The Final Fantasy Heat Report: 11.05.06
Posted by Jeff Small on 11.05.2006
Celebrate my ONE-YEAR Anniversary Inside!!!
Yeah, you know what this is
It's a celebration, bitches!
Grab a drink, grab a glass
After that I grab yo ass
I didn't really want to open like that, but I heard Kanye would speak ill of me if I didn't. But, yes bitches, today is the day!!! One year ago, I wrote The First Ever Final Fantasy Heat Report and dare I say that after a year of writing these reports, I've gotten much worse. At that time, I was just a noob looking to make an impact on 411. So I spent countless hours and hours working on my Final Fantasy report just to make it that much better than Slimmer's (which really wasn't that hard). After 3 months of such acclaimed work (I became the #1 Heat report on 411 and was invited to Fact or Fiction), I became a Sunday News… Reporter.
Around this time, Slimmer became increasingly jealous with my status (and really could you blame him) and for the next eighteen months or so, we feuded in what was known to the world as "We Have Two Heat Reporters?" feud. Actually, Bayani and a couple others were fans of the real-life hatred between our two internet personas. Larry wasn't, which led to the close of our long-running feud as we teamed up to piss him off. And boy did we piss him off. Slimmer's ass is still being beaten to this day. Me, I'm just ignored for the most part (which is how I like it).
And then for the next four months or so, together I've led you through countless recap episodes and many defeats for Rob Conway. Surprisingly, I've stuck around while luckily, so have most of you. Because really what would be a Heat report without the Heatophiles: the fans who so diligently reject any Smackdown superstar (bye bye Velocity) in favor of watching epic Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch squashes. And we all love it when Shelton Benjamin makes a visit every now and then.
It's been a great year kids. And if Heat lasts for another year, you can beat your ass there's a good chance I'll be reporting it. Because there's no way I'm hanging up my boots before Slimmer does.
This all leads us to today's edition which is another famed recap show. With Cyber Sunday happening tonight, how appropriate is it for us to take a look back at the last two years of Taboo Tuesday. While already I'm upset at their match choices (no MOTYC cage matches in favor of a Eugene match), I guess we'll survive.
Taped from Raw, it's Online Heat!!!
Our announcers for this evening is Todd Grisham.
Match 1: Rey Mysterio & Matt Hardy vs. Snitsky & Chris Masters
Match Background: This is from last year's Taboo Tuesday which saw the beginnings of a four month rivalry between Raw and Smackdown (ended at the Rumble, methinks). While at Survivor Series, all the main eventers got to tangle; for Taboo Tuesday, we had the battle of the midcarders. At this time, Matt Hardy was actually in better standing than Rey Mysterio while Snitsky is just a sub-in for Edge.
Masters jumps Rey to start while Snitsky clotheslines Hardy on the outside. After a hard irish whip to Rey, we are clipped to a front facelock on Matt Hardy. Hardy hits a elbow in the corner before leaping off the second rope with a clothesline for 2. He tries to make a hot tag but is grapevined by Masters. Snitsky tags in and removes Rey from the equation. He scoop slams Hardy. Snitsky runs into Hardy's boots, but this time, his crossbody attempt is caught by Snitsky. Hardy shifts his weight and nails an inverted DDT.
Hardy makes the HOT TAG to Rey who comes off the top rope with a seated senton onto Masters. A flying twisting crossbody gets 2. Dropkick to the face gets 2. Snitsky whips Rey but misses a charge. Tornado DDT is blocked by Snitsky as he throws Rey into the Masterlock!!! Rey tries to fight out but is saved by Hardy. After Snitsky eliminates himself to the outside, Hardy clotheslines Masters out of the ring. STEREO splashes to the outside by Rey and Hardy!!! In the ring, a double sunset flip/clothesline combo gets 2 ¾. Rey gets tripped up by Snitsky which allows Masters to hit him with an inverted spinning neckbreaker. However, Snitsky's back body drop attempt to Hardy is reversed to a tornado DDT. This leaves Masters open to the 619/Twist of Fate/Big Splash combo for the 3!!!
Winners: Matt Hardy and Rey Mysterio
Match 2: Divas Battle Royal
Match Background: This match was just an excuse to see the Divas in sexy lingerie. That and to advance the storyline between Trish Stratus and Mickie James, which is my favorite storyline of 2006.
Pier six brawl to start. Maria is eliminated first. Candice does her upside down leg choke to Ashley which leads to her demise. This leaves Victoria vs. the faces and for the rest of the match, Victoria gets all stiff with the ladies. She slingshots Ashley out of the ring. Victoria and Trish go out at and Victoria almost has Trish eliminated twice. However, Mickie saves her both times. The match ends when Mickie spears herself and Victoria out of the ring, which leads to Trish being the survivor.
Winner: Trish Stratus
Match 3: Eugene & Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka vs. Rob Conway & Tyson Tomko
Match Background: Here's a funny story: originally this match was just Eugene and partner vs. Rob Conway in a handicap match. Yes, the heel was being handicapped while the handicapped had a partner. While I am not thankful they added Tyson Tomko to the match, it could have been much worse if it was left to the original plans.
Eugene and Tomko start. They lockup which is won by Tomko. He scoop slams Eugene before falling victim to Eugene's retarded antics. Scoop slam by Eugene but Conway cheap shots him. Conway tags in and chokes away in the corner. An elbow drop gets 2. A dropkick leads to Tomko tagging in. A running powerslam gets 2. Conway tags back in and applies a chinlock. Eugene fights out but is kicked down. He tries to fight back out with headbutts but is kneed in the head. Finally, Eugene misses a Tomko big boot and nails Conway with a clothesline (complete with the 360 bump). HOT TAG to Snuka who chops away at Conway. Tomko attacks Snuka but Eugene knocks him out of the ring. Conway tries an Ego Trip which Eugene reverses to a jawbreaker. The two faces headbutt Conway before a Rock Bottom. Snuka climbs to the top and comes off with the Superfly Splash for the win!!!
Winners: Eugene & Jimmy Snuka
Match 4: Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Jericho for the IC Title
Match Background: OMG Chris Jericho use!!! He must be returning!!! Actually, this was the opener of the first-ever Taboo Tuesday and was a damn good match to boot. This was also during the time when Shelton Benjamin was over. Feels like such a long time ago, really.
We are joined in progress with a Jericho bow and arrow submission on Benjamin. A sunset flip by Benjamin gets 2. Jericho comes right back with a hard clothesline for 2. Jericho climbs to the top but is stopped by Benjamin. A superplex follows for Benjamin. Both men are down for the 10 count!!!
Both men are up at 7 and they slug it out. Benjamin hits a jumping clothesline and a back body drop. The dragon whip gets 2 ¾. Jericho fights back with a modified bulldog but the Lionsault misses. Benjamin goes up top and connects with a flying clothesline for 2 ½. Sting splash is whiffed, however. The Walls of Jericho are applied. Rollup by Benjamin for 2 ¾. Another hard Jericho clothesline leads to the Lionsault. That only gets 2 ½. A series of reversals follow which leads to a T-Bone Suplex and the win for Shelton Benjamin.
Winner and new IC Champion: Shelton Benjamin
Well kids, for a clip show, it wasn't too shabby. For my one-year anniversary, I really wanted a live show but oh well. At least, I should be grateful that Heat is still on after this past year. We can't say the same for Velocity, can we?
