color blue that Rebecca sees. Hardcore Holly interrupts and notes it's ironic that Van Dam sliced Holly's back open and now Holly will have Van Dam's back. Oh, that is ironic. Remember when Holly sold his racecar to buy pot for Van Dam, but Rob had already sold his bong to buy a new muffler for Holly's racecar?
Extreme Diva Costume Contest:
Bill Maher did a joke the other night about how women need to admit that Halloween is just a night to dress like a total slut and then made a joke about nurses not wearing fishnet stockings. The funny thing is a friend of mine sent me pictures of a Halloween party she went to at a club, and she was dressed in what could generously be described as a white bra with an unbuttoned white top, a white skirt, and long, white leather boots. She was, of course, a nurse. Annoying autobiographical note aside, Trinity wins by wearing police tape across her nipples (a single strip, mind you!). Ariel is dressed as usual, disqualifying her under the "Steve Irwin – South Park" rule. Kelly Kelly suppresses her exhibitionist streak in favor of dressing like CM Punkula complete with tattoos and SXE pose. See, now that's a pretty clever use of this contest. I don't object to a little T&A as long as there's a reason for it to be there. Mike Knox on the Left comes out to yell at Kelly, but Punk runs down and clears Knox out of the ring. Punk seems to be impressed by Kelly. Let's see, since the WWE writers have been ripping off every comedy over the last few years from "Dodgeball" to "40 Year-Old Virgin," I'm going to go ahead and guess that Kelly will give her virginity over to Punk and then start stalking him a la "Wedding Crashers."
In the back, Mike Knox challenges Punk to a fight next week.
Rob Van "Village of the" Dam & Hardcore Zombie Hollycaust vs. PolterTest & The Big Show from Another World.
Test overpowers Van Dam early but gets sent into the turnbuckle. Holly and Van Dam do just fine against Test. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Van Dam hits a crazy crossbody on Test who was standing on the apron. We come back from break to Test hitting a stiff clothesline. Van Dam tags to Holly, though, and Test gets the hell out of Dodge before Holly can get his hands on him. Show comes in and dominates Holly. Remember the Big Shot gimmick? I miss those days. Now, Test will come in. He rams Holly's shoulder into the posts a few times. Showzilla misses a Pump Splash Elbowdrop. Van Dam gets the hot tag and takes out Big Show's leg. ROLLING THUNDER! The match breaks down as Holly pairs off with Test, and Van Dam takes on Show. Test winds up taking the Alabama Slam, but not before the ref goes down via an errant clothesline. To the outside, Van Dam preps for a leap off the ringsteps, but a gorilla hops the railing and hits Van Dam with a lead pipe. Ah, you gotta love the classics. Show gets the pin at 20:27. The gorilla is, of course, Paul Heyman. **1/2
Program note: CM Punk is on "Ghost Hunters Live" where they visit the Stanley Hotel. If you've never been, it's actually a really nice place. No evil twin girls at all.
Final Thoughts: At least they have the foresight to start building the PPV now, since they have half the time. I'm not really excited about the prospect of the chamber, but if Van Dam and Sabu can think of some crazy things to do, it might be better than usual. The only problem is, if you have six guys in the main event, how thin is your undercard going to be!
